Beware of the Popular Domestic Abuse “Advocates” Who insist they can Fix Abusers

1Co 5:11-13 But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler–not even to eat with such a one. (12) For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? (13) God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”

One of the reasons I am not very popular with the “bigger” names in the domestic abuse ministry realm is because I maintain that we are not to waste our time and energy with programs and “ministries” designed to “fix” abusers. In fact, I maintain that abusers as we have defined them here in this blog do not change. They do not repent. And, in fact, they play us for fools when we try to “save” them.

And yet this is not the message most professing Christians want to hear. They like a “they all lived happily ever after” ending to the story. That is why things like this gain popularity for their practitioners:

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Who do we Really Want in our Churches? – Is “Everyone” Welcome?

Rev 2:14-16 But I have a few things against you: you have some there who hold the teaching of Balaam, who taught Balak to put a stumbling block before the sons of Israel, so that they might eat food sacrificed to idols and practice sexual immorality. (15) So also you have some who hold the teaching of the Nicolaitans. (16) Therefore repent. If not, I will come to you soon and war against them with the sword of my mouth.

How many times have you seen those church signs as you drive along?

“Everyone Welcome”

And so it seems in most local churches, everyone is welcome. “Come on in. Feel the love.” How foolish (or just plain rebellious) can we be!

Just a few moments of serious thought about what the Lord has written in the Scriptures will show us that in fact, not everyone is welcome in the Lord Jesus Christ’s church. Certainly not by Him. Why aren’t we following His lead?

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Abuse and the Doctrine of Headship & Submission Pt 2 – sermon by Ps Jeff Crippen

Abuse and the Doctrine of Headship & Submission Pt 2
Sermon 20 from the series:  The Psychology and Methods of Sin
A 21 sermon series on domestic violence and abuse
First given on December 12, 2010
Sermon Text: Ephesians 5

The Danvers Statement was prepared by several evangelical leaders at a Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood meeting in Danver, MA. in Dec of 1987. You can find it in the appendix of Wayne Grudem’s book Recovering Biblical Manoohood and Womanhood – A Response to Evangelical Feminism. Here are the first few of its affirmations-

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The True Church – Christ’s Remnant – Has Been Scattered

Rom 16:17-19 I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. (18) For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive. (19) For your obedience is known to all, so that I rejoice over you, but I want you to be wise as to what is good and innocent as to what is evil.

In the soon to be four decades in which I have been a pastor, I have seen the visible church become more like a den of robbers than the body of Christ. What would you experience if you checked into a robbers’ den? A thieves’ hideout? Oh it looked good on the outside – a nice place to stay you thought. But inside? Well, you were preyed upon. Not prayed upon. Preyed upon. Beaten. Robbed. Turns out the place was filled with the wicked.

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Abuse and the Doctrine of Headship and Submission – sermon by Ps Jeff Crippen

Abuse and the Doctrine of Headship and Submission
Sermon 19 from the series:  The Psychology and Methods of Sin
A 21 sermon series on domestic violence and abuse
First given on December 5, 2010
Sermon Text:  1 Peter 2 – 3:7

This morning I intend to introduce you to an examination of the biblical doctrine of headship and submission in marriage. It will not do to simply dismiss these doctrines, as today’s “Christian” liberalism generally does, claiming they are merely the ravings of male chauvinists like the Apostle Paul. No. Anyone who believes that the Bible is what it says it is – the Word of God – knows that God sets out these doctrines for husbands and wives. Nor are these truths to be dismissed as something archaic, fitting for an ancient culture but not for ours. Our Lord Himself takes us right back to creation, to the first marriage, as does the Apostle Paul. God’ s order for marriage in Eden was then and remains today the same for all marriages in all places.

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When a Pastor Claims to be God’s Prophet: Wicked and Harmful Words to an Abuse Victim

A victim of a very deceitful, habitually lying abuser shared an interaction she had with the pastor of a church she and the abuser attended. We thank her very much for allowing us to publish what this pastor told her. As is so typical, you see here the incredible arrogance such false shepherds have and the refusal to acknowledge his ignorance about the very evils he insists that the victim submit to his counsel upon.

Here are the highlighted points of the enslaving lies the “pastor” laid upon her, followed by my comments:

1) “What is your end goal, best case scenario?”  Here, in this “harmless” sounding opening question, the pastor is already trying to make the victim say that divorce for abuse is not an option and that her goal must be to stay in the marriage.

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A Common and Surprising Ally of Abusers – Christians Who Grew up in Church

2 Co 11:13-15 For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. (14) And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. (15) So it is no surprise if his servants, also, disguise themselves as servants of righteousness. Their end will correspond to their deeds.

I have known many people who grew up in a Christian family, attending a Christian church. And not only attending that church, but attending it diligently. Sunday School, morning worship, Sunday evening worship, Wednesday evening prayer meeting, mid-week children’s ministry, vacation Bible school, summer camp…the whole package. In other words, the church was their life. Their friends were in the church. They may even have eventually married someone they met in their church, after going to the Bible college that most young people from church chose.

It all sounds so wonderful, doesn’t it? And I bet some of you can identify with this description – or at least you once did. But let me tell you something that I think most likely most of you already know –

Your church world was a fantasyland. At least your idea of your church was a fantasyland.

