Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

A Selfish Child in an Adult Body

1Co 13:11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.

One of the key, central sins (perhaps THE central sin) of a child is selfishness. “That toy is mine! Give it to me!” (often accompanied by hitting). “Now, Johnny, we need to learn to share.” “No! It’s mine!” (Johnny runs off, throws himself down, weeps and wails in rage). SELF in action.

A central task of every parent is to deal with this sin of selfishness in their children. They need to teach Johnny to share, to act in a loving manner, to think of others and so on. This is a vital part of the maturation process. If you want to “spoil” a child, ie, raise up a rotten person – then just feed the child’s sinful selfishness. Unfortunately many parents do just that, increasingly it seems.

RASNs are children in adult bodies. They are tyrants who have power and resources so that the child is running the show. Their focus is on themselves. They are to be served and praised and given what they demand – or else. I think I once watched a movie (1960’s?) in which the children had power over the adults. It was a horror movie! Good illustration of what we are talking about here.

Because RASNs are wicked children serving only themselves, they are also fools. Though they put themselves off as all-knowing and all-wise, insisting that we think and act just like they do, the truth is that they are, well, stupid. And if you think about it you can see this stupidity. In the things they say. In the things they do and in the choices they make. They saw off the branch they are sitting on and then brag about it. They are stupid in:

  • the way they treat others
  • their handling of finances
  • how they treat their spouse, especially if she is a godly and wise person
  • how they are willing to waste away huge amounts of assets in order to “win” in court
  • And the chief exercise of this stupidity is this:

Isa 1:2-4 Hear, O heavens, and give ear, O earth; for the LORD has spoken: “Children have I reared and brought up, but they have rebelled against me. (3) The ox knows its owner, and the donkey its master’s crib, but Israel does not know, my people do not understand.” (4) Ah, sinful nation, a people laden with iniquity, offspring of evildoers, children who deal corruptly! They have forsaken the LORD, they have despised the Holy One of Israel, they are utterly estranged.

RASNs in other words, refuse to humble themselves before God. They will not acknowledge Him or give Him thanks. They despise the God who made them. The One who holds their destiny in His Hand. Oh, they may parade (as many of them do) in the disguise of a “saint.” But they are no saint. They are children of their father the devil. This is the pinnacle of stupidity –

Rom 1:21-23 For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. (22) Claiming to be wise, they became fools, (23) and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.

Now, you might be saying to yourself – “But my children are wiser and unselfish than the RASN in my life.” And you would be correct. It seems that as a person chooses to remain a sinful, selfish child, that selfishness does not remain static. It grows, or rather “descends” into greater and greater madness. Like an imploding star, the emotional and spiritual black hole of the RASN ultimately consumes him, and he will end in hell.


This Terrible Thing Called Pride


Links to Last Week’s Sermon, SS Class (Christiana), and Bible Studies


  1. JKR

    “It seems that as a person chooses to remain a sinful, selfish child, that selfishness does not remain static. It grows, or rather ‘descends’ into greater and greater madness.”

    It’s remarkable how 100% SPOT ON this is!

    Since I have removed the RASN’s “mask” and can see her for who she really is for the first time in 20+ years, and especially since I no longer bow down to and serve the RASN just to “keep the peace” around here even while going through divorce proceedings, it’s both frightening and heartbreaking the depths that the RASN can go just to “win” and prove that they’re still in control right now.

    Worse that these delusions are so powerful that even when caught red-handed in a lie or doing something awful, the RASN doubles down and STILL refuses to replace their pride with humility in that very moment.

