Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 15 of 88

Abusive Tactics: The Kiss of Judas

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On January 23, 2024

In Abusers

Luke 22:47-48 ESV  While he was still speaking, there came a crowd, and the man called Judas, one of the twelve, was leading them. He drew near to Jesus to kiss him, (48)  but Jesus said to him, “Judas, would you betray the Son of Man with a kiss?”

It is the nature of sin to deceive and destroy.  Satan is the father of lies and he was a murderer from the beginning.  He deceives in order to destroy.  These elements are really present in the heart of any sin, but we see them very clearly illustrated in the nature, mentality, and tactics of the abuser.  This is why I maintain that any pastor or any Christian who desires to know the nature of evil, how we can expect it to operate, and how it thinks, can do nothing better than to study domestic violence and abuse in depth.

This will resonate with abuse victims.  The kiss of Judas.  They have received it.  Their abuser, claiming to love them and have their welfare at heart, professing to be a servant of Christ, kisses with his lips while holding a concealed dagger in his hand.  Christians, of all people, should be aware of this, because Scripture plainly tells us these things.  But Judas was good at his craft and so are his offspring.  Jesus was never deceived by him of course, but the rest of the disciples were, and they were in rather intimate contact with him for 2-3 years.

John 12:3-6 ESV  Mary therefore took a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. (4)  But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples (he who was about to betray him), said, (5)  “Why was this ointment not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?” (6)  He said this, not because he cared about the poor, but because he was a thief, and having charge of the moneybag he used to help himself to what was put into it.

I don’t know if anyone knows if Judas was married or not, but imagine being his wife!  Ah, an eminent apostle of Christ!  What a lucky woman!
In the end, Judas went out and hanged himself.  And so it will be for all wicked, deceitful, abusive human beings who persist in their evil and refuse to repent.  That great Day is coming when everything is going to be brought to light and when much that is being done in Jesus’ name today will be found out to be wood, hay, and stubble.  The chaff will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous (Psalm 1).  Judas can kiss all he wants.  It will do him no good.

[Originally published in December, 2018]

You are of use to the RASN as long as you flatter him

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On January 17, 2024

In Churches/Church Response

Psa 36:2 For he flatters himself in his own eyes that his iniquity cannot be found out and hated.

The wicked (RASNs for our purposes here)…refuse to entertain anything that does not flatter them. As the Psalmist notes, the wicked flatter themselves so as to refuse to see any iniquity in them. The sin, the guilt, the blame is always projected onto someone else. RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) have an astonishing lack of ability to self-examine.

As a result, other people have only one use for the RASN – to be used. And specifically, to be used for flattering and image-building of the RASN. In order to maintain a relationship (and it is a very toxic one) with such a person, you must continue to flatter them, to never point out any flaw in them. Stop doing this and you will no longer be of any use to the RASN.

Recently I was reading a sermon on Ephesians 4:1-5 preached long ago by John Calvin. Listen to what he said:

One of the evil extremes which are customary in this world is that a man will never be accepted by the world unless he flatters. Whoever means to be accepted must be one-eyed, and must shut his eyes when he sees a number of things in his friends worthy of blame.

Sermons on Ephesians, John Calvin, Banner of Truth

It’s true, is it not? If you want to advance in this world – in the workplace or in the church as examples – you must never speak ill of anyone whose favor you would have. You must flatter. That is how the world operates in its sin. Calvin goes on:

And yet in the meanwhile, is not such silence a breach of our faith? For we see that they whom we pretend to love are on the highway to destruction, and entirely hardened in their sin, and yet nevertheless, whereas we ought to waken them, or else to set a mirror before them so that they might see their shame and be ashamed of it, we turn a blind eye to it all. Instead of doing rightly, each one of us flatters the other and cloaks the things which ought to be sharply rebuked, insomuch that those flatteries are no better than plasters to ease the sore, and in the meanwhile to feed the rottenness within.

Ibid

This is in large part the explanation of why RASNs are typically not confronted in the local church. To do so would mean to suffer consequences of an enraged narcissist, to lose his support. Much better it seems to flatter him, to ignore his obvious evil, to throw his victim under the bus, and then we can “all just get along.”

The world’s way is flattery of the wicked. But that is not the Lord Jesus’ way. And it is not the loving way to deal with a person who is headed for hell.

Evildoers Demand Vague Language – The Lord Tells it Like it is

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On January 15, 2024

In Abusers, Churches/Church Response

2Sa 12:7 Nathan said to David, “You are the man!

