Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 25 of 88

More Thoughts on Exposure of the Wicked

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On April 19, 2023

In Abusers, Churches/Church Response, Evil

Mat 10:26-27 “So have no fear of them, for nothing is covered that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. (27) What I tell you in the dark, say in the light, and what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops.

Rev 20:12 And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Then another book was opened, which is the book of life. And the dead were judged by what was written in the books, according to what they had done.

Joh 3:19-20 And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. (20) For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed.

The Lord is light. He is truth. When Christ came into this world, He came as Light to expose what was hidden in the darkness of sin in this fallen place. He came to expose evil, and evildoers hated Him for it.

As we have discussed this matter of RASN’s* we have often dealt with the subject of the disguise they wear. We talk about covert narcissists, for example. Covered. Wearing a mask. As Paul put it in his letter to the Corinthians, the servants of the devil often appear among us as “sons of righteousness.”

Now, all of this mask-wearing business is an example of what the Bible calls, darkness. Satan’s kingdom is the kingdom of darkness. He is the prince of darkness. His servants dwell in darkness – in a realm where truth cannot be seen. It is a region of lies and deception. And that is the realm in which RASNs live and operate.

What, then, is the reaction of this evil realm to light? John tells us – men loved darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil. Evil thrives on darkness and is, then, like the vampire. You’ve seen the vampire movies, like Bram Stoker’s Dracula? What happens when light strikes the vampire? The creature vaporizes. Vampires hate the light. I don’t know if Stoker was building on any knowledge of biblical truth here, but he did come up with a perfect illustration of how evil regards the light. It hates it. When John says that men loved darkness rather than light, he is necessarily also saying, men hated the light. They hated Christ because the Light of the world shone upon and exposed who and what they really were.

And so it is today. Evil people hate the light. They hate the truth. They hate exposure and therefore they hate anyone who exposes them for what they are.

One of the unwritten rules RASNs have with their victims is, you will never talk to anyone about me. You will always speak well of me. What goes on in this house is never to be spoken of outside these walls. If you ever talk to anyone about me I will make you pay. RASNs hate the light. It exposes them. In fact, then, such evil people who wear a “christian” disguise actually hate Christ. It is inevitable. For all of their religious talk, they hate Christ. They hate His Word. They hate people who truly belong to Him. Because it is light. It is truth. It exposes.

Joh 8:12 Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Very often victims of the wicked are guilted into remaining silent. A wife is told, for example, to never, ever speak anything critical of her husband. They are ordered to “think the best.” They are accused of slander or gossip. But speaking the truth is not slander or gossip. Slander, in fact, is something the children of darkness do. Slander is speaking lies. Light is truth.

If we are not diligent and careful, darkness will sweep over our churches. How? Children of darkness will creep in and oppose the light of God’s Word. False laws will be created – claiming to have their origins in Scripture – laws that are lies. And those lies are always designed to cover up, to maintain the mask, to permit evil to remain in darkness, to punish anyone walking in the light.

It is not a sin to expose evil. It is not a sin to speak the truth. If evildoers do not want to have their evil exposed, then they need to repent of that evil and cease from sinning. But, of course, that is hardly ever the response to the light that we see. Like vampires, the fangs come out against anyone who would dare stand with the true Christ, who is the Light of the World.

*Revilers, Abusers, Sociopaths, Narcissists

Don’t Get Drawn into the Fantasy World of the Wicked

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On April 17, 2023

In Abusers, Evil, Getting Free

1Jn 1:6 If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.

RASN’s (you are probably getting this acronym by now, Reviler, Abuser, Sociopaths, Narcissists) live in a fantasy world of their own creation. In their kingdom, they are king (or queen). All revolves around them. Other people exist only to be their supply/reservoir feeding their ego with praise and adulation. Apart from this function, which they demand of us, we have no value at all.

RASN’s are entitled. They are superior. They deserve. Every problem they face – at work, at home, in the church – is fundamentally a failure of others to acknowledge their superiority and given them the adoration to which they are entitled.

This, of course, is a world of fantasy. A fictional land created by a wicked soul.

Now, here is the point I want to make – if we are not wise to all of this, if we are blind to what we are facing, or if we choose some benefit that the wicked offer us, then WE are going to be drawn into that land of lies. We will become an ally of evil.

