Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 41 of 88

The Lord’s Other Prayer – Psalm 109

By

On December 1, 2021

In Biblical Teaching

A friend recently reminded me again of this 109th Psalm and even put together a template of it so that we can personalize it and pray this prayer against the wicked. [If you would like the template you can email me and I will send it].

I say that this Psalm is the Lord’s “Other Prayer” because we all know about the “Our Father who art in heaven…” Lord’s prayer, but do you know about this one? There are clear references in this Psalm to Christ, showing us that it is a Messianic Psalm – the words of Christ if you will. Make no mistake, Jesus offered this prayer against His enemies, just as King David did.

As you read it, think about how “Un-christian” this prayer of Christ is regarded today by most people who claim to be Christians. I have often said that most professing Christians think they are better Christians than Jesus was! And yet, here is this prayer (and there are others like it) which it is right and good and proper and FREEING for us to pray! Ready? Here it is-

Psa 109:1-31 To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David. Be not silent, O God of my praise! (2) For wicked and deceitful mouths are opened against me, speaking against me with lying tongues. (3) They encircle me with words of hate, and attack me without cause. (4) In return for my love they accuse me, but I give myself to prayer. (5) So they reward me evil for good, and hatred for my love.

(6) Appoint a wicked man against him; let an accuser stand at his right hand.

(7) When he is tried, let him come forth guilty; let his prayer be counted as sin! (8) May his days be few; may another take his office! (9) May his children be fatherless and his wife a widow! (10) May his children wander about and beg, seeking food far from the ruins they inhabit!

(11) May the creditor seize all that he has; may strangers plunder the fruits of his toil! (12) Let there be none to extend kindness to him, nor any to pity his fatherless children! (13) May his posterity be cut off; may his name be blotted out in the second generation! (14) May the iniquity of his fathers be remembered before the LORD, and let not the sin of his mother be blotted out!

(15) Let them be before the LORD continually, that he may cut off the memory of them from the earth! (16) For he did not remember to show kindness, but pursued the poor and needy and the brokenhearted, to put them to death. (17) He loved to curse; let curses come upon him! He did not delight in blessing; may it be far from him! (18) He clothed himself with cursing as his coat; may it soak into his body like water, like oil into his bones! (19) May it be like a garment that he wraps around him, like a belt that he puts on every day! (20) May this be the reward of my accusers from the LORD, of those who speak evil against my life!

(21) But you, O GOD my Lord, deal on my behalf for your name’s sake; because your steadfast love is good, deliver me! (22) For I am poor and needy, and my heart is stricken within me. (23) I am gone like a shadow at evening; I am shaken off like a locust. (24) My knees are weak through fasting; my body has become gaunt, with no fat. (25) I am an object of scorn to my accusers; when they see me, they wag their heads.

(26) Help me, O LORD my God! Save me according to your steadfast love! (27) Let them know that this is your hand; you, O LORD, have done it! (28) Let them curse, but you will bless! They arise and are put to shame, but your servant will be glad! (29) May my accusers be clothed with dishonor; may they be wrapped in their own shame as in a cloak! (30) With my mouth I will give great thanks to the LORD; I will praise him in the midst of the throng. (31) For he stands at the right hand of the needy one, to save him from those who condemn his soul to death.

If Your Plumb Line is Off…Everything will be

By

On November 29, 2021

In Biblical Teaching

2Co 10:12 Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.

If you have ever built something like a shed or any structure like that, you know how vital it is that the foundation and frame are true. Square. Plumb. Verticals must be vertical, horizontals have to be level, the foundation diagonals must be equal – or you are going to struggle every step of the way.

The Apostle Paul gives a sobering warning in the verse above. How foolish would it be to calibrate a measurement with a tool that was inaccurate? Like using a 13″ ruler as a one foot ruler and assuming it is in fact 12″ because you compared it with one just like it. You get the point.

