Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

The Psalmist’s Description of the Righteous – They do not hang out with the wicked

Psa 1:1-2 Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; (2) but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.

We are often pressured by professing Christians, pastors, so-called Christian books, etc., to continue to associate with the wicked. Oh, sure we may be told to never go into a bar or other places deemed to be centers of sin, but there is a real kind of cognitive dissonance in all this. By that, I mean that we are instructed not to hang with certain kinds of sinners, but then in seeming conflict with this we are told that we must, for instance, remain in a marriage to an evil spouse. Similarly we are pressured to “love” everyone, no matter how wicked their life nor how obvious their hypocrisy.

But what do we see here in God’s Word? What does David say about the person God blesses? About the righteous? He says this:

  • A godly person does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
  • A godly person does not stand in the way of sinners
  • A godly person does not sit in the seat of scoffers

Now, just how is anyone going to take that plain and obvious portrait of a true child of God and yet insist that we are to “lovingly” associate with people who are of just the opposite character? How can a Christian husband or wife be told that it is God’s decree that they remain married to a wicked, sinning, scoffing RASN?

Typically it would seem that so many professing Christians have so idolized marriage that they would edit Psalm 1 something like this:

Psa 1:1 Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked [unless you are married to them], nor stands in the way of sinners [unless you are married to them], nor sits in the seat of scoffers [Unless you are married to them];

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6 Comments

  1. Carol

    Exactly, Jeff. That’s why I left my very abusive husband. I felt the Lord leading me to get him out of my life. To continue to live with him was sinful. I can’t stress this enough!

    Just because he didn’t want to leave was no valid reason to continue to “hang out” with him. Life is so much more peaceful and blessed. To God be the Glory!

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  2. Lynn

    Many professing Christians believe that marriage is permanent no matter how wicked the behavior is by the unsaved spouse. They turn what is meant to be a beautiful equal partnership into a master and slave relationship. Where the slave cannot escape her master except through death. These professing Christians make marriage an idol in order to enslave victims to make it seem like Christians are better at marriage than non-Christians. This stems from a desire for power and control, to maintain a certain image that is deemed godly, even after the bad fruit has been discovered. When the bad fruit is discovered, it is minimized and its victims are gaslit and blamed for the perpetrators actions. This is not of Christ. It is devilish behavior that must be opposed.

    100% of abusive marriages need to be ended, not repaired or reconciled. Let the true people of God open their eyes in 2024 and stop punishing victims from leaving wicked, abusive marriages. The victims are being obedient to God when they leave their abusive spouse.

    Do not add to their burden, but instead help them get free. That is one of the ways we demonstrate our love for the brethren. We help them get free from the hypocrites who have enslaved them like the Good Samaritan did. He saw the man beaten up and took action. He helped the man get safe, get help, and get free from the damage inflicted on him. This is Christian service in action. Doing the good works placed before us till Jesus returns. When we do this, its as if we are doing it to Christ himself. May 2024 be your freest year yet in Christ. Go be free.

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    • Be free

      Amen…. 100% is accurate… the marriage ended when the abuse started. In some cases, that means there never was a true marriage from the beginning, it was over before it even started… Thank you Lynn… your points are very helpful to read in these posts!

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  3. Be free

    Thank you Pastor Crippen! Well timed message as we wrap up the holiday season and head into the new year.

    I saw this attempt to passively re-write the Lord’s word yet again when a well known neighborhood RASN bully, liar, slanderer, etc. hosted a New Years Eve dinner party – and it was assumed by so many non-RASN neighbors that we would all look the other way, those that had been bullied included, and happily accept the invite and go!!! For no other reason than it was a holiday. I could not believe it – yet it was there – completely evident. Yet in a way it was a blessing and gave an opportunity to see the blinded-ness of those that happily and quickly RSVPd and copied all – sharing their excitement about the RASN sponsored gathering – totally bypassing the fact the RASN is a well known repeat, bully and verbal abuser to those that were their friends. To add to this, the RASN has put on a halo in 2023 to attend the Bible church with another neighbor – who I thought was a Christ follower. This has somehow given the pass that permits the RASN to bully and abuse all the while attending the church on Sunday, being openly welcomed to the neighborhood Bible study – and now an honored host?!!!!! This was total deja vu of life when married to the RASN and the the RASNs in my family of origin.

    We can’t re-write scripture, yet as you pointed out so well- it is as if they are!!! Professing to love the Lord as our Savior while back dooring their clear support of satan.

    We can’t be free and also have a foot in the front door of satans house. To be free is to close the door and help those that are trying to do the same – even when the disguise is fronted by the “invite” that is hidden behind a church “halo”.

    2024 is the year – it is time…. truly be free……

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  4. Jacob Dedrick

    I Was just Talking to my Grandfather about this issue. Birds of a feather flock together. Its true. Had a friend one day start bragging about cheating on his wife. When I called him out he said his Priest blessed him and forgave him and he no longer does it. (Just the day before he was going on about his adultery). Well he was permanently removed from my life and I never spoke or associated with him since. God calls us to be separate from the world unless we ourselves are tempted. It’s very important to me that I walk with God. It’s painful and hurts when you have to tell a grown adult (let alone a person close to you) that their lifestyle cannot be tolerated. Thank you for your stance on this issue and Amen.

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  5. Jade

    AAAAAAAAMEN! And they will twist other Scriptures to support their point, such as the famous, “God hates divorce.”

    I have had to leave my church because they fail to understand the whole Bible. They preach from the pulpit about love and forgiveness and justice and defending the oppressed, but I have seen that they do not mean it. My ex-husband feels safe and happy to continue attending there, while I need to go elsewhere. Shows what they truly preach and value.

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