Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 23 of 88

Say it: There IS a Reward for the Righteous

Say there is a reward for the righteous.

Psalm 58:11

The Lord tells us in this Scripture that we must always come to this conclusion: When you see things in such confusion that all order is turned upside down and God favors the wicked and hates the good, or that only chance rules, that God is asleep in heaven, that he no longer governs the affairs of this world, you must continue to be convinced that the righteous will reap the fruit of their labors.

So it is true there can be no worse temptation than to think we waste our labor when we serve God, bless his name, and submit to him, but we must be persuaded that God does not intend to disappoint those who honor and serve him.

If we do not have that assurance, we cannot ever have the least desire to devote ourselves to God. If we think that God turns his back on us, that he mocks us when we labor here below, that he closes his eyes, and that we waste our time living with great care, who among us can apply himself to well-doing?

Therefore, because those who serve God and draw nearest to him have that conviction, he rewards those who fear him. We see that the worst and deadliest temptation that Satan can place before us is to make us think we waste our time when we pray to God and have recourse to him. All the more must we be vigilant against that temptation, seeing that it is so dangerous and destructive.

[John Calvin, Sermons on Job, Vol 1 pp 105-6, Banner of Truth Trust]

Last Week’s Video Links to our Sermons, Class, and Bible Studies

Christiana (Pilgrim’s Progress Pt 2)

Sunday Sermon, Will We See Sadie Again (Pt 2)

Ephesians Bible Study

Revelation Bible Study

A Scripture for this Lord’s Day

Psa 18:46-50 The LORD lives, and blessed be my rock, and exalted be the God of my salvation— (47) the God who gave me vengeance and subdued peoples under me, (48) who rescued me from my enemies; yes, you exalted me above those who rose against me; you delivered me from the man of violence. (49) For this I will praise you, O LORD, among the nations, and sing to your name. (50) Great salvation he brings to his king, and shows steadfast love to his anointed, to David and his offspring forever.

The Root of the Problem

Mat 7:21-23 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. (22) On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ (23) And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

1Co 5:1-6 It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that is not tolerated even among pagans, for a man has his father’s wife. (2) And you are arrogant! Ought you not rather to mourn? Let him who has done this be removed from among you. (3) For though absent in body, I am present in spirit; and as if present, I have already pronounced judgment on the one who did such a thing. (4) When you are assembled in the name of the Lord Jesus and my spirit is present, with the power of our Lord Jesus, (5) you are to deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord. (6) Your boasting is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump?

1Co 5:11-13 But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. (12) For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? (13) God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”

One of the common, recurring frustrations that targets of RASNs experience and cry out against is that RASNs are allowed to remain in local churches. In fact, it is quite often the case that the victim is the one who is put out – either formally or informally. In light of the scriptures quoted above, and many others, the wicked are to be put out from among us. But typically evil remains in the pews, permitted to go right on wearing wool while worrying the true sheep. Why?

The root of the injustice is something fundamental. It is the root of the problem. And I was reminded of this recently when I was going through some old records in our church files. (I may have mentioned this to you before, but it is worth repeating). I knew most of the names and faces that kept cropping up in those records (they used to keep a picture directory each year). I knew them because many were still here when I came – and so I knew their fruits. That fruit was almost entirely rotten. Not just borderline rotten. Not just “hmm, is this fruit good or not?” But rotten, rotten. These people walked and lived in sin. Christ was not in them, with very, very few exceptions.

Now, I ask – why? How can it be that a local “christian” church goes on with all the typical activities – Sunday School, church service, choir, sermons, missions committee, potlucks, children’s ministries – and yet the vast majority of the “christians,” aren’t. I mean, are not Christians. Aren’t born again. Still dead in sin. How can there be a good size choir, a skilled choir director and pianist, full pews, hymns sung, sermons preached, a doctrinal statement that is sound on its face – and yet there be almost no true children of God in the bunch? How can RASNs fit right in?

I can tell you why.

Because Satan has his churches. The Bible says there are synagogues of Satan. Satan is the great counterfeiter. He is the master coiner of the false church. His man will one day appear as a false Christ and the whole world will follow him. The quickest path for a local church to morph into the kingdom of darkness is to refuse to obey the Lord’s command to put the wicked man out from among us. To refuse to believe and confess that if a person claims to know God but hates his brother, he is a liar – he is no Christian at all. Most local churches protect professing christians who walk in sin.

