Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 14 of 85

They Never Ask about You

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On November 30, 2023

In Abusers, Evil, Narcissist, RASN

1Jn 3:15-17 Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. (16) By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. (17) But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?

One of the common (in fact, universal) traits of a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) is that they are not interested in YOU as a person. Let me illustrate.

If you meet someone new and begin a conversation with them, and if you are truly a Christian (or even for that matter a “normal” unsaved person), you will begin to express an interest in that person. You might say things like:

  • Where do you live?
  • Where did you grow up?
  • Do you have children?
  • What kind of work do you do?

These are questions which show that you have an interest in the other person. I remember once last year when we had a heavy snow, going to the local store and seeing an older man (ha! I guess I’m an older man now!) – plowing the parking lot with a shiny new-looking John Deere tractor with a front end loader. When I was inside the store he came in and I said “that’s a really nice tractor. It looks brand new.” He smiled and began to talk about the tractor right away and then I asked him if he lived nearby, and so on.

Now, the RASN’s I have known would NEVER have even noticed the man, let alone show an interest in him and initiate a conversation…unless…it was something about the RASN himself. RASN’s have no empathy. They just don’t care about anyone but themselves. They only converse about subjects that benefit them. They don’t care where a person new to them grew up, what kind of work they do….they could care less.

And this evidences that they are not Christians at all. They only love themselves. Many of them will parade themselves as “social introverts,” but in fact the only reason they are introverted is because they don’t love anyone, they don’t care about anyone – unless others can be of use to them in boosting their own idolatrous self.

They never ask about YOU. They just don’t care.

Could Your Abuser be a Christian? No!

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On November 27, 2023

In Biblical Teaching, False Teaching, Narcissist, RASN

1Jn 2:4 Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him,

1Jn 2:9 Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness.

1Jn 3:10 By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.

I am not sure precisely why so many professing Christians insist that a person who habitually walks in sin could still be a Christian. But I run into such people regularly. I have on occasion had some of them get quite angry with me when I tell them that their abuser is most definitely not a Christian. Once I even had a family member of a sociopath who had murdered his wife/victim tell me that they still believed the murderer could have been a Christian. And yet:

1Jn 3:14-15 We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. (15) Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.

The only way that someone can maintain that a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) could be born again is by denying and ignoring the mass of Scripture which teaches the exact opposite. And I think another reason for this fantasy thinking is that RASN’s themselves cast a cloud of confusion and deception around themselves which envelops those who know them. In other words, the primary source of this lie that a RASN can still be a Christian….is the RASN himself. Why would anyone even consider that a RASN could be regenerate? Because the RASN himself/herself puts on that disguise.

We have been enveloped in widespread false doctrine perpetuated by naïve and false teaching in the churches. By a false gospel, actually. God loves everyone the same. Jesus died for the sins of everyone. We are all sinners. We must not judge. And on and on the lies go. What is ignored is the Word of God itself. All you need do is read the short epistle of 1 John to disprove it all, let alone all the rest of the New Testament, including much of the Old as well.

One of the biggest and most widespread examples of this false gospel is found in what we call “the Bible belt” region of the United States. Of course the lie is to be found in local churches all over the nation, but I point to the Bible belt “christianity” as a clear example. Churches on every corner. Big buildings. The cultural norm is (perhaps this is decreasing these days) is to be a church member. And yet, how do the majority of these “christians” live? They walk in sin. For all their talk about being born again, they are the same old creatures they have always been. And the preachers love it so. It is a RASN friendly environment.

So, be sure of this. Stop listening to what people say and start listening to what God says. Pick up your Bible for yourself and stop “tweaking” its plain words so that they fit what people have told you it means. I pointed out the black and white statements in 1 John once to a seminary professor I had. He had been teaching that we are Christians even if we do not acknowledge Jesus as Lord and obey Him. So I showed him 1 John. His answer? “Well, you see, John is the more black and white writer of the New Testament whose writings must be balanced with the rest of Scripture.” In other words, this PhD – holding professor in a conservative Bible seminary just brushed off God’s own Word. And by the way, a year or so later that same professor abandoned his wife and children and took off with a woman he was counseling. He jettisoned his profession of Christ and took up a career as a lawyer.

I have found that in local churches, in seminaries, in denominational organizations – this plain, clear teaching of God’s own Word is dismissed and rejected. The mass of professing Christendom energetically defends and teaches that a person can continue to walk in unrepentant sin and still be a child of God in Christ. Why? I suspect the reason lies in the fact that this majority group in the visible church consists of people who are not born again themselves, so they must perpetuate a false gospel which excuses them for the evil, unrepentant lives they themselves are living.

Mat 7:21-23 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. (22) On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ (23) And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

Nebuchadnezzar’s Image is still with us.

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On November 24, 2023

In Blog News

If you go on over to this post at Light for Dark Times blog, you can read about the RASN’s constant and consuming efforts to build his image and demand that all bow down to it – or else.

When the Narcissist’s Image Building is Embraced by the Whole Family

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On November 22, 2023

In Abusers, Evil, Narcissist

Num 16:27 So they got away from the dwelling of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram. And Dathan and Abiram came out and stood at the door of their tents, together with their wives, their sons, and their little ones.

Narcissists (and actually their kind – revilers, abusers, sociopaths) are always working to build image. Much like Nebuchadnezzar who commanded an image of himself be built and everyone ordered to bow down to it, so the RASN is always, always, always at work propping up an image of himself/herself which others are to bow to. Someone I read recently said that the RASN’s family life is not about family, it is about image. How the RASN and his family are perceived. What the observed persona, reputation, and name are presented as. This is what makes the RASN’s family activities and relationships tick.

Now, sometimes – maybe even with some frequency – the other family members actually buy into this image production. They bow down to the RASN and actually begin to embrace the RASN’s goal of the image. Why? Because there are benefits to be gleaned from doing so, and to be lost if the image is rejected. Monetary benefits. Reception of praise from those who believe the image. “Look at OUR family” is akin to “look at me.” It’s like choosing to live with a celebrity because the celeb status rubs off onto those in close association.

Now, when this dynamic kicks in – and it can be in a family or even in a local church – anyone who exposes the false image, who refuses to bow down to it, will – count on it – be despised, defamed, punished and rejected. That was your experience, right? When you ceased participating in the image building of the abuser? Whistleblowers must be punished.

Entire families, entire churches, can become narcissistic kingdoms wherein all members buy into the image for self-serving benefit. This is why it is so common to see the primary RASN exposed – caught and busted in some wickedness – and yet excused and covered for by the members. I had one wife of a RASN tell me once, “he is a GOOD husband!” when she suspected I doubted that.

It is anything but pleasant to cross paths with such narcissist entities, be it a family or a local church or a business or other entity. Play along, contribute to the image, or else. Such structures have very much in common with the groups that cult leaders construct. Praise, acceptance, material benefit all await those who bow down to the image. Shame, rejection, and withholding are the certain fate of those who refuse.

The Only “Repentance” RASN’s Profess is Manipulative and Fake

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On November 20, 2023

In Abusers, Narcissist, RASN

Rev 6:15-17 Then the kings of the earth and the great ones and the generals and the rich and the powerful, and everyone, slave and free, hid themselves in the caves and among the rocks of the mountains, (16) calling to the mountains and rocks, “Fall on us and hide us from the face of him who is seated on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb, (17) for the great day of their wrath has come, and who can stand?”

If there ever were a time that you would expect everyone to truly repent, it would be when they actually see Christ returning to judge them. But what happens? They persist in their evil, they hide themselves from Him, preferring to be buried by boulders than to face up to their sins.

USA Today reported today that David Renteria was executed by lethal injection in Huntsville, Texas. Why? Because in 2001 he had abducted and murdered a little 5 year old girl, Alexandra Flores. She and her parents had gone to Walmart in El Paso to do Christmas shopping. I won’t give you the gruesome details here – you can read them in the news accounts if you choose.

Right in front of her family who were there to watch the execution of this murderer, Renteria said this:

There isn’t a day when I don’t think about what I did. No words can describe what you are going through.”

Sound good? Have his 22 years in prison on death row had a positive effect? After all, he also said, after singing a religious song, “I’m sorry for all the wrongs I have done.”

But…psychopaths and their kind never truly repent. They lie. They pretend. The only “repentance” they exercise is absolutely and thoroughly fake. And guess what? They ALWAYS show us that it is fake. Renteria did not disappoint in this regard:

And for those who have called for my death, who are about to murder me, I forgive you.

And there you have it. He probably tried to pull that same line on the Lord. How well do you suppose that worked for him? He will have eternity to think about it…in hell.

