When there is sin in the church, we panic. I believe that this is one of the reasons churches and pastors so often give terrible counsel to victims of abuse. We are the Church! We are Christians! We aren’t supposed to sin! This is a disaster, and it is up to us to fix it lest “Christ’s Name” be tarnished. I put “Christ’s Name” in quotes because I really think that if we would all be honest, we would have to admit that it is really more about our own image maintenance than it is about Christ’s glory.
Whenever we as individuals or as a church set out to put on a mask, set up an image of ourselves that really isn’t true, we are headed for big trouble. I saw a lady yesterday in the big city that was in just such a trap. She wasn’t unattractive, but she had gone to extravagant lengths to look 20 years younger. Elaborate makeup, painstaking hairstyle, carefully selected younger-generation wardrobe, and hanging on the arm of a man at least 20 years her junior. Why did I notice? Because I could see it in her look. She was trying sooooo hard to find self-worth in all of these things, and I knew it wasn’t going to work. By watching how the man behaved toward her, I would not be at all surprised if she has gotten herself tied up with an abuser. Oh, what a charmer he was! Before he is done with her, I wonder how much of her money and her life he will have taken? Images are dangerous. They lead us into serious error. They are a lie in picture form.
As pastors, as churches, we often construct images — names for ourselves — reputations. But they are not consistent with who we really are. And when something happens that is not consistent with the image we crave — like the appearance of sin in the church — well, we launch into a defense and damage-control mode. And NOTHING good is going to come out of that. Nothing!
So, for example, when a woman who is being abused by her husband comes to her pastor or to one of us for help and relates to us what is happening, I can tell you what the dynamic is that so easily and readily kicks into gear. Image protection. Damage control. “Oh, no! This kind of thing can’t happen here! We have to fix this. You can’t divorce. It makes us….er, Christ, look bad! No, you must be exaggerating. Let’s sit down and talk this out.”
And so they talk, perhaps. But nothing changes. Except maybe for the worse. So the wife says she is leaving. “No! God hates divorce! You can’t. This is your calling, to persevere and suffer for the glory of God.” But what is really going on, so often? We don’t want our own spotless image soiled with word getting around that such a thing happened in our church. That our people are somehow less than perfect and might even be capable of …. sin!”
And what then happens to the victim? She is the whistleblower. Have you ever read the story of a whistleblower? Someone who exposes corruption in government or some big business or a giant religious organization? What generally happens to whistleblowers? They are slandered, they are fired (ex-communicated), and sometimes they are even killed. The Lord Jesus Christ was the greatest whistleblower of all! He exposed sin and corruption – and they killed Him for it. Governments have some laws in place to protect whistleblowers. Churches do not. Abuse victims become a threat to the image. And all too often, their churches respond to them with efforts that, frankly, are designed for nothing else than to make them shut up about it.
This sounds so harsh, doesn’t it? I can hear voices out there saying “You are so negative! This is way too judgmental.” Honestly, I wish that is all there was to it because then I could just repent of saying these things and come to my senses and realize that none of this is happening after all. But it is. Witness after witness after witness has come forward and told the story of what happened to them at the hands of their churches when they blew the whistle on their abuser. Shut up, admit you are wrong, or get out.
Why? Do we actually believe that our churches are incapable of having hidden sin operating within and among them? Do we think that no wolf in wool could possibly ever be found in our pews? Are we so naive that we refuse to admit that there could well be a marriage in our church that is not at all what it appears to be? Or that a member of our church is in fact a hypocrite who is merely putting on a saintly facade while at home he is the devil incarnate? Does our Lord tell us anything different in His Word? Has He not given us repeated instructions and warnings about this very kind of thing, and even told us how to handle it? Does He not, in fact, bless us when we expose these things and deal with them as He has told us to? Where in the world in Scripture do we ever find that the body of Christ has to keep up an image of perfection?
