Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 13 of 85

Abuse is Murder in Slow Motion

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On December 27, 2023

In Abusers, Churches/Church Response, Narcissist, RASN

1Jn 3:14-15 We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. (15) Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.

I like to watch the “true crime” type programs – FBI Files, Real Crime, and so on. You can find scores of these episodes on You Tube. They are very instructive about evil, how justice is brought down upon the heads of the wicked, about how evil operates, and sadly, about how justice is sometimes not fully served. One of the regular themes you see in these stories is how the wicked imagine themselves to be able to get away with murder – and they ultimately become fools.

One of the recent programs I watched was the very sad story of incredible wickedness unleased upon a young woman in England. She went out on a date with a guy who worked where she was employed, realized he was not the person she wanted to have a relationship with after that, and turned down his subsequent requests for her to go out with him.

And then he began to stalk her.

He was everywhere. On the train she commuted on. Outside her apartment. At work in her department (even though he was supposed to work on a different floor). On the phone. In texts and emails (scores of which came sometimes every day).

She was reluctant to report this to the police because she felt ashamed that she had, she thought, been so stupid as to go out with such a person in the first place. Of course there was nothing to be ashamed of. We have all been duped by evil people. Nevertheless she was ashamed and it took quite some time more of this stalking before she finally went to the police.

Now, here is where the “system” failed her. Restraining orders were issued. This sociopath ignored them. He was arrested, but then permitted to go free with a warning. No matter to him. He kept showing up wherever she went. He continued to work where she worked even after she reported the stalking to her employer. He was arrested again, but posted bond and a trial date was set.

Then he disappeared. She thought the nightmare was finally over. Some months past with no sign of him. Where was he?

It turns out that he has left England and gone back to his native eastern European country. What was he doing there? Well, having once served in the military in that country, he was able to purchase a handgun. And he was practicing with it at the firing range. Then, the day came when he set out – with the gun – to return to London. Amazing as it was, he easily drove through the border station with no one detecting that he had a firearm.

And, finally, one day while this young lady was at work, a few minutes before closing time, this evil demon of a man crept into the store via a rear entrance (security had been warned about him after he had been terminated from his job there)…where no one saw him come in. He walked up behind this poor girl, shot her in the back of the head, then fired 3 more rounds into her face, then -coward that he was – turned the pistol on himself.

In the days after this horror, the victim’s mother stepped forward and took action, lobbying even at 10 Downing Street (where the Prime Minister was) for legislation to make stalking a serious crime. Stalking came to be seen for what it was, as one friend of the victim put it – Stalking is murder in slow motion. In states such as Oregon here in the U.S., stalking is a class a misdemeanor (up to one year in jail) and becomes a class C felony (5 years in prison) for a subsequent conviction. This is still not serious enough in my opinion.

Like stalking, domestic abuse effected by a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) is slow motion murder. God’s Word says so (see the Scripture quoted above). Abuse is murder. Spiritually and physically. If you know many survivors/victims of abuse, you also know that many, many, many of them (probably most) suffer from physical effects of abuse. You cannot live day by day, moment by moment, in a state of stress, being constantly on guard, walking on eggshells, having your immune system fired up on high alert, without being physically harmed – even if the abuser never physically assaults you. Abuse is a poison administered in doses day after day after day.

The Lord in His Word puts it plainly and clearly – if a husband or wife hates/abuses their spouse, they are guilty of murder. RASNs are murderers. And their evil, by the way, extends beyond marriage. RASNs target fellow employees. They target others in the church in order to get power and control. They murder family members by daily serving those doses of evil. And, let’s not forget, more often than we even want to know, RASNs literally kill their target. You read about these murders every week in the news.

Abuse is murder in slow motion. How many murderers are members of a local church, disguised as “just the finest Christian person you would ever know”?

What is Christmas Like With an Abuser?

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On December 25, 2023

In Abusers, Narcissist, RASN

Mat 1:23 “Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel” (which means, God with us).

Christmas should be a joyful, memorable day for many reasons – chief of which is the good news of the gospel, that God has provided us with a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. A Savior is born who is Christ, the Lord. In addition, Christmas should be a season of children being together with mom and dad, the family going to a Christmas Eve service at church, grandparents coming for the holidays – and more. I hope that all of you have such memories.

