Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 16 of 88

Jeff Crippen Interview on America Out Loud

By

On December 8, 2023

In Abusers

America Out Loud is a talk show/podcast forum at americaoutloud.news where Jeff was recently interviewed on the Nurses Out Loud program. Part two of the interview aired at 10AM this morning (eastern time) and will repeat this evening (Dec 8, 2023) at 11PM eastern time.

The interviewer, Nurse Michele, is a longtime friend of Unholy Charade and did a really great job putting this program together.

If you select America Out Loud podcasts on the website page, or download the America Out Loud app, you can listen to all of the programs, part 1 & 2 in podcast form. Nurses Out Loud podcasts can also be found with your Apple podcast app and other popular podcast apps.

We are very thankful to Michele and America Out Loud for enabling us to speak on the evils of RASNs to a larger audience.

RASNs Don’t Get “Better”

By

On December 6, 2023

In Abusers

Mat 7:6 “Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.

Pro 26:11 Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.

Some of you may have had occasion to target shoot and learn some things about the path of a projectile. We talk about “minute of angle” when we are sighting in a rifle, for example, with a telescopic sight. There are dials on the scope which are calibrated in minutes of angle and those minutes, like one second on a clock face, are 1/60th of one degree. Think of that. 1/60th of one second. 1/60th of one degree. Pretty small.

Until….

Until, you start talking about long distances. What begins as a very small deviation at range zero just keeps growing and growing and growing downrange, the further you go – the farther off target you get.

What does this have to do with sin, specifically, the sin of the RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist)? Well, it is this – RASNs don’t “get better” with time. They get worse. They grow harder. They stray further and further off course. In the case of some sinners, you might be able to get them to listen – “hey, you are getting further off course here.” But the truly nasty thing about this constellation we call RASNs is that they are never off course. They never miss the target. At least, not in their own eyes. You can’t correct them. Someone moved the target. It’s never their fault.

RASNs begin their lives off course, but the deviation might not be all that perceivable. The mentality is there – entitlement, superiority, no empathy, etc. As time goes by however, they don’t return to the right path. They don’t make those mental and moral ‘minute of angle’ adjustments. What might have been off an inch or so in early years grows and grows and grows as the years go by. RASNs don’t get “better.”

What does this mean for you if you are their target or if you are in some kind of relationship with one – at work, in marriage, a relative? It means that as long as you are holding out hope that one day a marvelous moment of self-realization accompanied by a thorough change of course is going to occur in the RASN – you are living in a world of fiction.

Whenever a person comes to faith in Christ and is born again, it is a miracle effected by the Lord. We are born dead in sin (see Ephesians 2). Only the Lord can make us alive. But there are people who the Lord, in his sovereign wisdom, hands over to their sin. They are people like this:

Heb 6:7-8 For land that has drunk the rain that often falls on it, and produces a crop useful to those for whose sake it is cultivated, receives a blessing from God. (8) But if it bears thorns and thistles, it is worthless and near to being cursed, and its end is to be burned.

1Jn 5:16 If anyone sees his brother committing a sin not leading to death, he shall ask, and God will give him life—to those who commit sins that do not lead to death. There is sin that leads to death; I do not say that one should pray for that.

Mar 6:11 And if any place will not receive you and they will not listen to you, when you leave, shake off the dust that is on your feet as a testimony against them.”

It is my opinion that RASNs are of this genre. Year after year they continue off course. They receive good things from the Lord and from people around them, but they only give a crop of thorns and thistles season after season. I wonder – how many of us waste years and years getting only thorns and thistles from these kind, still expecting that imagined harvest of good grain to come “next year”?

RASNs want to make you look bad so no one will listen to you

By

On December 4, 2023

In Evil, Narcissist, RASN

2Co 10:10 For they say, “His letters are weighty and strong, but his bodily presence is weak, and his speech of no account.”

The Apostle Paul had many enemies. They were constantly at work to try to discredit him and the gospel he preached. Why? Because they saw him as a threat to their power and control. The same reasons the Jewish leaders slandered and ultimately killed Jesus.

The truth is a terrible threat to the wicked. RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists), as you know, are energized by power and control. They demand adoration and service. As I recently heard a forensic psychologist say, the ultimate power and control lust is seen in the serial killer who is demonically excited through the exercise of life or death over his victim.

One way that RASNs maintain their P&C over others is to tear down any credibility their target victim might have with others. The tell lies about the victim. They make the victim appear crazy. They make overt and covert accusations. All of these tactics are designed to make the victim appear unreliable in the eyes of others so that when the victim speaks truth about the RASN, they are going to be disregarded.