I have seen in my 40 years as a pastor that wicked people who parade as Christians only grant “permission” for preaching in the church to go only “so far.” In most cases their demands prevail, the sermon is delivered in vagaries of application. No specifics. This permits the wicked hypocrite to continue in disguise, still able to hide in the pews.

The Lord does not preach that way. He does not yield to this wicked pressure – and neither must any pastor/preacher who would be a true servant of the Lord. But many if not most, do. They sense that line which must not be crossed. In fact, it is typical that most seminary classes on preaching instruct the students to never cross that line and blow the cover of any specific wolf among the flock.

The Lord does not preach that way. You see it in the prophet Nathan’s confrontation of King David after David had sinned so wickedly against his loyal servant Uriah. David had taken Uriah’s wife and ultimately murdered Uriah to cover David’s own sin. How did God’s prophet preach to David? Thou art the man! The Lord names names.

Now, this is not to imply that pastors ought to name names from the pulpit all the time. Cults do that as a means of control and abuse. Normally the Word of God is to be preached clearly and the Holy Spirit left to bring conviction to the sinner. But that is not what I am addressing here. What I have in mind is evil of this sort:

2Ti 4:14-15 Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. (15) Beware of him yourself, for he strongly opposed our message.

And there are many other examples of this specific identification of the wicked all through Scripture. Paul told the Corinthians that they were to put the man out form among them who was living in habitual gross immorality, and they all knew who he was talking about. He also gave this instruction in respect to church leaders who are walking in sin:

1Ti 5:20 As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest may stand in fear.

But evil hates this kind of light. Wicked one insist upon anonymity and they will lash out with all kinds of projecting and accusations if they are ever specifically identified. This is one primary reason RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) are able to operate unmolested in the church. They threaten, overtly or covertly, retaliation if anyone dare speak negatively of them. Their sin is to be covered and kept covered…or else. How many churches are in the control of such people and how many of their victims continue to suffer at their hands because no one will tell them, Thou are the man!?

But the Lord Jesus does not and did not operate this way:

Joh 8:44-45 You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies. (45) But because I tell the truth, you do not believe me.

No one is qualified to be a pastor or church leader if they are too cowardly to call out the evildoer. Most all of the pressure exerted upon pastors and local churches to “not cross that line” comes from the wicked themselves, parading as Bible doctrine when in fact it is a perversion of God’s Word.

The Lord Hates Bribery

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On January 10, 2024

In Churches/Church Response, Evil

Deu 16:19 You shall not pervert justice. You shall not show partiality, and you shall not accept a bribe, for a bribe blinds the eyes of the wise and subverts the cause of the righteous.

Bribery is in the news today – at least in news sources that want to expose it. We are seeing this evil at the highest levels of our nation. Payoffs. Hush money. Selling out national security for personal gain. The justice system being bought.

This is nothing new however. If you take a concordance or your computer Bible program and do a simple search for the word “bribe,” you will be surprised how often this wickedness is addressed by the Lord. For example:

Deu 10:17 For the LORD your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great, the mighty, and the awesome God, who is not partial and takes no bribe.

Deu 27:25 “‘Cursed be anyone who takes a bribe to shed innocent blood.’ And all the people shall say, ‘Amen.’

Psa 15:5 He who walks blamelessly….who does not put out his money at interest and does not take a bribe against the innocent. He who does these things shall never be moved.

Psa 15:5 who does not put out his money at interest and does not take a bribe against the innocent. He who does these things shall never be moved.

Pro 17:23 The wicked accepts a bribe in secret to pervert the ways of justice.

Pro 17:23 The wicked accepts a bribe in secret to pervert the ways of justice.

And on and on we could go. Bribery, I am sure we can say, is an evil that permeates our nation and the world. By definition it negates justice. It denies the rights of victims and enables the wicked. Bribery is the selling of souls. It is sacrificing the oppressed on the altar of greed.

How does this evil come into play when it comes to the oppression of abuse victims? The answer is plain – money changes hands in the justice system. If not literal cash, certainly for favors conferred. Justice is supposed to be blind (think of the justice statue with the balances – she is wearing a blindfold).

I wonder. On the day when Christ comes and judges the secrets of men, how many judges and other officials and politicians who are supposed to be giving justice to the oppressed…how many of them are going to have their secret acceptance of bribes put right up on the big screen for all to see? How much cash and how many benefits are being exchanged every single day which buy favor for the wicked and sell the rights of their victims? I suspect the answer will be astonishing.

