Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 45 of 89

Still Another Example of a Pastor and church adding to a victim's suffering

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On August 23, 2021

In Churches/Church Response

Previously I published a letter from a pastor to an abuse victim. You saw how that pastor did what is really the norm to be expected when an abuse victim asks for help. The thing is evil.

Well, here is a second letter from a pastor that this same victim received. Word gets around, you know. I have even known of cases where no matter what local church a victim attended in a search for a new church, the pastors had already been gossiped to about her “sin” by the original pastor.

Notice in this letter how this “shepherd” couches his unauthorized control in a vocabulary of “love.” I can tell you, there is no love in this accusatory missile. I inserted a few comments of my own in brackets:

Thank you so much for writing. I appreciate you reaching out to clarify. Again, I know that this has all been so very difficult and painful. You have my full sympathy and compassion. But I must gently and tenderly say to you again, my dear friend, that you have no grounds whatsoever for an annulment or divorce. [No, you have NO sympathy or compassion for her].

I’ve heard all the details from you and (the abuser) and for all of the reasons that I’ve already touched on in past correspondences (and which multiple other pastors have also conveyed to you) this is not justifiable. And while you may have found a few people who will tell you that you have biblical grounds, it would be akin to some pastors who tell others that they have biblical grounds to live in a homosexual lifestyle. [“Multiple other pastors” – so they have all been talking and ganging up on her. Also, anyone who tells an abuse victim they can divorce is authorizing all manner of perversion in marriage]

We both know what the plain teaching of Scripture on this is, and it’s just as clear in your situation. [Really? Plain teaching? So this guy’s view is THE view which is to be followed or else!]

You have a man who has clearly acknowledged his faults, and is willing to change his ways and reconcile. [Oh, really? And Mr. Pastor, just how do you know this? The abuser told you? Do you think you know him better than his victim?]

No sexual immorality has taken place, and while the things that (her abuser) said were egregious, they were not consistent enough to be tantamount to verbal abuse, and no physical abuse had taken place. [I deleted a paragraph here for confidentiality, but it is still more excuse-making by this pastor for the abuser]

While (her abuser) did not contribute as much as he should have financially, he was working and contributing something, and was making strides to get a better job and provide more (which was one of the reasons for his ongoing education). [The man essentially contributes nothing. He already has multiple degrees but continues to go to school, making NO strides to provide financially for her].

The bottom line is that you are legally married and are officially married in God’s eyes. Based on the entire scenario I just shared, you have no grounds to sever this marriage. And if you say that you are open to reconciliation, then you don’t pursue an unbiblical divorce, which you have no justification for, and then perhaps reconcile. You remain married and work toward reconciliation–as (her abuser) is willing to do. [Oh really. So Mr. Pastor, you know that this abuser is willing to….to do what? Change? He isn’t changing and he isn’t going to change].

Again, I share all of this in love. We never escape consequences and the discipline of the Lord when we disobey God. This will definitely end in much remorse and heartache for you, if you pursue this course of action. And most importantly, you will greatly dishonor the Lord and mar your testimony as a Christian before a watching world. I lovingly urge you to forsake this path and let the Body of Christ help you and (abuser’s name omitted to protect the victim) work toward reconciliation. With care, concern, and gentleness, [This is THREAT. “You do what I say or else God is going to smite you.” NONE of this is shared in “love.” It is an enablement of wickedness and a persecution of the downtrodden. This pastor is lying about his motives].

So there you have it. These letters from pastors are so typical, so deceiving, and sooooo damaging. They are the ones who are marring their testimony for Christ before a watching world.

I will be publishing a post soon addressing Wayne Grudem’s booklet “Divorce and Remarriage” in which he claims to have become a help to abuse victims in the church because he has now changed his views to allow for divorce in these cases. But a glaring hole in his presentation is that he never humbles himself and asks for forgiveness for all of the damage he and his ilk have done to poor, oppressed victims by insisting they must stay married to their abuser. Grudem’s approach is cold and academic. Where is his acknowledgement and confession that pastors like the ones who write these cruel letters are at best incompetents and more likely plain old false shepherds? Grudem should be angered by this widespread evil, but he isn’t. He should be shutting his mouth and admitting he is guilty of widespread harm. But nope. He keeps writing books and telling us all “how it is.”

Be quiet, Wayne. Just be quiet and go away.

