Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Category: Churches/Church Response Page 1 of 51

One Bad Apple…

Ecc 9:18 Wisdom is better than weapons of war, but one sinner destroys much good.

Our friend Lynn sent me the following words along with a great picture of two pears hanging from a tree, touching each other. I didn’t put the picture here because I wasn’t sure about the copyright, but it was perfect. One pear was totally moldy, yucky, and rotten and where it was leaning up against the other pear, that one has the same mold and rot spreading into it. And the caption with that picture said – Being too close to the wrong people can ruin you.

Here is what Lynn wrote:

If only the visible church understood that this is what happens when you don’t remove the toxic people in their midst. Rotten fruit infects healthy fruit. Healthy fruit doesn’t infect rotten fruit. That’s why you can’t just have it near you. You have to cut it of and completely remove yourself from it. Lest you end up spoiling yourselves. Too many professing Christians see themselves as vibrant, healthy fruit when in fact they are are slowly rotting away infecting those around them with their disease. 

And then another one of my friends, who has vast experience with plants and greenhouses, wrote this to me when I showed him what Lynn had sent:

Great analogy. It’s the same growing plants. One diseased plant can eventually wipe out an entire crop if not removed from the healthy plants around them (trust me, I know). I am now a firm believer that an abusive spouse spreads their evil into innocent children. My family is living proof. I would never recommend an abused spouse stay for the good of the kids.

Churches that permit the wicked to remain among the flock are dangerous, disease-spreading places. Think of it. We are taking all these precautions in the local churches to prevent catching covid, and yet a much more deadly disease is totally ignored and allowed. One might kill the body. The other always kills the soul – for eternity.

The Do-Nothing Pastor

Joh 10:12-13 He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. (13) He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep.

One of the most common reasons victims of various kinds of evil and abuse are further oppressed by their church leaders when they go for help is because of what I call the do-nothing pastor. Some church leaders actively oppress these victims, but others take a more passive route of oppression. They do nothing. How many times have we seen evil reported to the various authorities, and yet nothing is done. No action taken. Laws have been broken and yet…nothing.

So let’s think about the do-nothing pastor here. God’s Word is plain. Action against evil in the church is to be taken. That action is even specified (see 1 Cor 5 for example). And yet, nothing is done. The wicked one is permitted to remain in the church, partake of communion, even teach or be the pastor! Excuses are offered. Blame is shifted. And nothing is done. Eventually of course the do-nothing pastor does take action – against the victim! You all know how that scenario plays out.

But what goes on in these do-nothings? I saw it sometimes unfortunately when I was a police officer. Once in a while a do-nothing would work their way into the ranks. Crimes were committed. And yet these kind did nothing. Why? Well, it was too much work. They didn’t want to write the reports. They didn’t want to go to court on their day off. They made excuses to minimize the crime and to cast some blame on the victims. One time I investigated a burglarly and made a request for the CSI tech to come out and dust for prints. He didn’t do it. I was all kinds of angry and I wrote a report to the Captain complaining. Guess what? Who got reprimanded? I did. Why? Because, you know, it was no real big deal and this poor CSI guy (who was about to retire) had to write a report explaining why he didn’t process the scene…blah, blah, blah. He was do-nothing and as is so often the case, the do-nothings skate while victims and their allies ride the heat.

There are plenty of do-nothing pastors filling pulpits in the churches. When it comes to confronting evil and seeking real justice for the victims, they do nothing. Strange, isn’t it, that these kind claim to be such pious Christians but Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount that His true people hunger and thirst for righteousness. For justice. Hmmm…could this imply…could it just be…that these types are not born again? That our pulpits are so often filled by unregenerates? Such is in fact the case.

Why do they do nothing? What is the motivation? It is self. It is laziness. It is cowardice in the face of the enemy. It is wanting the victim to just shut up and go away and quit stirring the waters. “I just don’t want any trouble…I just can’t deal with conflict.” And yet they claim to be soldiers of the cross. What is done to soldiers who are cowards in battle and who abandon their comrades? What is the penalty for desertion?

I can tell you story after story after story of do-nothing pastors I have confronted. When they have open, obvious, serious wickedness in their churches, they will do nothing. You can point out the pertinent commands of scripture – but they will do nothing. You can offer to educate them about the tactics of evil – they don’t want to hear about it. That would require action. And they just cannot have that.

Besides, you know, the rest of us are just so over-board judgmental, harsh, and unkind.

Well, I can tell all these do-nothings. When the Chief Shepherd appears, you might fancy that He will do-nothing. Fancy that fantasy all you want. He will be swift to take action against them and frankly, since they made so many little ones stumble, it would be better for them if they had never been born.

