Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

“You Talked About Me” – The Unpardonable Sin

Mat 15:12-14 Then the disciples *came and *said to Him, “Do You know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this statement?” (13) But He answered and said, “Every plant which My heavenly Father did not plant shall be uprooted. (14) “Let them alone; they are blind guides of the blind. And if a blind man guides a blind man, both will fall into a pit.”

One of the chief ways a RASN’s wrath is ignited is when he/she learns that their victim told someone about the RASN’s sins and tactics. They become a fire-breathing dragon seeking revenge.

Here is the irony. The RASN commits evil deeds daily. He views himself as a god and demands worship. YOU are to supply him that adoration – that is your only purpose. But over time, you begin to realize that this little tyrant is very abusive. As the fog of his deceit begins to clear a bit, you see this abuse. How he works to elevate himself and magnify his superiority over all others. How he is driven by a profound sense of entitlement. How he is devoid of love and empathy.

And so, you tell. You talk about these evil deeds to someone. If you are lucky, that someone listens and understands and validates your observations. It is a great help to unload.

But what happens if the RASN finds out? He learns that you “talked.” Does he respond by being grieved that he has made you feel the way you do? Does he acknowledge the many selfish, wicked, self-promoting sins he is guilty of? You know the answer – NO! Never, ever will a RASN respond in sorrow, in empathy, or in repentance. Never, ever will his concern be to heal and restore the relationship. Instead, his response will be (you can count on it) rage, an intense desire to punish and exact revenge. You told. You talked about him.

Suddenly all the evils he has done are swept off the table. His sins don’t matter. The only thing on the agenda now is your unpardonable sin – you talked. You told. It is irrelevant that he tried to destroy your successes. It is irrelevant that he worked to turn family and friends against you. It is irrelevant that his claim to be a Christian is shown to be false by the rotten fruit of his life. It is irrelevant that he committed adultery or that his habitual words are reviling, assaulting, missiles launched from his mouth. NONE of this now has any bearing at all. It’s as if he, as judge, has ruled all his evils inadmissible in his courtroom. The ONLY “sin” to be punished is yours – you talked. You told.

This was the typical response of the Pharisees to Jesus when He exposed them. They were “offended.” They hated Him because He shone light upon what and who they really were.

I have experienced this many times. Once, a woman phoned me. She had been a church member for years and her husband had recently died. She called and she said, “Pastor, I just wanted to let you know why I haven’t been in church lately. I can’t come to church right now because I am in a ‘relationship.'” I asked her for further details. She said “well, I am in a relationship with a man.” “Please define this ‘relationship.” “We are dating,” she said.

It was now time to get down to it – “Are you having sex with him?” “Well, yes. As a matter of fact he is living here with me in my house. But I think I can lead him to Jesus.”

What was she after? She actually was demanding that I respond with some kind of acceptance, something like – “Oh, I know its been hard. I understand. God understands. He is very forgiving.”

That was not my response. I told her she must repent of this sin, break off this sinful relationship, and never see him again. She refused. And before very long after this, she phoned me and raged at me for “talking about her.” I was never really sure exactly what she meant by this – her sin was open for all to see. It didn’t take long. But she raged. I had talked, she said. Her evil sin was no longer to be discussed. It was as if her sin never happened. It was irrelevant. All that mattered was, I told.

This thing is of the devil. He is a liar and a deceived, and so are his servants. No matter to them that they have rebelled against the Lord of the universe. No matter to them that they have brought the curse, murder, darkness, death, and every other evil thing upon all creation. No matter. The only thing that matters is that the Son of God has come into this world to destroy the works of the devil. To expose him for all to see. To defeat him at the cross, and one day to cast him into hell forever. How dare He? How dare the Lord talk about the devil!

Thus the old serpent rages and seeks revenge. The Day is coming when the only relevant subject will be his evil, his sins, and the sins of all who followed him.


