Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 21 of 88

Two Demonic Skills RASN’s Possess

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On July 26, 2023

In Abusers, Counseling, Evil, Getting Free

3Jn 1:9-10 I have written something to the church, but Diotrephes, who likes to put himself first, does not acknowledge our authority. (10) So if I come, I will bring up what he is doing, talking wicked nonsense against us. And not content with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers, and also stops those who want to and puts them out of the church.

These words by which the Apostle John exposed Diotrephes, reveal two “skill sets” that most every Diotrephes (we will call them RASNs) possess. They are:

  • The ability to achieve power and control
  • The ability to accuse and thereby make everyone but themselves bear the blame

RASNs not only lust for power and control, they are quite accomplished at obtaining it. Think about this. Why is an abuser able to exercise power and control over, for instance, his/her spouse? How did they get a hold on this power? How was it that your abuser slowly but surely (or perhaps even very quickly) establish this power and control over you? I bet you don’t even remember. Because you didn’t even see it happening at the time.

Creeps, like Diotrephes, creep in with stealth. And before you know it, they have the keys to everything. How does it happen?

I think that part of the answer is related to the second diabolic skill set they possess – blaming, guilting, accusing, threatening. They are confident that they are never to blame and before you know it, you believe they are never to blame – YOU are!

RASNs are very skilled at offering tantalizing “bait” to their target – bait with a hook in it. That bait might be their reputation in the community, their skill at their career, their apparent “care” for others, etc. And once people take the bait, you guessed it, Diotrephes is running the show.

This wickedness has happened to me as well. More than once. You find yourself years down the road realizing that something sinister has happened. That you aren’t even yourself anymore. That Diotrephes has become your “go to” person. There is another name for this dynamic – it’s called “enslavement.”

Pride and Prejudice

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On July 24, 2023

In Churches/Church Response

1Co 13:4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant

As many of you know, our church here has invited those who have been abused not only at the hands of a RASN, but also had that abuse added to by their church, to join us as their church. Some of you have even been ex-communicated for separating from an evil spouse. For you to continue in a local church has been virtually impossible. For others, there is simply no real, sound church locally to be found. This is not to be attributed to an unreasonable “pickiness” over minor issues. Numbers of you have chosen to become “distance members” of Christ Reformation Church, and you have really become part of us.

Now, there are Christians who struggle with this concept. This group wrestles with the honest question, for instance, of Scripture telling us to be sure and gather together and not forsake the assembling of the saints. I had those questions myself initially. But, in the end, I concluded that we are to gather together WITH THE SAINTS (see Hebrews 10 on this). Being part of a local, visible church that is filled with hypocrites, where abusers are protected and victims are oppressed, where habitual sin is tolerated and thus a false gospel is preached, is NOT gathering together with the saints!

Now, I am thinking about this topic because recently we ran into a professing Christian who was quite critical of our distance outreach. This person said, upon learning of our online members, that “yes, people have become just too lazy to get up and go to a real church, so they just sit at home and watch online.” Pride and Prejudice, you see. This individual had no knowledge of who our online members are (or even those of you who follow us regularly). They had no knowledge of the fact that, to my knowledge, NONE of you are “too lazy to get up and go to church.” I mean, such a person could be out there, but I regularly communicate with many of you and, in fact, those of you I know are genuine, committed believers who have been sorely oppressed, who would, in a moment join a real church if you could find one. But this critic has no knowledge of you, no knowledge of what you have been through, no knowledge that you hunger and thirst for God’s Word but haven’t been able, in spite of searching and searching, to find a place locally where that priceless pearl of the gospel is to be found.

Pride and Prejudice. Enemies of righteousness. This business of pride is vast. Over the years we have come up against it time and time again. We ourselves must battle it, but so many others choose to walk in this pit. Entitlement. Superiority. A demand for praise to be supplied by others. Those ensnared to it are drawn deeper and deeper into this abyss until they are either mercifully broken by the Lord, or they continue to descend, never to come out.

Christians must be humble. We must not behave toward others as if we know all about them, because we don’t. We must not judge someone because they don’t measure up to our traditions. Christians who have lived a sheltered life, raised up in a local church where there is a big, beautiful building, a sanctuary replete with a $150,000 pipe organ, fine woodwork, a big choir….and more…simply do not understand. They have never been the target of a wicked narcissist (or perhaps they are enslaved to one but don’t know it!). They don’t even realize that victims of RASN’s exist among them. And so, as was the case with this person we heard recently, to pronounce judgment upon sisters and brothers in Christ who are suffering, is to judge by a false standard. It is to be unkind. It is to speak in arrogance. It is to judge by outward appearance. And worst of all, it is to exalt oneself and speak out of a spirit of superiority and partiality – ‘I am better than you.’

