Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 23 of 88

The Lord is For His People

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On May 29, 2023

In Biblical Teaching

Rom 8:31-39 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? (32) He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? (33) Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. (34) Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. (35) Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? (36) As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” (37) No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. (38) For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, (39) nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

This present world is enemy territory. Christ’s people are in exile. We are in Babylon, but…there is a great final Exodus coming. We will never see Pharaoh and his chariots ever again. Christ our King is coming.

The Apostle Paul in the scripture above describes our experience in this world whose god is Satan. Christ’s flock is falsely accused, persecuted, in danger, exposed for their faith to famine…sheep to be slaughtered. It is the very same path Jesus walked when He was in this place.

But…no matter what weapons the enemy fires against us, we win. We are victors. Why? Because our King is Victor. Paul emphasizes the great truth that God in Christ loves us forever. This is the thing we must learn from this passage. God loves His people. If I am in Christ, the Father loves me.

Furthermore, this divine fatherly love can never cease. It is impossible. Nothing can separate us from it. This is the thing we must believe. No matter what suffering comes at you, no matter how intensely we are hated, no matter how painful the circumstances we experience, none of it means that God does not love us anymore. Nothing, nothing, nothing can separate us from the love of God.

And because God loves us, He is going to carry us through to the end, and it is a glorious end. Nothing can stop it. He is going to bring us safely home. And what a home it is! Eden restored and even surpassed!

Job was the most godly man in the world in his day. Yet consider the great loss and suffering that came to him. We know why this happened – God would be glorified and Satan would be humiliated. Job didn’t know. He did not have the “behind the scenes” glimpse that we are given in the opening chapters of the book. But Job knew something. He knew that God loved him and he held on to that truth. It carried him through. He had all those “friends” telling him that God didn’t love him, that God was punishing him for some wrong he had done. But it wasn’t true at all. God wasn’t punishing him. Job did in fact learn some things in that fire. He learned more about God and he learned that he needed to learn some things God taught him in it. He was, we would say, sanctified through suffering.

If a righteous man like Job suffered in this world, if God loved him unceasingly through it all, if in the end it was for God’s glory, Satan’s defeat, and Job’s growth in holiness, then surely we must not be surprised when the Lord permits suffering to come our way. It IS suffering. It DOES hurt and it is grievous. But it is the path our Lord walked in this world and it is always for our good and for God’s glory, and it always ends in victory.

These are the truths we must cling to in the midst of trials. That is to say, we must believe God’s Word which says He loves us now and forever and in all circumstances if we are in Christ.

1Jn 5:4-5 For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. (5) Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?

The Elephant in the Room – Don’t You Dare Point him out

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On May 24, 2023

In Abusers, Evil

Rom 2:15-16 They show that the work of the law is written on their hearts, while their conscience also bears witness, and their conflicting thoughts accuse or even excuse them (16) on that day when, according to my gospel, God judges the secrets of men by Christ Jesus.

I suppose this “elephant in the room” saying does not fit exactly here. I mean, as applied to the RASN and his/her wickedness. The elephants we speak of are masters at wearing a disguise, but they are exposed nevertheless to those they use and abuse. And sometimes even the used and abused ones don’t see the elephant clearly – at least for along time.

But let’s go with this illustration anyway. The elephant in the room I have in mind represents the evils of the RASN (once again, that is my acronym for revilers, abusers, sociopaths, and narcissists). Here are all of these wicked things the RASN launches against those he insists on controlling and having power over. Economic abuse, verbal abuse, withholding medical care, crazy-making, threats, alienating children…and the list goes on. And yet….

…no one is permitted, upon threat of injury and punishment, to speak of this elephant in the room. As I heard someone say recently, in our day it has become more evil to speak about wickedness than to do wickedness. That is, it is regarded as more wicked to blow the whistle on corruption than to be corrupt. And so it is with the RASN. There it is, but woe to you if you ever talk about it.

