The wicked we deal with – those abusers who crave power and control and use all kinds of self-justifying tactics to get it – never say they are sorry. Never. Oh, they might mouth the words sometimes, cry some crocodile tears, “confess” to some wrongdoing, but the whole thing is a sham still designed to deflect guilt and blame from them to….you.
Know what one of the abuser’s favorite movies is? Love Story. You know that mushed up sentimental line – “Love means never having to say you are sorry.” I mean, what better enablement could be found than in that kind of warped thinking? The truth is that genuine love means wanting to say you are sorry when you sin against someone.
Author: Jeff Crippen Page 52 of 88
I received this excellent question from an abuse survivor recently. Many thanks to her for thinking about this. The common wrong answer we hear repeated like a mantra by professing Christians is one that keeps the innocent in bondage to the wicked so often. Here is her question and my reply –
I’ve been pondering how christians usually say that ‘God can change anyone’.
I’m fairly certain my ex husband is a sociopath, at the very least a narcissist and I do believe the bible refers to these people as the ‘wicked’ and ‘fools’.
So my question is, do you think there is a difference between what the bible calls the wicked, and ordinary ‘sinners’?
When I read in psalms etc, it seems to convey that God is very angry with the wicked and has no intention of saving them or wanting to save them.
So do you think they are in a separate class all of their own to general ‘sinners’ (those lost without Christ and leading a sinful life, loving the world etc, but not generally going out of their way to maliciously destroy people as a pattern of life).
That is an important question.
John 5:39-40 ESV You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, (40) yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life.
I used to think I could find sound, genuine churches by reading their doctrinal statements. As far as the reformed confessions go, our church adheres to the London Confession of Faith. And years back we joined a fellowship of churches (ARBCA) that all held to that same confession.
Now, the London Confession is sound. It is a systematic statement of what the Bible teaches. It is a summary of what I believe. But…
1 Samuel 2:12-17 ESV Now the sons of Eli were worthless men. They did not know the LORD. (13) The custom of the priests with the people was that when any man offered sacrifice, the priest’s servant would come, while the meat was boiling, with a three-pronged fork in his hand, (14) and he would thrust it into the pan or kettle or cauldron or pot. All that the fork brought up the priest would take for himself. This is what they did at Shiloh to all the Israelites who came there. (15) Moreover, before the fat was burned, the priest’s servant would come and say to the man who was sacrificing, “Give meat for the priest to roast, for he will not accept boiled meat from you but only raw.” (16) And if the man said to him, “Let them burn the fat first, and then take as much as you wish,” he would say, “No, you must give it now, and if not, I will take it by force.” (17) Thus the sin of the young men was very great in the sight of the LORD, for the men treated the offering of the LORD with contempt.
With some frequency, abuse victims/survivors tell me that because of their oppressive experience in a local church, they find it very difficult to read their Bible or to participate in the singing of hymns or to even enter into a church building. This is not because they are somehow harboring hatred in their hearts for those who sorely treated them, but because a local church, a place that is to be a sanctuary for the true worship and worshippers of God, traumatized them. How? Here are some ways:
Here is a very good question one of our readers asked recently. Her question and her insights are very good and we hope will be very helpful to all of you:
I have been studying 1Peter, and listening to several sermons on submission. Submission to the government, and in marriage and in suffering. My question and dilemma is that for so many years, almost 50, I thought the more I suffered, the more holy I was. I thought that to suffer well was a good thing. So I suffffffferred! It was like a badge of honor. Now that I have read your books and the books of others who understand abuse, I don’t agree with the concept of “morose” suffering. So, where do we draw the line?
I responded to the question with this:
The Austin family faithfully follows our blog and online worship and teaching. In fact they have become members of Christ Reformation Church and have been a huge encouragement to us. So I wanted to let you know about their business. They make some very cool things. If you watch the Wednesday Bible studies online you will see a really neat wood sculpture they made for me and we have a big banner on the back of the wall in the church sanctuary which has the whole text of 1 John on it and artwork.
Here are some ad images that link to their site at graphicspaces.com –
As you know, we livestream our Wednesday Bible study (currently in the Gospel of John) each week at 10am, and then it is available for later viewing on the CRC facebook page, youtube (at Unholy Charade Channel) and on sermonaudio.com/crc.
We have been working with new equipment to improve the audio quality and have made good progress BUT today after the livestream we realized that the external microphone hadn’t worked. The sound is usable, but it isn’t as good as it should be.
And check this out – this happened because Facebook/Apple updated the fb app that tons of people are using now to livestream, and the update killed external microphone connectivity. Someone had a great idea! Anyway, we have some other options to use but we hope that FB gets it together and fixes this error soon.
All of that to say, we know the audio is a bit weak on today’s livestream but we are aware of it and hoping this Sunday all will go well as it did last Sunday.
Ever think “why can’t they just leave it alone???”
Isaiah 29:13-15 ESV And the Lord said: “Because this people draw near with their mouth and honor me with their lips, while their hearts are far from me, and their fear of me is a commandment taught by men, (14) therefore, behold, I will again do wonderful things with this people, with wonder upon wonder; and the wisdom of their wise men shall perish, and the discernment of their discerning men shall be hidden.” (15) Ah, you who hide deep from the LORD your counsel, whose deeds are in the dark, and who say, “Who sees us? Who knows us?”
These verses really struck me this morning when I read them. Especially that phrase “you…whose deeds are in the dark, and who say, ‘Who sees us? Who knows us?'” I won’t say much more in this post. Let me hear your thoughts and experiences on this thing.
This is the evil among us. It is deep. It is dark. It is hidden behind a covering of a mouth that spews words “honoring” the Lord. And it is intentional deceit. In this darkness, in this hidden depth, these cunning servants of the devil confidently boast “Who sees us? Who knows us?”
As I mentioned a few days ago we have added some new microphone equipment to make the sound on our Facebook livestream and sermonaudio.com/crc and youtube channel (Unholy Charade) much clearer.
Yesterday all went well except you will notice on the FB livestream there is a tinny sound. Volume is good. The tinny quality is because the fuzzy microphone cover on our new Rode wireless mic fell off right at the start of the service and I couldn’t just stop and put it back on. It’s kind of a flimsy attachment set up so we are going to fix that this week.
Anyway, the entire service including the music is on Facebook, but you can listen to just the sermon on sermon audio and youtube and those are recorded with another microphone – no tinny sound there. Rode cost $229. Other mic was $12.99. Ha!
Isaiah 13:11 ESV I will punish the world for its evil, and the wicked for their iniquity; I will put an end to the pomp of the arrogant, and lay low the pompous pride of the ruthless.
Repeatedly the Bible connects arrogance, haughtiness, and pride with the wicked. Evil has as its father the devil who is the god of narcissism –
Isaiah 14:13-14 ESV You said in your heart, ‘I will ascend to heaven; above the stars of God I will set my throne on high; I will sit on the mount of assembly in the far reaches of the north; (14) I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.’
There is in fallen humanity this bent to believe the devil when he promises, “you shall be like God.” And it is rooted in arrogance. Man exalts himself and insists he knows better and can be better than his Creator.