Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Tag: truth

Forsaken by a Traitor’s Kiss

I have written about the evil of betrayal as seen in the traitorous kiss of Judas. But the thing came to mind again today as we were singing at the beginning of the Sunday School class – God the Uncreated One (by Aaron Keyes and Pete James). One of the lines is Mighty God in mortal flesh, forsaken by a traitor’s kiss.

And so it is. It is one thing to be attacked by an overt enemy, but it is even more devastating when the attack comes from someone you really thought was a friend. Someone who claimed to love you. This is the case in domestic abuse scenarios, right? The truth comes out from behind the curtain eventually and the shock hits. They were never your friend. Never. And they never loved you. Never. The friend you thought existed turns out to be a fiction. This is why the change can look like it takes place in an instant – from friend to enemy. But really, the friend was never there at all.

The tools of deception are like Judas’ kiss. They are instruments of apparent affection. Words of loyalty. Kindnesses. And yet, like that infamous kiss, they are daggers meant for evil. Designed to earn your trust so that the attack can strike more effectively.

If we are going to be wise about evil, then it is vital that we understand these things.

Psa 41:7-9 All who hate me whisper together about me; they imagine the worst for me. (8) They say, “A deadly thing is poured out on him; he will not rise again from where he lies.” (9) Even my close friend in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me.

As painful as it is to come to this realization, it is one of the first steps to freedom to realize that the person I thought was my friend never really existed. It was a fiction portrayed by deception. When we finally understand this, we return to reality and truth, and that is where real freedom is to be found.

"Speak the Truth in Love" has come to mean "Just Keep Quiet About it"

Eph 4:14-16 so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. (15) Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, (16) from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.

Recently, and many times in the past, I have had to confront a professing Christian about their sin. It’s my job and really it is the job of every Christian. Generally, there is no possible way to do this so that the person confronted is happy about it. Very often they will criticize you for the way you told them. Long ago I gave up trying to sort out a way that is painless.
But something else often happens when I have had to admonish someone and then others hear about it (often from the one admonished!). These people come back at me and say something like this common mantra – “you should have spoken the truth in love.” The implication of course is that they are quoting Scripture.
They aren’t.
Speaking the truth in love has become a catch phrase that really means “keep quiet.” Just love the person, whatever that means. It has morphed into a synonymous phrase with “don’t judge.”