Think carefully now. What was the local church like in early New Testament times – in the time for example of the Apostles? In the time of persecution from Rome? The day may well come, you know, when we are returned to such times – in fact, that day WILL come because Antichrist will one day be allowed, for a brief time, to establish his worldwide kingdom. Will this critic I am speaking of here dress up in their Sunday clothes and take a pleasant drive to the brick and mortar edifice, walk in unmolested as always? Of course not. In those days the church will have to meet secretly – in private homes and catacombs. And, might I suggest, gathering together via online means if possible.

Think of the Apostle Paul. How did the early churches hear from him? You know the answer – we see it in the New Testament. He wrote letters and they were read in the small local gatherings of believers in someone’s living room. Then those letters were passed on to others. Paul had never seen the Laodiceans in person –

Col 4:15-16 Give my greetings to the brothers at Laodicea, and to Nympha and the church in her house. (16) And when this letter has been read among you, have it also read in the church of the Laodiceans; and see that you also read the letter from Laodicea.

If Paul had the internet, do you think for a minute that he would have refused to use it in order to gather together online with these people he considered his church?

Well, that is enough, I have gone on longer than usual. May the Lord keep all of us humble and deliver us from Pride and Prejudice.

Be sure and read this post at Light for Dark Times

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On July 21, 2023

In Blog News

If you go on over to my Light for Dark Times blog, you will find an important post entitled “An Acid Test to Reveal the Counterfeit.” It contains some real wisdom from John Bunyan and John Calvin on this subject.

Christ Must Come Down to Me

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On July 20, 2023

In Biblical Teaching

I came across this anonymous poem recently which describes a sinner who had tried for long years to work his way up to God through his own works and merit. Until….

O long and dark the stairs I trod
With trembling feet to find my God,
Gaining a foothold bit by bit,
The slipping back and losing it.

Never progressing; striving still
With weakening grasp and faltering will,
Bleeding to climb to God, while he
Serenely smiled, unnoting me.

Then came a certain time when I
Loosened my hold and fell thereby;
Down to the lowest step my fall,
As if I had not climbed at all.

Now when I lay despairing there,
Listen...a footfall on the stair,
On that same stair where I afraid,
Faltered and fell and lay dismayed.

And lo, when hope had ceased to be,
My God came down the stairs to me.
 
[Anonymous, taken from William Hendriksen,
Commentary on Romans, Baker Books]

Eph 2:4-6 But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, (5) even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), (6) and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus,

How RASN’s Take Control

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On July 19, 2023

In Churches/Church Response, Narcissist, RASN

Galatians 1:10 For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

In his rebuke of the Galatian churches, the Apostle Paul writes that he is astonished at how quickly these Christians had fallen for a false gospel. False teachers, false brethren, had crept into the churches and introduced a gospel of grace PLUS. Merit had to be earned, they said. And the way to do it was by works of the Law – keeping certain Old Testament ceremonies and such. But the moment even a crumb of our works are added, grace is no longer grace, the gospel is no longer the gospel, and those who introduce this infection are damned by God.

How had these counterfeits taken control of the churches there? I think we see the answer here:

Gal 4:17 They make much of you, but for no good purpose. They want to shut you out, that you may make much of them.

They used flattery. They pretended to really care for these Galatians. They praised them. And this blinded the eyes of those gullible believers.

When we in Christ’s church begin to show partiality to anyone, we are opening the door to some RASN to control the church. That is what they had done – shown partiality. They were impressed with these false teachers. They failed to be consistent and obey this:

Gal 1:8-9 But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed. (9) As we have said before, so now I say again: If anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to the one you received, let him be accursed.

Most all of us, myself included, have been guilty in this regard. We have shown partiality. Instead of testing and rebuking, we accepted. Then one day the Lord mercifully revealed who the wicked ones were and we realized we had been duped. And not just duped, but complicit in these wicked ones program to exalt themselves. Complicit because we failed to do this:

1Ti 5:21 In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus and of the elect angels I charge you to keep these rules without prejudging, doing nothing from partiality.

Jas 2:1 My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory.