Another Accusatory Letter from Pastors to a Victim

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On August 18, 2021

In Churches/Church Response

It’s the same old story over and over again. Abuser abuses while pretending to be a Christian. His victim reports to her pastor asking for help and announcing she is leaving the evildoer. And then here comes the accusatory instrument disguised as “loving concern.” In this first case, the letter is from the pastor to the abuser husband. Notice the language that minimizes the abuse, and also how prejudiced in favor of the abuser this pastor is, and how he insists that he has authority over the victim to pronounce if she has or does not have the right to divorce. And subsequent to her receiving this evil letter, she received still another one from another pastor of a different church. These guys generally gang up on victims. I will publish that letter in another post soon.

Dear (Abuser) –

We had a conversation with (your wife) this evening, August 5th, 2021. We spoke with her for almost 2 hours. 

We told her that while we did agree that there have been many ways in which you have failed as a husband (which you have confessed and admitted to us), we did not believe that she has grounds for an annulment or a divorce. 

She alleges that you knowingly deceived her and married her under false pretenses, which we are not convinced of. Both she and you were very unwise in marrying quickly, without getting thorough premarital counseling. If you had, many, if not all, of these issues could’ve been worked out beforehand or at least discovered. However, we are not convinced that there was any intentional deception on your part. 

Furthermore, we believe that you are willing to at least attempt to be reconciled to her. Unfortunately, it does not seem that she is willing at this point. That may change, but as of our last conversation with her, she was not willing. We told her that God is powerful enough to restore a marriage even as fragile as yours. We told her that we are in no way saying that it’s her lot in life to remain married to you even if you never to repent. However, we told her that since she does not have grounds yet, she needs to use all the means at her disposal for the restoration of her marriage. She says that she is not convinced that this is the case. Sadly, but ironically, in many ways she is doing the very thing she accuses you to be doing, abandoning the marriage. 

We explained to her, that we do not consider her a member of our church, since she hasn’t been attending for over two years. I myself had not had contact with her until this matter was brought to us. We acknowledge that after the previous sad circumstances in our church with our former pastor, many people left and fell through the cracks. However, if she considered herself a member, we would’ve hoped for much more communication from her. 

That being said, since she is not a member of our church, we do not believe we have the authority to discipline her formally. However, I told her that if she persists in not seeking reconciliation, though we cannot discipline her formally, yet we would be left with no other choice but to question her profession of faith and to withdraw communion from her in spiritual matters, and to consider her an unbeliever until she shows signs of repentance.

As far as what you are called to do biblically in this situation. We believe that even now all things are possible in our Lord. If your wife were to persist in not seeking reconciliation, and if she were able to procure a divorce or an annulment, in that case we would consider you to be in the same situation as that described by Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:15-16, and we believe that you would be free to remarry under those circumstances, after the divorce is finalized. You would have the freedom to remarry or to continue to pray for her repentance.

However, until that happens, you are to do all that you can to seek reconciliation. I encourage you to pray and fast, that the Spirit would soften your wife’s heart and bring her to repentance, remembering that but for the grace of God we all would do the same. We encourage you to keep your elders well-informed of the situation as things develop, and to take to heart whatever counsel they give you.

We pray that the Lord would grant her repentance. We pray that he would bless you and use this heart-breaking situation, however it turns out, for your good and his glory.

In Christ,

The Disguised "Friend"

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On August 16, 2021

In Getting Free, Supporting Victims

Psa 55:20-21 My companion stretched out his hand against his friends; he violated his covenant. (21) His speech was smooth as butter, yet war was in his heart; his words were softer than oil, yet they were drawn swords.

One of the characteristics of the wicked which I have seen repeatedly over the years is the seemingly instantaneous transition from our best friend to our worst enemy. In fact a transformation has not occurred. Such a person has always been an enemy – disguised as a friend.

When a wicked person determines that we can be “of use” to them…they use us. And the typical way this goes is that they approach us as a genuine friend. And they sure seem like it! They want to be around us. They invite us to do things with them. They compliment us and encourage us. They profess their loyalty to us and they even stand with us against enemies.

But then…

…the transformation. This can happen years into such a relationship, or it may happen on the honeymoon as many of you know whose abuser was a spouse. Literally and almost unbelievably they become our enemy. Overnight! One day they are our loyal friend and the next morning…it’s over. How can this be?

