Tag: abuser’s tactics

It Only Takes a Wink or a Glance to Abuse

On By Jeff CrippenIn Abusers5 Comments

A worthless person, a wicked man, goes about crooked speech, winks with his eyes, signals with his feet, points with his finger, with perverted heart devises evil, continually sowing discord; (Proverbs 6:12-14)

I have probably written posts about these verses before, but they are on my mind again today and the truths they teach cannot be announced too often. As you read this, please note: I am in no way here being critical of victims who have not yet left their abuser. We realize that “just leaving the jerk” is not so simple.  No, I am primarily speaking of other people like church members who continue to associate with the wicked/abuser rather than dissociating from him. Ok, here we go:

When it comes to dealing with an abuser — with these wicked ones who see themselves as gods to be served and worshiped — we cannot employ half measures. And these Proverbs explain why. Let me explain further.

Continue reading “It Only Takes a Wink or a Glance to Abuse” →

Never Go to a Meeting When the Purpose is Unknown to You

On By Jeff CrippenIn Supporting Victims14 Comments

I have learned (the hard way) that one of the ways the wicked work their evil against the righteous is by setting a trap or snare. Jesus said, “beware of men.” And so we must.

A typical way that the wicked set their traps is to ask their victim to –

  •  come to the office to talk
  • let’s just sit down and talk
  • I need to talk to you very badly
  • No, no, no. We don’t need anyone else to come. Just come yourself so we can talk

Continue reading “Never Go to a Meeting When the Purpose is Unknown to You” →

The Satanic Nature of the Abuser’s Mockery

On By Jeff CrippenIn Abusers15 Comments

Bearing shame and scoffing rude,
In my place condemned He stood;
Sealed my pardon with His blood.
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Hebrews 11:36, “Others suffered mocking and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment.”

Mark 15:20, “And when they had mocked him, they stripped him of the purple cloak and put his own clothes on him. And they led him out to crucify him.”

Abusers use disdain and dismissiveness as a weapon designed to de-humanize their victim.  This article addresses a very similar tactic, and yet it is not quite the same thing.  While disdain can be very passive (no response, a roll of the eyes, a short verbal put-down), mockery is much more active.  It also targets the victim’s personhood, but more overtly.

What does it feel lie to be mocked?  Ridiculed?  To be told you are a fool.  To be scornfully laughed at and treated with derision?  It is extremely painful and very, very damaging if believed.  The Apostle Paul spoke of it –

1 Corinthians 4:9-13, “For I think that God has exhibited us apostles as last of all, like men sentenced to death, because we have become a spectacle to the world, to angels, and to men. (10) We are fools for Christ’s sake, but you are wise in Christ. We are weak, but you are strong. You are held in honor, but we in disrepute. (11) To the present hour we hunger and thirst, we are poorly dressed and buffeted and homeless, (12) and we labor, working with our own hands. When reviled, we bless; when persecuted, we endure; (13) when slandered, we entreat. We have become, and are still, like the scum of the world, the refuse of all things.”

All the prophets of God were mocked.  Here is an example that Isaiah experienced –

Isaiah 28:9-10, “To whom will he teach knowledge, and to whom will he explain the message? Those who are weaned from the milk, those taken from the breast? (10) For it is precept upon precept, precept upon precept, line upon line, line upon line, here a little, there a little.”

Isaiah’s mockers spoke jibberish, making fun of the words of the Lord spoken by Isaiah — as if to call them nonsense and baby talk.  You can hear their devilish laughter.

And speaking of devilish laughter, we come to the main point.  Mockery is Satanic. Especially in the hands of the abuser.  Satan is a mocker.  Many, many times as enemies of God came against the people of God, they evidenced this demonic quality of mockery.  Isaiah admonishes this spirit in Sennacherib when his armies came against Jerusalem:

Isaiah 37:21-24, “Then Isaiah the son of Amoz sent to Hezekiah, saying, “Thus says the LORD, the God of Israel: Because you have prayed to me concerning Sennacherib king of Assyria, (22) this is the word that the LORD has spoken concerning him: “‘She despises you, she scorns you– the virgin daughter of Zion; she wags her head behind you– the daughter of Jerusalem. (23) “‘Whom have you mocked and reviled? Against whom have you raised your voice and lifted your eyes to the heights? Against the Holy One of Israel! (24) By your servants you have mocked the Lord, and you have said, With my many chariots I have gone up the heights of the mountains, to the far recesses of Lebanon, to cut down its tallest cedars, its choicest cypresses, to come to its remotest height, its most fruitful forest.”

And think of Goliath:

1 Samuel 17:41-44, “And the Philistine moved forward and came near to David, with his shield-bearer in front of him. (42) And when the Philistine looked and saw David, he disdained him, for he was but a youth, ruddy and handsome in appearance. (43) And the Philistine said to David, “Am I a dog, that you come to me with sticks?” And the Philistine cursed David by his gods. (44) The Philistine said to David, “Come to me, and I will give your flesh to the birds of the air and to the beasts of the field.””

Perhaps the event in all of biblical history that saw the greatest concentration of mockers was The Cross:

Matthew 27:27-31, “Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus into the governor’s headquarters, and they gathered the whole battalion before him. (28) And they stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him, (29) and twisting together a crown of thorns, they put it on his head and put a reed in his right hand. And kneeling before him, they mocked him, saying, “Hail, King of the Jews!” (30) And they spit on him and took the reed and struck him on the head. (31) And when they had mocked him, they stripped him of the robe and put his own clothes on him and led him away to crucify him.”