    Grace & Peace,

  2. Dee

    Another 100% Pastor Crippen! I can testify to what you wrote & to what JKR says above. I’ve been dealing with them all my life. My current RASN (a lawyer, but unable to keep her job at the law firm less than a year into it, so she now uses her time 24/7 to scheme against me) has now isolated me completely, contacting lifelong friends & relatives, even in other states, as well as neighbors, businesses I patronize, organizations whose functions I attended & donated to, as well as my cellular company, medical professionals, our property mgr & condo board, and our Homeowners Assoc . (HOA Leader, a national HOA has put out a timely webinar: “How to Protect Yourself and HOA from the Neighborhood Sociopath” because RASNs are becoming so predominate in our society & cause so much havoc due to their selfish demands for attention, entitlement, & to control everything.
    After observing how ours had abused certain residents here over the years, one at a time until they passed away, & for nearly 4 years now abusing me, always behind closed doors, of course, I spoke up to our property mgr & our HOA, requesting they view this webinar, narrated by a real estate lawyer & senior property mgr. I even offered to pay for the video ($99). Yet they refused – how much sense does that make? Not much, but it does speak volumes. This selfish toddler in an adult body, definitely, as you say, has “the power & resources to run the show” here.
    RASN has created all kinds of chaos & drama here for her victims – always kind, single, quiet people too reserved to speak up. Years ago she tried to get me to help her come against 3 other of our neighbors, at separate times, offering pay for the last one who I believe she sent to an early grave. I declined all 3 times. Still, when she inquired about a specific one, I told her I had nothing to say, to go ask her if she needed to know. She immediately thanked me, saying I had told her all she needed to know – that’s how delusional she is. If she can’t find anything derogatory, she just makes it up. Where are the people of integrity when $ is offered today? There seem to be only selfish people holding the cash. “Truth is lacking and he who departs from evil makes himself a prey. The Lord saw it, and it displeased Him that there was no justice.” (Isaiah 59:15). Looking at the positive side – I no longer have to deal with these dim witted charlatans, so my life is actually more peaceful.
    Had I not been close to the Lord before her smear campaign, etc, against me, I never would have made it. The real silver lining is that He & I are even closer. (I will add here, recently when I had the thought, ‘I need to call Dr. C because of my throat’, I heard in my spirit “the blood of Jesus can heal you throat” & it was immediately healed.). When Jesus Christ says “I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS”, He means it! May God help us because of what this world is becoming, and quickly.

  3. notlongnow

    Yes so true. It’s really selfishnesss that epitomises them. It’s all about them, in everything. I often think about how Jesus taught us to serve others, put others before ourselves, lay down our life for our friends, love one another as He has loved us, many, many examples He gave us. Gods word teaches husbands to lay down their lives for their wives and love their wives like the Lord loves the church. All things RASN’s refuse to do. They exalt and worship their own selves and expect everyone around them to as well.

    Yes also sadly, if a child decides to go this way as they grow into adulthood, and there are many that do, especially some that grew up with this example from a one or more RASN’s in their childhood, they also remain as a selfish child inside their hearts. I hope and pray it is not too late for them to repent of these sort of foolish and selfish ways if they are still quite young in their twenties etc. I think some have learnt by example of their RASN fathers/mothers or relatives, they learnt that the easy way to power and control was that wicked way, and they could also bully and lord it over the victim, emptying all their toxic behaviour onto them. It’s very, very hard when your own child, that you fought so hard to also rescue from a RASN, chooses to be that kind of person. It is one of the most heartbreaking things as mother.

  4. notlongnow

    Just wanted to add it reminds me of these verses:

    ‘And I will give children to be their princes, and babes shall rule over them.

    And the people shall be oppressed, every one by another, and every one by his neighbour: the child shall behave himself proudly against the ancient, and the base against the honourable.’
    Isaiah 3:4-5

    This was part of a judgment on Judah from God.

    As we look around our Western world, this has certainly happened too. Just look at the vile tv shows, the movies that come out, Tic Toc and social media and see the way children and teens are taught to be wicked, dishonorable to parents, and be individualistic and selfish. The way children and teenagers are allowed to get away with horrid behaviour in classrooms, and on and on. It’s not just the example they see in their homes with a RASN. Sadly it’s everywhere around them. Society is breaking down partly because our younger generation are taught to be horrible, self obsessed, selfish individuals who rule over their parents and show no respect. It’s a very fearful thing to watch. They longer care for their parents in sickness and shove them into the nearest nursing home when they are elderly and never visit them. I joined an online group once of mothers whose children have estranged themselves from them (and I don’t mean adult children who have had to go no contact with an evil and abusive parent). These were good mothers who tried their best to love and raise their children. But they grew up to be narcissistic and selfish and abused their own mothers, culminating in abandoning once the mothers no longer gave money or bowed down to them anymore. The sad thing is Western society in modern times taught parents to pander to their children. The y and now x generation I believe it is, are the scariest generations I believe. Society will not stand under such selfish attitudes. It will crumble as it is doing.

    • lg

      This same verse came to my mind too! I think about it a lot especially since I work at a high school.

      We “accommodate” (ie pander) so much to these kids. For many in the population of students I work with (history of trauma) I understand we need to “meet them where they are at,” but there is another subset of students that this “accommodation” is beginning to seem nothing more than pandering and were just feeding into burgeoning narcissism.

      Just as the verse in Isaiah predicted, our culture is allowing itself to be ruled by children, which is a curse from God.

  5. SJH

    Like the “mean girls” from school – they don’t grow out of their abusive behaviour, they age into it. As they get older (not mature), their tatics become practiced and more advanced.

    And when getting older, early alzheimer’s disease symptoms escalate and enhance their abuse, as they struggle to keep up their perfect image.

    Another great articel

  6. JKR

    2 Timothy 3:1-5 (ESV) But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.

    Sounds like each-and-every RASN to me!

    Grace & Peace,


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