Well, let me tell you. The fact is the friendship was always a disguise. It was motivated by a desire to use you for some evil purpose. They use you as a vehicle to ride to some desired destination on – fame, popularity, wealth, feeding their desire to control (yes, they controlled you in ways you may not have even seen). Paul mentions this wicked business in Galatians:

Gal 4:17 They make much of you, but for no good purpose. They want to shut you out, that you may make much of them.

In some moment of time, these kind realized that you were of no use to them any longer. Perhaps Christ’s light in you was shining too brightly and threatening to expose them. Perhaps your growth in Christ was taking you in the path He calls you to and they wanted no part of going along with you. But their decision was made, and they cast you off. Cold. Heartless. Without conscience. As if your “friendship” never existed, as if all the history of your life with them was erased. And really, it was erased by them. If you doubt that, just run into them a year later or so and you can tell that they treat you like a total stranger, as if they had never known you.

This is the devil’s work. These are the methods of his servants. It turns out, they never loved you at all. And knowing this is wisdom.

More on Revilers I Have Known

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On August 11, 2021

In Abusers

Mat 5:11-12 “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. (12) Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Reviler is the biblical word for an abuser. Other words are used in Scripture to describe the evil that abusers do, but this title “reviler” gets to the heart of it. You see that little root in the word – “vil” – which reminds us of related terms like “villain,” or “villify” or, hmmm…. “vile.” A reviler is vile. Anyway, what a reviler does is to make the innocent be the villain. And they do this by accusing. Revilers are accusers and that evil is part of the very nature of the devil himself:

Rev 12:10 And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, “Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God.

I have known revilers and so have most all of you. The ones I have known are those who parade as Christians. They were church members and most often they put themselves off as the most pious and holy saints to be found anywhere.

Reviling is in the reviler’s nature. It proceeds from the devilish heart that defines who they are. They don’t have to really even plan the reviling attack – it just spews out of their mouth from their heart. The attack comes as we say “out of the blue.” Things can be going along quite pleasantly – some dinner or other church event, some gathering of friends – and then here comes the arrow. Sometimes in secret, sometimes in front of everyone.

  • I remember when you said I was to blame
  • You had no right to spend that money
  • I think you sinned when you told Jack to stop being mean to his wife
  • I know why you are taking that college class
  • I know why you bought that car
  • You are a very hard person to talk to
  • You didn’t come and visit me when I was sick

And on and on and on the list could go. Every single one of these statements is used by the reviler to accuse. To blame. To guilt and to attack.

Think about what this business of reviling requires. Most of us would be very hesitant to say such a thing, even if it were true. We season our speech. Of course the abuser counts on this and uses our hesitancy against us, knowing that we most often won’t expose his evil by speaking of it. But the reviler enjoys reviling. It gives him a rush of power and he loves it. He loves to see the hurt that his words inflict. He assaults with his speech and he loves to launch those arrows.

This is why the Lord says that a reviler will never see the kingdom of God. Revilers are going to hell along with their father the devil. Perhaps in the lake of fire for all eternity they will be reviling one another and trying to put the blame anywhere but upon themselves.

Don’t try to fix a reviler. You will only find grief for yourself and your efforts to “help” will be regarded by him as a weak spot for him to reviler you further.

Additional Reading:

Another Look at the Abuser as Reviler

More Thoughts on Imprecatory Prayer

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On August 9, 2021

In Biblical Teaching

Psa 3:7-8 Arise, O LORD! Save me, O my God! For you strike all my enemies on the cheek; you break the teeth of the wicked. (8) Salvation belongs to the LORD; your blessing be on your people! Selah

Our friend Lynn has more excellent thoughts to offer here on the subject of imprecatory prayer – something that most churches and professing Christians today believe is “unloving.” Well, the Bible doesn’t share that conclusion and Lynn explains why. Many thanks to her:

To those who are against imprecatory prayer, I’d like to know what is your hesitation in praying or teaching others about the importance of practicing imprecatory prayer? That God may take negative action against the wicked and punish them for their wickedness? Don’t you want God’s perfect justice to take place and the wicked to be punished for their sins in this life? Don’t you want his justice to come to fruition in the lives of those victims who were abused by evil people masquerading as fellow believers?

If your answer is yes, then you must embrace imprecatory prayer. It is the offensive weapon God gave his people to use to bring about his justice in the earth. It is our part to play in the spiritual war engaged between the kingdom of darkness and the kingdom of God.  The other deterrent to injustice is the civil authorities. Only one weapon guaranteed to never fail us is prayer.