Now, please don’t misunderstand. I love Christ’s church. I am not one of these ticked off ex-Christian, ex-Church people who had something bad happen to them and so they reject Christ and His Church in their entirety. Nope. I have been a pastor of Christ’s church for going on 36 years now. But the church I love is Christ’s true church – not the counterfeit.

So when I say that your “church” was in all probability a fantasyland, or at least that what you think it was is a fantasy, I am talking about the visible local church that you lived so much of your life in, and what it really was in comparison to what you thought it was. And if anyone reading this post is still in such a church, leading that same kind of church life, then what I am saying to you is that most likely your view of what your church is, is a fantasy. Let me talk, in fact, to you.

All of this produces a surprising ally to evil – you. The church kid. The church youth group member. The young adults group leader. The person, in short, who loves their church, who lives their church, who pours out their life’s energy in their church. Many of the enemy’s allies come from these very ranks. Let me explain.

The Bible never, ever portrays the Christian life and the local church in terms of a fantasyland. It never tells us that our enemy is only “out there.” In fact, what Scripture (like the one quoted above) does tell us is that creeps creep in among us in the church (see Jude on this). Wolves in sheep’s clothing, in other words, do not do their wickedness “out there.” If they did, they wouldn’t need the woolly disguise. No, they do it in the church. Among us. Do you think that your church was or is immune? I think not.

But, reinforced by false teaching in the church, the fantasyland mentality so often gets rooted in our minds. The pastor is what he appears to be. The elders and deacons are surely holy men. Mrs. Jones the choir director, Jim the youth leader, and other “pillars” in your church – surely they are the apples of the Lord’s eye.

Is that image of the visible church what we see in the Bible? Of course not –

3 Jn 1:9-10 I have written something to the church, but Diotrephes, who likes to put himself first, does not acknowledge our authority. (10) So if I come, I will bring up what he is doing, talking wicked nonsense against us. And not content with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers, and also stops those who want to and puts them out of the church.

If you cut out all the parts of the Bible that were written to deal with evil inside the local church, how much would you have left? Not much. Even Jesus’ battles with the Pharisees come under this heading because the Pharisees were the leaders in “the church” of that day.

Somehow, because of sinful willful blindness, foolishness, simplistic naivete, or selfishness, people who grew up in church, who never (at least knowingly) were the direct target-victim of a wicked counterfeit, whose very life was their church, simply cannot and will not process the suggestion that their idea of their church is a false one. They cannot or will not entertain the notion that Mrs. Anderson’s husband the deacon is not who he disguises himself as at church. They cannot or will not even consider that the pastor is an adulterer or that Mrs. Simpson lusts for power and control and is willing to use the most devious and cruel schemes to get it.

Now remember, I am not saying that Christ’s true church is like this. We call that true church the “invisible” church because we cannot actually see it. The invisible church consists of ALL genuine believers from all time, both in heaven and on earth. This church is the real body of Christ and to the extent that a local church here on earth consists of genuine believers, to that extent it is a true church. While we still would not want to embrace a perfectionistic fantasyland view of such a church, we can be blessed in such a church because evil is simply not at home there. It generally moves on. “They went out from us because they were not of us” as the Apostle John puts it.

But what I am saying is that many (if not most nowadays) local churches are nowhere near the fantastical idea that the person I am addressing in this post thinks it is. Not only are they not places where evil does not dwell, they are in fact incubators of evil where, behind the scenes and unmolested, these sons of the devil that Paul tells us appear to be sons of righteousness, operate.

Now, over the years, if our life-long fantasyland thinking church member would be honest, there have been some clear indicators that all was not as it appeared to be in their church Disneyworld. The rate of pastoral turnover for instance. “Why did the pastor leave?” “Well, I’m not sure but apparently the Lord called him to a new ministry.” “Ok, I just won’t think about that anymore.”

Or there was that time that Mrs. Gray took the kids and moved out, leaving Mr. Gray so sadly grieving in the church pews. She was not faithful to her marriage vows, you know. Poor Mr. Gray. Yes, you had heard those occasional rumors that Mr. Gray battled a “drinking problem,” but then, none of us are perfect, are we?”

And then there was that unpleasantness of the terrible church split ten years ago. You weren’t ever sure what it really was about, but the associate pastor took a group of families out and started a new church across town. In the end, everyone said we are all Christians and we need to look past, and love one another.

Then there was that time when Mr. and Mrs. Snyder suddenly were gone. They had been such wonderful leaders in the outreach ministry, but now – it’s just terrible – Mr. Snyder is in jail. Surely he was falsely accused. There was some talk about the charges but you never wanted to hear the details. Someone said that Mr. Snyder had drowned their infant in the bathtub! No, it can’t be. Surely if anything like that happened it was an accident. Mrs. Snyder has taken the rest of the children and moved away to no one knows where. [This example is based on a true event by the way that I myself experienced in a local church when I was only in my early 20’s].

Yes, there had been all these rocks in the road. But your fantasyland stood unmoved in your mind. You put these things out of your thinking, until….

And I will now let our readers finish the story. How do you think it ends? Or perhaps it just continues? What do you think?