I could take you through one of those old church directories and go through the names one by one, giving you firsthand testimony of the sinful, rotten fruit that characterized the huge majority. When did it happen? What year was it (the church was organized in 1957) that evil won the day and took over? I can tell from the records that unregenerate people looking for self-glory dominated the leadership for many, many years. Little wonder we hit the ground in battle as soon as we arrived here 30 years ago.

How does this affect you? Because the same evil scenario is played out over and over and over again in local churches. In the quest for numbers, in the lust for career advancement, a shallow easy-believism is preached and called the gospel. But it isn’t the gospel, and it cannot save. It is a message gutted of any call to repentance or of any pronouncement that when we are truly born again we will obey Christ and bear good fruit. The result? Your RASN fits right in. Might even be the pastor or an elder or other office holder. Such a place is dominated by the devil’s children just like the Pharisees, all of whom have as their goal – “I will be like the Most High.”

Following Jesus is costly. Following Him means taking up our cross, dying to ourselves, and walking through the fire He walked through. That message doesn’t appeal to the masses. Christ’s remnant is a remnant. His true church is small – it is not mega. His people are on the Narrow Way and few are they who find it. His real people love Him and they love one another. His saints crave to obey Him and cannot tolerate evil among them. In fact, evil is not comfortable among them. And this is the inevitable result where real godliness and holiness in Christ reigns-

1Jn 2:19 They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us.

The Lord is For His People

Rom 8:31-39 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? (32) He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? (33) Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. (34) Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. (35) Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? (36) As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” (37) No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. (38) For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, (39) nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

This present world is enemy territory. Christ’s people are in exile. We are in Babylon, but…there is a great final Exodus coming. We will never see Pharaoh and his chariots ever again. Christ our King is coming.

The Apostle Paul in the scripture above describes our experience in this world whose god is Satan. Christ’s flock is falsely accused, persecuted, in danger, exposed for their faith to famine…sheep to be slaughtered. It is the very same path Jesus walked when He was in this place.

But…no matter what weapons the enemy fires against us, we win. We are victors. Why? Because our King is Victor. Paul emphasizes the great truth that God in Christ loves us forever. This is the thing we must learn from this passage. God loves His people. If I am in Christ, the Father loves me.

Furthermore, this divine fatherly love can never cease. It is impossible. Nothing can separate us from it. This is the thing we must believe. No matter what suffering comes at you, no matter how intensely we are hated, no matter how painful the circumstances we experience, none of it means that God does not love us anymore. Nothing, nothing, nothing can separate us from the love of God.

And because God loves us, He is going to carry us through to the end, and it is a glorious end. Nothing can stop it. He is going to bring us safely home. And what a home it is! Eden restored and even surpassed!

Job was the most godly man in the world in his day. Yet consider the great loss and suffering that came to him. We know why this happened – God would be glorified and Satan would be humiliated. Job didn’t know. He did not have the “behind the scenes” glimpse that we are given in the opening chapters of the book. But Job knew something. He knew that God loved him and he held on to that truth. It carried him through. He had all those “friends” telling him that God didn’t love him, that God was punishing him for some wrong he had done. But it wasn’t true at all. God wasn’t punishing him. Job did in fact learn some things in that fire. He learned more about God and he learned that he needed to learn some things God taught him in it. He was, we would say, sanctified through suffering.

If a righteous man like Job suffered in this world, if God loved him unceasingly through it all, if in the end it was for God’s glory, Satan’s defeat, and Job’s growth in holiness, then surely we must not be surprised when the Lord permits suffering to come our way. It IS suffering. It DOES hurt and it is grievous. But it is the path our Lord walked in this world and it is always for our good and for God’s glory, and it always ends in victory.

These are the truths we must cling to in the midst of trials. That is to say, we must believe God’s Word which says He loves us now and forever and in all circumstances if we are in Christ.

1Jn 5:4-5 For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. (5) Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?

The Elephant in the Room – Don’t You Dare Point him out

Rom 2:15-16 They show that the work of the law is written on their hearts, while their conscience also bears witness, and their conflicting thoughts accuse or even excuse them (16) on that day when, according to my gospel, God judges the secrets of men by Christ Jesus.

I suppose this “elephant in the room” saying does not fit exactly here. I mean, as applied to the RASN and his/her wickedness. The elephants we speak of are masters at wearing a disguise, but they are exposed nevertheless to those they use and abuse. And sometimes even the used and abused ones don’t see the elephant clearly – at least for along time.

