Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 1 of 81

A Diversion Tactic of the “Religious” RASN

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On September 9, 2024

In Abusers, Churches/Church Response

Listen to this insightful quote from a pastor of days gone by (in the 1800’s) regarding how the wicked divert attention from the own evils:

Speculation about theological doctrine is often found in an unnatural union with habitual neglect of moral duty. And among the endless winding paths of the depraved human heart, this is one – to seek in quarrelsome discussions about orthodox versus erroneous doctrine, protection from the shafts of conviction for the person’s own plain violations of the law of God.”

John Brown, Sayings of Our Lord, Banner of Truth

Understand? In applying this tactic to the RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist), it is that practice of diverting attention from his/her own wickedness by injecting some religious subject which lends itself to debate. This kind of RASN habitually presents himself as a religious scholar, able to recite Scripture and present the most minute theories about doctrinal subjects, all the while having the intention of diverting attention away from his own evil life.

This is one reason RASN’s creep into the church, especially when the RASN perceives that a particular church is naive about evil. “Oh, my, what a fine Christian he must be. He knows so much.” But what is really happening is that whenever a discussion, a sermon, a Bible study…starts getting too close in consideration of sin….this kind of RASN will derail the topic and divert the discussion onto some debatable sidetrack.

If we are wise, we must not permit this sidetracking to happen. We must not become people who are caught up in cold, dead orthodoxy whose churches are characterized by a pride of knowledge. RASNs in disguise very often love such places and, concealing their true selves, lurk in the shadows where the light of God’s truth does not expose them.

Freedom is the key to Understanding The Bible’s Instruction on Marriage

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On September 2, 2024

In Biblical Teaching

Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Mat 11:29-30)

The Apostles’ instruction on marriage – husbands and wives and how they are to relate to one another – is a topic we tend to steer clear of. Why? Well, first of all, the pertinent passages are so often misused to keep abusers in power and the abused enslaved. But I think there is a second reason as well. We simply are not clear on how this husbands and wives thing is supposed to work according to Scripture. It is not an easy subject and yet, for those of us who believe the Bible is the inerrant Word of God, there these passages are.

Jesus’ words quoted above about taking His yoke upon ourselves goes a long way in helping us understand these passages such as Ephesians 5 (I quote this at length because it all ties together) –

Eph 5:22-33 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. (23) For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. (24) Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. (25) Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, (26) that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, (27) so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

(28) In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (29) For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, (30) because we are members of his body. (31) “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (32) This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. (33) However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

I conclude that this passage actually teaches freedom for both husband and wife, and I will explain why. When Jesus said that we should take His yoke upon ourselves and that we would find that it is easy and light, not burdensome but restful even for our souls, He is telling us what true freedom is. Freedom is willingly being under the rule of a benevolent, loving head whose law insures the freedom of His subjects. Freedom, in other words, is not to be found in lawless anarchy or autonomy (law unto oneself).

Now, when God’s Word gives these instructions about marriage, it very clearly (and repeatedly) tells the husband he must love his wife. He is to give himself for her. This is God’s Law. Submission to a loving ruler whose law is written for the good of those under the ruler, is freedom.

When a husband rules according to his own law, for his own selfish purposes and glory, then the marriage becomes bondage, not freedom. That kind of ruler is what we call a tyrant whose yoke is heavy and oppressive. This kind is not one which the Lord calls wives to respect and submit to. The whole design is broken you see. It doesn’t function correctly. To submit to a tyrant (sometimes by the way the wife is the tyrant)…to submit to a tyrant has similarities to what Paul rebuked the Galatians for:

Gal 5:1 For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

Submit to Christ’s yoke, not to a yoke of slavery. That instruction, I maintain, captures what Paul’s words in Ephesians 5 teach.

Your Thoughts on this Question

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On August 27, 2024

In Abusers, Getting Free

Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. (1Co 7:15)

The question I would invite your comments on is not exactly parallel to the verse quoted above, but there is some correlation. Here is the question:

Why would a person demand to remain married to a spouse who does not want to be married to them any longer”

In other words – here is the common scenario where a RASN is involved – The victim of the RASN announces that he/she is leaving the marriage. Does not want to be married to the RASN anymore. You know how typically this situation plays out – the RASN fights the divorce energetically. Puts all kinds of roadblocks out there to force the departing spouse to remain. Threats – economic, child custody, church discipline, etc. But, I am asking, WHY? Why would anyone want to continue in a marriage when their spouse does not want to be married to them any longer? I mean, what kind of “marriage” is that?

