Be Sure to Read This Comment by Lynn – She has Learned this Wisdom through Hard Experience

Lynn made the following comment recently in response to our post on “Love Conquering All” and the great harm this falsehood causes. I wanted everyone to be sure and see what she said, so here is her comment:

‘Love’ conquering all in relationships is a Disney fantasy projected into the minds of children so that when they become adults they long to have that kind of ‘love’ in their romantic relationships. Except it’s not real love, and it opens the door to all kinds of abuse.

Run far away from relationships that mimic any of the Disney princesses. Do not long to be Cinderella – flee from both the matriarchal abuse presented in the story and the idea that you can know someone well enough after one night to commit to a life of marriage – even if he is a ‘prince’. Titles and a lovely waltz don’t save you from abusive people. They may open the door to even more abuse. or Snow White – whose kind, trusting, naive nature endangered her life because she wasn’t wise to the nature of evil. Do not seek to be like Belle in Beauty and the Beast and try to tame the beast because you think deep down there is a heart of gold underneath that beastly exterior. 99.999999% of the time, the beast is just a beast. Remaining in a relationship only sacrifices you and will not change him.

The love we see in the Bible demonstrated by Jesus isn’t the same “love conquers all” love we see in the movies and TV. Yes it is powerful enough to redeem us from our sins. Yes it saves us and regenerates us bring us from darkness to light. But it will not save everyone. It will not save the unrepentant sinner. It will not save those who blatantly pursue a life of wickedness. It will not save the covert abuser from his or her coming judgement.

Being saved by God doesn’t mean that all will be made right for you in this life. It doesn’t guarantee your body or your mind will be immediately healed from whatever ailments you wrestle with as a result of living in a broken, evil world. It won’t magically fix your issues with your boss, your finances or your toxic relationships. Healing comes slowly with time, with study of the scripture, prayer and in being in relationship with other real Christians. It comes with finding the right tools, techniques and resources to break through the negative behavioral patterns in your life. It comes with letting go of all desire to enact vengeance on those who harm you and entrusting God to get you perfect justice. It comes with choosing to embrace healthy boundaries with yourself and others. It is a lifelong journey we pursue and never quite arrive at, but the investment is worth the effort.

Choosing to follow Christ may result in life getting worse for you because what you used to tolerate and participate changes, causing the people you’re in relationships with to notice, and not always in a good way. I don’t say that as a means of discouragement, but as one who wants to speak the truth to you in love. Following Christ will cost you something. It may cost you everything. And it is worth the cost. Eternal bliss with Christ, free from sin, pain, abusive people and death is worth everything.

Those who’ve been accustomed to your old way of life, especially if they’ve had control and influence in your life, most likely will not appreciate you choosing to stop doing things their way and choosing to get free of the toxic and ungodly relationships in your life.

We are told in scripture that if we love, father, mother, sister brother more than Christ we can’t be his disciples. Christ has to be preeminent in our relationships. Any relationship that is abusive we are commanded to leave. Remaining in its toxicity is not loving to yourself or the abuser. It doesn’t honor God, and only adds to your pain.

God doesn’t require you to remain in abusive relationships with family, friends, spouses, or ‘professing Christians’. He commands you to not eat with such a one and to not be unequally yoked with them. Remaining yoked with abusive people only brings misery. The good works you are called to do cannot take place when you are unequally yoked with an abuser. They will force all of their burden on you and then shame you for not being able to carry it.

Cast off that old heavy yoke of bondage and embrace the yoke of Christ. His burden is easy, his yoke is light, and in him you can find rest for your souls.

We Become Like the Master we Choose

Psa 115:4-9 Their idols are silver and gold, the work of human hands. (5) They have mouths, but do not speak; eyes, but do not see. (6) They have ears, but do not hear; noses, but do not smell. (7) They have hands, but do not feel; feet, but do not walk; and they do not make a sound in their throat. (8) Those who make them become like them; so do all who trust in them. (9) O Israel, trust in the LORD! He is their help and their shield.

Here is a very important theme the Bible teaches numbers of times. We become like the master we choose. Those who make mute, blind, deaf gods will progressively become mute, blind, and deaf themselves. I suppose this is another way of saying idolaters are becoming lifeless just like the chunk of wood or metal they carved into a god.

Now, I want to be very clear that in this article I am NOT talking about domestic abuse victims who want to be free but simply cannot do so immediately. There children, finances, dangers and so on that have to be considered. And in so many cases the victim is on her own, having been rejected even by her “church.” I understand completely.

