Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 42 of 88

I Have Married three Abusers — Am I stupid?

By

On November 1, 2021

In Victims

The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water.” Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” The woman answered him, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You are right in saying, ‘I have no husband’; for you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband. What you have said is true.” (John 4:15-18)

Over the years in this ministry to abuse victims we have been fairly regularly contacted by victims who are not only presently married to an abuser but who have been married previously to other abusers. And in most cases they are asking themselves, “Just how stupid can I be?” Or, “What is wrong with me?” Or, “Am I going to be alone for the rest of my life?”  These questions and more.

I suspect many of you who follow this blog can relate very well to this scenario. And many people who are ignorant of abuse and abusers will be quick to answer those questions  — “Well, yes, you must be stupid.”  “Yes, there surely is something wrong with you.” But in reality all that has happened in most of these cases is that a wicked, deceiving person came along, identified some vulnerability in his target, capitalized on it, and deceived her (or him).  All of us have had that deception dupe us in some relationship or other and most often more than once.

Was the Samaritan woman at the well a loose woman who went from man to man? That is usually what is claimed, but surely there is a very high probability that she was the victim of deceiving, using men and she was an easy target for them.  Why? Might I suggest it was because she was “thirsty,” but she was looking for the wrong kind of water to quench that thirst.  John 4 is the record of that day when Living Water met her and she was never the same again.

Yes, I would suggest that a victim who has been duped by abusers several times does need to look within herself. Not to blame, but to try to understand what it is that is making her so vulnerable to evil ones. Does she fear being alone? Does she believe she is just rather worthless if a man doesn’t want her? Maybe she is just too naive about evil? Often she is just plain too “nice.” None of these possibilities is sin, but each one is certainly dangerous.

It seems to me that a woman who has been repeatedly abused in a sequence of “marriages” must be somewhat similar to the traumatized rape victim. Through deception and guile the rapist drew her in, used her by force, and cast her away. Or if she is still with the abuser, he is killing her slowly, just as a rapist so often murders his victim.

We know numbers of women who have been through this chain of abusive marriages, and I am sure that they could be greatly helped by our readers, especially those who have had the same experience. What have you discovered about why this happened to you? Did you have some awakening moments when some truth jumped out at you that helped you? How can a victim of this serial abuse make some changes to break out of this cycle of being a target?

More Thoughts on Getting Free from Victimhood

By

On October 27, 2021

In Counseling, Getting Free

I want this blog to be a safe place for victims of abuse. A place where they will be believed. A place to tell their stories. To learn about the nature and tactics of evil so they can better understand what has been happening to them and get free.

But I also want you all to be free. Not just physically free of your abuser but emotionally and I suppose most importantly, spiritually free. And there is a trap that keeps us from freedom if we get sucked into it. Many abuse victims do. It is the trap of perpetual victimhood. Of embracing being a victim as one’s identity. It can sneak up on you and won’t even realize it.

One of my friends survived horrid abuse, was ex-communicated from her church for getting free of her abuser, and still suffers many physical ills as a result of the abuse. And yet, she is free to enjoy who she is in reality – in Christ. Here are some things she wrote to me recently about the trap of spinning our wheels and permitting an oppressor to continue to keep us in bondage because we adopt the name “victim” for ourselves rather than finding our real personhood in Christ. Here is real wisdom. Listen and remember: these words are coming from people who want to see you healed and free and who want to warn you about this danger. Don’t conclude that we are in any way denying the wickedness of what has happened to you.

My friend said:

Some victims have a need to stay stuck and to be babied as victims instead of growing up in Christ. They are carnal and desire to embrace what has happened to them and live by their “feelings and emotions”, rather than handling it how God would have them handle it.

If you ever offend this perpetual victim, you automatically become an abuser. They lack truth and don’t know who the real enemy is behind abuse and then they make their identity about what happened to them instead of what God says about them. I was like that, but God changed that. Thank goodness! 

Victims who are held down by Satan cannot stand for the Word to be used adequately to bring them to forgiveness and out of bitterness. It’s a work of Satan playing on suffering and on the poor me syndrome. I understand needing time for the light to come on and work through things, but it’s actually become an excuse for such people to be bitter and to sin – to even abuse others themselves.

