Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 14 of 89

It’s Always a Clean Slate for the RASN

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On March 14, 2024

In Abusers, RASN

And this second thing you do. You cover the LORD’s altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. (Malachi 2:13)

I have written on this subject before but it is such a prevalent tactic of the RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) that it bears repeating often.

Anyone who has experienced the abuse meted out by a RASN knows that we could make quite a long list of the sins and evils the RASN is guilty of. No empathy. Projection. Gaslighting. Minimizing. And on the list could go. Their slate of sins is lengthy.

However, when a RASN accuses their victim of one supposed wrong done to the RASN, suddenly it is as if the RASN’s list of crimes was one of those old “etch-a-sketch” toys that you just shake and all the writing goes away. Magic. In other words, the victim is required to regard the RASN’s slate as clean. Nothing on it is to be brought up. The ONLY “crime” to be considered is the one thing the victim is being accused of. That is to say, RASNs don’t admit to any guilt or wrongdoing. It is always the victim’s fault.

The RASN, having appointed himself judge and jury, regards himself as the arbiter who has the right to define what is going to be discussed in his courtroom and what is not admissible. Another way of describing this evil business is that RASNs, as they exercise illegal power and control, are a law unto themselves. They can do whatever they want to do and they insist that they are justified in doing so.

One way to see that you are being abused in this manner is to ask yourself, “am I always the one who is wrong?” “Is it always my fault?” Because this is a mark of a toxic relationship. It’s always your fault. Now, we are none of us perfect, but the probability that in every single scenario WE are the ones who are wrong, is pretty slim. I recommend ending any relationship, if possible, in which “it” is always your fault.

Don’t be Trapped by Perpetual Victimhood

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On March 11, 2024

In Getting Free

Joh 8:31-32 So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, “If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; (32) and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.”

This is a topic I have written about before, but it is also a topic which bears repeating. Perpetual victimhood is a trap that people who have been the target of evil, perpetrated by a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) can be trapped by. Perpetual victimhood will make a slave of a victim and even morph the, into the shape of the very one who abused them. Perpetual victims, in other words, can to one degree or another become abusive people themselves.

You may have come across such people. While every survivor of narcissistic abuse, for instance, experiences certain “trigger” scenarios which set off unpleasant emotions and in a sense “re-traumatize,” as time goes along – especially if the survivor is a real Christian – as time goes along, the Lord’s healing is at work. A Christian experiences the love of God and increasingly grows in believing the Lord’s promises. Promises, for instance, to one day deal with the wicked, to one day once and for all put an end to all suffering and crying and pain and evildoers. These truths are freedom! The truth really does set us free.

But where an abuse victim chooses to remain a victim, where victims do not believe in or focus upon the truth of God’s Word, this nasty business of perpetual victimhood can put down its roots.

Have you ever been around a perpetual victim? Just as they once had to walk on eggshells around their abuser, so now everyone around them must walk on eggshells, lest the trigger get pulled. Such people are angry, angry people who lash out at anyone who says or does something which they deem “insensitive.”

This is not a path any of us should go down. A choice to do so will erode and destroy any new relationship. I once had the unpleasant experience of knowing such a person. She was an angry, bitter, and yes…abusive person. Years earlier she had been in a marriage that was a disaster. But years later she had allowed herself to become what she once was the victim of. Her adult son told me one day “my mother is an angry, bitter person, but….” and what he went on to tell me is that myself and everyone else had better walk on eggshells around her and never rebuke her for her sin toward others. This lady had everyone in her circle enslaved and fearful lest they trigger her and set her off.

Christ sets us free. That lady did not know Christ, though she claimed to be a Christian. But her fruit evidenced that she was not. She had chosen to be a perpetual victim….and indeed, she became a perpetual victim of her own doing.

Our Tendency to Minimize Abuse – Even When we are the Target

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On March 6, 2024

In Evil

Psa 26:5 I hate the assembly of evildoers, and I will not sit with the wicked.

Does that statement seem harsh to you? Like overkill? I hate evildoers. They are wicked. Overboard, perhaps? But then, this is the Word of God. God Himself hates evildoers and the wicked.

Have you ever been struck with the realization that you tend to minimize evil that is done to you? In particular, when the perpetrator is a friend or supposed loved one? Can you look back over the years and now realize how you perhaps made excuses for that behavior? You realized it was wrong, but the full nastiness of the thing was not something you really comprehended.

I think this is a tendency in us, and probably even more so if we are a Christian. We don’t enjoy thinking the worst. We don’t think like an evildoer thinks. But then comes a kind of awakening moment – often quite a long time after the wrong done to us and it strikes us – “that was really wicked what he/she did to me.”

It seems to me that this may well help explain why we tolerate a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) for as long as we do. We don’t grasp the real evil of the evil. For myself, I have seen this in my own experience. Suddenly perhaps even years later a realization will strike. Not because I am embittered or looking for vengeance, but simply because I think the Holy Spirit shows it to me and I come to see the sinfulness of that sin.

