Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 22 of 88

“But I Just Want to Think Good About Everyone”

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On June 19, 2023

In Abusers, Churches/Church Response, Evil, Supporting Victims

Joh 8:44 You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

Gal 5:12 I wish those who unsettle you would emasculate themselves!

Tit 3:10-11 As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, (11) knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.

There are people, even and perhaps especially many professing Christians, who maintain that it is wrong and sinful to say or think anything negative about anyone. They hold to the notion that loving others means believing they are basically good, overlooking their sins, and always believing “the best” about them. These are the kind of people who will tell the abuse victim who begins to confide to them the abuse they are living in – “now, you shouldn’t talk about your spouse that way. If you just think the best about them, all will be well.” But it isn’t. And it won’t.

I have often wondered what makes such people “tick.” We living in an increasingly wicked world and yet if you point out the evils around us that are so obvious, this kind of a person will try to neutralize you observations. “Oh, well I choose to believe that there are a lot of good people in this world.” And yet,

Rom 3:10-12 as it is written: “None is righteous, no, not one; (11) no one understands; no one seeks for God. (12) All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.”

Did Jesus ever “just think the best about everyone”? You know the answer to that –

Joh 2:24-25 But Jesus on his part did not entrust himself to them, because he knew all people (25) and needed no one to bear witness about man, for he himself knew what was in man.

So what does make these “always just think good about others” people tick? To some degree I think it is pride. It makes them feel superior to others. In other cases the motive is no doubt cowardice because to conclude that someone is evil quite often means having to take a stand against them. In still other cases the reason is ignorance. If we are ignorant of the nature and even the existence of evil, and of its tactics, then we are going to remain blind to it. In still other cases – perhaps the most common – the motive is plain old unbelief in God’s Word and refusal to obey Him.

The Bible has much to say about the wicked and also much to say to Christians about how we are to deal with the wicked. We are not to associate with them – especially if they claim to be a Christian. We are to put them out of the church. We are to defend their victims. All of this requires paying a price. And so the “just think good about everyone always” crowd ignores much of the Bible, willfully disregarding God’s own Word and choosing to travel a path that makes them feel so good about themselves.

God, however, doesn’t feel good about them at all:

Deu 27:19 “‘Cursed be anyone who perverts the justice due to the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow.’ And all the people shall say, ‘Amen.’

A Beautiful New Scripture Poster

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On June 16, 2023

In Blog News

Our friends and faithful CRC members (the Austins) have their own business at graphicspaces.com They have been a huge encouragement to us these past years and several times they have designed Scripture posters for us which we display in the church building and at home. Recently I asked if they could design another poster to go along with the newest sermon series, God’s Power in Our Weakness, and they graciously did so. If you go to their website and select the “New” section, you will find it available for purchase. This is a great tool to remind us of a vital truth we dare not forget – when we are weak, then we are strong.

Perhaps the First RASN? – Cain

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On June 14, 2023

In Abusers, Evil, Narcissist

1Jn 3:12 We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother’s righteous.

Gen 4:3-5 In the course of time Cain brought to the LORD an offering of the fruit of the ground, (4) and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the LORD had regard for Abel and his offering, (5) but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell.

What fueled Cain’s murderous rage against his brother? Abel’s deeds were righteous and the Lord had regard for his offering. Cain’s offering was rejected. Cain, like Diotrephes (see 3 John) craved to be first. He demanded to have his ego fed. He was evil and his brother was righteous. So he killed Abel.

Cain, I suppose you could say, was the first narcissist (besides Satan). He was driven by self-worship, a vacuum of empathy, a profound sense of entitlement and superiority, and when that diabolic mixture met a righteous man who was approved by God, murder was the predictable outcome.

Cain would not confess his sin, even when directly confronted by the Lord. RASN’s as you know, are never wrong, never to blame – it was all Abel’s fault, it was all God’s fault. The punishment the Lord put upon him was excessive – just ask Cain and listen to him moan and demand to be pitied.

RASN’s are characteristically and intensely envious, jealous people. They regard themselves as gods and refuse to share the glory they insist is theirs with anyone else. Not even with God. This is one reason domestic abusers so often sabotage their victim’s successes. They cannot tolerate praise going to anyone else. That praise, by the way, may not even be real – but the RASN will imagine it to be so.

I suppose this is the reason Satan hates the Lord and the Lord’s people with such intensity. “I will be like the Most High” is the devil’s demand. You see it in the description of the Antichrist given in the book of Revelation. Bow down and worship his image, or else.

And sure enough, RASN’s are children of the devil. Jesus said so Himself.

Why Force a Spouse to Remain Married to You?

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On June 12, 2023

In Abusers, Churches/Church Response, Evil, Getting Free, RASN

Exo 2:23-25 During those many days the king of Egypt died, and the people of Israel groaned because of their slavery and cried out for help. Their cry for rescue from slavery came up to God. (24) And God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. (25) God saw the people of Israel—and God knew.