It is, you see, just fine for the RASN to do evil. And you wouldn’t need to talk about that evil if the evildoer were not doing evil! But that doesn’t matter. The evil deeds are to be out of sight, out of mind. Light must never be shone upon them. And if anyone dare do so, hellish fury will break out. The accusations will fly – you are the guilty one. You have not respected your spouse. You have gossiped or slandered. But the evil deeds are evil and they are real! It doesn’t matter, says the RASN. You talked about me! All else is dismissed. Now only YOUR “sin” is what matters, and you must be punished.

The elephant is always right there in the room. The stench of his manure fills the air. He takes up half the room! (no ill-speaking here about real elephants by the way. I’d rather live with one than a RASN). But no one is to talk about him. And therefore, the life of the RASN is a lie. It is a great big fiction, the script of which is written day after day after day. To live with such a person is to live under the threatening demand that you play-act in that lie.

“Fool” is Proverb’s Term for a RASN

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On May 22, 2023

In Abusers, Narcissist, RASN

Pro 12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.

Pro 15:5 A fool despises his father’s instruction, but whoever heeds reproof is prudent.

If you take your concordance or use the search engine in Bible software and search for “fool” in the book of Proverbs, you will get quite a list of verses in which this term occurs. And you will learn a lot about this one called the “fool.”

Pro 10:18 The one who conceals hatred has lying lips, and whoever utters slander is a fool.

Pro 10:23 Doing wrong is like a joke to a fool, but wisdom is pleasure to a man of understanding.

Pro 17:10 A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than a hundred blows into a fool.

Pro 18:2 A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.

And on and on Proverbs goes. A fool, you see, is a RASN. A reviler, an abuser, a sociopath, or a narcissist. We have put ourselves at great risk by not understanding that this is what the Lord is trying to teach us about through Solomon.

Recently I was listening to a short lecture on the narcissist’s dishonesty. This kind of person lives a lie, he or she hates truth, very often projecting the truth of their own evil right back at the one trying to admonish them. Give them truth, they will morph it into a lie and throw it right back at you. That is what Satan was pulling when he was tempting Christ.

Have you ever wondered why you were so hesitant to speak truth to someone? Not just once, but repeatedly over a long period of time. Why were you so reluctant to point out something that was sin? Do you blame yourself for being weak or cowardly? I’ve done that many times.

But consider this – there is a reason why we are hesitant to give truth and light to a fool. You may not have known at the time you were dealing with a Proverbs fool, but the fact is that down inside yourself you knew that truth is not something such a person is going to receive well. They will return accusations to you. They will end the friendship you thought you had with them. They will rage. These kind of fools are constantly transmitting in covert ways that you had better agree with them, praise them, or else. That is no friendship, is it?

RASN’s are fools. And if you want to learn more about them and grow in Godly wisdom, pull out the book of Proverbs and whenever you come to “fool,” insert RASN and I think you will find that the lights go on for you.

Links to Last Week’s Sermon, SS Class (Christiana), and Bible Studies

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On May 19, 2023

In Blog News

SS Class, Christiana – https://youtu.be/y14c-dSfU1Y

Sermon, Gnashing of Teeth –  https://youtu.be/j08UL7NTIxw

Ephesians Study – https://youtu.be/bMXiiv_rkTI

Revelation Study – https://youtu.be/i7_raANTRlE

A Selfish Child in an Adult Body

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On May 17, 2023

In Abusers, Evil

1Co 13:11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.

One of the key, central sins (perhaps THE central sin) of a child is selfishness. “That toy is mine! Give it to me!” (often accompanied by hitting). “Now, Johnny, we need to learn to share.” “No! It’s mine!” (Johnny runs off, throws himself down, weeps and wails in rage). SELF in action.

A central task of every parent is to deal with this sin of selfishness in their children. They need to teach Johnny to share, to act in a loving manner, to think of others and so on. This is a vital part of the maturation process. If you want to “spoil” a child, ie, raise up a rotten person – then just feed the child’s sinful selfishness. Unfortunately many parents do just that, increasingly it seems.