I can remember a number of years ago talking to the leaders of a church of some 300 people. The pastor had hit the road with the church secretary, both of them abandoning their spouses. Immediately not only the church leaders, but especially the denominational representative charged into a campaign of image maintenance and public relations damage control. I remember asking them if they had handled this sin biblically. The absconding couple were in no way repentant. So how were they handled? They were informed that they were terminated from employment and given the suggestion that they seek counseling. Then, all of the efforts of the church leadership and denomination from that point on were aimed at getting any tarnish off the image. I asked the denominational representative if the church intended to obey Christ’s instruction and follow the church discipline process — not only for the good of the church, but for that of the pastor and secretary as well. He accused me of being too quick to run to judgment. Well, guess what? They never did implement church discipline. As a church, they never acknowledged that just perhaps their own pride had played a part in this whole sorry mess. They just wanted to get back to “normal.” But normal there had never been good. It still isn’t to this day. The image reigns.
And it reigns in many if not most of our churches today. Wherever there is an image, there is idolatry. And where idolatry prevails, Jesus is not present.
Author: Jeff Crippen Page 49 of 88
Many thanks to one of our readers for writing the following to us:
It’s not called gossip once a wife’s murder is reported after many years of hidden domestic abuse, but it’s called gossip if she talks about it before her murder. It’s not called gossip when it is reported that a company/man goes into bankruptcy, but it’s called gossip if his wife talks to people about her husband’s laziness and refusal to work (financial abandonment) prior to the bankruptcy.
Proverbs 11:21 ESV Be assured, an evil person will not go unpunished, but the offspring of the righteous will be delivered.
The author of Proverbs largely speaks of the here and now, although behind everything he says there is the sense that he is also and ultimately thinking of that Day when Christ comes and exercises perfect, holy justice. This is what we see in the verse quoted above.
Right now, in this present life, the fact is that evil people do go unpunished. The righteous and their offspring are not delivered. Nevertheless, this truth is truth. It is a fact. Anyone who pursues a course of evil can expect to be punished. And those who love Christ, raise up their childen in Him, and pursue righteousness can expect the Lord’s deliverance. These things sometimes come sooner. Sometimes later. But be sure of it – they will come.
2 Thessalonians 1:5-8 ESV This is evidence of the righteous judgment of God, that you may be considered worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are also suffering— (6) since indeed God considers it just to repay with affliction those who afflict you, (7) and to grant relief to you who are afflicted as well as to us, when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven with his mighty angels (8) in flaming fire, inflicting vengeance on those who do not know God and on those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus.
Permit me to let you in on something – the older you get, the faster time goes by. The days rush by! Another week races along and it is Monday again! Yesterday you were 30 years old. Today you are 70. Wow! When did that happen! You begin to realize that when the Bible tells us this present life is a vapor, like a desert flower that springs up, blooms, and then is gone – it is true! And this means that the Day when Christ comes and renders perfect justice – for the oppressed and against the oppressor – is hurrying toward us. Nothing in this present world, no evildoer or evil thing is going to last forever. No cruel, reviling, abusive, lying person is going to get off the hook and just keep on laughing at God. Such people have no fear of the Lord, but you can be sure of it – on that Day they will!
The church in this world is given the mission from the Lord of being an earthly outpost of the New Creation. Think of it! We are to model heaven here on earth. The world is supposed to see Christ and His kingdom in us. In our words, in our values, in our love for one another – and in the practice of God’s justice. Therefore, the local church and the life of every person professing Christ, is to be a visible model of what is coming. This means then – think of it – that the wicked are not to be tolerated in the church. That is to say, the typical wolf in wool who parades as a member of Christ’s flock, must not be allowed to be among the sheep. An evil person unpunished is not even to be named among us. Furthermore, the righteous are to be blessed, not cursed.
All of this, you see, is why this devilish business of churches allying with abusers against their victims is so repugnant to the Lord, and to us. It presents a picture of Christ and His Kingdom that no sane person cares to be part of. It destroys the very energy of evangelism. It is an appearance of godliness which denies the power of true godliness.
Well, I hit the publish button by mistake this morning when I was trying to schedule a post on Exposing Sin and Evil is not Gossip. I had to reschedule it for next Monday and theoretically that is when it will come up. So I think if you try to read it from the notice you received this morning the link won’t work.
WordPress decided the other day that we all needed a totally different setup and look – so writing and posting now requires a new learning curve which I haven’t fully traveled yet.
Most of you have been told by professing Christians, pastors, Christian counselors, Christian authors and so on that God requires you to love your abuser, to stay in relationship with him, and that by the power of your loving, by you continuing to endure the abuse, you will win your abuser over. He will break, repent, and be a changed man.