Satan hates God’s Word and those who proclaim it. That is why the Bible records all kinds of conspiracies launched by the wicked against God’s servants. Truth is light and it exposes darkness, and that the enemy just cannot have.

They Never Ask about You

By

On November 30, 2023

In Abusers, Evil, Narcissist, RASN

1Jn 3:15-17 Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. (16) By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. (17) But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?

One of the common (in fact, universal) traits of a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) is that they are not interested in YOU as a person. Let me illustrate.

If you meet someone new and begin a conversation with them, and if you are truly a Christian (or even for that matter a “normal” unsaved person), you will begin to express an interest in that person. You might say things like:

  • Where do you live?
  • Where did you grow up?
  • Do you have children?
  • What kind of work do you do?

These are questions which show that you have an interest in the other person. I remember once last year when we had a heavy snow, going to the local store and seeing an older man (ha! I guess I’m an older man now!) – plowing the parking lot with a shiny new-looking John Deere tractor with a front end loader. When I was inside the store he came in and I said “that’s a really nice tractor. It looks brand new.” He smiled and began to talk about the tractor right away and then I asked him if he lived nearby, and so on.

Now, the RASN’s I have known would NEVER have even noticed the man, let alone show an interest in him and initiate a conversation…unless…it was something about the RASN himself. RASN’s have no empathy. They just don’t care about anyone but themselves. They only converse about subjects that benefit them. They don’t care where a person new to them grew up, what kind of work they do….they could care less.

And this evidences that they are not Christians at all. They only love themselves. Many of them will parade themselves as “social introverts,” but in fact the only reason they are introverted is because they don’t love anyone, they don’t care about anyone – unless others can be of use to them in boosting their own idolatrous self.

They never ask about YOU. They just don’t care.

Could Your Abuser be a Christian? No!

By

On November 27, 2023

In Biblical Teaching, False Teaching, Narcissist, RASN

1Jn 2:4 Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him,

1Jn 2:9 Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness.

1Jn 3:10 By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.

I am not sure precisely why so many professing Christians insist that a person who habitually walks in sin could still be a Christian. But I run into such people regularly. I have on occasion had some of them get quite angry with me when I tell them that their abuser is most definitely not a Christian. Once I even had a family member of a sociopath who had murdered his wife/victim tell me that they still believed the murderer could have been a Christian. And yet:

1Jn 3:14-15 We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. (15) Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.

The only way that someone can maintain that a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) could be born again is by denying and ignoring the mass of Scripture which teaches the exact opposite. And I think another reason for this fantasy thinking is that RASN’s themselves cast a cloud of confusion and deception around themselves which envelops those who know them. In other words, the primary source of this lie that a RASN can still be a Christian….is the RASN himself. Why would anyone even consider that a RASN could be regenerate? Because the RASN himself/herself puts on that disguise.

We have been enveloped in widespread false doctrine perpetuated by naïve and false teaching in the churches. By a false gospel, actually. God loves everyone the same. Jesus died for the sins of everyone. We are all sinners. We must not judge. And on and on the lies go. What is ignored is the Word of God itself. All you need do is read the short epistle of 1 John to disprove it all, let alone all the rest of the New Testament, including much of the Old as well.

One of the biggest and most widespread examples of this false gospel is found in what we call “the Bible belt” region of the United States. Of course the lie is to be found in local churches all over the nation, but I point to the Bible belt “christianity” as a clear example. Churches on every corner. Big buildings. The cultural norm is (perhaps this is decreasing these days) is to be a church member. And yet, how do the majority of these “christians” live? They walk in sin. For all their talk about being born again, they are the same old creatures they have always been. And the preachers love it so. It is a RASN friendly environment.

So, be sure of this. Stop listening to what people say and start listening to what God says. Pick up your Bible for yourself and stop “tweaking” its plain words so that they fit what people have told you it means. I pointed out the black and white statements in 1 John once to a seminary professor I had. He had been teaching that we are Christians even if we do not acknowledge Jesus as Lord and obey Him. So I showed him 1 John. His answer? “Well, you see, John is the more black and white writer of the New Testament whose writings must be balanced with the rest of Scripture.” In other words, this PhD – holding professor in a conservative Bible seminary just brushed off God’s own Word. And by the way, a year or so later that same professor abandoned his wife and children and took off with a woman he was counseling. He jettisoned his profession of Christ and took up a career as a lawyer.