They want a message that makes them feel good about remaining stuck. They need victim strokes. I get it, but pretty soon such people get weird about it and everyone is an abuser and everything is abuse. The focus is no longer what God can do to heal us and use it for good, it’s about everybody having to pay them back for what they suffered. That’s because their identity is in what happened to them, not in Christ. 

Remember how your abuser made you feel? How you had to be constantly tip-toeing around and walking on egg shells lest you get blasted or accused, blamed or worse? Now, we must take great care that WE do not start doing that ourselves to others. And that is exactly what will happen if we choose perpetual victimhood.

And what do you suppose is going to happen if a perpetual victim launches out into counseling others? They aren’t free themselves. They have not embraced an identity in Christ. So all they are going to do is bring those they counsel into the same bondage they are in. This is why we discourage people who have been abuse victims from launching out too quickly into their own ministry of helping other victims. I understand the desire to do so, but we must be quite sure that we are really healed and free ourselves before we can lead others into freedom.

Like produces like. You don’t want to replicate your victimhood in someone else. Christ is Victor. He has defeated the devil. He wants His people to be free, and that freedom is only going to come when we see clearly who we really are in Him.

Rom 8:37-39 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. (38) For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, (39) nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Words of Wisdom About Abuse

By

On October 25, 2021

In Abusers, Counseling

My friend Joenne posted this on her facebook page and I asked her if I could post it here. This is truth here. Thank you Joenne!

October is Domestic Abuse Awareness month, so just a little food for thought. I am not angry, bitter or unforgiving toward anyone, God has simply made me strong in His power, has healed me and will continue to strengthen and heal me.

When people tell you that your abuser “never says anything bad about you” but that you “don’t have much good to say about them”, tell them this, because this is what good psychologists and counselors say about that:“Well, the abuser wasn’t abused or traumatized by anyone, in anyway, nor left with C-PTSD or emotionally abused to the point of breaking, so why would they have anything bad to say about the people who were their victims? Their victims didn’t do anything to them.” Then contemplate that perhaps you are just being manipulated and perhaps the abuser has plenty bad to say, they just don’t say it to you because they want to look good to you and keep you as their flying monkey.

Also contemplate the difference between human sins and failings and abuse. They are not the same. Abusers desire to make the failings of their victims equal to their abuse of them, but there is no comparison. Burning the toast, spending too much money, being weary, making a bad choice, being depressed, not wanting to be intimate with your abuser or just being angry at being abused, are not abuse, nor do those things cause trauma in someone.

The fracturing that happens to abuse survivors is mostly due to physiological changes in their brains, due to the abuse. It is not just emotional or spiritual. The brain itself changes when someone is being abused, especially in long-term abuse. Survivors of trauma need to talk about it in order to heal. Just be sure you are talking to one or two people you are safe with and don’t allow your brain to spew information to others who are only there to judge you.

People who have deep trauma may do things they would not ordinarily do, that even they don’t understand. That is because the brain is injured cognitively as well, when someone is deeply traumatized. They are living in a blinding fog, meant to actually protect the brain from further injury. So don’t be shocked when a trauma survivor does things you would not expect from them. Instead of getting into a religious and spiritually abusive mode, maybe try reaching out to them and love them like Christ commands us to. They will heal over time, much better if they are loved through it.

I had to have neuro-psychology testing done last year for the illness I now bear, in order to get a cognitive baseline to watch for advancing disease. They take a basic, but not in depth, history of your life. After I gave my history, the doctor said to me, “You know why you are physically sick and having brain issues, right?” I began explaining the illness and he stopped me and said, “It’s because you have had so much trauma in your life. We now know that deep trauma causes things in the immune system and brain to change physiologically, and that is why you have become so ill”.

I wish Christians were not so quick to judge outwardly, but to love people as they are commanded by God and stop throwing people away. I have learned so much from all I have gone through and while others may judge, God has healed and I am looking forward to the ministry He has prepared me for, to help others know the true Gospel so we can begin helping the wounded instead of making them sacrifices to our sinful spiritual abuse of them. What you intended to do to harm me, God intended for good and has used for my own good and His glory, to help many people and bring the truth of the Gospel and how to live it, to many. May God heal all survivors’ spirits. That is all.

Why Couple’s Counseling is a Disaster and a Setup

By

On October 22, 2021

In Abusers, Counseling

Anything you say can and will be used against you.