Well, when it comes to examining ourselves, it is crucial that we know if we are spiritually “plumb” or not. If we use a bad plumb line, then our conclusion is going to go wrong. Paul admonished the Corinthians for comparing themselves with themselves. They weren’t looking at Christ, they weren’t comparing themselves to His truth – no, they were looking at one another and deciding that they were just fine in soul.

If you are not born again, and you are just sure that you are, it is because you are measuring yourself with a defective instrument. You are looking at that guy or this gal and deciding that you are quite fine – certainly better than they are. But we must use the plumb line Christ has given us in order to really know if we are born again or not.

Do we love the brethren? Do we love true Christians? Do we love God’s Word? Does our life show that the Spirit of Christ is in us and leading us, or are we walking in the flesh? Are the fruits of the Spirit evident in our lives? Does the world hate us or do worldlings really have no problem at all with us? These and more are the plumb lines to use.

Are you born again? Are you? I am not asking if you say that you believe in Jesus. Nor am I asking if you have been a church member all your life. Or if you have been baptized? Or if you say your prayers at night. I am asking – are you born again? This regeneration is entirely a work of God, a re-birth that only He can accomplish. It is an act of creation, of raising a dead man to life. Has the Lord raised you up from the dead? The answer to this question, given in truth, would clear up a whole bunch of confusion in many people’s lives. Because in the end, unless we are born again, everything else we are doing “in Jesus’ name,” is meaningless.

Mat 7:21-23 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. (22) On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ (23) And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

Some More Thoughts on Perpetual Victimhood

By

On November 24, 2021

In Counseling

I have written recently on this topic of perpetual victimhood, but I believe it is necessary to keep this subject before all of us. I am running into it quite often. It concerns this business of therapy and counseling that keep abused people embracing an identity of being a victim. On and on the therapy goes and it keeps people enslaved.

Now I want to be careful to emphasize that we are not saying things like PTSD counseling and therapy do not have a place and are not helpful. Often, most of you know, I have recommended this to victims. HOWEVER, these things must never be an end in themselves and we must be on guard against unbiblical philosophies that can crop up in such counseling. I want to see victims truly healed and victorious over evil and never be snared by the man-centered “therapy” that is so common. There is no deliverance from injury if the remedy is wrong. If you break your leg you don’t want to keep it in a cast forever. And what I am warning against here is the wrong remedies that perpetuate victimhood but have no true cure to offer. Here is the only real and ultimate cure:

Joh 14:1 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.

NOTE: Even though I believe I was quite clear in stating the aim of this article in the opening paragraphs above, emphasizing what I am NOT saying, we have still received several comments from people who apparently failed to read carefully, who have I assume not read my books, and who seem to be very unfamiliar with this ministry to abuse victims. In response, my friend who I quote just below, said this:

You (or I) never said victims shouldn’t have a voice or process what they’ve been through!! You of all people have given victims a voice. And as a counselor myself, I know that of course women have to process what they’ve experienced. You used the word “perpetual “ victim, not ignoring or dismissing the abuse, but getting victory over it. I just heard a testimony of a woman who experienced a lifetime of abuse, and after becoming born again, she went through Celebrate Recovery and has victory over it. Women who stay in victimhood are the ones who marry abusers over and over again. Even the last comment is an accusation of not wanting victims to come forward when that’s exactly what your ministry is all about. They haven’t read your books.

Alright the, here is the post.

A friend of mine recently commented on this matter of perpetual victimhood and here is what she said. This is wisdom so pay close heed:

Anytime someone tells me they have been in counseling, the hair on the back of my neck goes up. If they have been in counseling for years, then how come they are not better? Seeing women who are still victims [after all this prolonged therapy] gets me riled up. As you are teaching in Revelation, at the end of every letter to the churches the Lord says, ‘to the overcomer/victor/conqueror…’. It doesn’t say ‘to the one who ekes by and barely survives.’ I am not seeing women who are overcoming, being victorious, or conquering and yet His word says that we are to be! I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but if we don’t overcome, then the devil wins.