What do you think? What motivates a RASN to demand that the marriage be continued?

A Day of Reckoning is Coming

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On August 26, 2024

In Abusers, Getting Free, hubris, RASN

Enter the rock and hide in the dust From the terror of the LORD and from the splendor of His majesty. The proud look of man will be abased And the loftiness of man will be humbled, And the LORD alone will be exalted in that day. For the LORD of hosts will have a day of reckoning Against everyone who is proud and lofty And against everyone who is lifted up, That he may be abased. (Isaiah 2:10-12)

Many of you have been going through seemingly endless legal maneuvers in the court system. On and on it goes. Your finances are being drained, or perhaps gone already. The court system is a favorite weapon of the RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist). Recently we have seen a new word coined for warfare waged by use of the courts – lawfare.

Now, RASN’s insist that they are waging lawfare for the benefit of the children. Because, the RASN claims, he “loves the kids,” HIS kids, so very much. No, he does not. Fatherly love is not in the courtroom. What the RASN is doing is punishing the children’s mother, threatening to take the children from her, insisting that he be given at least shared custody of the kids. After all, they are his property and he is going to see to it that what he owns remains his.

What RASNs forget is that one Day they are going to be summoned into court to give an account. It won’t be a courtroom in the local courthouse. No, it will be the Lord’s courtroom where the proud look of man is abased, and the lofty arrogance of the evil man will be humbled. That day is coming, and the RASN’s victims can take great hope in knowing this.

Many times in this present world and life, the evil deeds of wicked people go unseen. Sometimes the saying “he got away with murder” is literally true. But in reality, no one gets away with murder. Or with robbery. Or with dragging the victim of his abuse through endless legal battles to wear her down and deplete her resources. No. King Jesus sees it all.

Men will go into caves of the rocks And into holes of the ground Before the terror of the LORD And the splendor of His majesty, When He arises to make the earth tremble.
(Isa 2:19)

Lawfare is going to end one day. The courtrooms of this world will be closed. There will only be one Judge and one courtroom – the courtroom of Jesus whom God the Father has made Judge of all the earth. None of your RASN’s evil tactics are going to work then. His arrogance will be laid low, he will wish for a cave in the rocks to hide in, and he will end in hell – guilty as charged.

The Fallacy of Counseling Without the New Birth

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On August 17, 2024

In Abusers, Counseling

A man of this world, exposed only to worldly influences [devoid of the Spirit] – to influences arising from the present sensory things – from ‘all that is in the world, the lust of the eye, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life, which are of the world and not of God,’ – may become worse, but he will never become better.

John Brown, Geneva Commentary on Galatians

Many if not most local churches, pastors, counselors, and professing Christians, believe they can make an evil person ‘better.’ This fallacy is at the heart of most of what parades as “Christian” counseling today. If only they can expose the domestic abuser, for example, to enough positive influence, surely he/she will see the error of their ways and amend. That is the idea.

It is not the idea of the Bible.

When a sinner is born again through faith in Christ, far more happens than just forgiveness of sins (which itself of course is a wonderful thing). The sinner is made a brand new person – a new creation who is now a citizen of the new world to come – the kingdom of God it is called. He is given a new heart where there used to be a hardened, unbelieving heart set totally against the Lord. He is given a new mind which is continually renewed so that increasingly his mind conforms to Christ’s truth. His conscience is cleansed. He hears Jesus, he is taught the truth as it is in Jesus, he is led by the Spirit within him.

1John 3:9-10 No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God’s seed abides in him; and he cannot keep on sinning, because he has been born of God. (10) By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.

All of these things are true of EVERY genuine Christian. NONE of them are true of counterfeit Christians.

Now, with all of these things in mind, how is it that so much of what claims to be Christendom denies that these truths are not true? How is it that so many professing Christians in thought and practice insist that a person who walks in sin, who abuses his/her spouse, who has a sense of entitlement and superiority over others, who is enslaved to porn…is still a Christian but who just needs the counselor’s “help.”?

Helping a real Christian understand the evil of abuse which they have been subjected to, to help them see how this evil thinks and what its tactics are – now there is valid counseling. Teaching from God’s Word truth that sets us free in other words. Not God’s truth mixed up with man’s psychology and “wisdom.” No, the pure truth of God’s Word.

When Paul told the Corinthian church to expel the wicked man from among them (see 1 Cor 5), he did not tell them to send him to counseling so he would see the error of his ways. No, he told them to have nothing to do with him, not to associate with people who claim to be Christians but who walk in sin. Paul did not tell them to “fix” the guy. Put him out into the world where he belongs!