Bribery disguises itself under various “acceptable” terms. Lobbying. Favors. Riders on proposed legislation. Business expenses. But at its heart it is always the same evil. It is the purchase of “justice” for the wicked. The one with the wealth can buy it while the poor are denied.

How many local churches and their leaders are bought in this way so that instead of defending the oppressed, they favor the wicked?

Jas 2:1-4 My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory. (2) For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, (3) and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, “You sit here in a good place,” while you say to the poor man, “You stand over there,” or, “Sit down at my feet,” (4) have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

And again-

Jas 5:4-6 Behold, the wages of the laborers who mowed your fields, which you kept back by fraud, are crying out against you, and the cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord of hosts. (5) You have lived on the earth in luxury and in self-indulgence. You have fattened your hearts in a day of slaughter. (6) You have condemned and murdered the righteous person. He does not resist you.

The day is coming. Justice is coming. Jesus is coming – and those who have sold justice by taking a bribe, who have oppressed the widow and orphan, are going to pay. There will be no mercy found for them. Only perfect and holy justice.

Dr. Les Carter Nails it Here

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On January 8, 2024

In Abusers, Evil, Narcissist, RASN

I cannot tell you how many times I have been caused misery by the narcissist Dr. Les Carter is describing here in this 15 minute clip. Be sure that you listen to it. This is how evil typically disguises itself among us and I have particularly found it to be so within churches. These kind will do all they can to use you and to ultimately destroy you if they can.

This is the Link – 8 Ways Narcissists Perpetuate Their Own Woundedness

NOTE: Don’t let the term “woundedness” lead you to pity the narcissist. That would be a mistake.

The Blinding Deceit of Spiritual Evil

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On January 3, 2024

In Abusers, Evil

Eph 6:12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

When I was a police officer years ago, I had little difficulty dealing with evil. Oh, sure, criminals and crooks lied and deceived but I could generally tell when someone was lying to me – at least with your average lawbreaker. And I had confidence in my ability to do so. The criminals were the enemy and I knew it. The thing was plain. On occasion I detected that a supposed “victim” of an armed robbery was actually lying, having invented the alleged robbery to cover the fact that he himself had stolen from his employer. Another time I knew that a lady was lying when she reported that someone had stolen her diamond ring from her car when she went inside the store.

But then I became a pastor. Now the thing was not nearly so clear cut. The enemy was, as they say, within. That is, within the congregation I shepherded. Liars. Hypocrites. RASNs in so many cases as we call them. And guess what happened? My confidence weakened. Clarity became foggier. This was a new kind of enemy and it was much, much more difficult because in fact, I really didn’t recognize the enemy as the enemy.

And this is what I want to point out to you in this post. I hope it will be encouraging to you. Your RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) wears a disguise. So that he/she does not look like what he really is. You start to see a red flag, then you end up blaming yourself for thinking such a thing. The confusion starts. The doubts, the self-blaming, the wrong diagnoses….

Why? The Scripture quoted above has the answer. Because I was then in a different kind of warfare. A spiritual warfare. Principalities and powers whose master is the author of lies. This was a whole new battlefield than the one I fought against flesh and blood. And NO ONE had prepared me for it.

When you are in a relationship with a RASN, you are dealing with someone who has the spiritual DNA of Satan. They tell the same lies. They make the same accusations. They wield the same tactics and weapons. That is why you get drawn in. It isn’t because you are stupid. It is because you haven’t been trained to recognize the enemy and to be wise in the ability to understand what bullets are being fired at you.

One fundamental truth that I had to learn is that not all Christians…are. That is to say, only a minority of people who claim to be Christians are truly born again, and some of these kind are willful hypocrites…wolves in wool as we call them. Prowlers prowling around looking for a victim.

Only by being in Christ, by being indwelt and led by the Holy Spirit, can you start seeing the truth. Christ opens our eyes and ears to what is truth and what is the devil’s lies. Without knowing Christ, you cannot truly even understand the Bible. You can read it and read it, but you will never “see” what God is really saying. And as a result, apart from Christ being in you, you can read a verse like the one quoted above, read it even 100 times….but you will never really get it.

So if you were duped by a RASN, don’t go too hard on yourself for being some kind of fool – your RASN will tell you that without you helping him. Just understand that this spiritual evil contains within its essence – a blinding, mind-boggling fog that is intended to keep its target from understanding what it really is.