RASNs (think of psychopaths being in that acronym too)…never repent. They never truly confess sin. They project. They blame others. They try to suck pity out of us – and far too often they succeed. Your domestic abuser or that narcissist in your life will pull this repentance claim card on you – count on it. Oh, how convincing they sound. But you can be sure of this every single time, the thing is counterfeit through and through. All designed to accuse you, to elicit sympathy, to gain allies for themselves, and to even further abuse you.

The news story also noted that Renteria, while in prison, had “rededicated himself to his Roman Catholic faith, according to the Texas Coalition to Abolish the Death Penalty. You can be certain that these things were just more of the same fake sham designed to manipulate and deceive the gullible.

Your RASN may not be a murderer (although I have always maintained that the spirit of murder is present in all of them), but the same spiritual DNA is shared by them all. It is as if they attend the same training program in evil. And this fake repentance business is a fundamental course in their diabolic training. Don’t be taken in by it.

False Guilt and Fear – Two Wicked Friends

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On November 15, 2023

In Abusers, Counseling, Evil, Getting Free

1Jn 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

In some ways I would recommend to you that this subject is one of the top 10 – no, top 3, or let’s just say it is THE TOP subject that shows how we either remain in bondage to evil or how we can be set free from it. However you might choose to rate it, I can confidently say that it is right up there in the most vital and crucial remedies to being a victim or to being set free.

I hope that has your attention.

It’s right there – 1 John 4:18. Fear and punishment. What casts this garbage out? Love. Being perfected in love. In other words, getting a real grip on the love of God in Christ. If you are a Christian, you have passed out of the realm of fear and punishment in your relationship with the Lord. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. None.

And if you are not a Christian, then The Lord Jesus Christ is your starting point. He is the Gate to life and you cannot bypass Him or you will never be free.

Now, let me paint a picture for you. Let’s say Janet is our abuse survivor. She has separated from the evil spouse and the divorce is almost final. He still lives in the same town, drives the same truck, works at the same place, associates with some of the same old “friends.” Now, Janet has to go to the grocery store…. (see where this is going?)

Instead of shopping at the most convenient locale where she used to shop, Janet drives clear across town to buy her groceries. She does the same when she needs clothes, gets gas, or runs other errands. Why? You know the answer, don’t you?

Because Janet still lives her life in fear. Fear of seeing that truck (she is triggered by most every white truck), fear of running across “him,” fear of crossing paths with some of those old mutual “friends.”

Now, I am not talking about a situation in which the victim is actually at risk of being murdered – though we all know there are plenty of those cases. But Janet’s fear is just this – she is afraid that she will see him, or them. She has wondered a thousand times what she will say if this ever happens. But nothing seems right even if she rehearses the speech over and over. So, she drives across town and even there, she keeps an eye out.

If Janet is not in fear of physical harm, then what is it that Janet is afraid of? The answer brings us back to this business of punishment. Fear has to do with punishment. What punishment? The punishment of guilt. It is false guilt, but you know how hard it is to shake even a lie. She has been accused so often and so long, not only by her ex, but by those “friends” who still hang out with him, that she feels guilty quite often and especially when paths cross with those people.

There is only one way to get free of this nasty business so that Janet can one day march right into that same store, go to that same gas station, eat at that same restaurant, and do so in confident courage. And that one remedy is to be set free from the guilt and shame these evil ones put on us. And I can tell you that the ONLY One who can free Janet of this, is…..no, it isn’t Janet. It is the Lord Jesus Christ. As He works in us, as we experience His love and forgiveness for our own sins (which we all have), slowly but surely, guess what? That fear begins to dissipate. Why? Because as the love of Christ in us is perfected more and more, the fear of punishment evaporates more and more.

I know that one of the chief tools that the Lord has used in these things in my own life was not some earth-shaking mountaintop experience, but the regular, in-depth study of His Word and the sanctifying work of His Spirit in me. The process moves along unseen – you may not even realize it is happening. But the time comes when one day you realize – hey, I’m not afraid anymore. So what if I run into those enemies – their accusations are false and cannot harm me any longer.

You can immerse yourself in God’s Word by taking advantage of the many excellent teaching tools we have available to us. Load the Martyn Lloyd-Jones Trust app on your computer or phone and start listening, Bible open, to his sermons. Reading the sermons of John Calvin has been a giant help to me. Or come and join me as I teach mid-week studies through Ephesians, Revelation, and Romans on sermonaudio.com/crc or at our youtube channel, Light for Dark Times. As Lloyd Jones so often said, “stop listening to yourself and start talking to yourself.” What he meant was, talk the Word of God to yourself rather than continually replaying those false thoughts the enemy throws at you.