It is very evil to revile someone. It is very evil to abuse someone to gain power and control. It is very, very evil to wrong someone repeatedly and have no conscience about doing so. It is incredibly wrong to function as a narcissist, insisting that you are entitled and superior to others. The Lord hates it. He sees it perfectly for what it is.

Bribery, The Magic Stone of the Wicked

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On March 1, 2024

In Blog News

Go Here to read my latest post by this title at Light for Dark Times –

Bribery, The Magic Stone

The Old, Old Story – RASN’s Claim to have “Changed”

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On February 26, 2024

In forgiveness, Getting Free, Narcissist, RASN

2Pe 2:22 What the true proverb says has happened to them: “The dog returns to its own vomit, and the sow, after washing herself, returns to wallow in the mire.”

As most of you know, I always tell abuse victims these two things: 1)Abusers never change, and 2) A marriage to an abuser does not need to be fixed, it needs to be ended. The wolves howl and protest loudly, accusing me of denying the “gospel.” According to their gospel, no one is ever beyond repentance and salvation. “My God is bigger than that. He can save anyone.”

That of course is false. God cannot save everyone. He cannot because His holiness will never be compromised by saving an unrepentant person. God cannot save Esau, for whom repentance was impossible. God cannot save the devil. God cannot save Pharaoh. He cannot save the apostate of Hebrews 6:4-6 –

Heb 6:4-6 For it is impossible, in the case of those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, and have shared in the Holy Spirit, (5) and have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the age to come, (6) and then have fallen away, to restore them again to repentance, since they are crucifying once again the Son of God to their own harm and holding him up to contempt.

“Christian” abusers and RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) are not your “typical” sinner. The old mantra “but we are all sinners” is a simplistic denial of the biblical truth that some kinds of sinners are more wicked than others. More hardened. You were born, like I was, into this world as a sinner in need of Christ. As much as we walked according to the course of this world and in agreement with the kingdom of darkness, I doubt that any of you were as evil as Ted Bundy or some other serial killer psychopath. You weren’t a Hitler.

Ted Bundy’s don’t change. Hitlers don’t change. If you want to know what they are going to do, just look at what they have been doing. And so it is with the domestic abuser. They sometimes even weep and wail when the consequences of their sin come down upon them and they are about to lose the power and control they lust for, but it all remains what it always has been and always will continue to be – just another tactic to keep power, control, and mastery over their target.

Let’s extrapolate further. Hell is going to be populated. There is a Lake of Fire in which all the wicked will one day be cast and where they will be tormented day and night forever and ever. Is there any indication in Scripture (in spite of the false Roman Catholic doctrine of Purgatory) that the Lake of Fire will effect repentance in even one of its inhabitants? Think about this. If ANYTHING should be able to “change” someone and effect their repentance, would you not think 10,000 years in the Lake of Fire would do it?

But it won’t. No one cast into the Lake of Fire will ever repent. They will weep and wail about themselves and how they are suffering so. In other words, they will continue to do what they have always done. Forever.

So don’t be drawn in by the false guilting of an abuser who claims to have changed. Who says he/she is oh so sorry. Who displays “fruit” of change. The whole thing is a sham meant to keep you right where you are – in abuse.

RASNs and All Tyrants are Robbers

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On February 23, 2024

In Abusers, Narcissist, RASN

1Ki 21:1-3 Now Naboth the Jezreelite had a vineyard in Jezreel, beside the palace of Ahab king of Samaria. (2) And after this Ahab said to Naboth, “Give me your vineyard, that I may have it for a vegetable garden, because it is near my house, and I will give you a better vineyard for it; or, if it seems good to you, I will give you its value in money.” (3) But Naboth said to Ahab, “The LORD forbid that I should give you the inheritance of my fathers.”

You all probably know how this wicked affair turned out. With the scheming of Jezebel, Ahab had Naboth murdered and then seized the vineyard for himself.

Tyrants are thieves and robbers. And RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) are tyrants. Power and control is what they are all about. They steal and seize what is not theirs to possess and they use all kinds of evil tactics to get it.

This is why we so often see economic abuse used by, for example, domestic abusers. They demand Naboth’s vineyard for themselves. They pursue legalized theft through the court system with the goal of stripping everything from their victim. Wherever there is an abuser, there is a tyrant and where there is a tyrant you can bet on it – there will be robbery. Seizure of goods which do not rightfully belong to them. Often those “goods” are the children.

When the RASN Demands that you Forgive

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On February 21, 2024

In forgiveness

Dr. Les Carter posted this excellent video dealing with this issue – should you forgive a narcissist (abuser) when they tell you that you need to forgive them. Here is the link –

You Must Forgive Me

The Best Insight into Evil and the RASN I have Found

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On February 19, 2024

In Abusers, Evil, Narcissist, RASN

Here is a bit of a long quote from the book I have already mentioned – Ann Rule’s Dead by Sunset. It is the testimony of Dr. Ron Turco, a psychiatrist who specialized in constructing psychological profiles for law enforcement investigators. Here, he is giving testimony about making such a profile of Brad Cunningham who was charged (and ultimately convicted of) with his ex-wife’s brutal murder in 1986. NOTE: In my opinion (and I am right!) no one is qualified to be a pastor or counselor who has not carefully read Dead by Sunset or by some other means of study become proficient in understanding the things Turco is describing here. Brad Cunningham was and is (life term in Oregon State Penitentiary) a remarkably cruel malignant narcissist who was so diabolically “gifted” at charming his targets that one must wonder if the serpent from Eden was the source of these evil gifts.