To some degree we have all done this. RASN’s are very deceptive and most people are not wise to their game. So they draw us in. We defend them. We cover for them. We believe them. We think that they aren’t appreciated at work as they deserve. We think that they are misunderstood. Until….

Until the lights go on and we see who they really are. And here is a critical point of decision – will we continue to participate in their land of fantasy for the benefits we might get from doing so, or will we depart from this darkness and come out into the Light of the Lord’s truth?

Sadly, I have seen numbers of cases in which the RASN’s target has made the wrong choice here. In order to keep the financial benefits, to maintain the image, to avoid the cost of standing for righteousness, they chose to continue play-acting with the wicked. They chose the world rather than Christ and in doing so became the ally of the wicked one. They chose to live a lie.

This is what the targets of RASN’s* so often endure in their churches

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On April 17, 2023

In Churches/Church Response, Counseling

The following is an excerpt from a letter I received some years ago from a lady who was married to an abuser and who went to her pastor and his wife about the matter. Ultimately after it all played out, she was ex-communicated formally from her church for refusing to remain married to the wicked man. And then some years after that, the pastor was expelled from his denomination. A few people from the church apologized to this lady, saying that their leadership had lied to them. But no mention was made of their church’s failure to discipline her abuser, even though he was also a member of the church.

My Pastor and his wife asked to meet with me this past Sunday.  I always feel a dread to these meetings, because I walk away feeling so hopeless after I have spoken with them.  I am usually a real mess for a couple of days and just pray and ask God to show me if I am being rebellious in anyway. 

These are some of the things that they have said to me, and I am wondering what you think of them:

1.    They tell me that I need to make it easy for my husband not to sin.  I am not certain how to do that.   I have never said anything to my husband, that I know of, to cause these outbursts of wrath from him, but I think they think I must have done something.  I do not argue with him or talk down to him.  I do not respond to him, except with fearful silence, when he is behaving this way.  My Pastor and his wife are very into nouthetic counseling and I do not know that much about it. 

2.    They tell me that I am not to assume anything, based on his past behavior or otherwise.  They say that he said he loves me and they believe him.  They say he said he was sorry, and that I need to wipe the slate clean and encourage him, instead of being angry and distant.  I cry a lot over this, first of all, because he has repented so many times in the past, and it has always been false repentance.  I also cry because I do not know how to make myself feel close to him anymore.  I do not want to be intimate with a man who talked about me sexually, in the ways that he did.  I am not certain I can heal enough from this, to trust him again or be intimate with him again.  They think I should not think about the notes, but I can’t help but remember all the hate. 

And the abusive controlling demands from the pastor continued –

“They say that they want me to send any emails I write to my husband, to them first, so they can make sure that they are encouraging to him. “

They say that I can never know that and it isn’t for me to judge him. 

And the result of all of this “pastoral counseling”? –

These are the things that upset me so much that I just cry and cry.  I feel so weak and defenseless after talking to them.  Do you think that is rebellion on my part?  Do you think that I am just resisting submitting to my husband? 

These things are not uncommon. You can see how such “counseling” could even lead to suicide. It is absolutely spiritual malpractice but, unlike the secular counseling world, churches most often have no accountability.

*RASN = Revilers, Abusers, Sociopaths, Narcissists

Last Week’s Video Links

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On April 15, 2023

In Abusers

Sunday Sermon – He is Risen,

Ephesians Study

Revelation Study

How Likely is it that it is ALWAYS your fault?

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On April 12, 2023

In Abusers, Getting Free, Narcissist, Supporting Victims, Victims

1Ki 18:17 When Ahab saw Elijah, Ahab said to him, “Is it you, you troubler of Israel?”

I have written on this subject before, but as is really always true – repetition is very important. You know by now that RASN’s (Revilers, Abusers, Sociopaths, Narcissists) never own their sin. They always accuse and blame their target – YOU. It’s always your fault. That is why it is pretty common to hear abuse victims say “I’m sorry” in an almost automatic manner. They have been trained by these servants of the devil (who himself is “the accuser of the brethren”) to assume they are the problem.

Wicked king Ahab pulled this on Elijah, but the Prophet wasn’t going to have it-

1Ki 18:18 And he answered, “I have not troubled Israel, but you have, and your father’s house, because you have abandoned the commandments of the LORD and followed the Baals.