How long must the oppressed wait for their injustice to be remedied? How many men, women, and children need to come forward with their stories of abuse at the hands of professing Christians – albeit pastors, volunteers, or elders – before the church will wake up and act like the body of Christ it professes to be? How long will you deny the oppressed the tools – like imprecatory prayer – and the support they deserve as fellow heirs in Christ, Christian?

This is one of the reasons I know that most of the professing Christians aren’t. They will not make the sacrifice required to support the victims because it will cost them time, money and energy that they’d rather invest in things that make them feel good. They’d have to be willing to patiently walk with people who have stared evil in the face and need help recovering from it, because their trauma is soul shattering and destructive. 

What’s worse? Not believing a victim and allowing the abuser to remain among you to prey on other members in your church or removing innocent people and casting them out of the church? 93 to 98 times out of 100 the victim is telling the truth about the abuse.  Popular opinion is that they’d rather endure the abusive person than to accidentally remove an innocent person.  It is foolishly wicked to allow abusers to remain in church. The old adage of innocent until proven guilty is one of the excuses given to why they tolerate evil.  They misunderstand its meaning and how it relates to church governance.  While it is instituted by God in the Bible, most pastors misinterpret the 2-3 witnesses believing if they don’t have at least 2-3 victims, then it didn’t happen. 

Witnesses don’t need to be people. They can be physical things, digital correspondence like email or text messages, or abuser withholding funds, forced isolation, or signs of emotional trauma manifested by the victim, to help corroborate the victim’s story.

What I see in Christianity today is a strong bias against victims. Those in positions of power are so afraid of accidentally maligning an innocent person – as if Christ’s name will somehow be destroyed if they expose the abuse and show support for the victim – that they side with abusers most of the time. Why do they do this? Greed. Cowardice. Power. Control. Ego. Love of self more than love for God and his people. 

When they are confronted with the story that the victim shares, their first reaction is to not believe the victim because that doesn’t fit with the person they know and love or minimize it as if it’s not that bad. 93 to 98 times out of 100 the victim is telling the truth. Think about that for a moment. Every time a church doesn’t remove an abuser from its membership when the abuse comes to light, it is adding to the number of victims the abuser can harm and becomes complicit in the abuse by allowing the evil person to continue to harm more people. 

God does not take it lightly when his children are mistreated. There will be hell to pay for those that remain unrepentant of their allegiance to the abusers when they are standing before him giving an account of their life.

Is it possible that sometimes God refrains from intervening on the behalf of a victim because He hasn’t been invited into the situation to take action? Vengeance is his. Imprecatory prayer is our way of asking him to enact that vengeance on our behalf. Expressing your pain and frustration in prayer is a good thing, but a better thing would be to ask Him to intercede on your behalf for the injustice you suffered in order that He may get the glory and credit that He deserves.

Imprecatory prayer is a lamentation of God’s people in the face of injustice.  It is them crying out to God from their place of pain asking him to act on their behalf and bring about the destruction of their enemies for the pain and destruction they’ve caused. It is a reminder to God of how his people trust and rely on him to bring about vengeance and enact perfect justice.  Much of the time it includes asking God to curse the wicked, which many professing Christians shy away from because they fail to understand what cursing is, and assume all cursing is sin. It’s not. 

Who/What are we to pray imprecatory prayers against?

Abusive people and institutions in our midst

Reprobates, false teachers, false prophets

Governments that are failing to govern justly and disobeying God’s law

God’s enemies – the devil and his children

Our sinful flesh

Many pastors shy away from imprecatory prayers because they are uncomfortable with the idea of asking God to curse those who have abused, betrayed, and defrauded them or their brothers and sisters in Christ. They’ve bought into the idea that it is unloving, ungodly, unChristlike to do so. But that’s not what scripture shows us. 

The Psalms are filled with imprecatory prayers. Hezekiah prays an imprecatory prayer. The Lord’s Prayer includes imprecatory language. Paul calls for a curse on all those who are false teachers and prophets ask God for them to be damned. Paul specifically mentions Alexander the coppersmith and asks God to deal with him for the harm he’s inflicted on Paul. 

Not all imprecatory pray specifically calls for the cursing of the wicked. “Come quickly Lord Jesus” is an imprecatory prayer.