Mat 26:59-61 Now the chief priests and the whole council were seeking false testimony against Jesus that they might put him to death, (60) but they found none, though many false witnesses came forward. At last two came forward (61) and said, “This man said, ‘I am able to destroy the temple of God, and to rebuild it in three days.’”

Most of you know by now, either from reading on the subject of domestic abuse or simply by hard experience, that the typical approach to “marriage troubles” is the prescription of marriage counseling. And that means of course, having both husband and wife come into the counseling sessions together. For healthy marriages in which the spouses genuinely desire to learn more about how God wants them to love one another, raise up their children in Christ, and so on – this approach may have some value. I say “may have” because so much of what is put off as “biblical counseling” just isn’t.

BUT, when you are dealing with an evil person as one spouse in a marriage, couple’s counseling is gasoline on the fire. It provides ammunition for the evil one to use against the victim. And let me tell you why.

When we honestly share our thoughts and feelings with another person, that trust entails taking a really big risk. It assumes that the person we are sharing with will recognize the trust we are extending to them and they will guard that trust carefully, using it only for our good.

The wicked do not guard this trust. They use it as a weapon.

So, when a victim of abuse, for example, at the encouragement of a counselor (“speak honestly. Share what is on your heart. Tell your spouse what you are thinking”) when the victim opens up, it is like handing a loaded gun to the abuser. Just like the Pharisees searching and searching for some accusation, the wicked spouse’s goal is to accuse, blame, and shame.

Honesty, you see, is not always the best policy. The wicked are not to be entrusted with the treasure of our trust. And yet this is exactly what normally is encouraged in couple’s counseling. You can be sure that your honest words will be used against you. Especially if that honesty entails some type of confession of a sin or failure or mistake. Let me give you an example.

When I first came to this church here in Tillamook, it was a hotbed of counterfeit Christians. There was literally no peace from the very first day. The attacks began immediately from people who demanded power and control and who disguised themselves as eminently holy types. This all, needless to say, weighed me down. One day a fellow who had rarely attended the church and who really was unknown to me, committed suicide by overdose. I visited the hospital while he was still in a coma but of course was unable to talk to him. By this time, in this atmosphere of constant accusations and darts of attack, I was wearing a considerable degree of false guilt. So, the Sunday after this man died, at the beginning of my sermon, I told the congregation that I had not been diligent enough to visit them one by one, including this man who was now dead. Of course what carnal people like this really want is a happy social club, special attention from the pastor, and so on – they don’t want the preaching of the Word. But, I wore that cloak of false guilt and made confession of it.

Well, some months later during another Sunday service, the “leader of the pack” stormed up to the podium during the service and began to rant and rail and accuse me of not appreciating his efforts in building the church building and on and on he went, finally storming out while muttering it was time for him to leave the church. Of course what he expected was for everyone to come to his cause and give me the boot. That didn’t happen.

But what I wanted to point out here is that during this evil man’s rant, he said “why, HE (meaning me) admitted by his own mouth that he didn’t go visit the (dead guy) often enough.” So I was to blame for the suicide, you see. And this is exactly what happens when we share honestly with the wicked. They use our trust against us. They use our honest, humble words to try to alienate others from us and to put the blame for all the troubles on our shoulders.

And THAT is the primary reason why couple’s counseling is a setup. Don’t fall for it. Don’t trust the devil.

Christ Can Heal Us

By

On October 20, 2021

In Counseling

Luk 8:1-3 Soon afterward he went on through cities and villages, proclaiming and bringing the good news of the kingdom of God. And the twelve were with him, (2) and also some women who had been healed of evil spirits and infirmities: Mary, called Magdalene, from whom seven demons had gone out, (3) and Joanna, the wife of Chuza, Herod’s household manager, and Susanna, and many others, who provided for them out of their means.

I want to ask you a serious question. Is there any ailment or trauma or damage evil has done to us that Christ cannot heal? I mean that question, as I said, seriously. Because even though we quickly answer “of course not” to that question, in practice we answer in the affirmative. In other words, we don’t really believe that He can. Oh, He might heal other people, but not me.

Now, the Lord for His purposes and for our good may choose to allow certain physical ailments to go unresolved in us. He did that with Paul’s thorn in the flesh, you recall. But I want to suggest something very confidently to you – We can be certain that Christ wants to heal us of spiritual maladies such as fear, anxiety, depression, deceit by the devil’s lies, hatred, unforgiveness, shame, false (and even real) guilt, and on and on the list can go. Christ came into this world to conquer the devil and set us free from his snares. Jesus wants you to be healed and be freed of these things. It is a certainty.