I have found that in local churches, in seminaries, in denominational organizations – this plain, clear teaching of God’s own Word is dismissed and rejected. The mass of professing Christendom energetically defends and teaches that a person can continue to walk in unrepentant sin and still be a child of God in Christ. Why? I suspect the reason lies in the fact that this majority group in the visible church consists of people who are not born again themselves, so they must perpetuate a false gospel which excuses them for the evil, unrepentant lives they themselves are living.

Mat 7:21-23 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. (22) On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ (23) And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

Nebuchadnezzar’s Image is still with us.

By

On November 24, 2023

In Blog News

If you go on over to this post at Light for Dark Times blog, you can read about the RASN’s constant and consuming efforts to build his image and demand that all bow down to it – or else.

When the Narcissist’s Image Building is Embraced by the Whole Family

By

On November 22, 2023

In Abusers, Evil, Narcissist

Num 16:27 So they got away from the dwelling of Korah, Dathan, and Abiram. And Dathan and Abiram came out and stood at the door of their tents, together with their wives, their sons, and their little ones.

Narcissists (and actually their kind – revilers, abusers, sociopaths) are always working to build image. Much like Nebuchadnezzar who commanded an image of himself be built and everyone ordered to bow down to it, so the RASN is always, always, always at work propping up an image of himself/herself which others are to bow to. Someone I read recently said that the RASN’s family life is not about family, it is about image. How the RASN and his family are perceived. What the observed persona, reputation, and name are presented as. This is what makes the RASN’s family activities and relationships tick.

Now, sometimes – maybe even with some frequency – the other family members actually buy into this image production. They bow down to the RASN and actually begin to embrace the RASN’s goal of the image. Why? Because there are benefits to be gleaned from doing so, and to be lost if the image is rejected. Monetary benefits. Reception of praise from those who believe the image. “Look at OUR family” is akin to “look at me.” It’s like choosing to live with a celebrity because the celeb status rubs off onto those in close association.

Now, when this dynamic kicks in – and it can be in a family or even in a local church – anyone who exposes the false image, who refuses to bow down to it, will – count on it – be despised, defamed, punished and rejected. That was your experience, right? When you ceased participating in the image building of the abuser? Whistleblowers must be punished.

Entire families, entire churches, can become narcissistic kingdoms wherein all members buy into the image for self-serving benefit. This is why it is so common to see the primary RASN exposed – caught and busted in some wickedness – and yet excused and covered for by the members. I had one wife of a RASN tell me once, “he is a GOOD husband!” when she suspected I doubted that.

It is anything but pleasant to cross paths with such narcissist entities, be it a family or a local church or a business or other entity. Play along, contribute to the image, or else. Such structures have very much in common with the groups that cult leaders construct. Praise, acceptance, material benefit all await those who bow down to the image. Shame, rejection, and withholding are the certain fate of those who refuse.

The Only “Repentance” RASN’s Profess is Manipulative and Fake

By

On November 20, 2023

In Abusers, Narcissist, RASN

Rev 6:15-17 Then the kings of the earth and the great ones and the generals and the rich and the powerful, and everyone, slave and free, hid themselves in the caves and among the rocks of the mountains, (16) calling to the mountains and rocks, “Fall on us and hide us from the face of him who is seated on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb, (17) for the great day of their wrath has come, and who can stand?”

If there ever were a time that you would expect everyone to truly repent, it would be when they actually see Christ returning to judge them. But what happens? They persist in their evil, they hide themselves from Him, preferring to be buried by boulders than to face up to their sins.

USA Today reported today that David Renteria was executed by lethal injection in Huntsville, Texas. Why? Because in 2001 he had abducted and murdered a little 5 year old girl, Alexandra Flores. She and her parents had gone to Walmart in El Paso to do Christmas shopping. I won’t give you the gruesome details here – you can read them in the news accounts if you choose.

Right in front of her family who were there to watch the execution of this murderer, Renteria said this:

There isn’t a day when I don’t think about what I did. No words can describe what you are going through.”

Sound good? Have his 22 years in prison on death row had a positive effect? After all, he also said, after singing a religious song, “I’m sorry for all the wrongs I have done.”

But…psychopaths and their kind never truly repent. They lie. They pretend. The only “repentance” they exercise is absolutely and thoroughly fake. And guess what? They ALWAYS show us that it is fake. Renteria did not disappoint in this regard:

And for those who have called for my death, who are about to murder me, I forgive you.

And there you have it. He probably tried to pull that same line on the Lord. How well do you suppose that worked for him? He will have eternity to think about it…in hell.