RASN’s in a marriage most typically try to force their victim/spouse to remain married to them. They resort to all kinds of tactics, most of which you all are sadly familiar with. One tactic is, they quote the Bible. Twisted and perverted of course, but they quote the Bible in order to claim God’s authority that the victim must remain in the marriage. They cite all kinds of books and pastors and others who claim God forbids divorce for abuse.

The motive in this of course is to maintain power and control. Threats are made. Bible verses are tossed into the mix (out of context). You know how this evil game works.

Now, here is the obvious question to put to such evil ones. Why in the world do you want to force your spouse to remain married to you? I mean, what kind of “marriage” is that? What are you (the RASN) accomplishing if you force them to stay with you? What twisted view of marriage do you have? If you have to force her/him to stay, what do you have? You have a master/slave scenario – but you certainly do not have a marriage.

And I would put the very same questions to pastors and others who try to force the victim to remain in this enslavement. Why? What have you accomplished if you force her to stay? Is it so you can go out and brag about how you “saved” a marriage?

Now of course the elephant-in-the-room question in all this is what is the reason the victim wants to be free? That is, what is the reason she/he does not want to remain married to the RASN? I can tell you. Because the RASN is a RASN!

If Pharaoh had succeeded in making the Israelites return to Egypt, what would he have accomplished? Restoration of slavery. And that is all.

This Week’s Video Links

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On June 9, 2023

In Biblical Teaching, Blog News, Sermons

Here are the links to the Sunday morning class, the sermon, and the mid-week Bible studies.

Sunday School – Christiana (Part 2 of Pilgrim’s Progress) – https://youtu.be/Elpx8BMbV5E

Sermon – Pt 3, Will We See Sadie Again?  https://youtu.be/DcNPP-Xh5aY

Ephesians Study – https://youtu.be/qRVB9dw_ef8

Revelation Study – https://youtu.be/IJA1bpB2E0g

Help from Job – Will we Take the Good but not the Bad?

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On June 7, 2023

In Abusers, Narcissist, RASN

Job 2:10b Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips.

When the Lord tested Job, and it was a severe test as you know, his wife faltered and essentially told him to give up. In response, he recalled all the very good things the Lord had given them before and acknowledged the Lord’s right to withdraw them.

Job’s words reminded me of a very common and repeated scenario I have experienced. Emphasis on “repeated.” It is a characteristic of the wicked, especially of RASN’s. It goes like this: Those the RASN targets are so often very longsuffering and do all kinds of good things for their persecutor (not fully realizing just what kind of person they are up against). They are regularly giving and giving and giving good things to the oppressor, sensing (in a kind of subconscious way) that they can win the favor of the wicked one if they just continue to do nice things.

I say “subconscious” because I think what happens is that we somehow sense that there is this kind of tension in the relationship which must be fed or it will turn on us. I bet you know what I mean. Here you are almost daily giving and giving and giving and getting nothing good in return. But you just keep on giving. Why? Because your relationship is entirely one-sided. You give, they take.

Now, let’s come to a crucial and revealing point in all this. As you awaken to what is really going on and you begin to learn the nature of the RASN, you begin to voice truth. You point out the selfishness, the coldness, the void of empathy. And when you do, what happens? Does the RASN remember all of the kindness you have shown them? Is he saddened that he/she has been so selfish and unkind? You know the answer – NO! Most certainly, NO! It is as if all those many, many kind gifts and acts never even took place. They are completely disregarded. The RASN curses you for the admonition and wipes the slate entirely of the whole history of good that you have shown them.

RASNs then are guilty of the very sin which Job rejected. They accept and take the good, but no one better criticize, admonish, correct, or communicate truth to them about their sin. Or else.

If these things resonate with you, if you are in a relationship in which the giving is all on your part, if you are under a daily urging to give and give and give, ask yourself, “why?” Because surely something is very wrong.

Say it: There IS a Reward for the Righteous

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On June 5, 2023

In Counseling

Say there is a reward for the righteous.

Psalm 58:11

The Lord tells us in this Scripture that we must always come to this conclusion: When you see things in such confusion that all order is turned upside down and God favors the wicked and hates the good, or that only chance rules, that God is asleep in heaven, that he no longer governs the affairs of this world, you must continue to be convinced that the righteous will reap the fruit of their labors.

So it is true there can be no worse temptation than to think we waste our labor when we serve God, bless his name, and submit to him, but we must be persuaded that God does not intend to disappoint those who honor and serve him.

If we do not have that assurance, we cannot ever have the least desire to devote ourselves to God. If we think that God turns his back on us, that he mocks us when we labor here below, that he closes his eyes, and that we waste our time living with great care, who among us can apply himself to well-doing?

Therefore, because those who serve God and draw nearest to him have that conviction, he rewards those who fear him. We see that the worst and deadliest temptation that Satan can place before us is to make us think we waste our time when we pray to God and have recourse to him. All the more must we be vigilant against that temptation, seeing that it is so dangerous and destructive.