It is my observation that certain common schools of therapy in this world only want to make you cope. They give you meds and ongoing therapy sessions (often for years) in order to help you just get by. To enable you to function to at least some degree. But they never cure you. They never set you free. Only Jesus can do that! And He wants to do it!

I am sure that this is the message we are supposed to take away from this account:

Luk 8:43-48 And there was a woman who had had a discharge of blood for twelve years, and though she had spent all her living on physicians, she could not be healed by anyone. (44) She came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment, and immediately her discharge of blood ceased. (45) And Jesus said, “Who was it that touched me?” When all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the crowds surround you and are pressing in on you!” (46) But Jesus said, “Someone touched me, for I perceive that power has gone out from me.” (47) And when the woman saw that she was not hidden, she came trembling, and falling down before him declared in the presence of all the people why she had touched him, and how she had been immediately healed. (48) And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.”

We often recommend that abuse victims seek a qualified therapist who understands the dynamics of trauma and so on. But we do not recommend this as an end game treatment. Jesus wants you healed, He wants you to be free, and he is able to pull it off! His power is the power that raises the dead. Don’t think for a moment that He cannot or that He does not want to heal you.

The Comforter

By

On October 18, 2021

In Biblical Teaching, Getting Free, Supporting Victims

Joh 14:16-18 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, (17) even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you. (18) “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.

The Holy Spirit, particularly in the Gospel of John, is called the paraclete, variously translated as the comforter, the Helper, and probably some other similar terms as well. Christ and the Spirit, as well as the Father, are one. So much so that Jesus can say of the coming of the Spirit, “I will come to you.”

Every real Christian is indwelt by the Comforter. And He is very active in us. Paul could say, for example:

Rom 8:14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.

and again-

Rom 8:16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God,

It is by the Spirit that the Father communicates to us that we are indeed His children. The Spirit is the Spirit of adoption and He is the One who assures us that we really are Christ’s people.

But what I would like us to think about here is this matter of the Spirit being the Comforter. Here is Paul once again:

2Co 1:3-5 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, (4) who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. (5) For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.

Oppressed people are afflicted people. In fact, it is not going too far to say that every real Christian is oppressed in this fallen world. We share, as Paul says, in the sufferings of Christ and those sufferings are not rare. They are abundant.

However, the more these sufferings increase, the more the Comforter comforts. I don’t know exactly how He does this, but He does. It is a mystery, but it is real. I suppose one way this comfort comes to us is through the Spirit leading other believers to join us in our suffering. To come to us and help us just as faithful believers came to Paul when he was in prison. But I am sure there is also an inner, mystical aspect to this communication of comfort to us as well.

The Spirit’s comforting has a goal even beyond comforting us. He causes us to experience this comfort so that we can exercise it toward other believers who are suffering. That is why, for example, we all are comforted by those believers who have experienced the same kinds of sufferings that we experience. If you want to find someone who is a comfort to you, for instance, when you are being sorely abused by a wicked person, you will find that someone in the ranks of those who have also been abused. They suffered, they were comforted, and they can pass that comfort on to you.

Knowing these things helps us endure and persevere in this fallen world. Christ has not left us alone as abandoned orphans. When we are born again, He comes to us and He comes in the Person of the Spirit. He is right there with us in our suffering. So ask Him. Ask Him to pour out that comfort on you. As Peter puts it – Cast your cares upon Him, for He cares for you. And Paul again:

Php 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. (7) And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Right Back at Ya! The Abuser’s Tactic of Reflective Blaming

By

On October 13, 2021

In Abusers

Recently I had a refresher course in abuser tactics. Not in a classroom, but in real life. I need these reminders to help me continue to learn how to put into practice what I have learned about abuse. Necessary, because we all so easily revert to our old errors we used to be bound by when we were still “in the fog.” In this case my reminder was that I must not yield to accusations or to suggestions by the cowardly. We all have to learn to dig in our heels, stand firm, and say “no, I am right and you are wrong.”