But let’s go with this illustration anyway. The elephant in the room I have in mind represents the evils of the RASN (once again, that is my acronym for revilers, abusers, sociopaths, and narcissists). Here are all of these wicked things the RASN launches against those he insists on controlling and having power over. Economic abuse, verbal abuse, withholding medical care, crazy-making, threats, alienating children…and the list goes on. And yet….

…no one is permitted, upon threat of injury and punishment, to speak of this elephant in the room. As I heard someone say recently, in our day it has become more evil to speak about wickedness than to do wickedness. That is, it is regarded as more wicked to blow the whistle on corruption than to be corrupt. And so it is with the RASN. There it is, but woe to you if you ever talk about it.

It is, you see, just fine for the RASN to do evil. And you wouldn’t need to talk about that evil if the evildoer were not doing evil! But that doesn’t matter. The evil deeds are to be out of sight, out of mind. Light must never be shone upon them. And if anyone dare do so, hellish fury will break out. The accusations will fly – you are the guilty one. You have not respected your spouse. You have gossiped or slandered. But the evil deeds are evil and they are real! It doesn’t matter, says the RASN. You talked about me! All else is dismissed. Now only YOUR “sin” is what matters, and you must be punished.

The elephant is always right there in the room. The stench of his manure fills the air. He takes up half the room! (no ill-speaking here about real elephants by the way. I’d rather live with one than a RASN). But no one is to talk about him. And therefore, the life of the RASN is a lie. It is a great big fiction, the script of which is written day after day after day. To live with such a person is to live under the threatening demand that you play-act in that lie.

“Fool” is Proverb’s Term for a RASN

Pro 12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.

Pro 15:5 A fool despises his father’s instruction, but whoever heeds reproof is prudent.

If you take your concordance or use the search engine in Bible software and search for “fool” in the book of Proverbs, you will get quite a list of verses in which this term occurs. And you will learn a lot about this one called the “fool.”

Pro 10:18 The one who conceals hatred has lying lips, and whoever utters slander is a fool.

Pro 10:23 Doing wrong is like a joke to a fool, but wisdom is pleasure to a man of understanding.

Pro 17:10 A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than a hundred blows into a fool.

Pro 18:2 A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.

And on and on Proverbs goes. A fool, you see, is a RASN. A reviler, an abuser, a sociopath, or a narcissist. We have put ourselves at great risk by not understanding that this is what the Lord is trying to teach us about through Solomon.

Recently I was listening to a short lecture on the narcissist’s dishonesty. This kind of person lives a lie, he or she hates truth, very often projecting the truth of their own evil right back at the one trying to admonish them. Give them truth, they will morph it into a lie and throw it right back at you. That is what Satan was pulling when he was tempting Christ.

Have you ever wondered why you were so hesitant to speak truth to someone? Not just once, but repeatedly over a long period of time. Why were you so reluctant to point out something that was sin? Do you blame yourself for being weak or cowardly? I’ve done that many times.

But consider this – there is a reason why we are hesitant to give truth and light to a fool. You may not have known at the time you were dealing with a Proverbs fool, but the fact is that down inside yourself you knew that truth is not something such a person is going to receive well. They will return accusations to you. They will end the friendship you thought you had with them. They will rage. These kind of fools are constantly transmitting in covert ways that you had better agree with them, praise them, or else. That is no friendship, is it?

RASN’s are fools. And if you want to learn more about them and grow in Godly wisdom, pull out the book of Proverbs and whenever you come to “fool,” insert RASN and I think you will find that the lights go on for you.

Links to Last Week’s Sermon, SS Class (Christiana), and Bible Studies

SS Class, Christiana – https://youtu.be/y14c-dSfU1Y

Sermon, Gnashing of Teeth –  https://youtu.be/j08UL7NTIxw

Ephesians Study – https://youtu.be/bMXiiv_rkTI

Revelation Study – https://youtu.be/i7_raANTRlE

A Selfish Child in an Adult Body

1Co 13:11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.

One of the key, central sins (perhaps THE central sin) of a child is selfishness. “That toy is mine! Give it to me!” (often accompanied by hitting). “Now, Johnny, we need to learn to share.” “No! It’s mine!” (Johnny runs off, throws himself down, weeps and wails in rage). SELF in action.

A central task of every parent is to deal with this sin of selfishness in their children. They need to teach Johnny to share, to act in a loving manner, to think of others and so on. This is a vital part of the maturation process. If you want to “spoil” a child, ie, raise up a rotten person – then just feed the child’s sinful selfishness. Unfortunately many parents do just that, increasingly it seems.