The link below is a prime example of how this false gospel is not only being taught in churches and by supposedly Christian organizations, but by individuals such as this fellow who are making the rounds on the speaking circuit, in demand, warmly and tearfully received by the throngs who conclude that what this man claims happened to him will surely happen to everyone to has enough faith to “unleash the power of love.” Is this the gospel? Where is Christ in this?
I don’t think I need to point out to you how dangerous (and false) this kind of teaching is. As you listen, imagine (most of you don’t have to imagine) how this will be received by a victim of abuse, or by a victim of rape or some other heinous crime, and think about the damage that it does to these oppressed people.
One more note. Also think about how the typical professing Christian is going to respond to this message. The tears. The hallelujahs. The offerings.
And tell me what you think – what are your overall impressions of this man’s presentation. The music. The narrative. And the elephant in the room question we aren’t supposed to ask – how much of this is even true?
NOTE: If the link does not work for you, you can search for the video under “Dan Baumann – His Torturer Finally Broke” and you should be able to find it.
https://vimeo.com/165655318
1 Corinthians 3:12-15 ESV Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw— (13) each one’s work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. (14) If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. (15) If anyone’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire.
You may have heard of what is often called the “carnal Christian” teaching. Essentially it maintains that the Bible acknowledges that a genuine Christian may/can continue to walk in sin. To live in sin without repentance. Carnal – led by and characterized by the flesh.
This notion has often been used to excuse the sin of wicked people who parade as Christians, maintaining that we must not doubt that they are really saved. After all, does not the Apostle Paul say that “if wnyone’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire”?
You can see how this all would play into the schemes and to the benefit of the abuser who continues to abuse but insists that he is a Christian, and expects everyone else to believe his claim. And, it seems, most other Christians and pastors and churches buy into the thing! You may have heard it put into statements like this that parade as pious, holy thinking:
“Now, you know, the Bible tells us that we can judge a person’s actions, but not their heart.”
Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him. (Proverbs 26:12)
Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I am only joking!” (Proverbs 26:18-19)
For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases. As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife. (Proverbs 26:20-21)
The Bible is filled with wisdom about abusers. Proverbs in particular exposes him for what he is, calling him most typically a “fool” and even identifies his tactics. As you read through Proverbs you will surely realize that there is no hope for changing a fool. Not this kind of fool anyway. He is the abuser.
I am a conservative, Bible-believing Christian, and I intend to remain one. I have had to make many changes in my thinking in the last few years, especially as I have learned about abuse, but those changes are in me, not in the Word of God. God’s Word is truth. It stands forever. Every jot, every tittle, shall be fulfilled. Trust God’s Word and it will never fail you. Our problem is that we so often get our word, or man’s word, jumbled up with God’s Word and then we are in trouble.
In past years, when I heard or read about the topic of domestic violence, I skimmed over it. I was largely ignorant of it’s real nature and of it’s prominence, and how erroneous teaching in my own arm of Christianity was contributing to it. So I blew it off as far as my ministry went. But there was another reason for my blindness to it, and I think that this reason is something that Christians like myself need to name, claim, and own up to.
For it is written in the Law of Moses, “You shall not muzzle an ox when it treads out the grain.” Is it for oxen that God is concerned1 Corinthians 9:9
He said to them, “Have you not read what David did when he was hungry, and those who were with him: how he entered the house of God and ate the bread of the Presence, which it was not lawful for him to eat nor for those who were with him, but only for the priests?” Matthew 12:3-4
Many if not most Christians, churches, pastors, confessions of faith and theologians acknowledge that Scripture permits divorce for the reason of adultery. Others add desertion to the list. Often however these same Christians balk at any suggestion that abuse is biblical grounds for divorce. Why? I suggest it is because –
- they do not grasp the evil nature of abuse,
- they have a wrong notion about the nature of covenants, specifically, the marriage covenant, and
- they cling to a method of Scripture interpretation (a “hermenuetic”) that is unbiblical.
It is this last reason I want to discuss here.
This very insightful artwork is by Alix Orr. It pictorially summarizes the typical very damaging selfishness and evil that the adult world exercises for the “benefit” of the children. Thank you Alix!!