This perpetual victimhood will eventually turn a victim into a mean, abusive person. Why? Because this kind of therapy is not biblical. It is idolatrous because it is the philosophy of me, myself and I. It teaches that it is all about YOU. I know this first hand because I have been on the receiving end of it more than once. Just say or do one thing that “triggers” such a person and they will pull the trigger on you.

My friend (who is a trained professional counselor by the way AND an abuse survivor herself) also said:

Where in the Word does it say, ‘oh poor you, you’ve been treated so horribly (which is true) and as you continue to wallow in that everyone is to understand and walk on eggshells around you.’ The Bible does not say this. It says do not be afraid, rise up, be the head and not the tail, and utterly destroy the real enemy.

‘No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you. Be strong and courageous, for you shall cuase this people to inherit the land that I swore to their fathers to give them. Only be strong and very courageous, being careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you. Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may have good success wherever you go.’ [Joshua 1:5-7]

Micah 7:8 Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD will be a light to me.

Eph 6:10-18 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. (11) Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. (12) For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. (13) Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. (14) Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, (15) and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. (16) In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; (17) and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, (18) praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints…

And here is more wisdom for you yet. This comes from another friend of mine who is an abuse survivor and who is also a survivor of something even more serious than domestic abuse. She is a survivor of false Christianity and a false gospel which kept her deceived for many years. Listen to her carefully now:

I’ve come to see and understand more fully that people in perpetual counseling like this don’t want to be healed. That is, healed in Christ. They are not born again, nor are they seeking to be. They are happy to stay in the past and talk and talk and talk about themselves, their problems, their pain, what happened to them, etc… they can’t ever move on.

I love when Jesus asked that man “do you WANT to be healed?” Most people do not. You can see it clearly. They are getting comfort from counselors, not Christ. They are even bringing their children down the same dead road. They cannot see the glory of Christ at all because if they could, He would be drawing them closer to his wisdom, knowledge and Word. He is the only healer. They need to be made new creations and that’s not going to happen trying to get fixed by man.

Let me Tell You the Story of Randy

By

On November 22, 2021

In Churches/Church Response

When I first came to our church here nearly 30 years ago, as I have told you previously, it was a mess. A mass of unconverted people who walked in sin and yet had been assured for years that they were surely fine Christians. One of those people was Randy.

Randy was a stalwart in the community. I was a newcomer, so even though people knew that Randy was no one they really wanted to associate much with, nevertheless they still gave him rank over me. That’s how these things work, as most of you know.

Randy was a liar. He was a fake and he was, well, a loser. He was a wannabe, putting himself off as a fine Christian, and yet he was anything but. Randy had connections though through other members of his family and he rode on their coat tails, seeking praise for himself yet never measuring up.

Well, as I said, Randy was a liar. I knew this firsthand because he lied to me. And it was a significant lie because in it Randy endangered the people in our church. When I told the church board about this, they blew me off. In fact, they acted quite upset that I would say such a thing about Randy. I was causing trouble for them, you know, just like a domestic abuse victim does when she reports her abuser church member to the pastor.

Randy eventually stormed out of the church one Sunday. Just before I began the worship service, he waltzed into my office, slapped a letter on my desk, and told me that I was going to have to find someone else to “carry on his ministry.” That “ministry,” by the way – if you can believe this – was to bring sex offenders from the local prison to our church services each week and leaving them unsupervised among us. Myself, the local police, and the prison officials put an end to this nonsense. How it ever got started I don’t know, but we told Randy it was over. So Randy wanted to get even. He quit, thinking he was dumping his ministry duties on us. Not real bright – there wasn’t going to be anymore “ministry” like this.

Well, the stalwarts in the church, including the church board members, were still Randy supporters. Here was a mess, as they saw it, that I had caused instead of just leaving things alone.