RASNs (think of psychopaths being in that acronym too)…never repent. They never truly confess sin. They project. They blame others. They try to suck pity out of us – and far too often they succeed. Your domestic abuser or that narcissist in your life will pull this repentance claim card on you – count on it. Oh, how convincing they sound. But you can be sure of this every single time, the thing is counterfeit through and through. All designed to accuse you, to elicit sympathy, to gain allies for themselves, and to even further abuse you.

The news story also noted that Renteria, while in prison, had “rededicated himself to his Roman Catholic faith, according to the Texas Coalition to Abolish the Death Penalty. You can be certain that these things were just more of the same fake sham designed to manipulate and deceive the gullible.

Your RASN may not be a murderer (although I have always maintained that the spirit of murder is present in all of them), but the same spiritual DNA is shared by them all. It is as if they attend the same training program in evil. And this fake repentance business is a fundamental course in their diabolic training. Don’t be taken in by it.

False Guilt and Fear – Two Wicked Friends

By

On November 15, 2023

In Abusers, Counseling, Evil, Getting Free

1Jn 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

In some ways I would recommend to you that this subject is one of the top 10 – no, top 3, or let’s just say it is THE TOP subject that shows how we either remain in bondage to evil or how we can be set free from it. However you might choose to rate it, I can confidently say that it is right up there in the most vital and crucial remedies to being a victim or to being set free.

I hope that has your attention.

It’s right there – 1 John 4:18. Fear and punishment. What casts this garbage out? Love. Being perfected in love. In other words, getting a real grip on the love of God in Christ. If you are a Christian, you have passed out of the realm of fear and punishment in your relationship with the Lord. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. None.

And if you are not a Christian, then The Lord Jesus Christ is your starting point. He is the Gate to life and you cannot bypass Him or you will never be free.

Now, let me paint a picture for you. Let’s say Janet is our abuse survivor. She has separated from the evil spouse and the divorce is almost final. He still lives in the same town, drives the same truck, works at the same place, associates with some of the same old “friends.” Now, Janet has to go to the grocery store…. (see where this is going?)

Instead of shopping at the most convenient locale where she used to shop, Janet drives clear across town to buy her groceries. She does the same when she needs clothes, gets gas, or runs other errands. Why? You know the answer, don’t you?

Because Janet still lives her life in fear. Fear of seeing that truck (she is triggered by most every white truck), fear of running across “him,” fear of crossing paths with some of those old mutual “friends.”

Now, I am not talking about a situation in which the victim is actually at risk of being murdered – though we all know there are plenty of those cases. But Janet’s fear is just this – she is afraid that she will see him, or them. She has wondered a thousand times what she will say if this ever happens. But nothing seems right even if she rehearses the speech over and over. So, she drives across town and even there, she keeps an eye out.

If Janet is not in fear of physical harm, then what is it that Janet is afraid of? The answer brings us back to this business of punishment. Fear has to do with punishment. What punishment? The punishment of guilt. It is false guilt, but you know how hard it is to shake even a lie. She has been accused so often and so long, not only by her ex, but by those “friends” who still hang out with him, that she feels guilty quite often and especially when paths cross with those people.

There is only one way to get free of this nasty business so that Janet can one day march right into that same store, go to that same gas station, eat at that same restaurant, and do so in confident courage. And that one remedy is to be set free from the guilt and shame these evil ones put on us. And I can tell you that the ONLY One who can free Janet of this, is…..no, it isn’t Janet. It is the Lord Jesus Christ. As He works in us, as we experience His love and forgiveness for our own sins (which we all have), slowly but surely, guess what? That fear begins to dissipate. Why? Because as the love of Christ in us is perfected more and more, the fear of punishment evaporates more and more.

I know that one of the chief tools that the Lord has used in these things in my own life was not some earth-shaking mountaintop experience, but the regular, in-depth study of His Word and the sanctifying work of His Spirit in me. The process moves along unseen – you may not even realize it is happening. But the time comes when one day you realize – hey, I’m not afraid anymore. So what if I run into those enemies – their accusations are false and cannot harm me any longer.

You can immerse yourself in God’s Word by taking advantage of the many excellent teaching tools we have available to us. Load the Martyn Lloyd-Jones Trust app on your computer or phone and start listening, Bible open, to his sermons. Reading the sermons of John Calvin has been a giant help to me. Or come and join me as I teach mid-week studies through Ephesians, Revelation, and Romans on sermonaudio.com/crc or at our youtube channel, Light for Dark Times. As Lloyd Jones so often said, “stop listening to yourself and start talking to yourself.” What he meant was, talk the Word of God to yourself rather than continually replaying those false thoughts the enemy throws at you.