Freedom of Thought is Not Allowed


Wise Words from J.C. Ryle – Following Christ is a Fight


  1. Seeker

    Yes, this is spot on. The very worst rage I ever experienced from my RASN, where he was completely out of control and at the point of losing sanity he was so enraged, was when I revealed that he had an anger problem to my family, and to his sister, who offered me a ride so I could get out of the house for a few days. He ranted and raved over and over that I had “betrayed him to his enemies,” whatever that means. It was at that time that I truly realized how crazy and delusional he was, because he truly, truly believed that me merely telling others that he had an anger problem was a FAR worse crime than his years and years of vile abuse! It’s completely irrational.

    • This reveals just how devoid RASNs are of any desire or ability to self-examine. They are so enslaved to being shamed by exposure that they gnash their teeth in rage. Think of those who murdered Jesus, or the murderers of Stephen, or those who were exposed by the Old Testament prophets. Their evil is to be disregarded as if it didn’t exist. How dare you talk about it!

  2. Lynn

    We must remember that RASNs become irrational animals when they think they’ve been exposed. 2 Peter 2:12-13a highlights this sentiment when it tells us exactly what RASNs are. “But these, like irrational animals, creatures of instinct, born to be caught and destroyed, blaspheming about matters of which they are ignorant, will also be destroyed in their destruction, suffering wrong as the wage for their wrongdoing…”

    We must remember they view themselves as gods. Anything you do to expose that lie – regardless of intent – is going to be treated as if you’ve betrayed them. They cannot see the wickedness of their own actions and demand others behave ignore their evil and act as if nothing happened. They refuse to self reflect and will not take responsibility when they inflict harm. These two attributes are 🚩 to watch out for.

    In the end, RASNs will get the justice they so aptly deserve. It may not seem like it now, but God promises his children he will repay them for their wicked deeds. He will inflict vengeance on his enemies and those who hurt his people.

    Find comfort in knowing that the justice that awaits them in eternity is perfect, complete and eternal. Once we are in the presence of God, we will never have to see, hear, feel or experience any more of their abuse. We will be free, healed, and made whole as we live with our Heavenly Father, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and God’s people throughout history in the new heaven and new earth. Do all you can to learn how to walk in that freedom now. For whom the son sets free is free indeed.

  3. Anne

    Such a true commentary on an abuser’s thought processes. My mother responded in just the way you describe when some Christian friends of mine challenged her. “How dare you talk about me etc”. I was too cowed by her to challenge her. Then my former husband carried on the “good work”. I don’t know how I’m going to recover from the things he did, eg make me destroy my credit card, and the total lack of empathy, the cruel stare. And to add insult to injury the fact that church leaders did not support me.

    • Anne – you aren’t alone. If you know Christ and thus belong to Him, one day you will recover and thrive. In fact He is healing you now by revealing to you how wicked these evil ones are and what their tactics are. Increasingly we are able to say, “I know who and what you are.”

  4. Cordelia

    I see another poster has the same name as myself, “Anne” so I have changed my user name to Cordelia.

    What I find so awesome is that I can come to this group and post the truth about the monster that tried to destroy me and he can’t do a thing about it! I LOVE IT!

    In true narcissistic, abuser form, having already garnered another victim, has uprooted her several times within short periods of time, after she left her family to be his wife, I mean his narcissistic supply *slave.* SO THANKFUL this is not my life anymore! Right on cue, he has lied to everyone about why he ‘changed jobs’ as in got fired! From everything I could find, it’s been clearly reported by former employees (during the term he was there) that they style of management was: abusive! More validation that what I have spoken about him is true. If these monsters exhibit this kind of treatment in public it doesn’t take much to understand what they have done to us victims in private.

    So there loser/abuser, I just talked about you and I will continue to do so here, there, and everywhere, because the more I do the more people I come across that say, ‘I always thought there was something weird about him’ or ‘I never did like him.’ BAM!


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *