The Wicked Have no Shame – Observations on the Abuser

Isa 2:17 And the haughtiness of man shall be humbled, and the lofty pride of men shall be brought low, and the LORD alone will be exalted in that day.

If you have ever experienced “life” with an abuser (which no doubt most of our readers have) then you understand what I mean when I say that abusers have no shame. After all, they are the center of the universe. They are never wrong, never to blame. They have no conscience. They are not repentant. No shame.

This shamelessness evidences itself regularly in such a person. After treating their victim cruelly for instance, they will sleep quite well and behave as if it never happened. “Hey, babe, how about getting me a beer?” Or, “what are you so glum about this morning?” They will insist that the victim do the forgiving and forgetting, and even the repenting. After all, ultimately the whole abuse scenario the evening before was the victim’s fault, you know.

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Abusers Love the Darkness rather than the Light

We don’t usually publish on Tuesday, but this little nugget of truth couldn’t wait. Abusers are secretive and enjoy keeping their targets “guessing” about what they (the abuser) are going to do or think or say in given situations.

Don Hennessy nails it when he says (emphasis mine),

He (the abuser) cannot allow you to influence him because he is terrified that you will gain access to his inner world.  He is reluctant to enter that world himself because he knows how dark it is, but he prefers the darkness rather than allowing you to shine light on it. (Don Hennessy, Steps to Freedom: Escaping Intimate Control*)

And Scripture confirms this truth:

John 3:16-19 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. (17) For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. (18) Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God. (19) And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil.

 

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Dealing With the Abuser – First Deal With Yourself – sermon by Ps Jeff Crippen

Dealing With the Abuser – First Deal With Yourself
Sermon 16 from the series:  The Psychology and Methods of Sin
A 21 sermon series on domestic violence and abuse
First given on November 7, 2010
Sermon Text: 1 Corinthians 5

It shall not be so among you. These are our Lord’s words – His command! There is no place in Christ’s Church for “lording it over” another person. Greatness in Christ’ s kingdom is measured in servanthood – with Jesus Himself as the supreme model, becoming obedient even to death for us.

The abusive man, of course, knows nothing of this – or what little he may know, he abhors. Lording it over his victims is what he is all about. He controls his victim by –

  • using jealousy
  • withholding love
  • ignoring her feelings or belittling them
  • calling her derogatory names
  • telling her she is worthless and stupid, lazy, or ugly
  • telling her that other people
  • say the same things about her
  • humiliating her in front of others
  • denying her reality, perceptions, beliefs, and values

And in many, many more ways.

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Dealing With the Abuser — sermon by Ps. Jeff Crippen

Dealing With the Abuser
Sermon 14 from the series: The Psychology and Methods of Sin
A 21 sermon series on domestic violence and abuse
First given on October 24, 2010
Sermon Text:  Nehemiah 2

The book of Nehemiah has a number of themes –

  • God’s covenant faithfulness to His people
  • The rebuilding of the earthly Jerusalem to which Christ would one day come
  • The sovereignty of God over all the nations

It is also a book about the man of God serving the Lord in the face of persistent opposition. The opposition came from several sources, but primarily from one abusive, controlling, entitled individual named SANBALLAT. He hated that these Jews had returned from captivity in Babylon and were going to rebuild their capital. Sanballat is a type, a symbol, of Satan. If you want to learn more about the tactics of our enemy, read this book!! Listen to another chapter and see what I mean –

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No Abuser is Hidden From His Sight — Sermon by Ps Jeff Crippen

No Abuser is Hidden From His Sight
Sermon 12 from the series:  The Psychology and Methods of Sin
A 21 sermon series on domestic violence and abuse
First given on October 10, 2010
Sermon Text: Hebrews 4:12-13

Hebrews 4:12-13 ESV For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. (13) And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

1 Samuel 16:7 ESV But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.”

2 Corinthians 5:9-10 ESV So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him. (10) For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.

God is El Roi – the God who is seeing, the God who is looking, as Hagar called Him when she fled from Sarah. God looks upon the heart – upon your heart and upon mine. God is able to see and judge not only our outward actions, but the inner thoughts and intentions and motives of our minds and hearts. God sees us and knows us better than we know ourselves! NOTHING is hidden from Him.

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The Abuser Provokes His Children to Wrath (Part 2) — Sermon by Ps Jeff Crippen

The Abuser Provokes His Children to Wrath (Part 2)
Sermon 11 from the series:  The Psychology and Methods of Sin
A 21 sermon series on domestic violence and abuse
First given on October 3, 2010
Sermon Text:  Ephesians 6:4

Newark, N.J. – An employee of the Newark PreSchool Council was stabbed to death this morning (Thursday, Sept 30 2010) after she arrived at the school on St. Francis Street, law enforcement officials said today.

Erica Ortiz Fuentes, 36, an employee of the East Ward preschool, was attacked by a man with a knife around 7 a.m. as she arrived at work, authorities said. The man has been taken into custody and authorities will announce his name shortly, according to Thomas Fennelly, Essex County Assistant Prosecutor. Fuentes had a past relationship with her attacker and he was under a restraining order according to two law enforcement sources who were not authorized to discuss the investigation. Fuentes had filed previous domestic abuse complaints against him, the sources said.

Newark police surrounded the building this morning and placed the man under arrest. While there were children in the building, they were never in any danger, Fennelly said.

Ephesians 6:4 ESV Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord

I would like all of you to begin, if you haven’t already, to take note of how often this kind of story appears in the news. And remember, this is only the extreme type of domestic violence that makes it into the news. There is a vast amount going on all around us that remains unreported and in many ways is every bit as damaging to the victims.

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The Lord is Against the Wicked and Defends The Oppressed

 

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.

The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away. Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous; for the LORD knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish. (Psalms 1:1-6)

The Lord pronounces His blessing and favor upon His people, and announces His curse upon His enemies, especially those who persecute His sheep. He promised the Thessalonian church that He is coming to set it all right –

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