Fast forward now about 20 years. I received a phone call one day from a lady who had seen my book on domestic abusers hiding in churches and she wanted to talk to me. Turns out that, as we talked, I learned that she was married to – guess who – Randy. She told me about his abuse, how he ruined her economically, and other cruel ways he treated her. I could tell she was afraid of him.

And yet, THIS was the man who the church here 28 years ago, harbored. When his evil started to be exposed, what did the church leaders do? They protected him. Refused to confront him. And of course Randy, after he left our church, simply paraded on down the road to the next church where he was welcomed with open arms and lauded in later years as the most godly Christian anyone in that church knew. I warned the pastor about Randy. What do you suppose he said? You guessed it – he arrogantly told me that he was glad to have Randy in his church and that people often need to make a change and move on. And then I have no doubt that he went right out and told Randy I had called.

Christ sees it all. He walks among the lampstands of His churches. He sees. He knows. And one day it is all going to be broadcast for the entire universe to see and perfect judgment is going to be rended by the King of kings.

Twisted Theology Produces a Den of Abusers Parading as the church

By

On November 18, 2021

In Churches/Church Response

With remarkable frequency we meet abuse victims, mostly Christians, who originally met their abuser in a local church. Or in a Christian college or similar setting. In the church! Why? How can this be?
Well, the answer is not only that abusers are exceptionally deceptive, but churches far and wide have embraced such unsound, twisted theology and warped handling of the Scriptures that evil, unregenerate people are readily embraced and pronounced “saved.” This is why, as we have said before, how we answer the apparently simple, but not so simple question—”Just who is a Christian?”—sets the course for what follows.

For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. (Romans 8:5-9)

I know of a professedly “Christian” organization that repeatedly announces its “Christian” mission. It hammers that mission statement home to all of its employees and insists they get on board showing “the love of Jesus” to the world. And yet all kinds of vile language is habitually practiced and tolerated in this “ministry”. People who are in no way Christian, who don’t even profess to be Christian, are told to get on with the mission.

What does this tell us? It tells us that this “ministry” is in fact essentially universalistic in doctrine. That is to say, everyone is capable of being a Christian. Everyone is a Christian — as long as they mouth the “mission.” And this is precisely what is going on in so many local churches today. People who have not repented, who still walk in sin, but who mouth the right “Jesus” words on Sunday (or on Facebook) are pronounced saved and born again and the rest of us are told that the only real sin we could commit is to call such counterfeits on the carpet. That, you see, would be judgmental. And we must not be judgmental you know.

So what happens? The local church becomes the field of play for the wicked looking for an easy target. The soul of the wicked desires evil; his neighbor finds no mercy in his eyes (Prov 21:10). Here comes young Sally who has been taught all the typical distortions about love, forgiveness, patience, and submission and BAM! He sees her, gets his hooks into her, and you all know the rest of the story from there.

Jesus came to a den of thieves like this and cleaned house. It’s long past time that we do the same. To refuse to repent and throw out the soul-thieves, is to participate in their evil and to be condemned right along with them.

Isa 1:10-17 Hear the word of the LORD, you rulers of Sodom! Give ear to the teaching of our God, you people of Gomorrah! (11) “What to me is the multitude of your sacrifices? says the LORD; I have had enough of burnt offerings of rams and the fat of well-fed beasts; I do not delight in the blood of bulls, or of lambs, or of goats. (12) “When you come to appear before me, who has required of you this trampling of my courts? (13) Bring no more vain offerings; incense is an abomination to me. New moon and Sabbath and the calling of convocations— I cannot endure iniquity and solemn assembly. (14) Your new moons and your appointed feasts my soul hates; they have become a burden to me; I am weary of bearing them. (15) When you spread out your hands, I will hide my eyes from you; even though you make many prayers, I will not listen; your hands are full of blood. (16) Wash yourselves; make yourselves clean; remove the evil of your deeds from before my eyes; cease to do evil, (17) learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause.