Why did we do it? Well, in part because the RASN is very deceptive. He is a liar like his father the devil. But we also did it perhaps because we wanted to believe the RASN was who he claimed to be, by his disguise. One time a lady who was married to a RASN asked me, “I wonder why I married him?” I assured her that she was deceived by him as we all have been by this kind. But in later years I have realized that there may well have been something in it for her – economic security, reputation, etc. If so, she was showing partiality and suppressing the truth.

I do not say these things to condemn anyone – I have been guilty of partiality to these kind too. I hope I have seen the thing clearly now so that I won’t do it again. Pushing down red warning lights that we often feel more than we see. Because we don’t want to believe our RASN is anything less than what he claims to be. Taking his side in conflicts. Covering for him when his mask slips. All these things and more are partiality, and James tells us partiality is sin –

Jas 2:9 But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors.

If we reject this sinful partiality and stand for Christ’s truth when we see someone sinning, guess what other good thing is going to happen? The mask will come off completely if we are dealing with a RASN. These kind never repent. They never admit their own sin and guilt. They lash out when confronted or when told “no.” But as long as we show partiality to them, permitting them to be what they crave to be among us, the deception will continue and they will remain in control.

They Only Go Deeper Undercover

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On July 17, 2023

In Abusers, Narcissist, RASN

Job 20:12 “Though evil is sweet in his mouth, though he hides it under his tongue,

Something that can make the book of Job a bit difficult to interpret is that his “friends” often speak the truth – but they apply it wrongly. That is the case here with Zophar. Evil is indeed sweet to the RASN, but he hides. He covers and disguises his evil ploys. The RASN speaks in words that sound right, but in fact they are meant for evil.

You may have experienced a supposed “repentance” on the part of a RASN. (ie, Reviler, Abuser, Sociopath, or Narcissist) in which he/she says something like, “I’m done with that. I’m over the hurtful sin.” And you were happy. He’s changed. He repented. He’s done with that.

But he hasn’t. He isn’t.

All that is happening is that his cover becomes deeper. His disguises and masks more deceiving. Knowing that he has been at least in part, discovered, he sets out to be more careful. He mouths repentance and claims a great change. And there has been a change – for the worse. He still is what he was. He still is what he is. He simply has resolved to be more crafty.

And thus, he sets you up again for the next fall of the hammer.

Can One RASN Recognize Another RASN?

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On July 12, 2023

In Abusers, Churches/Church Response

1Jn 2:19-20 They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us. (20) But you have been anointed by the Holy One, and you all have knowledge.

The Apostle John, in warning the church about the presence of the antichrist’s servants, explains to the true body of Christ why a group of people had abandoned them. They were not of us. They were not anointed by the Holy One. They were counterfeits.

Now, this means that these wicked ones were able to see that Christ’s true people were indwelt by His Spirit, and that they were not. Of course they would not have admitted this – they no doubt claimed to be the real thing, fine saints and all that. Nevertheless, they all detested Christ and all who truly belonged to Him.

This seems to me to indicate that they recognized something else. Namely, that THEY were one. That THEY were of the same brand. They departed together. They were not “of” these believers to whom John is writing. They didn’t like the smell of Christ’s people (we are a stench of death to those who are perishing). They knew who THEY were so like birds of a feather, they gathered against the truth of Christ and left.

I think that one RASN can recognize another RASN. And frankly, I think that this is very often the reason you see church leaders allying with RASNs in their churches. You know how it goes. Someone in the church is married to an abuser and the church leaders end up standing with the abuser rather than with the victim. The victim is either formally or informally put out of the church while the abuser remains a member or even an officer in good standing. The thing is mind-boggling, and yet it seems to me that the fog of confusion is largely lifted when we realize that the same species of fish gather together in schools.

Do I believe that this is always the explanation? No, but it may well explain things in many cases. RASNs stand together.

There is still another dynamic in all of this that I think needs to be mentioned too. And that is that ultimately RASNs will often turn on one another. If you have more than one narcissist in the room, eventually one or the other is going to demand to be top dog (apologies to my canine friends. I prefer their company any day to that of many people!). I bet that the group which left the church John wrote to did not stand together very long. I have seen all of this in action personally. Eventually they split up and go their separate ways. There just isn’t room for more than one of them in the same church.

