Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

RASNs Dig up the Past (and twist it)

“Their throat is an open grave; they use their tongues to deceive.” “The venom of asps is under their lips.” “Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness.” (Rom 3:13-14)

Narcissistic abusers and their kind (RASNs) dig up the past. And they will do so entirely out of context. By that I mean that the subject they bring up is not even on the table in the current discussion. It’s this kind of thing, a kind of historical gaslighting:

I remember when you just left me behind that time.

Well, you remember that time when you didn’t keep your promise?

I remember when you treated that person so badly.

Historical gaslighting. It’s historical because they are digging something up out of the past. And it is gaslighting because it distorts the truth and makes you the culprit to be blamed. All of it of course is designed to accuse you and make you guilty in the eyes of others who happen to be present.

“You know, Jeff, I just cannot forget how you let us down that time three years ago.” Those were actual words spoken in front of others immediately after a church service. No one was talking about anything that happened three years ago and the conversation was edifying and kind. But the woman who fired this dart was (I didn’t realize it at the time) a classic narcissist who expended great energy on being the focus of the universe. Narcissists take just about anything you say or do, personally. They take it as an affront when your intention was nothing like that at all. So this woman continued to hold a grudge against me and work to punish me because I had decided not to do something three years earlier that she was demanding. By the time she ran the read event through her narcissistic blame machine, it turned out to be a selfish, mean, thoughtless act on my part.

This lady, by the way, enjoyed the adulation of a large part of the community. She was, in the eyes of most, a real Christian saint, a servant of the Lord who devoted her energies to the church and leading people to Christ. In fact and in reality she was an incredibly mean and vindictive person out to get glory for herself.

I am sure most of you can identify with these kinds of things. This is what makes a healthy relationship with RASNs impossible. And it is why you cannot fix a RASN. I have tried. All that will happen is that these kind just throw it all back at you. It’s all your fault. You are the one who sinned. You are the one to be blamed. Any sin or evil that you bring up to confront them is not admitted in their courtroom. All that matters is that you are on trial. You are guilty. As for them, they have a standing get out of jail free card that washes away any wrongdoing on their part.


Dr. Phil is Right on – This is a must listen


Amazing Insight of John Bunyan into the Evil Mind of the RASN

1 Comment

  1. Dee

    Is this person possibly in Chicago now? Because she sounds identical to my Bible study leader at the last church I attended , & the reason for my leaving. I said nothing to the pastor, because others already had, including the church secretary. They were simply told to “work it out between you”. This church now literally has far less than half of the congregation than when I began attending – even their greeter after years there, has left. The Bible study leader has done heinous things behind closed doors, to not only myself, but others as well, even causing one churchmember to lose her job – this woman was highly talented in her profession. But RASNs accuse the brethren day & night, because their very purpose is to kill, steal and destroy.


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