You Must be Born Again

By

On November 15, 2021

In Biblical Teaching

This post is a text I received from our friend Christy. She lives in the “Bible belt” where everyone is a Christian, you know. She wrote this to me because she is seeing, correctly, that being a victim of domestic abuse does not mean the victim is a Christian. If any of us are going to hear Christ’s voice, the voice of the Good Shepherd (see John 10), then we must be born again. Here then is what Christy wrote in this regard:

So I grew up with that arminianism teaching. It was easy peasy Christianity. Most of my adult life was in the United Methodist Church in North Carolina. Went to the Billy Graham museum like everyone else and was in awe. So I probably was in church for 20 years and never heard the full counsel of God, never heard the depravity of man, the doctrines of grace, original sin, the Kingdom of God, etc.

In 2015, I escaped my abuser and found Christ Reformation Church. I started listening to your sermons and can’t stop! I’m finally understanding the effectual call to saving faith and repentance.

I went through so much anger with the church for not teaching what’s in the Bible. I had no clue. I was so ignorant. Here I was teaching 3rd grade SS, doing VBS, committees, all these dead works. At one point I was doing work for 5 different churches because I was afraid to say “no” to God. Everyone took advantage of me. Church was so much work, it was so hard. It wore me out.

Here I was, I had “accepted Jesus” and thought I was saved. What a crock!!! If God had not sent me a wicked evil “Christian” hiding in the church, to make me question everything, I would still be sitting there in that pew with a smile on the outside, but nothing but a miserable guilty sinner on the inside.

What REALLY got my attention, and this is my point- The teachings that I needed to hear were the foundational ones. The Genesis ones… Original Sin, Pollution, The Fall, The Consequences. I can’t tell you how SHOCKED I was when I first heard you and Martyn Lloyd-Jones tell me that I was born with a polluted evil nature. I wasn’t good. I was guilty and didn’t even have the ability to chose God. WHAT??? That was astounding to me.

I think that a lot (most UMC church for sure) don’t teach total depravity. They don’t lay a foundation of man’s original condition. I’m just wondering how many people out there think they have heard the full gospel, but really haven’t (like I was)? I think most churches think it’s too offensive to teach the Fall. This is soooooo vital. How can you become a new creation when you don’t even know what you changed from?

So my idea for your consideration would be to do a little bible study series that you can point people to (like you to with 1 John) that would be like MLJ “Great Biblical Doctrines”. Except you wouldn’t have to go though the whole bible like he did (he spent 3 years, hehe). Start at the beginning and really hammer the depravity. Go back and listen to how great MLJ teachings were. Funny when you first hear this stuff you are shocked. Then later on you love it so much and can’t get enough. We love hearing how wicked we were because God saved us from the wrath we deserved.–

And there it is. You must be born again. Apart from the new birth, you will not have faith to believe God’s promises. You will not be able to hear Christ’s voice. You will be without hope and without God.

And a third Piece of Wisdom (from Lynn)

By

On November 10, 2021

In Abusers, Counseling

Here is a third excerpt from our friend Lynn’s comment last week that is well worth highlighting here in a separate post. Here it is:

Charm and charisma are super deceptive. Charisma is not character. The more charming and charismatic someone is, the higher of a risk you are in being taken advantage of – especially in church settings. They flatter. They deceive. They coax seemingly harmless information out of you that becomes a weapon to harm you once they’ve gotten what they’ve came for. I’ve learned to be very skeptical of those with charisma. Few may have good motives, but most don’t. They use that skill to get what they want and then move on to their next target.