But…throw a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) into the mix and the night before Christmas turns into the nightmare before Christmas. As with everything the abuser touches, Christmas becomes just another means to exercise power and control and to punish anyone who dares to refuse to bow down and worship. Presents are purchased, or not purchased, for these devilish reasons. Silent treatments, child custody clashes, criticism of the tree decorations, the meal prepared, manipulation of relatives for the RASNs own purposes, and on and on it goes.

Perhaps some of you would like to share your experiences with these painful things here in the comments. You can bet that as we read one another’s stories we will see the same evil goals at work because RASNs are all schooled by their father the devil. I hope that in having the opportunity to share your stories here you will find some encouragement this Christmas season. Christ is born. He is our Savior. He loves His people, and nothing the wicked can do can ever separate us from that love.

The Mentality of the RASN Makes them a Fool

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On December 21, 2023

In Narcissist, RASN

Romans 1:22 Claiming to be wise, they became fools,

Only a fool worships an idol instead of the living and true God revealed to us in the Lord Jesus Christ. And so it is with the RASN (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists). RASNs worship the idol-god of self. They set themselves up as a god and demand to be worshipped. That is the only use they have for others – to provide this supply of worship.

But making oneself out to be God is the essence of evil madness. The Bible says over and over again that those who worship idols are blind, deaf, and fools. Isaiah mocks the idolater by describing a man who cuts down a tree, then uses half of it for firewood and the other half to carve into a god which he bows down to!

RASNs, as you know, regard themselves to be the wisest of the wise. They are superior. As such, they are entitled. They know, while you are an idiot. If you voice an opinion, they regard you with contempt and tell you to go back to your corner with a dunce hat on. And RASNs cannot hide this attitude indefinitely. They may try to keep the mask on but eventually that sneer of contempt for you forms on their face and in their tone which cannot be hidden.

RASNs become fools. They ARE fools. Their RASNhood leads them to say and do absolutely stupid things. Blinded by their self-exaltation, they lack discernment. They become near-sighted and take off running on some fools errand. For instance, they will arrogantly insist upon some particular opinion in a setting which no thinking person would voice such a thing. They launch out on actions without thinking through the outcome.

For example, if someone dares to deny them worship, or if someone dares to disagree with them or make a suggestion as to how the RASN might be wrong, the RASN will set out to punish and destroy. Think of the domestic abuser for instance. Here is his spouse working successfully in a career and advancing, making a very good salary. But the abuser cannot have that. It is a threat to his power, his control, and his superiority. So what does he do? He works to sabotage her success, even going so far as to cause her to lose her job. The result? He has just cut off the limb he was sitting on. Her success benefitted him in many ways. But being the fool that he is, he destroyed it all.

RASNs demand they be regarded as “right.” As being the one who knows. Whose opinions are to be accepted always. This wicked egoism drives people away and far from leading them to respect the RASN, instead results in them wanting nothing to do with him, let alone worship him.

RASNs are fools. They may have the highest academic degrees. They may possess great factual intelligence. But wisdom? Empty tank. Lacking love for others and wallowing in self-love, they show themselves to be the fools they are. The beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord but RASNs fear nothing except being exposed for what they are.

Why did I Marry Him (or Her)?

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On December 18, 2023

In Abusers, Family/Children, Narcissist, RASN

Psa 127:1-5 A Song of Ascents. Of Solomon. Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. (2) It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. (3) Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. (4) Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. (5) Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

As you all know, RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) can be a man or a woman. But in this post I want to show you a dangerous pattern which I have seen more than once which led a woman to marry a RASN. The pattern could be illustrated from a man’s perspective as well, with a few different nuances.

“Why did I marry him?” I have had more than one abuse victim ask me that, or really, ask themselves, this question. Looking back, having gone through or being in the middle of the pain of marriage to an evil person. they ask “why did I marry him?” While there are no doubt a number of different answers to that question, I want to show you one which, as I said, I have come across more than once. It is this: she married him because she believed he would help her achieve her dreams.

Now, of course to a degree that reason is what should be part of marriage, right? The desire to have a one-flesh companion, the desire to have a family, the desire to raise up children in the Lord – all good desires. But as with anything, “good” things projected too far lose their goodness.