It really is true. Fear and punishment (guilt) are destroyed by the love of God which is in Christ Jesus. He is the only remedy we need.

RASNs are not Rare

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On November 13, 2023

In Churches/Church Response, Narcissist, RASN

Gen 18:29-33 Again he spoke to him and said, “Suppose forty are found there.” He answered, “For the sake of forty I will not do it.” (30) Then he said, “Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak. Suppose thirty are found there.” He answered, “I will not do it, if I find thirty there.” (31) He said, “Behold, I have undertaken to speak to the Lord. Suppose twenty are found there.” He answered, “For the sake of twenty I will not destroy it.” (32) Then he said, “Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak again but this once. Suppose ten are found there.” He answered, “For the sake of ten I will not destroy it.” (33) And the LORD went his way, when he had finished speaking to Abraham, and Abraham returned to his place.

The people of Sodom were thoroughly wicked (although not as wicked as the people of the towns in the days of Jesus, Luke 10:13). But Abraham thought that surely there must be a few righteous people there and so his “countdown” prayer from 50 to 10 began. It turns out that only Lot and a few family members were to be rescued. Only Lot. Not even ten.

Think similarly of the evil in Noah’s day. Not even ten.

Now, not all of these wicked people were the kind we call RASNs, although I suppose some aspect of at least one of the 4 categories (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) were evidenced in them. But the point I want us to see is how widespread, and one might even say, “universal,” wicked people were…and are.

RASNs in other words are not rare. In EVERY one of the 4 churches I have pastored, they were present. I didn’t fully understand it at the time and I wouldn’t for many years, but I know now that these people who assault with their words, who are defined by a stunning mentality of entitlement and superiority, who have no conscience and no love, who only use others to supply there demand for adoration…are anything but rare. They are everywhere. They are, with rare exception, in every local church parading themselves in disguise. The grief and damage they cause is beyond measuring.

Just think a bit about how, in our naivete and wrong-thinking, we so often lay a foundation and environment for these RASNs to operate. What do we reward in the church? What measures do we use for “success”? What kind of people do we place into leadership positions? When we get these things wrong, we cultivate fertile ground for wickedness to flourish. We create a structure, a ladder if you will, for evil men and women to climb to the top. That is precisely how Rome ended up with a Pope. But there are many, many mini-popes operative even in evangelical, Protestant churches today. They may hold official offices, or just as commonly choose to operate covertly and “unofficially.”

We must open our eyes and without partiality apply the truths which expose these evil ones who creep in among us:

  • Devoid of love
  • Produce rotten fruit
  • Focus upon external rules and work to enforce those rules

Here comes, for instance, the new fellow and his family. He is gifted in a number of areas. He is a champion of sound doctrine. He is a talented professional in his career. We are excited about having such a new addition to our church. But…

…Over time there are a number of caution signs which we should be seeing. We see them, but we don’t see them. We blow them off. And as we do, such a person works and works to establish his or her own kingdom. We become slaves, suckers for flattery. Those of you who have been in a marriage with such a person have experienced these very things in that setting.

RASNs are not rare! And I have concluded that with extremely rare exceptions, any local church today that is, let’s say 100 or 200 people in size – has capitulated to one or more of them. Think on this very, very carefully. Let’s say that you were a new pastor and your first assignment was…Sodom. What would/should be the size of your church? 50? 45? 30? 20? 10? Or maybe just one and a couple of his family members. Apply this question to Noah’s time. What would be the size of your church if you without compromise preached God’s Word and confronted counterfeits? 50? 45? 30? 20? 10? The answer is, eight. That’s all. Just eight and before Noah was married and had children, the answer was one. Maybe two.

And what do you suppose would be the evaluation of your pastoral peers or of the leaders of your denomination, if you were a member of one (I reject denominations now, but I save the reasons for another article)? I can tell you. You would be marked as a failure. It’s your fault. You are a failure. You haven’t worked on a “vision.” You didn’t “trust the Lord” for 50 new baptisms. Whatever you are preaching isn’t working.

RASNs are not rare. I certainly am not saying that a local church which is very small in numbers is necessarily free of this evil, but I can tell you that a church with a large number of members (I will let you define “large.” My definition is…more than a few!)…a church with a large number of members in our day is evidencing the symptoms of …what shall we call the disease…foolish Galatianism. “O foolish Galatians, who has bewitched you?”