It really is true. Fear and punishment (guilt) are destroyed by the love of God which is in Christ Jesus. He is the only remedy we need.

RASNs are not Rare

By

On November 13, 2023

In Churches/Church Response, Narcissist, RASN

Gen 18:29-33 Again he spoke to him and said, “Suppose forty are found there.” He answered, “For the sake of forty I will not do it.” (30) Then he said, “Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak. Suppose thirty are found there.” He answered, “I will not do it, if I find thirty there.” (31) He said, “Behold, I have undertaken to speak to the Lord. Suppose twenty are found there.” He answered, “For the sake of twenty I will not destroy it.” (32) Then he said, “Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak again but this once. Suppose ten are found there.” He answered, “For the sake of ten I will not destroy it.” (33) And the LORD went his way, when he had finished speaking to Abraham, and Abraham returned to his place.

The people of Sodom were thoroughly wicked (although not as wicked as the people of the towns in the days of Jesus, Luke 10:13). But Abraham thought that surely there must be a few righteous people there and so his “countdown” prayer from 50 to 10 began. It turns out that only Lot and a few family members were to be rescued. Only Lot. Not even ten.

Think similarly of the evil in Noah’s day. Not even ten.

Now, not all of these wicked people were the kind we call RASNs, although I suppose some aspect of at least one of the 4 categories (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) were evidenced in them. But the point I want us to see is how widespread, and one might even say, “universal,” wicked people were…and are.

RASNs in other words are not rare. In EVERY one of the 4 churches I have pastored, they were present. I didn’t fully understand it at the time and I wouldn’t for many years, but I know now that these people who assault with their words, who are defined by a stunning mentality of entitlement and superiority, who have no conscience and no love, who only use others to supply there demand for adoration…are anything but rare. They are everywhere. They are, with rare exception, in every local church parading themselves in disguise. The grief and damage they cause is beyond measuring.

Just think a bit about how, in our naivete and wrong-thinking, we so often lay a foundation and environment for these RASNs to operate. What do we reward in the church? What measures do we use for “success”? What kind of people do we place into leadership positions? When we get these things wrong, we cultivate fertile ground for wickedness to flourish. We create a structure, a ladder if you will, for evil men and women to climb to the top. That is precisely how Rome ended up with a Pope. But there are many, many mini-popes operative even in evangelical, Protestant churches today. They may hold official offices, or just as commonly choose to operate covertly and “unofficially.”

We must open our eyes and without partiality apply the truths which expose these evil ones who creep in among us:

  • Devoid of love
  • Produce rotten fruit
  • Focus upon external rules and work to enforce those rules

Here comes, for instance, the new fellow and his family. He is gifted in a number of areas. He is a champion of sound doctrine. He is a talented professional in his career. We are excited about having such a new addition to our church. But…

…Over time there are a number of caution signs which we should be seeing. We see them, but we don’t see them. We blow them off. And as we do, such a person works and works to establish his or her own kingdom. We become slaves, suckers for flattery. Those of you who have been in a marriage with such a person have experienced these very things in that setting.

RASNs are not rare! And I have concluded that with extremely rare exceptions, any local church today that is, let’s say 100 or 200 people in size – has capitulated to one or more of them. Think on this very, very carefully. Let’s say that you were a new pastor and your first assignment was…Sodom. What would/should be the size of your church? 50? 45? 30? 20? 10? Or maybe just one and a couple of his family members. Apply this question to Noah’s time. What would be the size of your church if you without compromise preached God’s Word and confronted counterfeits? 50? 45? 30? 20? 10? The answer is, eight. That’s all. Just eight and before Noah was married and had children, the answer was one. Maybe two.

And what do you suppose would be the evaluation of your pastoral peers or of the leaders of your denomination, if you were a member of one (I reject denominations now, but I save the reasons for another article)? I can tell you. You would be marked as a failure. It’s your fault. You are a failure. You haven’t worked on a “vision.” You didn’t “trust the Lord” for 50 new baptisms. Whatever you are preaching isn’t working.

RASNs are not rare. I certainly am not saying that a local church which is very small in numbers is necessarily free of this evil, but I can tell you that a church with a large number of members (I will let you define “large.” My definition is…more than a few!)…a church with a large number of members in our day is evidencing the symptoms of …what shall we call the disease…foolish Galatianism. “O foolish Galatians, who has bewitched you?”

Page 16 of 88

Previous

Next