Boundaries can save your life. They are the litmus test for how genuine your relationship with the other person is. If the other person balks when you set a boundary, you’ve seen where their care for you ends and where their own agenda begins. It’s healthy for you to say no to the people and things that do not serve you. God doesn’t require you to punish yourself by staying in a marriage, family, job, or any other relationship with someone who is abusing you. Make a plan to walk away if that’s the only way for you to get free. It will take wisdom and strategy if you find yourself in that place to get free, but it is so worth it. It’s made a world of difference in my life in the last 3 years.

Mutual reciprocity is a mandatory requirement for my relationships. As someone who tends to give more than I get in my relationships, I’ve decided that the relationships that I will invest in require both parties to be giving and getting from the relationship. I can’t be the only one calling, texting, and keeping the relationship alive. Those who love you should be willing to make an effort to contribute to the health of the relationship. Are there times when one person might do more than the other? Sure. But if it becomes a pattern, then be careful, it’s revealing the character of the other person and how they feel about you.

I could write much more about these points, but let me just comment on the last one because it is one that has been a repeated trap for me. When we have to be, as Lynn said, the one keeping a friendship/relationship alive, when WE have to be the spark plug that must fire if anything is ever going to happen, then something is terribly wrong. This is not the mark of a healthy relationship. I know that I have often kept blowing on the embers simply because I sensed that if I didn’t, the fire would die out. But then, what kind of friendship is that? A toxic one.

Lynn ended her comment with these words:

Trust your gut. If you get a weird feeling from someone, pay attention to it. Your body is trying to warn you. It knows something’s wrong. One of my biggest regrets is ignoring those warnings and having some very painful emotional, spiritual, and financial abuse as a result of it. When you want to belong and be loved, it’s easy to dismiss those warnings. We are wired for human connection. The challenge is for those of us who’ve been chronically abused, is that our baseline is screwed up. What we know to be “normal” is actually abusive. Fortunately, we don’t have to stay there. Just like how we learned the bad patterns as children, we can learn new patterns and rewire the brain to respond to them instead of the bad ones.

In Christ, there is freedom from that abuse. The scriptures help us renew our minds so we can grow in wisdom and become spiritually mature. In prayer, we communicate with God sharing all of who we are, asking for his wisdom, justice, and righteousness to prevail, trusting that no matter the outcome – whether it’s here or in eternity – the abusers will get their just end.

A Second Vital truth (from Lynn)

By

On November 8, 2021

In Abusers

Here is another great insight taken from Lynn’s recent comment. Like the first, I want to highlight this one because it is so important. Here you go:

A big part of why I was so vulnerable was I longed for a place to belong and people who would love me for me, not what I could do for them. Growing up where love was transactional and the bar to meet it was constantly moving left me feeling unloved and unworthy of love. While I knew that God loves me, it’s taken me a while to believe it because many who profess the name of Christ aren’t saved. They don’t want to do the work of loving the brethren because that requires real effort, commitment, and sacrifice. They want their comfy lives where it doesn’t cost them much to be a Christian, while the victims of abuse languish. Or they use their generosity as a tool for manipulation and control.

Fierce loneliness and desire for human connection was a tool that the enemy exploited for a long time in my life. I’d share personal information too quickly in a relationship in order to try and make genuine connections. That choice left me vulnerable to untrustworthy people who used that information to get their own needs met at the expense of my own.

Oh man, how many times I have blown it in regard to this trap. When we follow Christ, we are not going to be popular. Like, for instance, the Apostle Paul – we can find ourselves quite alone and that loneliness can make us very vulnerable. Add to this toxic mix that wicked people will act like they love us when in fact all they are doing is using us because they see us as being in a position to do for them. As a pastor I have fallen for this one over and over. And guess what? The second you become of no use to them, you are dumped – in the blink of an eye. “Fierce loneliness and desire for human connection is a tool that the enemy will exploit.” Truth! Beware.

Some Very Important Points (from Lynn)

By

On November 3, 2021

In Biblical Teaching, False Teaching

Lynn, our friend who follows this blog, recently made a lengthy comment in response to the post which asked if we are stupid if we repeatedly get duped by evil. I want to highlight the points Lynn made in several articles so that each one gets maximum exposure. Thank you Lynn. These points helped me quite a lot as well.