Zeal Without Knowledge: Bible Interpretation that Leads to Mercilessness and Injustice

I have written on this subject and on the following Scriptures in other posts. But they have been on my mind again the last few weeks. I keep seeing them violated by Bible teachers, pastors, and counselors of a certain type. Recently I have seen this “zeal without knowledge” pattern in publications by writers of the NANC (nouthetic counseling) school. In their zealous handling of Scripture and in their desire to be absolutely “biblical,” unswayed by any input outside the Bible, they come to erroneous interpretations and make harmful applications. The same kind of hermeneutic (interpretive method) is rampant in other conservative Christian circles. This approach to God’s Word creates the very thing such folks say they don’t want to create: man-made traditions that trump the Word of God. Read these Scriptures, and then I will try to explain more clearly what I mean.

And when the Pharisees saw this, they said to his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” But when he heard it, he said, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what this means, ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.’ For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” Matthew 9:11-13

At that time Jesus went through the grainfields on the Sabbath. His disciples were hungry, and they began to pluck heads of grain and to eat. But when the Pharisees saw it, they said to him, “Look, your disciples are doing what is not lawful to do on the Sabbath.” He said to them, “Have you not read what David did when he was hungry, and those who were with him: how he entered the house of God and ate the bread of the Presence, which it was not lawful for him to eat nor for those who were with him, but only for the priests? Or have you not read in the Law how on the Sabbath the priests in the temple profane the Sabbath and are guiltless? I tell you, something greater than the temple is here. And if you had known what this means, ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice,‘ you would not have condemned the guiltless. For the Son of Man is lord of the Sabbath.” Matthew 12:1-8

Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others. Matthew 23:23

Wooden literalism demands a specific proof verse for everything. And it proposes specific proof verses as a basis for a very literal, unbending application. Wooden literalism leads to applications that make no sense at all in real life and that are devoid of mercy. It takes one verse and derives from it an all-inclusive, broad principle which is divorced from the larger context of Scripture that, if considered, would reveal things like the mercy of God. This school of Bible teachers just will not listen unless you can give them chapter and verse. Oh, and that chapter and verse MUST use the exact, literal words on the subject you are discussing.

This approach to interpreting Scripture and applying it to real life is also characterized by an underlying legalism or works-righteousness. One of their underlying assumptions is that if we are to please God and be “perfected” in his sight, our marriage must be preserved at any cost. This is a fundamental plank in these teachers’ agenda, and it is the product of their flawed hermeneutic. The formula, in their eyes, goes like this: Jesus said marriage is forever. Jesus said let no man separate what God has joined together. Jesus said no divorce except for adultery. Boom! That’s it. That’s the rule that governs all cases. Therefore, no matter what kind of terrible abuse a victim might be suffering, Jesus did not use the “abuse” word. No divorce for abuse. You say that makes no sense? Well, my child, God’s ways are higher than your ways. And so it goes.

Let me give an example taken from a small book on abuse, written by a pastor who I believe truly desires to help people. And yet, his method of approaching Scripture leads him to merciless conclusions. Never once, not even by indirect allusion, is divorce mentioned in this booklet. Yet it is the elephant in the room as the abuse victim reads what this pastor has to say. [I say again, the acid test of whether someone is really going to stand with the victim and against her abuser is whether or not they grant that abuse is indeed a biblical grounds for divorce].

Ok then, listen to this excerpt and think about how what this pastor writes is a product of a fundamental, stiff handling of Scripture that leads him to embrace the assumption that there is no divorce for abuse:

God may use your suffering to bring glory to himself. Peter writes that our endurance through suffering proves the genuineness of God’s work in us, which will result in ‘praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.’… We who follow him should not be surprised when we suffer…but instead should realize that all who follow Christ will suffer (2 Tim 3:12). Many preachers, missionaries, and ordinary believers have glorified Christ as they were tortured and killed for the sake of the gospel. Rather than being angry with God over our suffering, we should submit to his sovereign will and count it a privilege to suffer for his Name’s sake (Philippians 1:29; Acts 5:41). The faith of other believers will be strengthened and God will be glorified when, in the midst of your suffering, you declare with Job, ‘Though he slay me, I will hope in him’ (Job 13:15). I have known victims of abuse who glorify God by their ongoing joyful trust in him.

Now, once again (after you get your heart rate back under control), think about how in the world a Christian pastor could be led to such a conclusion. I mean, what he is saying to the abuse victim is that she should be willing to stay in the “marriage” and if it be God’s will, be killed by her abuser and ride off into glory land as an eminent martyr. What is totally confusing is that in a couple of places earlier in the booklet, the author alludes to the fact that perhaps in some cases a victim may need to get to safety. But here in his conclusion we see what he really thinks. The marriage must be preserved at all costs, and that means at ALL costs.

Mercy and Justice, Mr. Pastor. That’s what God desires. Yet you have done what the Pharisees did. You demand sacrifice, and disregard the weightier matters of God’s Word.

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