The Psalmist’s Description of the Righteous – They do not hang out with the wicked

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On January 1, 2024

In Biblical Teaching, False Teaching

Psa 1:1-2 Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; (2) but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.

We are often pressured by professing Christians, pastors, so-called Christian books, etc., to continue to associate with the wicked. Oh, sure we may be told to never go into a bar or other places deemed to be centers of sin, but there is a real kind of cognitive dissonance in all this. By that, I mean that we are instructed not to hang with certain kinds of sinners, but then in seeming conflict with this we are told that we must, for instance, remain in a marriage to an evil spouse. Similarly we are pressured to “love” everyone, no matter how wicked their life nor how obvious their hypocrisy.

But what do we see here in God’s Word? What does David say about the person God blesses? About the righteous? He says this:

  • A godly person does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
  • A godly person does not stand in the way of sinners
  • A godly person does not sit in the seat of scoffers

Now, just how is anyone going to take that plain and obvious portrait of a true child of God and yet insist that we are to “lovingly” associate with people who are of just the opposite character? How can a Christian husband or wife be told that it is God’s decree that they remain married to a wicked, sinning, scoffing RASN?

Typically it would seem that so many professing Christians have so idolized marriage that they would edit Psalm 1 something like this:

Psa 1:1 Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked [unless you are married to them], nor stands in the way of sinners [unless you are married to them], nor sits in the seat of scoffers [Unless you are married to them];

Abuse is Murder in Slow Motion

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On December 27, 2023

In Abusers, Churches/Church Response, Narcissist, RASN

1Jn 3:14-15 We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. (15) Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.

I like to watch the “true crime” type programs – FBI Files, Real Crime, and so on. You can find scores of these episodes on You Tube. They are very instructive about evil, how justice is brought down upon the heads of the wicked, about how evil operates, and sadly, about how justice is sometimes not fully served. One of the regular themes you see in these stories is how the wicked imagine themselves to be able to get away with murder – and they ultimately become fools.

One of the recent programs I watched was the very sad story of incredible wickedness unleased upon a young woman in England. She went out on a date with a guy who worked where she was employed, realized he was not the person she wanted to have a relationship with after that, and turned down his subsequent requests for her to go out with him.

And then he began to stalk her.

He was everywhere. On the train she commuted on. Outside her apartment. At work in her department (even though he was supposed to work on a different floor). On the phone. In texts and emails (scores of which came sometimes every day).

She was reluctant to report this to the police because she felt ashamed that she had, she thought, been so stupid as to go out with such a person in the first place. Of course there was nothing to be ashamed of. We have all been duped by evil people. Nevertheless she was ashamed and it took quite some time more of this stalking before she finally went to the police.

Now, here is where the “system” failed her. Restraining orders were issued. This sociopath ignored them. He was arrested, but then permitted to go free with a warning. No matter to him. He kept showing up wherever she went. He continued to work where she worked even after she reported the stalking to her employer. He was arrested again, but posted bond and a trial date was set.

Then he disappeared. She thought the nightmare was finally over. Some months past with no sign of him. Where was he?

It turns out that he has left England and gone back to his native eastern European country. What was he doing there? Well, having once served in the military in that country, he was able to purchase a handgun. And he was practicing with it at the firing range. Then, the day came when he set out – with the gun – to return to London. Amazing as it was, he easily drove through the border station with no one detecting that he had a firearm.

And, finally, one day while this young lady was at work, a few minutes before closing time, this evil demon of a man crept into the store via a rear entrance (security had been warned about him after he had been terminated from his job there)…where no one saw him come in. He walked up behind this poor girl, shot her in the back of the head, then fired 3 more rounds into her face, then -coward that he was – turned the pistol on himself.

In the days after this horror, the victim’s mother stepped forward and took action, lobbying even at 10 Downing Street (where the Prime Minister was) for legislation to make stalking a serious crime. Stalking came to be seen for what it was, as one friend of the victim put it – Stalking is murder in slow motion. In states such as Oregon here in the U.S., stalking is a class a misdemeanor (up to one year in jail) and becomes a class C felony (5 years in prison) for a subsequent conviction. This is still not serious enough in my opinion.