Have you ever considered this – just how likely is it that you are always the one who sinned, erred, blew it…. ? Always? Really? You never do anything right. You always sin. Your response is always wrong. I think a bit of thought on this will certainly lead us to the obvious answer – “It isn’t likely at all.” It isn’t likely that the economic problems are your fault because you always spend too much. It isn’t likely that the children are showing signs of trauma only because you are a bad mother. The probability that the car always breaks down because you didn’t check the tire pressure or you didn’t change the oil, or you ignored a trouble light, or…..

We all sin. We all mess up. Sometimes things go amiss because we just had too much on our plate to prevent them. And being the target of a RASN certainly adds a whole LOT to our plate.

Don’t be too quick to wear the blame and shame. As they say, even a stopped clock is right twice each day! And the typical RASN, in contrast, is wrong a whole bunch more that twice per day. RASN’s are fools. They fancy themselves to be wise and perfect (just ask them), but that is a delusion of their own making. They err with virtually every thought and action because their arrogance and quest for power taints everything about them, so that the probability of a RASN always being wrong is extremely high.

How do they take a rebuke?

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On April 10, 2023

In Abusers, Getting Free, Narcissist

Gal 2:11-14 But when Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned. (12) For before certain men came from James, he was eating with the Gentiles; but when they came he drew back and separated himself, fearing the circumcision party. (13) And the rest of the Jews acted hypocritically along with him, so that even Barnabas was led astray by their hypocrisy. (14) But when I saw that their conduct was not in step with the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas before them all, “If you, though a Jew, live like a Gentile and not like a Jew, how can you force the Gentiles to live like Jews?”

The Apostle Paul rebuked Peter, a fellow Apostle. And he did so “in the presence of all.” The reason for this admonishment was a serious deviation and corruption of the gospel had occurred. Peter, fearing men, was communicating to the Gentiles that they must practice the ceremonial law as well as believe in Christ to be justified. Even though Peter was a friend and fellow Apostle, Paul nevertheless called him out and sternly admonished him.

How a person receives correction is very telling. None of us in our flesh enjoy being corrected. It is humbling. When truthfully and properly given, an admonishment requires me to confess my sin or my error – “Yes, I was not kind. Please forgive me.” “Yes, you are right, I was careless and this is my fault.” Peter was wrong. He sinned. And yet he accepted the rebuke. We know this because later he wrote this: “2Pe 3:15 And count the patience of our Lord as salvation, just as our beloved brother Paul also wrote to you according to the wisdom given him…”.

A wicked person will not accept correction. They will blame, excuse, project…anything but confess. They will respond in anger and arrogance as if their own sin were immaterial. All that matters now is that YOU rebuked them and therefore YOU are the problem. Peter could have clung to his sin, turned on Paul, cried and moaned about how Paul rebuked him, and made it all about anyone but himself.

Therefore, how a person responds to correction is very, very telling about the real nature of their character. Someone who is truly humble, even if initially they are defensive and terse, will apologize and admit their error or sin. Why? Because a real Christian loves his brother. His or her love, for instance, for their spouse will override their pain at being rebuked. The wicked only love themselves.

There is real wisdom and help in this. A safe person accepts correction. Even if that correction is given in error, a safe person will not respond in hatred. Where the love of Christ is present in a friendship, as it was in Peter and Paul, there will not be a rejecting spirit which places ego and pride above all else.

There is one other lesson to learn from this Scripture about Paul and Peter. John Calvin puts it this way:

We notice that Paul did not spare Peter, despite the fact that they were friends, and despite the dignity and nobility of Peter’s office [ie, an Apostle], which might have led Paul to overlook the fault. [John Calvin, Sermons on Galatians, Banner of Truth Trust]

In this case, the issue at stake was of such vital importance (the integrity of the gospel) that it could not be ignored nor excused. This makes such situations quite difficult sometimes, doesn’t it? Will my friend still be my friend if I admonish/correct him? Well, the answer to that question is – if he/she is really a Christian, if they therefore truly love me, then yes, they will still be my friend. If not, well then, now I will know. And if I do not correct them, I must ask myself why? Often the answer to that question is simply that I know they do not accept correction, they do not have a pattern of confessing and owning up to their sins and errors. And that means they are not a safe person at all. The love of Christ is not in them.