Wise Words from J.C. Ryle – Following Christ is a Fight

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On July 10, 2023

In Biblical Teaching

True Christianity! Let us mind that word “true.” There is a vast quantity of religion current in the world which is not true, genuine Christianity. It passes muster, it satisfies sleepy consciences; but it is not good money. It is not the authentic reality that called itself Christianity in the beginning. There are thousands of men and women who go to churches and chapels every Sunday and call themselves Christians. They make a “profession” of faith in Christ. Their names are in the baptismal register. They are reckoned Christians while they live. They are married with a Christian marriage service. They mean to be buried as Christians when they die. But you never see any “fight” about their religion! Of spiritual strife and exertion and conflict and self denial and watching and warring they know literally nothing at all. Such Christianity may satisfy man, and those who say anything against it may be thought very hard and uncharitable; but it certainly is not the Christianity of the Bible. It is not the religion which the Lord Jesus founded and His apostles preached. It is not the religion which produces real holiness. True Christianity is “a fight.”

The true Christian is called to be a soldier and must behave as such from the day of his conversion to the day of his death. He is not meant to live a life of religious ease, indolence and security. He must never imagine for a moment that he can sleep and doze along the way to heaven, like one traveling in an easy carriage. If he takes his standard of Christianity from the children of this world, he may be content with such notions, but he will find no countenance for them in the Word of God. If the Bible is the rule of his faith and practice, he will find his course laid down very plainly in this matter. He must “fight.”

With whom is the Christian soldier meant to fight? Not with other Christians. Wretched indeed is that man’s idea of religion who fancies that it consists in perpetual controversy! He who is never satisfied unless he is engaged in some strife between church and church, chapel and chapel, sect and sect, faction and faction, party and party, knows nothing yet as he ought to know. No doubt it may be absolutely needful sometimes to appeal to law courts in order to ascertain the right interpretation of a church’s articles and rubrics and formularies. But, as a general rule, the cause of sin is never so much helped as when Christians waste their strength in quarreling with one another and spend their time in petty squabbles.

No, indeed! The principal fight of the Christian is with the world, the flesh and the devil. These are his never-dying foes. These are the three chief enemies against whom he must wage war. Unless he gets the victory over these three, all other victories are useless and vain. If he had a nature like an angel, and were not a fallen creature, the warfare would not be so essential. But with a corrupt heart, a busy devil and an ensnaring world, he must either “fight” or be lost.

[Sermonindex.net J.C. Ryle, The Fight]

Are you in a battle with evil? So is every true Christian. Are you hated by this world and its people? So is every true Christian. Have you suffered loss at the hands of wicked men? So has every true Christian.

In fact, where there is no fight with the world, the flesh and the devil, there is no faith. No salvation. No new birth. We must examine ourselves? Has my profession of Christ every cost me anything? Does the world scorn and mock me – or am I quite popular with the “earth dwellers”?

These are points for self-inquiry. But they are also points of real encouragement for the true Christian. True faith is a fighting faith. The New Birth removes us from Satan’s camp and places us in the kingdom of Christ. And the battle rages. It will rage until Christ the King returns.

Are you in the fight?

“You Talked About Me” – The Unpardonable Sin

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On July 5, 2023

In Abusers, Evil

Mat 15:12-14 Then the disciples *came and *said to Him, “Do You know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this statement?” (13) But He answered and said, “Every plant which My heavenly Father did not plant shall be uprooted. (14) “Let them alone; they are blind guides of the blind. And if a blind man guides a blind man, both will fall into a pit.”

One of the chief ways a RASN’s wrath is ignited is when he/she learns that their victim told someone about the RASN’s sins and tactics. They become a fire-breathing dragon seeking revenge.

Here is the irony. The RASN commits evil deeds daily. He views himself as a god and demands worship. YOU are to supply him that adoration – that is your only purpose. But over time, you begin to realize that this little tyrant is very abusive. As the fog of his deceit begins to clear a bit, you see this abuse. How he works to elevate himself and magnify his superiority over all others. How he is driven by a profound sense of entitlement. How he is devoid of love and empathy.

And so, you tell. You talk about these evil deeds to someone. If you are lucky, that someone listens and understands and validates your observations. It is a great help to unload.

But what happens if the RASN finds out? He learns that you “talked.” Does he respond by being grieved that he has made you feel the way you do? Does he acknowledge the many selfish, wicked, self-promoting sins he is guilty of? You know the answer – NO! Never, ever will a RASN respond in sorrow, in empathy, or in repentance. Never, ever will his concern be to heal and restore the relationship. Instead, his response will be (you can count on it) rage, an intense desire to punish and exact revenge. You told. You talked about him.