RASNs are children in adult bodies. They are tyrants who have power and resources so that the child is running the show. Their focus is on themselves. They are to be served and praised and given what they demand – or else. I think I once watched a movie (1960’s?) in which the children had power over the adults. It was a horror movie! Good illustration of what we are talking about here.

Because RASNs are wicked children serving only themselves, they are also fools. Though they put themselves off as all-knowing and all-wise, insisting that we think and act just like they do, the truth is that they are, well, stupid. And if you think about it you can see this stupidity. In the things they say. In the things they do and in the choices they make. They saw off the branch they are sitting on and then brag about it. They are stupid in:

  • the way they treat others
  • their handling of finances
  • how they treat their spouse, especially if she is a godly and wise person
  • how they are willing to waste away huge amounts of assets in order to “win” in court
  • And the chief exercise of this stupidity is this:

Isa 1:2-4 Hear, O heavens, and give ear, O earth; for the LORD has spoken: “Children have I reared and brought up, but they have rebelled against me. (3) The ox knows its owner, and the donkey its master’s crib, but Israel does not know, my people do not understand.” (4) Ah, sinful nation, a people laden with iniquity, offspring of evildoers, children who deal corruptly! They have forsaken the LORD, they have despised the Holy One of Israel, they are utterly estranged.

RASNs in other words, refuse to humble themselves before God. They will not acknowledge Him or give Him thanks. They despise the God who made them. The One who holds their destiny in His Hand. Oh, they may parade (as many of them do) in the disguise of a “saint.” But they are no saint. They are children of their father the devil. This is the pinnacle of stupidity –

Rom 1:21-23 For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. (22) Claiming to be wise, they became fools, (23) and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.

Now, you might be saying to yourself – “But my children are wiser and unselfish than the RASN in my life.” And you would be correct. It seems that as a person chooses to remain a sinful, selfish child, that selfishness does not remain static. It grows, or rather “descends” into greater and greater madness. Like an imploding star, the emotional and spiritual black hole of the RASN ultimately consumes him, and he will end in hell.

This Terrible Thing Called Pride

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On May 15, 2023

In Abusers, Biblical Teaching, Evil, False Teaching

Gal 3:13 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us—for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree”—

2Co 5:21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

One of the reasons that RASNs find churches so welcoming is because most such places preach a false gospel. Why is it false? Because it announces that God loves and saves sinners because they are loveable. Because there is something in them which catches His eye, some “island of goodness” which obligates Him to save. A false gospel like this always attracts false “christians.”

Think about this – RASNs already believe they are superior. That they are better. That they are, as a result, deserving. Sure enough, these evil thoughts are reinforced in a place where God is said to save those who “deserve.”

But salvation in Christ is by grace alone. Grace is undeserved favor, or it is no longer grace. God’s salvation of us in Christ is purely of His grace and therefore BY FAITH alone. Listen to John Calvin explain:

In order to receive the grace of God and have assurance of salvation, we need to renounce all opinions we might have of our own worth. [ie, of some worthiness in us to deserve salvation]. For it is only through faith that we are enabled to enjoy such blessing. Faith means that we embrace the mercy of God. But we cannot have faith until we have been touched with a sense of our own poverty, for the Lord Jesus Christ, by becoming a curse for us, presents us with a picture of our cursed state.

Faith, therefore, cannot exist without repentance, for it is not possible for us to come to God seeking salvation and asking Him to pity our miserable condition, unless we have been convicted in our souls and led to deplore ourselves.

Hypocrites [ie, counterfeit christians] who mock at God by wallowing, intoxicated, in their sins, must not expect Jesus Christ to receive them as His own; for such people may not even so much as approach Him. Indeed, His invitation is inteded for those who labor and are heavy laden (Matthew 11:28), who can no more bear and who stagger under the burden of their sins.