So here is the first:

It is critical that you diligently study the Bible and compare what anyone else says to scripture. Test the spirit of the person to see if they’re from God. Getting the right handling of the core doctrines of faith is key, but you mustn’t stop there. It’s about the practical application of those doctrines that reveal the heart of a person. Become wise about the nature of evil, what it looks like. Many of us have been trapped by twisted theology that has kept us in bondage because we didn’t fully understand the nature of evil and how it parades itself as an angel of light. Be willing to mine your past experiences to see what lessons you can learn from them so that you stop repeating the patterns that are resulting in you being abused. Knowing what not to do is just as powerful as knowing what to do.

This is why I increasingly have been encouraging abuse victims and others to go to the Christ Reformation Church youtube channel and start going through the 1 John Bible study series there. We also have other video series too but 1 John is a great starter because it will help you sort out all the false unbiblical, well, garbage, that most of us have been taught in church.

It really is true – we MUST study Scripture ourselves and compare what others are claiming the Bible says with what we ourselves read. You can also grab a copy of my book Wise as Serpents off of Amazon and read it as a help in wising up about evil. For example, a huge barrier that keeps victims in abuse is that they have been told that their abuser is a Christian, just like he claims. He isn’t, and the Bible plainly says so. Once you realize that, other things start to become much clearer.

Here then is the first point Lynn made. The next post will have another insight into lessons she learned in the school of hard knocks.

I Have Married three Abusers — Am I stupid?

By

On November 1, 2021

In Victims

The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water.” Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” The woman answered him, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You are right in saying, ‘I have no husband’; for you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband. What you have said is true.” (John 4:15-18)

Over the years in this ministry to abuse victims we have been fairly regularly contacted by victims who are not only presently married to an abuser but who have been married previously to other abusers. And in most cases they are asking themselves, “Just how stupid can I be?” Or, “What is wrong with me?” Or, “Am I going to be alone for the rest of my life?”  These questions and more.

I suspect many of you who follow this blog can relate very well to this scenario. And many people who are ignorant of abuse and abusers will be quick to answer those questions  — “Well, yes, you must be stupid.”  “Yes, there surely is something wrong with you.” But in reality all that has happened in most of these cases is that a wicked, deceiving person came along, identified some vulnerability in his target, capitalized on it, and deceived her (or him).  All of us have had that deception dupe us in some relationship or other and most often more than once.

Was the Samaritan woman at the well a loose woman who went from man to man? That is usually what is claimed, but surely there is a very high probability that she was the victim of deceiving, using men and she was an easy target for them.  Why? Might I suggest it was because she was “thirsty,” but she was looking for the wrong kind of water to quench that thirst.  John 4 is the record of that day when Living Water met her and she was never the same again.

Yes, I would suggest that a victim who has been duped by abusers several times does need to look within herself. Not to blame, but to try to understand what it is that is making her so vulnerable to evil ones. Does she fear being alone? Does she believe she is just rather worthless if a man doesn’t want her? Maybe she is just too naive about evil? Often she is just plain too “nice.” None of these possibilities is sin, but each one is certainly dangerous.

It seems to me that a woman who has been repeatedly abused in a sequence of “marriages” must be somewhat similar to the traumatized rape victim. Through deception and guile the rapist drew her in, used her by force, and cast her away. Or if she is still with the abuser, he is killing her slowly, just as a rapist so often murders his victim.

We know numbers of women who have been through this chain of abusive marriages, and I am sure that they could be greatly helped by our readers, especially those who have had the same experience. What have you discovered about why this happened to you? Did you have some awakening moments when some truth jumped out at you that helped you? How can a victim of this serial abuse make some changes to break out of this cycle of being a target?

Page 41 of 88

Previous

Next