RASNs are children in adult bodies. They are tyrants who have power and resources so that the child is running the show. Their focus is on themselves. They are to be served and praised and given what they demand – or else. I think I once watched a movie (1960’s?) in which the children had power over the adults. It was a horror movie! Good illustration of what we are talking about here.

Because RASNs are wicked children serving only themselves, they are also fools. Though they put themselves off as all-knowing and all-wise, insisting that we think and act just like they do, the truth is that they are, well, stupid. And if you think about it you can see this stupidity. In the things they say. In the things they do and in the choices they make. They saw off the branch they are sitting on and then brag about it. They are stupid in:

  • the way they treat others
  • their handling of finances
  • how they treat their spouse, especially if she is a godly and wise person
  • how they are willing to waste away huge amounts of assets in order to “win” in court
  • And the chief exercise of this stupidity is this:

Isa 1:2-4 Hear, O heavens, and give ear, O earth; for the LORD has spoken: “Children have I reared and brought up, but they have rebelled against me. (3) The ox knows its owner, and the donkey its master’s crib, but Israel does not know, my people do not understand.” (4) Ah, sinful nation, a people laden with iniquity, offspring of evildoers, children who deal corruptly! They have forsaken the LORD, they have despised the Holy One of Israel, they are utterly estranged.

RASNs in other words, refuse to humble themselves before God. They will not acknowledge Him or give Him thanks. They despise the God who made them. The One who holds their destiny in His Hand. Oh, they may parade (as many of them do) in the disguise of a “saint.” But they are no saint. They are children of their father the devil. This is the pinnacle of stupidity –

Rom 1:21-23 For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. (22) Claiming to be wise, they became fools, (23) and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.

Now, you might be saying to yourself – “But my children are wiser and unselfish than the RASN in my life.” And you would be correct. It seems that as a person chooses to remain a sinful, selfish child, that selfishness does not remain static. It grows, or rather “descends” into greater and greater madness. Like an imploding star, the emotional and spiritual black hole of the RASN ultimately consumes him, and he will end in hell.

This Terrible Thing Called Pride

Gal 3:13 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us—for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree”—

2Co 5:21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

One of the reasons that RASNs find churches so welcoming is because most such places preach a false gospel. Why is it false? Because it announces that God loves and saves sinners because they are loveable. Because there is something in them which catches His eye, some “island of goodness” which obligates Him to save. A false gospel like this always attracts false “christians.”

Think about this – RASNs already believe they are superior. That they are better. That they are, as a result, deserving. Sure enough, these evil thoughts are reinforced in a place where God is said to save those who “deserve.”

But salvation in Christ is by grace alone. Grace is undeserved favor, or it is no longer grace. God’s salvation of us in Christ is purely of His grace and therefore BY FAITH alone. Listen to John Calvin explain:

In order to receive the grace of God and have assurance of salvation, we need to renounce all opinions we might have of our own worth. [ie, of some worthiness in us to deserve salvation]. For it is only through faith that we are enabled to enjoy such blessing. Faith means that we embrace the mercy of God. But we cannot have faith until we have been touched with a sense of our own poverty, for the Lord Jesus Christ, by becoming a curse for us, presents us with a picture of our cursed state.

Faith, therefore, cannot exist without repentance, for it is not possible for us to come to God seeking salvation and asking Him to pity our miserable condition, unless we have been convicted in our souls and led to deplore ourselves.

Hypocrites [ie, counterfeit christians] who mock at God by wallowing, intoxicated, in their sins, must not expect Jesus Christ to receive them as His own; for such people may not even so much as approach Him. Indeed, His invitation is inteded for those who labor and are heavy laden (Matthew 11:28), who can no more bear and who stagger under the burden of their sins.

This is how we must approach the Lord Jesus Christ, not with any merit of our own. Rather, before God shows us mercy, we must come in a state of humility, fully aware of our miserable condition. We are first brought low in order that we might perceive the curse that we are under, before we can rejoice that we have been purchased at such inestimable cost. [Sermons on Galatians, Banner of Truth, p 294-5]

Wherever these things are not regularly proclaimed, a partial and therefore false gospel will result in the wicked being pronounced children of God. Even though infested with this terrible sin called pride, they are assured that God accepts them as His own, they are welcomed into the church, and given free reign to keep right on working their reviling, abusing, sociopathing, and narcissising (I like that word, even if it isn’t a word).

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