This is how we must approach the Lord Jesus Christ, not with any merit of our own. Rather, before God shows us mercy, we must come in a state of humility, fully aware of our miserable condition. We are first brought low in order that we might perceive the curse that we are under, before we can rejoice that we have been purchased at such inestimable cost. [Sermons on Galatians, Banner of Truth, p 294-5]

Wherever these things are not regularly proclaimed, a partial and therefore false gospel will result in the wicked being pronounced children of God. Even though infested with this terrible sin called pride, they are assured that God accepts them as His own, they are welcomed into the church, and given free reign to keep right on working their reviling, abusing, sociopathing, and narcissising (I like that word, even if it isn’t a word).

Be SURE you read this post

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On May 12, 2023

In Blog News

Here is a link to a post I wrote over at Light for Dark Times (to be published Friday morning, 5-12-23). Want to see some biblical proof that divorcing an abuser is not only allowed by the Lord, it is His instruction?!

You need to see this great video by Dr. Les Carter

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On May 10, 2023

In Abusers

This video (only about 15 minutes long) REALLY helped me because it so accurately describes exactly what I have had to deal with numbers of times over the years. When you are enabled to connect the dots by hearing someone else describe what a RASN did to you, it is very validating, clarifying, and freeing.

Here is the link: The Non-Thinking Thinking of the Narcissist

Worse than an Unbeliever

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On May 10, 2023

In Abusers, Evil, Narcissist

1Ti 5:8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Would you say that you know unsaved people who are kind and generous to their spouse and children? People who work hard and provide for their family. People who are honest and who evidence a sense of right and wrong? I think that we all know such people – a few at least.

Now, unless they come to faith in Christ and acknowledge that all of their “good” works will not help them on the Day when Christ comes to judge the world, unless they are born again, they are going to perish in their sins. They will end in hell. Behind every “good” work man does, there is sin as long as they reject Christ.

But…

Did you know that there are people who claim to be Christians whose portion in hell is going to be significantly hotter than the man or woman who provided for their family? You see it to be true, from Paul’s words above. A person who will not provide for their family is worse than an unbeliever. To claim to be a Christian and yet abuse your family is a far greater sin than the “moral” unsaved person’s. And, of course, the “christian” who abuses his family has in practice “denied the faith,” as Paul puts it. He/she is, in fact, not a Christian at all.

It is, therefore, very probable that the “christian” abuser (who is hiding within the visible church), arouses far more of God’s wrath than the sinner who is outside the visible church, making no claim to religion at all.

There are many of these kind sitting in pews on Sundays, filling church membership rolls, reciting the creeds, and maybe even standing in the pulpit. Not just a few. Many.

Why Don’t You Just Work things Out?

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On May 8, 2023

In Abusers, Counseling, Getting Free, Narcissist

2Ti 4:14-15 Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. (15) Beware of him yourself, for he strongly opposed our message.

These two verses have been a tremendous help to me. I have written before about what Paul says here but there are still more insights to be gleaned. Here is one….or two.

What do you suppose Paul would have said if Timothy had said – “I think we should get together with Alexander and work things out. I would be happy to mediate”? We know the answer. Paul has already handed Alexander over to the Lord for judgment for what he had done. Timothy would have caught a pretty hefty rebuke from Paul had he been foolish (and arrogant) enough to propose such a thing.

There is sin, and then there is sin. Some sin is more wicked that other sin. Sodom and Gomorrah will have it better on the day of judgment than Capernaum. Both Jeremiah and John tell us that there is a kind of sinner that we are not obligated to pray for. Alexander was that kind of wicked.

And so are RASN’s who claim to be Christians, all the while reviling, abusing, sociopathing and narcississing (is that a word?). The Lord will repay them.

Let me give you another scenario. Let’s say that Alexander sent word to Paul that he “forgave” Paul. Or what if your abuser did the same to you? How would you respond? How should you respond? Are you now obligated to “work it out” with them? Of course not. The whole thing would be a setup.

One reason that RASNs often continue to contact their victim after they have left them is that they still crave that evil power and control. The only reason they want to “get together” is to suck you in once again, blame you, shame you, and remind you how superior they are to you and how stupid you are, how very much below them you are. These kind never change.

The Lord will repay them according to their deeds.

Page 23 of 88

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