Enemies of the Lord are representatives of The Enemy of Christ, the devil.  Satan is a mocker. Mockery is one of his favorite and most effective weapons, and therefore we as the people of Christ need to be very, very wise to this tactic.  And if you are the victim/target of an abuser, you already know mockery quite well.  Abusers mock-

  • Your appearance
  • Your accomplishments
  • Your interests
  • Your family
  • Your church
  • Your ideas
  • Your habits
  • Your decisions
  • The route you choose to drive to the store
  • The pets you like
  • The new glasses you wear
  • Your hairstyle, makeup, and wardrobe
  • Your friends
  • Your gender
  • Your music
  • How and where you sit
  • Your body and sexuality

Abusers mock everything about you and everyone associated with you.  It is a wicked, soul and body destroying campaign designed to murder you as a human being and turn you into a malleable blob of putty, easily shaped and controlled.

And you can hear him.  You can hear the devil in the mocking words.  He has a certain tone.  Mockery is Satan smiling.  It is hatred grinning at you.  It is pure evil. Without conscience.  Without empathy.

So when the mocker comes your way, realize who he is and what he is doing.  Reject his ridicule with the truth of Christ.

“We know you, Satan.  We see you.  You are a murderer and a liar, the very father of lies.  We belong to Christ Jesus.  You have nothing in us.”

James 4:7, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

Be Like Jesus? – Well, Ok then

On By Jeff CrippenIn spiritual abuse3 Comments

John 2:23-25  Now when he was in Jerusalem at the Passover Feast, many believed in his name when they saw the signs that he was doing.  (24)  But Jesus on his part did not entrust himself to them, because he knew all people  (25)  and needed no one to bear witness about man, for he himself knew what was in man.

Very often we are told by people who claim they are wise and who insist we do what they say, that we should stop being so judgmental of others. That we need to believe the best about people – especially about those who profess to be Christians. We are told to never question a person’s claim to know Christ.

This is all wrong. We are to disregard this nonsense. Why? Because we are to be like Jesus, and as we see in the Scripture above, Jesus was quite judgmental.

Think about it. “Many believed in his name when they saw the signs that he was doing.” Wow! How wonderful. Preachers today would be announcing first thing Monday morning that masses of people got saved and baptized at their church on Sunday.

But not Jesus.

Continue reading “Be Like Jesus? – Well, Ok then” →

The Double Standard of Evil

On By Jeff CrippenIn Abusers2 Comments

Rom 2:1-3  Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.  (2)  We know that the judgment of God rightly falls on those who practice such things.  (3)  Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God?

If you have had your eyes opened to the nature and tactics of evil such as that seen in domestic abusers, you know that an almost universal characteristic of these children of the devil is the double standard. That is exactly what the Apostle Paul is confronting enemies of the gospel with in this passage. They condemn others but practice the very same things themselves.

Continue reading “The Double Standard of Evil” →

Patriarchal Abusive Marriage is a Counterfeit of Marriage — and thus is very Deceiving

On By Jeff CrippenIn Biblical Teaching8 Comments

My husband does not permit me to sin. When I sin, he sends me to my room and tells me to stay there until my attitude is godly again.

Those words were spoken by a pastor’s wife to a group of Christian women/wives. Their response?  “Oh, what a model of a godly marriage.”

It was anything but that. And yet, these ladies believed it. They craved it for themselves. They believed that this woman’s husband was high and holy, far above their own husbands. Why? How could they possibly believe that such a thing as this pastor’s wife described is biblical, Christian, genuine marriage? In part, I suggest that the answer is that the enemy is a master counterfeiter. He is a liar and a deceiver. He sends false Jesus figures, false Christs, false pastors, false pastor wives, false Christians into our midst and these counterfeits are quite often, outwardly, genuine in appearance.

Patriarchal abusive marriage is a counterfeit of biblical marriage. It boasts of “submission” but runs with that idea and turns it into slavery. It lauds “headship” and presents the abuser to us as a model of that headship. He tells her what clothes to wear and she wears them, and only them. He tells her she must obey him, and she obeys him. He tells her what the true interpretation of Scripture is, and she believes him. The children appear to be a model of obedience to their parents, and the rest of the families in the church wish their children and homes looked like that.

But the whole thing is false. It is a sham. The marriage. The home. The family. The whole thing is bogus, an imitation, but only an imitation, and a very deceptive one. It is an idol created by man to bring us into bondage.

Do you envy some marriage or family in your church? Are the objects of your envy regarded by the church as a model of godliness? Take care. You may very well have been duped by a deception. The genuine is often in the background, unseen, following Christ humbly rather than blowing trumpets on street corners.

Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. (Mat 6:1-4)

 

Many Times Teaching “Gossip” as a Sin is Designed to Hush up Abuse Victims

On By Jeff CrippenIn false teaching11 Comments

A friend emailed me and brought the following book to my attention. Ed Welch (who wrote the forward) is of course a bigwig in CCEF which I never recommend to anyone. I haven’t read the book. Apparently there is also a video series of it that is being used by churches.

Resisting Gossip: Winning the War of the Wagging Tongue by Matthew C. Mitchell – Fwd by Ed Welch

But I just use this reminder to caution everyone regarding the typical teachings on gossip that we see in churches and in “christian” publications. Many times, if not most of the time, these teachings are actually used to hush up abuse victims. How many of you were told by your pastor, for example, that you were guilty of gossiping about your abuser when you reported his/her abuse?

I have seen this very thing exercised over and over by “the most holy saints” running churches. I remember for instance telling a wolf in wool one time (I didn’t yet understand what he really was) about the wickedness of a person in our church at that time. His response was accusatory. “Now, pastor, should you really be telling me this?”  He comes off looking all saintly and I wear the guilt.

So, I issue this caution about books and teachings like this one on “resisting gossip.” Beware. Christ publishes the sins of the wicked from the rooftops. And I don’t think He is guilty of gossip.