Imprecatory prayer is the primary weapon God gave his people so they can ask God get them justice where there has been injustice. Prayer is how we take part in the war between God and satan. Taking imprecatory prayer away from Christians is like asking them to fight the enemy with plastic swords against their steel blades, and then being surprised when they get even more wounded in battle.

I know the reasoning many professing Christians use for not wanting to pray imprecatory prayers is that in their minds it contradicts Matthew 5:44’s instruction to bless those who curse you. The greek word for bless in Matthew 5:44 is eulogeo (https://biblehub.com/greek/2127.htm) – it’s where we get the word eulogy from – and means to confer what is beneficial. 

Conferring what is beneficial would include telling the truth about a person’s words and actions.  Correct? It is not asking for health, happiness, and prosperity for the abusive person. I think much of the time we make assumptions about what we think the words in the Bible are supposed to mean. That it can cause us trouble as we read scripture. We are looking through our own 21st century lens, and it completely skews the actual meaning.  The other reason is that most professing Christians don’t actually study their Bible and take the time to learn about what the words mean and in the context in which they are placed. They rely on other people – usually their pastor or a famous Bible teacher – to do the work for them, many of whom are wolves in sheep’s clothing. That’s why false teaching spreads so rapidly. Spiritual laziness and having their ears tickled results in dead churches.

By not understanding what it means to “bless” those who curse or persecute you in Matt. 5:44, it can cause us to respond in damaging ways for ourselves and those we have influence over. We assume that blessing means we are to only speak positive words designed to bring about health, happiness and prosperity to the person we are speaking to or praying about, when that’s not really the true meaning of the word. 

What if the verse means that when you bless an enemy you are to confer what is beneficial to him/her? That could happen in the form of a rebuke of their sin and to pray imprecatory prayers in the hopes that the negative consequences they experience will bring about genuine repentance? That blessing we are instructed to extend to our enemies includes how we speak about them to others. We tell the truth to others about our enemies, so it is beneficial for them to know and make their own judgement call, instead of asking God to give them health, happiness, and prosperity. 

What glorifies God more, praying imprecatory prayers against our enemies or praying health, happiness, and prosperity on them? 

Think about that for a moment. Nothing godly will come from praying God grant his enemies health, happiness, and prosperity while they are alive. It only feeds their delusion that their evil behavior is acceptable and gives them more ways to harm their victims. I want you to think about this. When you pray health, happiness, and prosperity on abusive people you are asking a holy, righteous God to reward your abusers wicked behavior.  Is that a godly decision on your part, to ask that wickedness against yourself be rewarded? I think not. So if you feel compelled to pray for your abuser(s), I’d encourage you to pray to God that He will quickly bring about the promised consequences for their evil actions and a just end to the wicked person for the sake of his holy name that is being maligned at the hands of these wicked people.

You may be wondering, can imprecatory prayer be used wrongly? 

I suppose it’s possible. It depends on how it is taught and what’s the intention of the person who’s praying it. What matters are your motives when you pray them.  Wanting justice that results in very bad things happening to your abuser is not sin. Denying justice to victims of abuse who have suffered for years, probably decades, at the hands of their oppressors is.

Let’s say someone does pray an imprecatory prayer and curses an innocent person? God knows that. He’s not required to answer that prayer and invoke that curse. Proverbs 26:2 tells us that like a fluttering sparrow or a darting swallow, and undeserved curse does not come to rest. So even if your abuser does pray a curse against you because you will not give into their demands, God will deal with them for that. It will be another sin added to their growing list of sins that they will spend eternity being punished by.  If you pray an imprecatory prayer against someone who turns out to be innocent (it’s highly unlikely, if not impossible, to happen with abusers), as with any other sin, repent to God for your actions and seek forgiveness from the target of your imprecatory prayers.

So instead of being afraid to invoke curses against God’s enemies who are abusing you, boldly pray imprecatory prayers knowing that God knows your heart and will not punish you for seeking justice for your abuse via prayer. If it’s an undeserved curse, it will not land on the recipient. If it is, it will be brought before the Lord and He will hear it and act in his perfect time and according to his perfect will. That prayer will be added to past prayers of the saints until the cup of God’s wrath is complete and he pores it out on the wicked in final judgment.