I suppose we might call this trap the “doll-house dream.” Little girls play with their dolls and their doll-houses. They live in the house through the person of their doll. They cook dinner. They bathe the children. They greet the husband. And as they grow up, that doll-house world becomes their dream. In their teen years they chat with their friends and share their dream for a real doll-house world.

But a dream in one thing. When it becomes an idol – trouble is lurking just around the corner. That dream-idol, that doll house which she just has to have, can drive her to marry the wrong man for the wrong reasons. “Let’s see, can that guy give me my idol-world? What is his career choice? What are his ambitions? What do people think of him? Can he give me a world that other people envy?

RASNs as you know are quite skilled at playing these kind of roles. They might very well have a career that is enviable and which provides the resources to get that doll-house. He might have a reputation in the world which others admire. He may be praised in the church for his saintliness. But….as time goes by, the dream becomes a nightmare.

Idolatry blinds us. When I pursue an image, a reputation, wealth and success in this world as my goal in life, even if that image on the surface looks admirable, I am going to be blinded by that idol. Marriage, family, a home…certainly can all be very good things. But a good thing elevated to the status of a god, is demonic and devastating.

It is very sad to watch a young woman starting out in life with great promise, headed into her life apparently walking with Christ, and then being swept away from that godly walk by “Mr. Wonderful” who plays her to her doll-house dream. Slowly (or perhaps even very quickly) Christ is moved to the background (oh, of course, the doll-house dream will include church on Sundays, she tells herself), and her energies are given to the dream. The magic of the wedding ring, the wedding ceremony, sets her head spinning and admiring eyes reinforce that dream.

Years later, there she is. Asking herself – “Why did I marry him?” Why is she asking? Because the doll-house dream which became an idol deceived her and led her into marriage with a RASN. It is a sad scenario.

Now, this thing is not easy for me to describe and I do not want any of you to read it and get the idea that I am saying that all abuse victims “did it” to themselves by pursuing this idol. No one deserves to be abused and RASNs are liars and deceivers and can dupe anyone. I am just trying to point out a particular danger – a pattern which I have come across more than once.

What does a truly godly person look like? Who is that real Christian man with whom a godly woman can be blessed to spend her life with? Well, he may not be envied by the crowds. He may not select a career that will provide a lot of wealth. But the love of Christ is in him, and that is the kind of husband or wife whom the Lord blesses.

Pro 16:19 It is better to be of a lowly spirit with the poor than to divide the spoil with the proud.

Part 2 of Jeff Crippen’s Interview on America Out Loud

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On December 15, 2023

In Blog News

On December 9th (I’m late getting this post published) part 2 of my interview with the Nurses Out Loud talk show was broadcast. Nurse Michele and I discussed more about how RASNs hide in churches and the evils they effect upon their targets.

Go to THIS LINK on iHeart Radio on your browser and scroll down to the December 9th broadcast on domestic abuse.

Part 2 – What does spiritual pride in the RASN look like?

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On December 13, 2023

In Abusers, Narcissist, RASN

3Jn 1:9-10 I have written something to the church, but Diotrephes, who likes to put himself first, does not acknowledge our authority. (10) So if I come, I will bring up what he is doing, talking wicked nonsense against us. And not content with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers, and also stops those who want to and puts them out of the church.

I wanted to share some more excellent insights from Jonathan Edwards in his essay on Spiritual Pride. He precisely nails the mentality and behavior of what we call the RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist). Here are some quotes:

Another effect of spiritual pride is to make the subject of it assuming. It oftentimes makes it natural to persons so to act and speak as though in a special manner it belonged to them to be taken notice of and much regarded. It is very natural to a person that is much under the influence of spiritual pride, to take all the respect that is paid him. If others show a disposition to submit to him, and yield him the deference of a teacher or headmaster, he is open to it and freely admits it. In fact it is natural to him to expect such treatment, and to take much notice if he fails of it, and to have an ill opinion of others that do not pay him that which he looks upon as his prerogative.

The Works of Jonathan Edwards, Vol 1 p 402, Banner of Truth Trust

Edwards obviously had the unpleasant experience of dealing with these kind and he describes them perfectly. RASNs expect to be worshipped and exalted. They lust for this adoration and if anyone dare not bow down to their image, the RASN will hold such people in contempt.