Many of you have probably felt sometimes, having been the target of evil, like that poor woman Jesus healed:

Luke 8:43 And there was a woman who had had a discharge of blood for twelve years, and though she had spent all her living on physicians, she could not be healed by anyone.

Only when her path crossed with Christ’s was she healed. How many of you have trusted and trusted and hoped and hoped that all these “physicians” would surely be able to “heal” your abuser and make him a changed man? It didn’t work, did it? Hopes up. Hopes dashed. Over and over again. The foundational problem is that a domestic abuser or RASN of other varieties is simply unsaved, dead in his sins, a slave to the devil, desiring the same things as his infernal father. Such a man will never get better. He will (count on it) get worse.

We Cannot Say this Enough – RASNs Believe they have the Right to Dictate What You Think

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On August 12, 2024

In Abusers, Evil

Tyrants are all about control and power. Dictators in the political realm, for example, demand to control not only what you say, but what you think. You don’t have the right to hold an opinion that differs from theirs. If you do and the tyrant finds out, expect a vicious attack.

I have written on this subject before but it is a topic which continues to amaze me. Think of it. What kind of person believes that they have the right to control your thoughts? Not only must you never SAY anything negative about them, you are not even allowed to THINK anything negative about them. The thing is incredible.

RASNs don’t ask you what your thoughts are, they TELL you what your thoughts are to be. You cannot have a real discussion with them, sharing a different point of view and talking about it. Nope. It’s not allowed. They rage and they belittle if you do.

A narcissist is exposed when they believe someone holds a different view on some subject than they. They can’t leave it alone. They must show you that you are a fool and that you had better get your thinking in line with theirs.

Of course there are subjects which we as Christians do not allow for differences. The deity of Jesus Christ for instance. No wiggle room there. Justification by faith alone in Christ alone is another truth we will not compromise on.

But generally these are not the kind of subjects the RASN will enforce with the spirit of tyranny. No, his raging strikes out over topics which to any reasonable person DO have wiggle room for differing opinions. What kind of vehicle is the best. How to perform a certain task. You are expected to conform your thoughts to his.

I have seen narcissists launch into a frenzy when they realized that I did not agree with them. One literally thrashed around on the couch in my office in a tantrum. Another slammed down his book, stormed across the room double time, and let me know he had to confront me for mentioning an opinion which differed from his.

This is evil. These kinds of people really believe that their opinion is the only one that is right and the only one that is to be tolerated. No one else dare even THINK differently than they. It is from the pit energized by the father of lies himself.

The Power of Words – For Good or For Evil

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On August 9, 2024

In Blog News

I wrote a post on this important subject this morning. Here is the link. I am posting it here so that those who don’t follow my lightfordarktimes.com blog will see it.

How Does a True Church Deal with an RASN in it’s midst?

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On August 7, 2024

In Churches/Church Response

It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that is not tolerated even among pagans, for a man has his father’s wife. And you are arrogant! Ought you not rather to mourn? Let him who has done this be removed from among you.
(1Corinthians 5:1-2)

Why is sin so comfortable in many, if not most, local churches? Why is it that a domestic abuser, for instance, is typically permitted to remain a member of the church? Why do churches far too often look like the world rather than Christ?

Forty years ago when I became a pastor, I did not fully understand the answers to these questions. In fact, I didn’t really even grasp how typical this thing was, and is today. I did know however, that unrepentant sin and people who claimed to be Christians but walked in sin, were not supposed to be in the church. I knew that because the Bible said so. And yet, I consistently met with strong resistance when I pointed out to the church board that sin needed to be confronted and if not repented of, the individual was to be put out of the church.

What is underneath all of this? What is the root? Well, now I know. It is this:

Most pastors – even in doctrinally conservative churches – preach an incomplete gospel, which is no gospel at all. They teach their people that a person can be justified before God, his sins forgiven, and yet still walk in sin. Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven – that is the motto. Holiness is disconnected from salvation. Justification and sanctification are compartmentalized so that you can have one without the other.

In other words, the truth of God’s Word is denied, watered down, made more palatable.

But the Bible is hardly unclear on this matter. When we are born again, we are BORN AGAIN. We are made new creations. We have heard the Good Shepherd and we follow Him. We have learned the truth as it is in Jesus. And thus, holiness of life is not optional. The Christian is not the old man but a new man created in Christ. The Christian’s mind has been and is being renewed. He or she has been given sight to see and a mind to understand that nothing – absolutely nothing – is more important that Christ. “This Word is true!” the new believer exclaims! Everything he or she used to pursue as the chief end of their life – has been relegated to a lower place. It is Christ, His Word, His truth, now. These are the things that matter.