The Resurrection and Worship, by R.C. Sproul

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On April 9, 2023

In Biblical Teaching, Sermons

This link is to a message by R.C. Sproul which we will be watching in the first hour Sunday class this morning (Easter). It is excellent and very appropriate for Easter. He is Risen!

Video Links to last Week’s Sunday class, Sermon, and mid-week Bible studies

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On April 6, 2023

In Biblical Teaching, Blog News

These are links to the Pilgrim’s Progress class, Sunday sermon (April 2nd), and the two mid-week Studies (Ephesians and Revelation). I will try to remember to post these here each week.

NOTE: We concluded Pilgrim’s Progress reading (21 videos) last Sunday but all of the class videos (as is true of all these series) are posted on YouTube (Light for Dark Times, Jeff Crippen) and at sermonaudio.com/crc. WE WILL BE STARTING PART 2 OF PILGRIM’S PROGRESS IN TWO WEEKS.

Pilgrim’s Progress link

Sermon – Going to the Table by JC Ryle

Ephesians Study

Revelation Study

Whitewash and Dead Men’s Bones

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On April 5, 2023

In Abusers, Churches/Church Response, Narcissist, Spiritual Abuse

Mat 23:27-28 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. (28) So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.

When I read this powerful string of “woes” Jesus pronounced upon the religious leaders, my mind goes immediately to them – the scribes and Pharisees. And so it should. They were the direct targets of the divine woes.

But as we think about this some more, there is a real warning here for all of us. Not only that we must guard against being hypocrites ourselves, but that there are these kind within the church. Whitewash on the outside, outwardly beautiful, but inside full of all sorts of evils. They are stinking and rotting within.

Not only are these kind inside the local churches, they are on a quest for power and control, so they inevitably crave to work their way up the religious corporate ladder. And we are not wise. We let them advance – we even vote for them. After all, just look at how white they are, how beautiful and fine their holiness is.

There is evil within the visible church. There IS. Creeps creep in, as Jude put it. And wherever they do, wherever they deceive the masses and gain power, it is a given that they are going to abuse the defenseless –

Mar 12:38-40 And in his teaching he said, “Beware of the scribes, who like to walk around in long robes and like greetings in the marketplaces (39) and have the best seats in the synagogues and the places of honor at feasts, (40) who devour widows’ houses and for a pretense make long prayers. They will receive the greater condemnation.”

They devour widow’s houses. They abuse the weak. And if we are not wise, we will help put them in those positions.

Getting the Log Out

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On April 4, 2023

In Abusers, Evil, Narcissist

Luk 6:41-42 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? (42) How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother’s eye.

RASNs (Revilers, Abusers, Sociopaths, Narcissists) have a log in their eye. It remains there by choice. The log represents their willful blindness to their own sin. Jesus calls them hypocrites because they go about knit-picking the flaws of others (specks) while they themselves have this huge obstacle blinding them to their own evils.

We have all known these kind. There have been occasions no doubt when we ourselves have been guilty of this willful blindness to our own sin while focusing on the bit of sawdust in someone else. But a real Christian will be convicted by the Spirit of the Lord in them – He shows us our own sin and we are brought to repentance. Not only for the sin itself, but for the additional sin of being speck-searchers in others.

We should also note that self-examination as the Spirit leads us is not a process by which we find sin in ourselves which is not sin. That is to say, the Lord does not falsely convict or accuse us of things we are not guilty of. RASNs do that, but not the Lord. Self-examination is healthy only if it finds genuine wood that needs to be removed by repentance.

Now, back to this log. RASNs as you know, (and this is Jesus’ point) are willfully blind to the log in their own eye. The Lord’s point is that a person whose own life is a mass of sin is disqualified from sitting in judgment upon others. But there is more. Jesus’ illustration here also demonstrates that the log-in-the-eye person is actually energized by his own sin to go about speck-hunting. It’s part of the dynamic of hypocrisy. Hypocrites live in a double-standard world where loads of sin are permissible for them, while their targets are mercilessly accused.

RASNs are never guilty. Just ask them. They are never to blame. It’s always that speck in you and you must never, ever point to their log. Just pretend it isn’t there – like they do.

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