Here is another quote:

A person who is under the influence of spiritual pride is more apt to instruct others, than to inquire for himself, and naturally puts on the airs of a master….As spiritual pride disposes persons to assume much to themselves, so it also disposes them to treat others with neglect.

Ibid

The RASN is, as is often put, a “know-it-all.” You cannot tell them anything. They will tell YOU, and they do not characteristically ask about YOU. They talk about themselves.

These infernal qualities are red flags, warnings which we should recognize and not ignore. The person filled with this pride is not a safe person. A relationship with them will certainly be toxic and end in much harm and pain.

What Does Spiritual Pride in the RASN Look Like?

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On December 11, 2023

In Abusers, Narcissist, RASN

Oba 1:3-4 The pride of your heart has deceived you, you who live in the clefts of the rock, in your lofty dwelling, who say in your heart, “Who will bring me down to the ground?” (4) Though you soar aloft like the eagle, though your nest is set among the stars, from there I will bring you down, declares the LORD.

Most of you are probably familiar with the name Jonathan Edwards. He was a godly and genuine pastor in New England way back in the 1700’s and is known for his ministry during the great revivals and awakenings which the Lord effected in his day. In his essay, “Thoughts on the Revival” Edwards wrote about some of the sins and errors which tend toward quenching the Holy Spirit’s work in such times.

One chief of those sins is – spiritual pride. I am not certain why he specified spiritual pride but suspect that he is emphasizing that it is a pride which particularly emanates from the heart and which is especially operative within the boundaries of the visible church.

As you read these excerpts from Edwards’ essay, you will quickly understand why I am quoting them here. It is because they are a very excellent and accurate description of the RASN in action. NOTE: I have grouped revilers, abusers, sociopaths, and narcissists together in this acronym because it seems to me that they all share in certain fundamental qualities. Namely, lust for power and control, a mentality of entitlement and superiority, lack of empathy, and the use of very similar evil tactics to achieve their evil ends.

So then, here we go. Listen to Edwards:

Spiritual pride often disposes persons to singularity (ie, uniqueness, unusual, distinctive) in external appearance, to employ a noticeably singular way of speaking, or to be singular in voice, countenance, or behavior. Often his goal is to become all things to all men. At other times he may evidence a certain stiffness or inflexibility in opinion and ways.

Comment: You have seen this. For example, the RASN who selects the church for his/her theater of operation will often “put on” an outward manner of dress, vocabulary, tone of voice, which is intended to elevate the
RASN above everyone else.

Spiritual pride disposes persons (RASNs for our purposes) to enact separation, to stand at a distance from others, as being better than others; and loves the show and appearance of distinction.

Comment: That is to say, the RASN loves no one but himself, having no use for others except as a supply of praise and worship for themselves.

Spiritual pride takes great notice of opposition and injuries that are received, and is apt to be often speaking of them, and to be much in taking notice of their aggravations, either with an air of bitterness or contempt.

I believe this last point describes the really evil aspect of the RASN and the quality that in ways causes the most hurt and harm. The RASN takes great notice of opposition and injuries. Especially even perceived opposition and injuries. When the RASN concludes that anyone is opposing them or criticizing them or pointing out their sin, the fangs come out. No explanation is permitted. Revenge is the only menu item at that point. The RASN has a kind of radar rotating and monitoring at all times, quick to discern any possible exposure of their true self. The missiles of vengeance are always ready to fire.

As the Scripture quoted above says, the RASN lives in a lofty dwelling, deceived by the pride of their own heart, concluding that no one can ever take them down. The Lord says otherwise – “from there I will bring you down,” says the Lord.

Jeff Crippen Interview on America Out Loud

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On December 8, 2023

In Abusers

America Out Loud is a talk show/podcast forum at americaoutloud.news where Jeff was recently interviewed on the Nurses Out Loud program. Part two of the interview aired at 10AM this morning (eastern time) and will repeat this evening (Dec 8, 2023) at 11PM eastern time.

The interviewer, Nurse Michele, is a longtime friend of Unholy Charade and did a really great job putting this program together.