Now think carefully on this. First of all, are YOU born again? Has there ever been a time in your life when your eyes were opened and your ears made to hear Christ and His Word? Or is your religion just something that you do when you have time and the other things important to you can be put on hold for a few hours?

I say all of this not only to challenge everyone to examine themselves, but to demonstrate that these vital truths of the gospel are being silenced in the churches (that is why big churches are big). The result is that a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) can be pronounced a Christian and on his way to heaven, even though he remains a man of the world, thinking just like the world, valuing what the world values, and would bail out the door of the church if anyone dare preach the truth as it is in Jesus.

A true church will not be a place where a RASN is comfortable. A true church is a church that teaches justification and sanctification as inseparable truths. A true church will tell people who show no fruit of Christ in their lives that they are still dead in their sins.

Were RASNs always this bad? – the Progressive nature of Sin

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On August 4, 2024

In Evil, RASN

Psalm 1:1 Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers;

In this description of the righteous person, David states three negatives to show qualities of the godly – walks not, stands not, sits not. This tells us that sin is progressive. It begins by walking in the guidance of the wicked, then advances to lingering in the path of evil ones, and finally “arrives” at sitting down in a fully settled comfort with the worst of sinners – scoffers. Sin is progressive. Like a disease, if left unchecked by repentance, it progresses until it consumes.

Your RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) may not have always been what he or she is today. In some cases, this is one reason you were deceived by them. Their sin was in a kind of seed form. It was there – the narcissism, the entitlement, lack of conscience and so on – was there. But it was not so advanced. The RASN, you might say, walked in and listened to the counsel of the wicked. Gave an ear to it. Acted upon it. Took its dark advice. But as time progresses, so does sin. The walking became standing. Lingering in the way that the wicked frequent. A comradery with evil was developing until…

…the lingering became sitting. Having been entertained and fed over time, the RASN became one of the RASNs. Sin progresses.

In the early stages, during the walking era, your RASN may have had some regard for you – I’m not sure we would ever call it “love.” But it was enough to convince you that this person cared for you. That a friendship truly existed. But slowly and often imperceptibly, the sin grows. It begins to stand in evil and ultimately it sits down with it in comfort. The RASN belongs at that point. He or she regards you with contempt, and in my opinion at this stage of the progression, there is no turning back.

What are the lessons here? One, do not disregard early warning symptoms. A walking agreement with evil counsel is one of those early warning signs. Second, understand that a RASN is not going to get better. They are on a path, headed in a direction, which is the route to full alliance with evil. Sin is progressive. It does not get “better” with time.

Bunyan’s Insights into The Devil’s Invasion Plans of Eden – The Enemy uses our Naivete against us

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On August 1, 2024

In Getting Free

NOTE: I originally published this post back in 2022. But we have just begun reading John Bunyan’s Holy War in the Sunday morning class and we came across this same quote. It is incredibly important in opening our eyes to how evil takes advantage of our naivete, so here it is once more:

The following is taken from John Bunyan’s book “Holy War” in which Satan (Diabolus) and his fellow demons are plotting revenge against Shaddai (the Lord) for casting them out of His presence when their evil conspiracy was discovered. Bunyan here very accurately describes how Satan operates. He is the father of lies, and as I hope you are realizing in more and more clarity, lies and deception are the tools of his servants:

Therefore let us assault them in all pretended fairness, covering of our intentions with all manner of lies, flatteries, delusive words; feigning of things that never will be, and promising of that to them that they shall never find.

This is the way to win Mansoul, and to make them, of themselves, to open their gates to us; yea, and to desire us too, to come in to them.   And the reason why I think that this project will do is, because the people of Mansoul now are every one simple and innocent; all honest and true; nor do they as yet know what it is to be assaulted with fraud, guile, and hypocrisy. They are strangers to lying and dissembling lips; wherefore we cannot, if thus we be disguised, by them at all be discerned; our lies shall go for true sayings, and our dissimulations for upright dealings. What we promise them, they will in that believe us, especially if in all our lies and feigned words we pretend great love to them, and that our design is only their advantage and honour.

Bunyan, Bunyan. The Works of John Bunyan, complete, including 58 books (Kindle Locations 90352-90360). B&R Samizdat Express. Kindle Edition.

And there you go. Remain naive about evil and it will sucker punch you.

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