Here then is the quote. Note carefully what Turco says about the true self and the false self and then how exposure of the true self energizes and drives the malignant narcissist to punish, destroy, and even murder anyone exposing what he/she really is.

“Outward appearances are not very helpful,” Turco said. “At least, in the everyday behavior observed by strangers. This is what we call a ‘false self.’ The individual projects an image of what he is really not. It’s only in the intimate situation that you find what he is really about. That’s the so-called true self that is hidden.” Turco cited Dr. Jeffrey McDonald, the Green Beret doctor convicted of killing his wife and small daughters, as an example of an individual who projected the false self. “His public image was exemplary,” he said. Shinn reminded Turco and the jury of Brad Cunningham’s many achievements— his athletic stardom, his intelligence, his business career where literally millions of dollars were under his control, his love relationships with any number of beautiful, successful women. “It’s totally contradictory that he could do something like this [ie, savagely murder his ex-wife],” the prosecutor remarked.

“Not at all,” Turco said. “The ‘I-5 Killer’ [Randy Woodfield] fits the profile you just gave of Mr. Cunningham. He was a football player, well liked, had lots of girlfriends, very smooth, very social.” “That’s [Randy] Woodfield?” “Yes. Ted Bundy is another person who would fit that category. . . . We did the profile of Mr. Woodfield in 1980– 81. . . . It’s not unusual. That’s a typical pattern. It’s one of the reasons why these people surreptitiously murder. Why not just get a divorce? Why not just leave town? But these people maintain a facade— an image. In order to do so, these people have to destroy someone who can show that they don’t meet that image. They’re destroying the ‘evidence,’ so to speak. That’s one of the reasons they always profess to be innocent. In a sense, they even believe . . . that they had the right to do what they did. . . . It’s a narcissistic presentation . . . malignant narcissism.”

Rule, Ann. Dead by Sunset (pp. 416-417). Simon & Schuster, Inc.. Kindle Edition.

“Dead by Sunset’ (Ann Rule) Available in Kindle Right Now for $1.99

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On February 15, 2024

In Blog News

I recommended this great book recently and a friend told me today that it is available on Amazon Kindle for only $1.99. Also, it was suggested that I give a caution regarding some of the graphic portions of the book – it may be too triggering for some. This wicked man, Brad Cunningham, brutally murdered Cheryl Keeton and the descriptions of the crime scene are unsettling. Nevertheless, this book is a huge education in domestic abuse, psychopaths, malignant narcissists and all sorts of evil.

RASNs and their spirit of vengeance

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On February 14, 2024

In Abusers, RASN

Brad had pried out the fireplace insert, taken down light fixtures, and generally dismantled and removed everything that could possibly be carried away. Lightbulbs, fireplace screens, towel racks, Sara could not imagine what use he had for them; no, Brad was simply leaving his signature.

Rule, Ann. Dead by sunset (p. 360). Simon & Schuster, Inc. Kindle Edition

Revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists – RASNs leave a trail of destruction and sometimes even literal murder (like Brad Cunningham). But the same spirit of cruel vengeance is in all of them. Driven by the mindset of entitlement to control and power, they use their evil tactics to force their targeted victim to submit…or else.

This spirit of vengeance is what impels so many domestic abusers to engage in those endless child custody battles. They know that the children are precious to the abuse victim and thus become instruments by which to continue the abuse and “punishment.” Abusers typically do not truly care about the children, though they will loudly express their “love” for them.

Of course there are countless other ways to inflict vengeance on their victim. “I am going to show you what happens when you don’t obey me.” There are financial tactics, cruelty to a beloved pet, vandalism of property, false accusations, court proceedings, efforts to sabotage the victim’s career, lies meant to alienate friends and family….and on and on the arsenal goes. All driven by “how dare you defy me!”

RASNs wear a disguise – especially if their chosen venue of operation is that of religion. These wolves in wool wear the guise of the most eminent “saint” in the church. But that disguise will be seen to slip whenever someone goes against them, or is even perceived as going against them. This is why so many local churches are actually enslaved to one or two wicked people. The Apostle John had to deal with it:

3Jn 1:9-10 I have written something to the church, but Diotrephes, who likes to put himself first, does not acknowledge our authority. (10) So if I come, I will bring up what he is doing, talking wicked nonsense against us. And not content with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers, and also stops those who want to and puts them out of the church.

Watch for this spirit of vengeance. When you see it, you know you are dealing with a Diotrephes. Like their father the devil, RASNs demand power and control and work tirelessly to punish anyone who will not bow down to them.

Page 14 of 89

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