So I encourage you to stop living in fear of being judged for praying imprecatory prayers against your abusers. God’s not mad at you for it. Those who oppose it and reveal their true colors demonstrate the states of their hearts. By standing against imprecatory prayer, they are showing you that they are not your friends, allies, or brothers or sisters in Christ. Take heart. God is for you. He hears the cries of your heart, sees your tears as a result of the evil you’ve endured, and collects each one and stores them in a bottle and records them in His book in heaven. They are evidence that God collects and catalogs for the final judgement. They are a witness to the pain you’ve endured at the hands of evil people and will testify against your abusers in the courts of heaven.   

May you be strengthened and encouraged by this article, and be free to pray imprecatory prayers against your abusers to your hearts content.  Grace and peace be with you.

 

Abuse of Pastoral Authority is Rampant

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On August 4, 2021

In Churches/Church Response

1Pe 5:1-3 So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: (2) shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; (3) not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock.

It is amazing to me how often I receive reports from Christians regarding the abuse of power on the part of their pastors. Power abuse occurs whenever someone exercises authority that God has not given them. Such pseudo-authority is always evil and its intent is to fleece the sheep for personal gain of some kind. The Pharisees in Jesus’ day were a prime example.

These are the kinds of things that are happening in the churches and of which I have credible reports:

  • A domestic abuse victim goes to her pastor for help, shows him one of my books, and he orders her to destroy the book and throw it away. She is not to read it, he commands her.
  • Abuse victims are told that they must obtain the permission of their pastor/elders before they can divorce their abuser. Many times this requirement is disguised and very covertly exercised. “Meet with us and we will discuss your case and your options. We love you and we want to help you.” Yeah, right.
  • Church leaders insist that the abuser is a Christian and order the victim to remain in the marriage because “she is a sinner too.”

Recently when I was telling my wife about how a pastor commanded an abuse victim to destroy her copy of my book on domestic abuse and how he ordered her not to read it…and how she obeyed these illegal and wicked commands…my wife said “how can anyone think that a pastor can control people like this?” It is shocking. But the answer is this – they have essentially been brainwashing their flock with false teaching and lies. And when people sit under that kind of abusive false shepherding evil, they often end up believing that if they disobey the pastor, they are disobeying God and incurring His wrath.

Another person told me recently that he lives in fear that he will be thrown out of the church if he disobeys his pastor’s orders. Such a place is no church – it is a toxic environment to be left in the rear view mirror.

Christians and truly Christian churches and true, authentic pastors do have authority. We have Christ’s authority to expose and rebuke evil. If you read the letters to the seven churches in Revelation 2-3 you will see several commands by Christ that the churches are to expel false teachers that they have been permitting to be in their midst. Look at 1 Corinthians 5 for Christ’s command that we expel a so-called Christian who is walking in habitual, unrepentant sin. And of course this authority from Christ is the basis of godly, right church discipline as outlined in Matthew 18. But notice – this authority is authority over evil, not over the victim of evil. I suppose you could say that we also have a positive authority – the authority of scripture’s promises and truths which we can proclaim and believe with authority. But this authority as well is for the good of Christ’s people, not for oppressing them.

So to anyone who might read this article and who realizes that they are in a church where the leaders are wielding abusive authority that of course God has never given them, leave. Or stand and fight if that option is open to you. But don’t just go on living in a toxic environment that is disguising itself with Christ’s name. It is not better. That is to say, it is not better to remain in a place where the air is poison that to get out of it and breath pure air.

Info: Here is a link to an Excellent Bible course by G.K. Beale

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On August 2, 2021

In Blog News

Those of you who follow out midweek Bible studies on the Gospel of John and on Revelation, will recognize the name G.K. Beale. He is my favorite theologian and his books have helped me tremendously in my understanding and study of the Bible. This link is to a series of lectures he has given on the big story of the Bible and how the Bible progressively tells this story from Eden lost to Eden regained in the New Heavens and Earth.

https://www.biblicaltraining.org/biblical-theology/greg-beale

The Lie of Toxic Positivity – A Guest Post

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On August 2, 2021

In False Teaching

Luk 16:25 But Abraham said, ‘Child, remember that you in your lifetime received your good things, and Lazarus in like manner bad things; but now he is comforted here, and you are in anguish.

“It’s all good and you need to get your negative thinking straightened out!” That is the lie of toxic positivity. It is toxic because it is poison to the soul like all lies are. It denies evil rather than being wise to it. It calls evil, “good.” Yes, God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, but the TP people twist this truth to guilt and shame and deny.