But here I want to talk about a kind of person who is a target of abuse, but who knowingly and willfully chooses to yield to their abuser, to in a way “ally” with him and to remain with him even though the victim has a plain avenue of escape. I have known enough of these people to know that they do exist.

Now, when we willingly choose a master, Scripture tells us that we will increasingly become like that master. When we make the right choice and choose Christ and follow Him, we are on the road to becoming like Christ. This is called sanctification. We will have ears to hear His Word (His sheep know His voice). We will have eyes to see things as they really are. We will be able to speak His truth and recognize the enemy’s lies. His life flows more and more into and through us.

On the other hand, if we choose an evil master…. You can complete the sentence. Our ability to see and hear and speak truth will grow weaker and weaker and weaker until one day it is no more.

Isa 44:15-20 Then it becomes fuel for a man. He takes a part of it and warms himself; he kindles a fire and bakes bread. Also he makes a god and worships it; he makes it an idol and falls down before it. (16) Half of it he burns in the fire. Over the half he eats meat; he roasts it and is satisfied. Also he warms himself and says, “Aha, I am warm, I have seen the fire!” (17) And the rest of it he makes into a god, his idol, and falls down to it and worships it. He prays to it and says, “Deliver me, for you are my god!” (18) They know not, nor do they discern, for he has shut their eyes, so that they cannot see, and their hearts, so that they cannot understand. (19) No one considers, nor is there knowledge or discernment to say, “Half of it I burned in the fire; I also baked bread on its coals; I roasted meat and have eaten. And shall I make the rest of it an abomination? Shall I fall down before a block of wood?” (20) He feeds on ashes; a deluded heart has led him astray, and he cannot deliver himself or say, “Is there not a lie in my right hand?”

Choosing to yield to and remain with an abuser or some other evil person rather than to obey the Lord and “come out from among them,” is to choose another god. This is why, for instance, Jesus said more than once that if we love even father or mother more than Him, if He calls us to follow Him but we delay and run back to the wicked “just for now,” then we cannot be His disciple. That means, we cannot be saved. It is a looking back to Sodom – remember Lot’s wife.

I have seen victims of abuse watch their children being abused by a wicked spouse. In so many of your cases, as you have told me, that was the defining moment. They realized that they cannot permit this any longer. Their love for their children drove them to leave. But the kind of person I am speaking of here sees the thing happening – even to the children – and yet remains with the wicked one even when the door is open for them to make an exit. I suppose they have swallowed the kool-aid of false teaching – “well, you know it’s always better for the children to have two parents.” Or something like that. But for whatever reason, they stay. And the kids, who have no choice, are stuck there too.

It is never, ever better to choose your abuser as your master.

Mat 6:24 “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

I have wondered about some of the abuse victims I have known who have shut down. You cannot ever really know what is going on with them because they won’t talk. They will even defend their abuser and refuse to hear truth. We all were at a similar point early on I am sure, but as the Lord shone more and more of the light of His truth in us, our spiritual hearing and sight switched on and pow! There it was. Once we were blind but now we see. But in these type of people I am thinking about here, that light switch seems to have been shut off for good. And like their abuser, they will hate the light.

Do not go down that path. Do not give in and and choose your abuser as your master. It is a path that will lead to nothing good, a road that leads into ever increasing darkness and ends in the death of your soul. We become like the master we choose.

Does 1 Corinthians 3 Teach that an Abuser is a Christian?

1 Corinthians 3:12-15 ESV  Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw—  (13)  each one’s work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done.  (14)  If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward.  (15)  If anyone’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire.

You may have heard of what is often called the “carnal Christian” teaching. Essentially it maintains that the Bible acknowledges that a genuine Christian may/can continue to walk in sin. To live in sin without repentance. Carnal – led by and characterized by the flesh.

This notion has often been used to excuse the sin of wicked people who parade as Christians, maintaining that we must not doubt that they are really saved. After all, does not the Apostle Paul say that “if wnyone’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire”?

You can see how this all would play into the schemes and to the benefit of the abuser who continues to abuse but insists that he is a Christian, and expects everyone else to believe his claim. And, it seems, most other Christians and pastors and churches buy into the thing! You may have heard it put into statements like this that parade as pious, holy thinking:

Now, you know, the Bible tells us that we can judge a person’s actions, but not their heart.”

Continue reading “Does 1 Corinthians 3 Teach that an Abuser is a Christian?”