[John Calvin, Sermons on Job, Vol 1 pp 105-6, Banner of Truth Trust]

Last Week’s Video Links to our Sermons, Class, and Bible Studies

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On June 4, 2023

In Biblical Teaching, Blog News

Christiana (Pilgrim’s Progress Pt 2)

Sunday Sermon, Will We See Sadie Again (Pt 2)

Ephesians Bible Study

Revelation Bible Study

A Scripture for this Lord’s Day

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On June 4, 2023

In Biblical Teaching

Psa 18:46-50 The LORD lives, and blessed be my rock, and exalted be the God of my salvation— (47) the God who gave me vengeance and subdued peoples under me, (48) who rescued me from my enemies; yes, you exalted me above those who rose against me; you delivered me from the man of violence. (49) For this I will praise you, O LORD, among the nations, and sing to your name. (50) Great salvation he brings to his king, and shows steadfast love to his anointed, to David and his offspring forever.

The Root of the Problem

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On May 31, 2023

In Biblical Teaching, Churches/Church Response, Evil

Mat 7:21-23 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. (22) On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ (23) And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

1Co 5:1-6 It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that is not tolerated even among pagans, for a man has his father’s wife. (2) And you are arrogant! Ought you not rather to mourn? Let him who has done this be removed from among you. (3) For though absent in body, I am present in spirit; and as if present, I have already pronounced judgment on the one who did such a thing. (4) When you are assembled in the name of the Lord Jesus and my spirit is present, with the power of our Lord Jesus, (5) you are to deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord. (6) Your boasting is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump?

1Co 5:11-13 But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. (12) For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? (13) God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”

One of the common, recurring frustrations that targets of RASNs experience and cry out against is that RASNs are allowed to remain in local churches. In fact, it is quite often the case that the victim is the one who is put out – either formally or informally. In light of the scriptures quoted above, and many others, the wicked are to be put out from among us. But typically evil remains in the pews, permitted to go right on wearing wool while worrying the true sheep. Why?

The root of the injustice is something fundamental. It is the root of the problem. And I was reminded of this recently when I was going through some old records in our church files. (I may have mentioned this to you before, but it is worth repeating). I knew most of the names and faces that kept cropping up in those records (they used to keep a picture directory each year). I knew them because many were still here when I came – and so I knew their fruits. That fruit was almost entirely rotten. Not just borderline rotten. Not just “hmm, is this fruit good or not?” But rotten, rotten. These people walked and lived in sin. Christ was not in them, with very, very few exceptions.

Now, I ask – why? How can it be that a local “christian” church goes on with all the typical activities – Sunday School, church service, choir, sermons, missions committee, potlucks, children’s ministries – and yet the vast majority of the “christians,” aren’t. I mean, are not Christians. Aren’t born again. Still dead in sin. How can there be a good size choir, a skilled choir director and pianist, full pews, hymns sung, sermons preached, a doctrinal statement that is sound on its face – and yet there be almost no true children of God in the bunch? How can RASNs fit right in?

I can tell you why.

Because Satan has his churches. The Bible says there are synagogues of Satan. Satan is the great counterfeiter. He is the master coiner of the false church. His man will one day appear as a false Christ and the whole world will follow him. The quickest path for a local church to morph into the kingdom of darkness is to refuse to obey the Lord’s command to put the wicked man out from among us. To refuse to believe and confess that if a person claims to know God but hates his brother, he is a liar – he is no Christian at all. Most local churches protect professing christians who walk in sin.

I could take you through one of those old church directories and go through the names one by one, giving you firsthand testimony of the sinful, rotten fruit that characterized the huge majority. When did it happen? What year was it (the church was organized in 1957) that evil won the day and took over? I can tell from the records that unregenerate people looking for self-glory dominated the leadership for many, many years. Little wonder we hit the ground in battle as soon as we arrived here 30 years ago.

How does this affect you? Because the same evil scenario is played out over and over and over again in local churches. In the quest for numbers, in the lust for career advancement, a shallow easy-believism is preached and called the gospel. But it isn’t the gospel, and it cannot save. It is a message gutted of any call to repentance or of any pronouncement that when we are truly born again we will obey Christ and bear good fruit. The result? Your RASN fits right in. Might even be the pastor or an elder or other office holder. Such a place is dominated by the devil’s children just like the Pharisees, all of whom have as their goal – “I will be like the Most High.”

Following Jesus is costly. Following Him means taking up our cross, dying to ourselves, and walking through the fire He walked through. That message doesn’t appeal to the masses. Christ’s remnant is a remnant. His true church is small – it is not mega. His people are on the Narrow Way and few are they who find it. His real people love Him and they love one another. His saints crave to obey Him and cannot tolerate evil among them. In fact, evil is not comfortable among them. And this is the inevitable result where real godliness and holiness in Christ reigns-

1Jn 2:19 They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us.

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