If you select America Out Loud podcasts on the website page, or download the America Out Loud app, you can listen to all of the programs, part 1 & 2 in podcast form. Nurses Out Loud podcasts can also be found with your Apple podcast app and other popular podcast apps.

We are very thankful to Michele and America Out Loud for enabling us to speak on the evils of RASNs to a larger audience.

RASNs Don’t Get “Better”

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On December 6, 2023

In Abusers

Mat 7:6 “Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.

Pro 26:11 Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.

Some of you may have had occasion to target shoot and learn some things about the path of a projectile. We talk about “minute of angle” when we are sighting in a rifle, for example, with a telescopic sight. There are dials on the scope which are calibrated in minutes of angle and those minutes, like one second on a clock face, are 1/60th of one degree. Think of that. 1/60th of one second. 1/60th of one degree. Pretty small.

Until….

Until, you start talking about long distances. What begins as a very small deviation at range zero just keeps growing and growing and growing downrange, the further you go – the farther off target you get.

What does this have to do with sin, specifically, the sin of the RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist)? Well, it is this – RASNs don’t “get better” with time. They get worse. They grow harder. They stray further and further off course. In the case of some sinners, you might be able to get them to listen – “hey, you are getting further off course here.” But the truly nasty thing about this constellation we call RASNs is that they are never off course. They never miss the target. At least, not in their own eyes. You can’t correct them. Someone moved the target. It’s never their fault.

RASNs begin their lives off course, but the deviation might not be all that perceivable. The mentality is there – entitlement, superiority, no empathy, etc. As time goes by however, they don’t return to the right path. They don’t make those mental and moral ‘minute of angle’ adjustments. What might have been off an inch or so in early years grows and grows and grows as the years go by. RASNs don’t get “better.”

What does this mean for you if you are their target or if you are in some kind of relationship with one – at work, in marriage, a relative? It means that as long as you are holding out hope that one day a marvelous moment of self-realization accompanied by a thorough change of course is going to occur in the RASN – you are living in a world of fiction.

Whenever a person comes to faith in Christ and is born again, it is a miracle effected by the Lord. We are born dead in sin (see Ephesians 2). Only the Lord can make us alive. But there are people who the Lord, in his sovereign wisdom, hands over to their sin. They are people like this:

Heb 6:7-8 For land that has drunk the rain that often falls on it, and produces a crop useful to those for whose sake it is cultivated, receives a blessing from God. (8) But if it bears thorns and thistles, it is worthless and near to being cursed, and its end is to be burned.

1Jn 5:16 If anyone sees his brother committing a sin not leading to death, he shall ask, and God will give him life—to those who commit sins that do not lead to death. There is sin that leads to death; I do not say that one should pray for that.

Mar 6:11 And if any place will not receive you and they will not listen to you, when you leave, shake off the dust that is on your feet as a testimony against them.”

It is my opinion that RASNs are of this genre. Year after year they continue off course. They receive good things from the Lord and from people around them, but they only give a crop of thorns and thistles season after season. I wonder – how many of us waste years and years getting only thorns and thistles from these kind, still expecting that imagined harvest of good grain to come “next year”?

RASNs want to make you look bad so no one will listen to you

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On December 4, 2023

In Evil, Narcissist, RASN

2Co 10:10 For they say, “His letters are weighty and strong, but his bodily presence is weak, and his speech of no account.”

The Apostle Paul had many enemies. They were constantly at work to try to discredit him and the gospel he preached. Why? Because they saw him as a threat to their power and control. The same reasons the Jewish leaders slandered and ultimately killed Jesus.

The truth is a terrible threat to the wicked. RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists), as you know, are energized by power and control. They demand adoration and service. As I recently heard a forensic psychologist say, the ultimate power and control lust is seen in the serial killer who is demonically excited through the exercise of life or death over his victim.

One way that RASNs maintain their P&C over others is to tear down any credibility their target victim might have with others. The tell lies about the victim. They make the victim appear crazy. They make overt and covert accusations. All of these tactics are designed to make the victim appear unreliable in the eyes of others so that when the victim speaks truth about the RASN, they are going to be disregarded.

Satan hates God’s Word and those who proclaim it. That is why the Bible records all kinds of conspiracies launched by the wicked against God’s servants. Truth is light and it exposes darkness, and that the enemy just cannot have.

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