Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

“Fool” is Proverb’s Term for a RASN

Pro 12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.

Pro 15:5 A fool despises his father’s instruction, but whoever heeds reproof is prudent.

If you take your concordance or use the search engine in Bible software and search for “fool” in the book of Proverbs, you will get quite a list of verses in which this term occurs. And you will learn a lot about this one called the “fool.”

Pro 10:18 The one who conceals hatred has lying lips, and whoever utters slander is a fool.

Pro 10:23 Doing wrong is like a joke to a fool, but wisdom is pleasure to a man of understanding.

Pro 17:10 A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than a hundred blows into a fool.

Pro 18:2 A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.

And on and on Proverbs goes. A fool, you see, is a RASN. A reviler, an abuser, a sociopath, or a narcissist. We have put ourselves at great risk by not understanding that this is what the Lord is trying to teach us about through Solomon.

Recently I was listening to a short lecture on the narcissist’s dishonesty. This kind of person lives a lie, he or she hates truth, very often projecting the truth of their own evil right back at the one trying to admonish them. Give them truth, they will morph it into a lie and throw it right back at you. That is what Satan was pulling when he was tempting Christ.

Have you ever wondered why you were so hesitant to speak truth to someone? Not just once, but repeatedly over a long period of time. Why were you so reluctant to point out something that was sin? Do you blame yourself for being weak or cowardly? I’ve done that many times.

But consider this – there is a reason why we are hesitant to give truth and light to a fool. You may not have known at the time you were dealing with a Proverbs fool, but the fact is that down inside yourself you knew that truth is not something such a person is going to receive well. They will return accusations to you. They will end the friendship you thought you had with them. They will rage. These kind of fools are constantly transmitting in covert ways that you had better agree with them, praise them, or else. That is no friendship, is it?

RASN’s are fools. And if you want to learn more about them and grow in Godly wisdom, pull out the book of Proverbs and whenever you come to “fool,” insert RASN and I think you will find that the lights go on for you.


Links to Last Week’s Sermon, SS Class (Christiana), and Bible Studies


The Elephant in the Room – Don’t You Dare Point him out


  1. The Lord actually instructs us NOT to confront a fool (RASN) in Proverbs as well: “Better for a man to meet a bear robbed of her cubs than a fool in his foolishness.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭17‬:‭12‬ It took me many years to stop confronting my abusive husband at the time until I read this proverb. Now I live by it whenever I meet a RASN because it’s wisdom, and you’re never going to convince a RASN of anything because they’re always right in their own eyes.

  2. Anne

    Rage, so much rage, from abusers when confronted; it’s a “go to” to overpowerus victims; to silence us. Abusers fear having their lies exposed to the “allies” they have garnered by weaving tales of false woes and by defaming us. Most victims are too physically ill, mustering all the strength we can to take care of our children and most often, without the funds to have these monsters investigated to expose their evil doings. I’ve had to remind myself often, “not to fret because of evil doers.” In this world, they great jobs, lovely homes, and lots of money; they are beyond comfortable. Most abusers never face consequences on earth. Hard to remember while in the midst of all their attacks that this life is a vapor and justice for victims will prevail for all eternity.

  3. Alison

    So true! I’ve tried to help my husband who’s had a porn addiction 53 years — (Addicted 25 yrs when I met him, though I had no idea). I’ve tried to help him with 100 blows, but he hasn’t hated the sin enough to stop. He’s loved it and wanted it, more than he’s wanted our family.
    Interestingly, the church often thinks these people are saved, contrary to scripture. They clearly don’t have fear of the Lord or they wouldn’t continue in their foolishness. They have no fear of eternal damnation or they’d be shaking in their boots. If the fear of the Lord is the BEGINNING of wisdom, and they don’t HAVE any fear, then they are not even at the BEGINNING!!!!


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