Many times distortions of our Christian faith that we have been confused by tell us that such an attitude evidences a lack of humility, that surely we are all sinners, that we need to look at ourselves carefully, that we need to acknowledge our own sin…blah, blah, blah. Yes, these things can be true, but they can also be perversions of Scripture that the wicked use against us.  In dealing with the wicked, as someone has recently said, we must be shrewd. We must be wise as serpents. “No, I am right and you are wrong and I am not going to listen to you.”

It’s the same old story you all would recognize. Power and control seekers bullying and lording it over others. They will not listen to anyone. They will not admit any wrong doing. They are never wrong. YOU are the problem. And furthermore, the very idea that YOU would dare act in such an un-Christian manner by saying such things to them…well, you should be ashamed of yourself!  Sound familiar?  I bet it does.

Now, what do we mean by “reflective blaming.” It goes like this, “Here is the irony”, the wicked tell us,  “The very same ungodly spirit that you are saying we are guilty of is what you yourselves are guilty of.” See what he is saying?  “Well, you say that we are abusers, but you are abusing us by saying so.” It’s like addressing a mirror that has the capability of reflecting everything you say back at and upon you. We even see this in children. “Well you do it too!”  And of course the goal of the abuser in using this tactic is to remove at least 50% of the blame from himself and put it back on you.

When this reflective blaming hits you, how do you respond? If we aren’t careful, we will let it do its intended damage by accepting this blame. Hey, that’s the humble Christian thing to do, right? No! As soon as we catch ourselves starting to think and feel that, “whoa. I’m guilty. I have sinned by confronting my abuser. I should have been more kind and humble and….” – STOP!! No, I am not guilty of the same thing that the abuser is doing. I reject that charge. We must look the abuser in the eye (when it is safe) and say “I reject everything you are saying. Don’t try to remove guilt from yourself by deflecting it to me. I am not guilty of abuse. You are.”

Then listen to the wicked howl some more. “No one has EVER spoken to me this way!” No, they probably haven’t and that is a huge part of the problem.

We Have a Choice: Follow Christ or Become Cruella Deville

By

On October 11, 2021

In Abusers, Getting Free, Supporting Victims

I don’t know how many of you have watched the new Disney movie, Cruella. We have seen it twice now and it really provoked my thinking.

Cruella was treated very wickedly as a child. Her name was Estella. There is a pivotal scene in the movie where Estella decides to embrace who she concludes she really is – Cruella. Thus the origin of one of the most evil characters in the Disney collection who sets out to exact her revenge.

When we have been on the receiving end of abuse, when we come to underestand this evil – its mentality and tactics and goals – we have a choice to make. We can follow Christ and walk with Him wherever He goes, experiencing all that He receives at the hands of a world that hates Him – and thereby walk into freedom. Or, we can choose to become Cruella and spend the rest of our life seeking vengeance and retribution, lashing out at anyone who misunderstands us, triggers us, or in some way causes the videos in our minds to replay. This latter path is the path to continued bondage and misery. It is the path to becoming a practitioner of the very evils our abuser utilized against us.

The Bible is what I like to describe as “condensed soup.” Its words are packed with wisdom and insight that we must, by the Spirit in us, “unpack” like a zip file so that the truths in even one verse can open up before us. Such a verse is this:

Rom 12:19-21 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” (20) To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” (21) Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Estella was overcome by evil when she determined to be Cruella. Don’t go down that path yourself. Hunger and thirst for justice, yes. Appeal to Caesar as far as the law of this world allows. Take steps to get free of an abuser. But never permit yourself to be overcome by evil, so that you become an evildoer yourself.

Moving Beyond Victimhood

By

On October 6, 2021

In Supporting Victims

Rom 8:31-39 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? (32) He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? (33) Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. (34) Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. (35) Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? (36) As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” (37) No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. (38) For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, (39) nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

In our many discussions of and articles about abuse, we use common titles for the abuser’s target – victim being the most common. Sometimes survivor is preferred. These are good and useful labels to describe our experience of being treated wickedly by evil people.

But in this article I want to propose to you that it is a damaging error to embrace these terms to describe who we are. Because if we do that, we are going to mis-identify who we really are in Christ. And that mistake leads to all kinds of trouble.

The Apostle Paul was abused. Big time. Listen to him here:

2Co 11:24-27 Five times I received at the hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one. (25) Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was adrift at sea; (26) on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from robbers, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers; (27) in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure.