The RASN in the Pulpit

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On November 10, 2023

In Blog News, False Teaching, Narcissist, RASN

Head on over to Light for Dark Times where you can read my blog by this title. You can find it HERE.

False Forgiveness as Accusation

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On November 6, 2023

In Counseling, Evil

1Jn 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

The Lord’s forgiveness is always genuine. It is applied to the truly repentant sinner. When we sin, as the Apostle John says here, and we genuinely confess our sin, the Lord is always, always, always faithful to forgive us. Further, He remains righteous in doing so. His forgiveness is not just some winking at sin, but because of the Cross of Christ our sins are paid for.

But RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) not only refuse to confess their sin, they project their own evil upon others. Blaming, guilting, accusing. They are never wrong.

And sometimes, in a hypocritical show of “godliness,” they inform us that they “forgive” us. The sin is theirs, but they lay it to our account. And that is what this false forgiveness is – an accusation. For forgiveness to be announced, some sin must have been committed – only in this warped twist of reality, the real sinner becomes the forgiver! The innocent becomes the forgiven!

False forgiveness as accusation works as a two-edged sword. It props up the shame image of saintliness in the wicked, and it transfers guilt from the guilty to the innocent. This devilish business is worse than open, hostile accusation because it operates as part of a honey-dripping disguise worn by a very wicked person.

Picture it this way – think of Satan telling the Lord, “I forgive you for all of the wrongdoing you have done to me.” The thing is ludicrous of course, but in fact that is the same thing the RASN does with this false forgiveness business.

The mask of piety will quickly come off when we turn to focus from how we supposedly sinned against the RASN, and insist that we talk about the sins of the RASN against us. So don’t wear the guilt and blame which this diabolic devise is designed to put on you. False forgiveness is a false accusation and it is important that we see it as such.

My Dogs are More Human than a Narcissist

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On November 2, 2023

In Abusers, Narcissist, RASN, Supporting Victims

2Ti 3:1-4 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. (2) For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, (3) unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, (4) treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God;

Focus in on “unloving” in this diabolical list.

We have two dogs – Cinder and Mocha. Previously we had Sadie and Sasha for many years and before them, Brandy and Buster. Our dogs love us. No question about it – dogs are capable of love. Every morning they greet us excitedly as if they hadn’t seen us for a year. They lay down on the couch beside us and put their head in our lap. If we are going somewhere, they plead to go with us.

A classic characteristic of a narcissist (or for that matter, the other categories abbreviated by RASN – revilers, abusers, and sociopaths) – is that they are absolutely incapable of love. They have an astonishing mentality of superiority and entitlement. They are the center of their universe. They use others as a supply of exaltation for themselves. As human beings, they are supposed to love. But they don’t – anything that looks like love in them is just a facade. RASNs are beasts. I won’t say they are animals because that would be an insult to animals. RASNs are sub-human in many ways.

It is sadly common that domestic abusers, for instance, are cruel to animals. One reason is simply because they know their human victim loves that pet and is also loved by that pet. So they want to hurt their spouse by hurting what they love. But I think there is another reason as well. They are cruel to the family dog, for instance, because that dog is more human than they are. That beloved dog makes the abuser look bad because, unlike the evil person, the dog does what a human should do – it loves others.

I think that a very excellent way a surviving and recovering abuse victim can be helped is to have a pet that is high enough up the animal kingdom ladder that it is capable of love. Bob Wiley (What about Bob?) talks to his pet goldfish, but I don’t think a goldfish is going to be a big help in this business. I realize that not all people are able to have a dog, nor do all people have a desire to have one, but I can tell you – a dog (or maybe a cat as an alternative?) is a powerful means of regaining a sense of being loved. I don’t know much of anything about what a service dog does or the theory behind service animals – but I’ll bet this aspect of loving their human is a big part of it.

It is not pleasant to finally come to the realization that someone who was supposed to love you, never did. Doesn’t. Never will. RASNs don’t love, and you can be sure that living year after year with such a “person” (quotes to indicate RASNs are really sub-persons)…you can be sure that it will have a very negative effect on you. Think about it. The vibes are constantly sent out like sonar waves – “you are not worth loving. You have no value. You never do anything right.” Day, after day, after day until the person you once were virtually fades out.

Contrast that with a furry friend who bounces up and down, gives you a few licks, and shows you that you are the center of his world. That is love and the amazing thing is that it is coming from an animal – and never came from the human being who once claimed to love you. Who is more human?

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