The following is an excellent essay written on this subject by one of our blog followers and online church members. Many thanks to her for writing and shining more light on this common “just keep on the sunny side of life” business. Here she is:

Recently you were preaching about toxic positivity.  That got me to thinking… 

Why in Luke 16:25 does Jesus say that the poor Lazarus was being comforted by Abraham, while the rich man was in hell?  I mean, if Lazarus was supposed to always “count it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials…” then shouldn’t Lazarus’s life have been one big rollercoaster of joy because of all his trials?  Why would he need to be comforted after all the terrible things he suffered here on Earth?  The “you be joyful right now you loathsome sinner” crowd would say that Lazarus should have been over-the-moon to have been “chosen by the Lord” to suffer all that he did.  And according to them, Jesus should have been calling Lazarus out for his sin of “bitterness,” since he could not transcend his circumstances to reach a higher “joy” plane — either by using positive thinking, “keeping an eternal perspective,”  practicing some sort of christian-y Zen, or aggressively ignoring everything that was happening to him and forcing a smile.  


Like I was told by my “c”hristian counselors — while being stalked by my ex, my church putting me under church discipline and shunning, being thrown under the bus by my own lawyer, medical providers taking me to court to sue me for medical bills “himself” had not been paying for years, losing my home and everything I ever owned, “himself” confiscating our joint checking and savings accounts (even though I paid into them), “himself” refusing to pay child support, me having to move back in and live with my abusive parents, being harassed and shamed by my abusive brothers, losing my job, losing all my friends, and my daughter’s genetic, chronic illness suddenly making the full force of its brutal self known in her body — I was counseled to focus on their “train analogy” to help me find joy.  You see, the engine is your thoughts, the coal car is your actions, and the caboose is your feelings.  If you’re in a bad state, just think happy thoughts.  Change… your mind. Change your mind, change your life!  Repeat/(chant) pieces of verses from the list they gave me.  You know those memes… “if you’re feeling this, then read that piece of verse,” those things that go around on Facebook.  Happy, holy thoughts will get the engine turned around and get it heading in the right direction. And it will start to pull everything else onto the “right” track.


Then, make yourself do happy actions.  Make yourself sing praise songs (but not in the choir anymore because they kicked me out of choir and all ministry).  Read good Christian books (but only from their “selected authors and publishers” reading list).  Cook or bake (but don’t indulge the flesh or self-medicate with food).  Exercise (but don’t do it from the sins of pride or vanity).  Take extra good care of my kids (but do not inform them about abusers’ tactics, do not discuss their fear, rage, and anger for what “himself” had done to them and what pastors and church kids were still doing to them, do not read to them what I was learning from *secular* [*whispered tones*] Lundy Bancroft or have them listen to *angry* Jeff Crippen sermons on becoming wise to evil — because, even though they were heavily abused too, it was all just me “dumping my baggage” on my 17, 15. and 13 year old kiddos, poisoning them against the father who they “secretly loved [they didn’t — they were afraid he would carry through on his threats to kill them and collect their life insurance to pay off his credit card debts], and who they secretly wanted to see often [they were terrified of even seeing his vehicle across a parking lot], but I made them too afraid to say their secret desires out loud.”)  


But, if I think (their prescribed) happy thoughts, do (their prescribed) happy actions, then eventually my feelings would be dragged around into the opposite direction, get aligned to the “correct” position, and my happy train would get on the right track, and I would be joyous all the time.  Pain and suffering, even that of my kids, would no longer affect me!  My problems would melt away in the light of my eternal perspective….  Blush toxic positivity *squee….!!!!*   


All that to say, Jesus tells his disciples that Lazarus is being comforted in Paradise for all the trauma he went through.  And Jesus holds this formerly miserable man up as an example of righteousness in His parable — someone resting blissfully now and eternally.  Jesus did not use him as an example of failed faith or failed joy.  To quote the kids nowadays, Jesus “ain’t even mad” that Lazarus needed comforting and was being held in the arms of his father-in-faith, Abraham.  So if Jesus makes a man who needs comfort after trauma, out to be the protagonist — the hero, if you will — in His parable, then why does the “toxic positivity” squad think that they know better than the Lord they say they serve?

A Common Evidence that Most People Don't Care

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On July 28, 2021

In Supporting Victims

2Ti 4:14-15 Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. (15) Beware of him yourself, for he strongly opposed our message.

