Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

The Things that Weigh Upon You don’t Weigh Upon a RASN

(Rom 3:18)

As most of you probably already know, one of the most common ways people fall prey to the RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist), is to assume that everyone thinks pretty much just like us. Oh sure, there are those serial killers and so on (even they use this naivete to their advantage however) but all in all we tend to believe that all people share a generally common mindset.

False. Not true.

RASNs do not think like the normal human being. They have very little or even no conscience at all. The things that bother you, that weigh upon you, that make you anxious. that make you happy – do not register with these RASNs.

So, for instance, if a RASN rages at their target, the target (that’s you) assumes that they will at some point feel a degree of remorse. Or guilt. But that is not true. They don’t. Even an “apology” is just another manipulative technic.

We assume that everyone has at least some care about how others around them are feeling or thinking. Wrong. The RASN does not, as Dr. Phil has put it, “read their audience.” They don’t care how others feel, so they never even consider it.

The RASN actually feels quite justified in using abusive tactics to gain and maintain power and control. He or she believes they are very entitled to posses this power and control and that others are present only to praise and serve them. These are not “normal” mindsets in non-toxic, functional people.

This disparity in mindset, in the way we think and the way the RASN thinks, is very often a means by which the RASN gains advantage over us. Our naivete in this regard plays into the RASNs hand. It makes us assume and thus to a degree, pardon, the abusive tactics. But when we start to understand the intentionality of it all, ie, the RASN knows exactly what he is doing, is devoid of love as a motive, has no conscience to torment him about what he does, then we begin to wake up and grow wise.


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  1. Janet

    This is so true!! Took us many years to understand that these people have a different mindset. But once you see it . . . what a difference it makes!

    Thank you for your ministry.

  2. Cordelia

    Great reminder for going back into the lions’ den (work) tomorrow.

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