Like stalking, domestic abuse effected by a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) is slow motion murder. God’s Word says so (see the Scripture quoted above). Abuse is murder. Spiritually and physically. If you know many survivors/victims of abuse, you also know that many, many, many of them (probably most) suffer from physical effects of abuse. You cannot live day by day, moment by moment, in a state of stress, being constantly on guard, walking on eggshells, having your immune system fired up on high alert, without being physically harmed – even if the abuser never physically assaults you. Abuse is a poison administered in doses day after day after day.

The Lord in His Word puts it plainly and clearly – if a husband or wife hates/abuses their spouse, they are guilty of murder. RASNs are murderers. And their evil, by the way, extends beyond marriage. RASNs target fellow employees. They target others in the church in order to get power and control. They murder family members by daily serving those doses of evil. And, let’s not forget, more often than we even want to know, RASNs literally kill their target. You read about these murders every week in the news.

Abuse is murder in slow motion. How many murderers are members of a local church, disguised as “just the finest Christian person you would ever know”?

What is Christmas Like With an Abuser?

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On December 25, 2023

In Abusers, Narcissist, RASN

Mat 1:23 “Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel” (which means, God with us).

Christmas should be a joyful, memorable day for many reasons – chief of which is the good news of the gospel, that God has provided us with a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. A Savior is born who is Christ, the Lord. In addition, Christmas should be a season of children being together with mom and dad, the family going to a Christmas Eve service at church, grandparents coming for the holidays – and more. I hope that all of you have such memories.

But…throw a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) into the mix and the night before Christmas turns into the nightmare before Christmas. As with everything the abuser touches, Christmas becomes just another means to exercise power and control and to punish anyone who dares to refuse to bow down and worship. Presents are purchased, or not purchased, for these devilish reasons. Silent treatments, child custody clashes, criticism of the tree decorations, the meal prepared, manipulation of relatives for the RASNs own purposes, and on and on it goes.

Perhaps some of you would like to share your experiences with these painful things here in the comments. You can bet that as we read one another’s stories we will see the same evil goals at work because RASNs are all schooled by their father the devil. I hope that in having the opportunity to share your stories here you will find some encouragement this Christmas season. Christ is born. He is our Savior. He loves His people, and nothing the wicked can do can ever separate us from that love.

The Mentality of the RASN Makes them a Fool

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On December 21, 2023

In Narcissist, RASN

Romans 1:22 Claiming to be wise, they became fools,

Only a fool worships an idol instead of the living and true God revealed to us in the Lord Jesus Christ. And so it is with the RASN (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists). RASNs worship the idol-god of self. They set themselves up as a god and demand to be worshipped. That is the only use they have for others – to provide this supply of worship.

But making oneself out to be God is the essence of evil madness. The Bible says over and over again that those who worship idols are blind, deaf, and fools. Isaiah mocks the idolater by describing a man who cuts down a tree, then uses half of it for firewood and the other half to carve into a god which he bows down to!

RASNs, as you know, regard themselves to be the wisest of the wise. They are superior. As such, they are entitled. They know, while you are an idiot. If you voice an opinion, they regard you with contempt and tell you to go back to your corner with a dunce hat on. And RASNs cannot hide this attitude indefinitely. They may try to keep the mask on but eventually that sneer of contempt for you forms on their face and in their tone which cannot be hidden.

RASNs become fools. They ARE fools. Their RASNhood leads them to say and do absolutely stupid things. Blinded by their self-exaltation, they lack discernment. They become near-sighted and take off running on some fools errand. For instance, they will arrogantly insist upon some particular opinion in a setting which no thinking person would voice such a thing. They launch out on actions without thinking through the outcome.

For example, if someone dares to deny them worship, or if someone dares to disagree with them or make a suggestion as to how the RASN might be wrong, the RASN will set out to punish and destroy. Think of the domestic abuser for instance. Here is his spouse working successfully in a career and advancing, making a very good salary. But the abuser cannot have that. It is a threat to his power, his control, and his superiority. So what does he do? He works to sabotage her success, even going so far as to cause her to lose her job. The result? He has just cut off the limb he was sitting on. Her success benefitted him in many ways. But being the fool that he is, he destroyed it all.

RASNs demand they be regarded as “right.” As being the one who knows. Whose opinions are to be accepted always. This wicked egoism drives people away and far from leading them to respect the RASN, instead results in them wanting nothing to do with him, let alone worship him.

RASNs are fools. They may have the highest academic degrees. They may possess great factual intelligence. But wisdom? Empty tank. Lacking love for others and wallowing in self-love, they show themselves to be the fools they are. The beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord but RASNs fear nothing except being exposed for what they are.

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