Think about this. Talk about being traumatized! And yet Paul did not characterize himself as a victim, or a survivor of abuse. He knew who he was in the essence of his being – a child of God, a saint, a citizen of heaven, a person deeply loved by the Lord. You see it in the Romans 8 quote above. Notice how often he mentions the love of Christ.

The Bible does not leave us in perpetual victimhood. It does not deny the reality of evil – quite the opposite. But we must understand that we are more than conquerors through Him who loves us. We do not have to be enslaved to the trauma effected upon us by the evil one. And I believe that this is a great error pushed upon us by quite a lot of counseling. It leaves us stuck in victimhood. That is not God’s will for us. He wants us as His children to know who we are in Christ and to live in the freedom these truths bring. Understand? Trauma is real. PTSD is real. Fear is real. I have no doubt that Paul experienced some or all of these things. But in the end, he knew who he was and he refused to be identified as a victim. He was a conqueror. He had been set free by Christ and he knew it.

I think that one of the keys to moving from victim into the joy and freedom Christ intends for us, is to come to know the love of Christ. Check this out:

Eph 3:14-19 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, (15) from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, (16) that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, (17) so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, (18) may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, (19) and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

To know the love of Christ. To be filled with the fullness of God. These are gifts shown to us by the Spirit. Rooted and grounded in love.

I believe that one of the traps that keeps people in perpetual victimhood is an inability to accept love. Evil has sold them so many lies that when truth comes along, they don’t accept it. When love comes, they do not receive it. So one of the crucial things that we need is for the Lord to lift off the blinders that wicked people have put on us, and enable us to see the love of Christ for us. Otherwise what is going to happen is that when real love does come to us, we won’t have it. We will be stuck. Bogged down in confusion about who we really are. And make no mistake, evil people just love to tell you who you are! These are of course lies from the pit designed to enslave.

Here is some good news then. Without denying the reality of the painful effects of abuse – they are very real – let me say this: you can be free of these things. You do not need to live the rest of your life as victim. But the key to this freedom is not man-made. It is not “I am going to stand up for myself. I am not going to put up with this anymore. I am going to work out and practice with weapons and nobody better ever mess with me again!” All of that is just a disguise for perpetual victimhood. And even worse, it can become a path to us becoming quite abusive ourselves. No, freedom lies in Christ. It is to be found in knowing the unknowableness of His love for us. If you are a Christian (and you must be born again!) then the Spirit of Christ is in you. He wants to show you who you are. He is trying to teach you about this freedom that is yours if you will just receive it. He is trying to reveal to you the depths of God’s love for you. He is trying to show you that, well, you are not a victim. You are a conqueror and this victory comes through Him who loved us so.

One Bad Apple…

By

On October 4, 2021

In Churches/Church Response

Ecc 9:18 Wisdom is better than weapons of war, but one sinner destroys much good.

Our friend Lynn sent me the following words along with a great picture of two pears hanging from a tree, touching each other. I didn’t put the picture here because I wasn’t sure about the copyright, but it was perfect. One pear was totally moldy, yucky, and rotten and where it was leaning up against the other pear, that one has the same mold and rot spreading into it. And the caption with that picture said – Being too close to the wrong people can ruin you.

Here is what Lynn wrote:

If only the visible church understood that this is what happens when you don’t remove the toxic people in their midst. Rotten fruit infects healthy fruit. Healthy fruit doesn’t infect rotten fruit. That’s why you can’t just have it near you. You have to cut it of and completely remove yourself from it. Lest you end up spoiling yourselves. Too many professing Christians see themselves as vibrant, healthy fruit when in fact they are are slowly rotting away infecting those around them with their disease. 

And then another one of my friends, who has vast experience with plants and greenhouses, wrote this to me when I showed him what Lynn had sent:

Great analogy. It’s the same growing plants. One diseased plant can eventually wipe out an entire crop if not removed from the healthy plants around them (trust me, I know). I am now a firm believer that an abusive spouse spreads their evil into innocent children. My family is living proof. I would never recommend an abused spouse stay for the good of the kids.

Churches that permit the wicked to remain among the flock are dangerous, disease-spreading places. Think of it. We are taking all these precautions in the local churches to prevent catching covid, and yet a much more deadly disease is totally ignored and allowed. One might kill the body. The other always kills the soul – for eternity.

Page 42 of 88

Previous

Next