Hated Without a Cause

Psalms 69:4 ESV  More in number than the hairs of my head are those who hate me without cause; mighty are those who would destroy me, those who attack me with lies. What I did not steal must I now restore?

Psalms 109:2-5 ESV  For wicked and deceitful mouths are opened against me, speaking against me with lying tongues.  (3)  They encircle me with words of hate, and attack me without cause.  (4)  In return for my love they accuse me, but I give myself to prayer.  (5)  So they reward me evil for good, and hatred for my love.

I maintain that at the root of an abuser’s hatred for his/her Christian spouse is hatred for Christ. One of the most confusing things about domestic abuse – hating one’s own flesh – is, “why?” What is the reason he hates her so? What is the motive for all this evil?

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“He has Really Changed – You Need to go Talk to Him”

Romans 8:16  The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God,

I know what it feels like. To have someone come up to you and tell you how much your abuser has changed for the good. After years of evil treatment at his hands, you finally were able to get away and start healing. But now, along comes some “well-meaning” person who has recently communicated with him and they just have to tell you that he is a changed person.

Now, they don’t have to complete the sentence. They have already said enough to let you know why they are telling you this. They think that you need to go see for yourself. No, they think that you need to forgive and forget now that the devil you knew is transformed into an angel.

Are these kind of people thinking that they are helping? I suppose in some cases. But the fact is that when someone does this to you, do you go away feeling encouraged? No! You feel triggered and re-traumatized. The thing is very DIS-couraging. People can be so, so, stupid, can’t they?

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New Online Resource for Finding a Trauma/PTSD Therapist

One of our readers provided the following link to a web page where qualified therapists are listed in every state who are experienced in trauma and PTSD. Here it is:

Find a Therapist

Now obviously we cannot personally recommend every therapist listed at this site – we don’t know them. However, our friend did utilize this resource with a very good outcome and encouraged us to post it here.

I am no expert on looking for a counselor/therapist, but I think I can offer some advice:

  1. Secular counseling is not wrong or sinful. Many victims are told that secular counseling is sinful, shows a lack of faith, or will always be contrary to scripture. That is not true.
  2. A person does not have to go to a counselor required/recommended by their church leadership.  (We hear more and more how churches are telling victims where they have to go for counseling). In many cases you would end up being directed to a bad counselor.
  3. Beware (we must say this unfortunately) of so-called “biblical” counselors. Someone whose training is only from a relatively brief Christian counseling organization is simply not qualified and will very probably give you bogus and harmful information.
  4. Ask specifically what qualifications the person has to practice in cases of domestic abuse survivors, trauma, PTSD and so on. You don’t go to a general family physician when you need a specialist.
  5. If you don’t feel comfortable with the person, keep looking.
  6. Run if they ever try to approach your case with couple’s counseling (if you are not yet free of your abuser)
  7. In conjunction with the therapy, you will probably be helped by reading through Judith Herman’s book on Trauma.