Suddenly all the evils he has done are swept off the table. His sins don’t matter. The only thing on the agenda now is your unpardonable sin – you talked. You told. It is irrelevant that he tried to destroy your successes. It is irrelevant that he worked to turn family and friends against you. It is irrelevant that his claim to be a Christian is shown to be false by the rotten fruit of his life. It is irrelevant that he committed adultery or that his habitual words are reviling, assaulting, missiles launched from his mouth. NONE of this now has any bearing at all. It’s as if he, as judge, has ruled all his evils inadmissible in his courtroom. The ONLY “sin” to be punished is yours – you talked. You told.

This was the typical response of the Pharisees to Jesus when He exposed them. They were “offended.” They hated Him because He shone light upon what and who they really were.

I have experienced this many times. Once, a woman phoned me. She had been a church member for years and her husband had recently died. She called and she said, “Pastor, I just wanted to let you know why I haven’t been in church lately. I can’t come to church right now because I am in a ‘relationship.'” I asked her for further details. She said “well, I am in a relationship with a man.” “Please define this ‘relationship.” “We are dating,” she said.

It was now time to get down to it – “Are you having sex with him?” “Well, yes. As a matter of fact he is living here with me in my house. But I think I can lead him to Jesus.”

What was she after? She actually was demanding that I respond with some kind of acceptance, something like – “Oh, I know its been hard. I understand. God understands. He is very forgiving.”

That was not my response. I told her she must repent of this sin, break off this sinful relationship, and never see him again. She refused. And before very long after this, she phoned me and raged at me for “talking about her.” I was never really sure exactly what she meant by this – her sin was open for all to see. It didn’t take long. But she raged. I had talked, she said. Her evil sin was no longer to be discussed. It was as if her sin never happened. It was irrelevant. All that mattered was, I told.

This thing is of the devil. He is a liar and a deceived, and so are his servants. No matter to them that they have rebelled against the Lord of the universe. No matter to them that they have brought the curse, murder, darkness, death, and every other evil thing upon all creation. No matter. The only thing that matters is that the Son of God has come into this world to destroy the works of the devil. To expose him for all to see. To defeat him at the cross, and one day to cast him into hell forever. How dare He? How dare the Lord talk about the devil!

Thus the old serpent rages and seeks revenge. The Day is coming when the only relevant subject will be his evil, his sins, and the sins of all who followed him.

Freedom of Thought is Not Allowed

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On July 3, 2023

In Abusers

Rom 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Eph 1:16-18 I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, (17) that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, (18) having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints,

Sin has darkened the mind of the unbeliever. It darkened OUR minds before the Lord shone His light upon us and regenerated us. His work of transforming our minds, of increasing the light in our thinking, is part of His ongoing work of sanctification in us.

One aspect of this transformation of mind is that we are less and less deceived by Satan’s lies. We increasingly see evil for what it is and we recognize righteousness more and more.

The wicked one does not like this business. He prefers to keep us in darkness. Through his lies and deceptions he intends to interfere with the Lord’s transforming work in us.

Enter the RASN, the servant of the devil.

RASN’s want to dictate to us not only what we say, but what we think. They actually work to force us to think the thoughts they insist upon. As you consider this more carefully, you begin to realize the incredible nature of this kind of propagandizing control.

In any tyranny, propaganda is the common instrument of “group think.” And anyone to dares to think thoughts not in line with the “company,” is deemed an enemy of the regime and either “re-programmed” or murdered.

Your RASN is just such a tyrant in his/her little kingdom. He is constantly at work ensuring that his target only think approved thoughts. It isn’t merely that the target is not permitted to SPEAK such thoughts. It goes further. They are not allowed to THINK thoughts which are the truth about the RASN’s wickedness.

So, for example – if a victim of the RASN speaks truth about the RASN, it is the result of a kind of renewing of the mind. An enlightenment which exposes the evil one’s deceptions. It is this mind renewal, these true and new realizations that the RASN hates and works to destroy. The priesthood of an idol temple not only wants outer conformity – bowing down to the idol – like Antichrist, it demands that people really BELIEVE in their thoughts that the Baal is god.

See it? When you are the target of a RASN, war is being waged against your right as a human being to even think truth, let alone speak it. Unlike a normal person who realizes that someone does not think highly of them or does not really like them, and therefore walks away, the RASN declares war. How DARE you think any thoughts except that the RASN is a god.

To live under the tyranny of a RASN is to live in bondage. It is to live in a kingdom run by a tyrant who dictates not only what you can or cannot do, but who demands that you only think the thoughts he/she allows.

Therefore, as the Lord increasingly enlightens the minds of His people, there is necessarily going to be a war – a war between truth and falsehood, between light and darkness, between good and evil.

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