This is a very illuminating scripture for a number of reasons and I have written about it more than once. In this case I want to focus on its application to a very common scenario created by acquaintances (I won’t call them friends) of abuse victims. Here is how it works.

Some event is coming. Maybe a wedding, or a funeral, or a graduation or family thing. And what happens? People who know what the abuse victim has suffered, and who know WHO the abuser is, invite the abuser to the event anyway. I have had this happen to me many times. A wedding. A funeral. A so-called family reunion. And I do not go. Then I am criticized for not being there. Why didn’t I attend? Because I knew that evil, wicked people who hate me and who have caused all kinds of suffering were invited to come and they would have absolutely no qualms or shame about attending. I drew some personal boundaries some years ago and resolved that I will never be put in such a situation again.

Now, why are these evil people invited? Well, I can tell you. Because the people who invite them simply do not care. They do not care about the wicked abuse that has happened. They do not care about the victim. They just don’t care. They want to maintain friendly relations with the abuser because they do not want to take a stand and pay the price that the victim has had to pay.

And there is something else they don’t care about. They do not care that the Lord Himself commands us to have nothing to do with such evil people. We are to expose their evil and separate from them. If they are the pretend Christians then we are to put them out of the church (something that is rarely done by local churches today).

So here it is, allies of the evil one. The Lord Jesus says plainly that if we who claim to follow Him do not love His people and if we do not hear and obey His Word, then we are not His sheep. He doesn’t know us. He will not have us. If anyone invites an abusive, evil person who has done harm to others…if you invite them to your birthday gala, or to a wedding, or whatever the event might be – you simply do not care about the victims of such people.

And Christ does not care about you.

Let's Talk about "Peace"

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On July 26, 2021

In Counseling

Isa 9:6 For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Christ is titled the Prince of Peace. We look forward to the fullness of His kingdom in large part because there will be unending, complete and final peace. Every single aspect of war and conflict, sin and hatred, racism and injustice will be gone forever. Peace is a beautiful thing that in reality none of us have ever known in its full glory.

And when it comes to this evil business of abuse that we deal with, we are confronted by various “experts” who claim to hold the key to giving us peace. There are numbers of ministries that focus on this issue of peace. Some are worse than others, but most all of them raise my suspicions. Over and over again victims who go to them for help end up being put on trial. They are told that “well, God wants peace restored in your life so here is what YOU need to do.” That sort of thing. The problem is that so often what the victim “needs” to do is to make peace with her abuser!

Now, think this through. How does the Prince of Peace establish peace? Even now, but on that Day also when He comes again? How does Christ fill the creation once again with peace? I can tell you:

2Th 1:5-9 This is evidence of the righteous judgment of God, that you may be considered worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are also suffering— (6) since indeed God considers it just to repay with affliction those who afflict you, (7) and to grant relief to you who are afflicted as well as to us, when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven with his mighty angels (8) in flaming fire, inflicting vengeance on those who do not know God and on those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus. (9) They will suffer the punishment of eternal destruction, away from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of his might,

There will be no negotiations with the enemy. Only full and complete destruction. The wicked will be cast into the Lake of Fire and we will never ever see or hear from them again.

And I want to tell you that THIS aspect of peace, that is to say, this business of HOW Christ is going to fill the creation with peace, is swept under the carpet by most supposed “abuse ministries,” churches, and pastors today. In other words, the “peace” they promise via their various programs and formulas is a false peace. As our friend Lynn has recently said in her post on Hezekiah’s prayer, there is no place for imprecatory prayer in these people’s system. As a result, we see that the Christ they serve is not the Lord Jesus of the Bible. He is a watered down version who loves everyone the same and what Paul says in 2 Thessalonians is, well, not worthy of this Jesus they serve.

So beware. Most “peace” that is promised by this myriad of “Christian” ministries is a false peace. Abuse victims are not going to have peace until they are able to be free of their abuser and that means that in this present life, absolute peace is not going to be achieved. The amazing thing about the New heavens and New Earth that we who are in Christ are headed for is this:

Rev 21:4-8 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (5) And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” (6) And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. (7) The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son. (8) But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.”

See it? The former things will have passed away. That means a whole lot more than we realize. It means that those triggering memories, all that PTSD, all of it – will be gone! Every tear. Every aspect of death. Gone. And why? Not only because of our new resurrection selfs, but because the wicked will have received their portion in that burning, eternal lake. We will never see them again. Will we think of them again? I don’t think so. And that is real peace.

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