Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 22 of 88

It’s Those Brief Unguarded Moments

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On June 28, 2023

In Abusers, Counseling, Narcissist, RASN

Mat 23:27 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness.

Most all of you know that RASN’s wear saintly disguises. If they claim to be a Christian, they wear a mask of righteousness. But it’s only a mask. Others who make no claim to religion at all still put on whatever type of mask which brings them praise and hides what they really are.

But all masks slip. Often these slips are very brief and usually go unnoticed because most people aren’t looking, and even if they are, they don’t understand. They write off the glimpse they caught of what was behind the mask as their imagination, and of course the gas-lighting of the wicked one encourages that.

Nevertheless, if we know that RASN’s exist and how they hide and function, we can grow in our ability to recognize the reality behind the disguise. I will give you an example.

Once I was in the home of someone I had known for quite sometime. Professing Christian. Regular church member. But the occasion was a dinner for a fairly large number of people and this fellow was able to pay caterers to set up the dinner. I was standing off at the edge of the kitchen visiting with someone when I noticed two ladies from the catering service come in with large trays of food to be served. One of them looked at the host and smiled and said, “Oh, hey, I know you! We went to high school together.” She called him by name and said it was good to see him.

His reaction? The mask slipped. He gave her what I would call a look of contempt, said something like, “oh, yeah,” then turned his back on her and walked away. After all, you see, she was just the hired help. A servant to be used. And no doubt she knew that he claimed to be a solid Christian.

When I saw that mask slippage and that quick look of contempt and air of superiority flash through for just a few seconds, I was seeing what this man really was. But I didn’t realize the significance of it at the time. Those slips happen so quickly and as I said we blow them off as something perhaps we are imagining. After all, the rest of the time we see the mask.

I can’t tell you how many times I have seen these mask slips and yet I still didn’t get it. I think I am finally starting to wake up, but I still have to fight the temptation to just blow off what I thought I saw. After all, we don’t want to believe someone we think we know is actually someone we don’t know at all.

Whitewashed tombs full of rotting bones. That is the reality.

Refusal to Repent Exposes the Hypocrite

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On June 26, 2023

In Abusers, Counseling, Narcissist, RASN

Mat 3:8-12 Bear fruit in keeping with repentance. (9) And do not presume to say to yourselves, ‘We have Abraham as our father,’ for I tell you, God is able from these stones to raise up children for Abraham. (10) Even now the axe is laid to the root of the trees. Every tree therefore that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. (11) “I baptize you with water for repentance, but he who is coming after me is mightier than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire. (12) His winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor and gather his wheat into the barn, but the chaff he will burn with unquenchable fire.”

Repentance is an essential element in genuine faith and salvation in Christ. A person who refuses to repent is not a Christian. And as most of you know, the RASN (Reviler, Abuser, Sociopath, Narcissist) is not known for his/her repentance. The Bible is quite clear:

1Jn 1:8-10 If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. (9) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (10) If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

Listen to John Calvin on this. The quote is taken from one of his sermons on this scripture:

Act 2:37-38 Now when they heard this they were cut to the heart, and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?” (38) And Peter said to them, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

[Note: Calvin is speaking about man the sinner in general. When he says “we” or “us” here he means how man is apart from Christ]

“Now we must not be surprised if we are unable to prick our own conscience, because we do the very opposite. We are grieved if someone speaks of our vices in public. We do not want anyone to reproach us for them. We do not want to think about them in private either….”.

“We should be quick to confront our vice head on and take heed to correct it while God gives us the grace to put our minds to it. Now, since very few of us do that and are blessed, many more of us do not do that and are not blessed. And no matter how much we might boast of being a Christian, we indicate clearly, unless we change our ways, that ours is but empty boasting.”

“For we should know that Christian teaching consists of these two points, namely, repentance and the remission of sins. We have no other instruction from God. After Jesus instructed his apostles, he said, ‘Preach repentance and the remission of sins’ (Luke 24:47).”

“And that is why we see many people who are far from being Christians. For as I said earlier concerning repentance, they never want to acquire knowledge of their sins and do not want to be badgered about them, and yet it is in repentance that all our well-being lies.” [John Calvin, Sermons on the Acts of the Apostles, Banner of Truth Trust]

The thing is quite plain and clear –

Luke 13:3 No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish.

Act 17:30 The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent,

2Co 7:10 For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.

2Pe 3:9 The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.

Calvin also states just what genuine repentance is –

The Christian must experience personal grief for offending God….Repentance is, in a word, the turning of a man to God. Repentance has its seat in the spirit and in the heart. It is a turning around to contemplate God face to face rather than having one’s back turned to Him. Repentance must produce fruit; otherwise we will not recognize that a man is converted. ‘Bring forth fruits in keeping with repentance’ (Matthew 3:8). It will only be boasting filled with lies if we say we are repentant but our lives do not reflect our words.

Still another point in this regard is this: the genuine Christian continues to repent daily. This is another certain mark of the new man in Christ. We continue – even increasingly – to see our sin and confess it, asking the Lord’s forgiveness. We continue daily to hate our sin and battle against it by the Spirit in us. The hypocrite is characterized by none of this.

Note then what I said at the beginning (quoting Calvin). The hypocrite has no pricked conscience. (That is, his conscience does not cause him to grieve over his sins). If anyone speaks of his sins, then he is grieved – savagely so. He lashes out in rage. He does not want anyone to reproach him for his sins. He will not even think about his sins in private. His boasting about being a Christian is a lie.

This is the reality of the RASN, and knowing these truths serves as a great encouragement to the victims of these evil ones. It clears up the fog and confusion. He is not in Christ. He is dead in his sins. And his refusal to repent proves it.

Finally, a word to pastors –

The one who preaches to us must reprove us daily for our faults. Otherwise we would have a gospel made to our order. It would not be the one God has given us. That fact greatly annoys us, whatever the situation. Some are vexed and others gnash their teeth, but we must nonetheless uphold the teaching of God in the midst of his church. If we think we are doing them a favor by being lenient, we shall be contributing to their ruin. It is a great pity that we cannot be persuaded that this is true. As I have already said, when God calls us, a change must take place in us, as if we had become new men. That is how Scripture speaks of it and how we must use repentance to advantage.

[John Calvin, Sermons on Acts, Banner of Truth Trust]

I Cannot Teach this Scripture Too Often

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On June 21, 2023

In Abusers, Biblical Teaching, Evil

Heb 5:11-14 About this we have much to say, and it is hard to explain, since you have become dull of hearing. (12) For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic principles of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food, (13) for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. (14) But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.

This is a kind of supplemental post to the one I wrote Monday, But I Just Want to Think Good About Everyone. What the Apostle is saying here is that those kind of people are at best babies in the faith. I say at best because they may well not even be saved at all.

Many professing Christians are dull of hearing God’s Word. You can’t even hardly talk to them about God’s Word. They don’t get it. They are dull and deaf to truth. And they may have been professing Christians for years and years – some were raised in Christian homes and cannot remember a time when they weren’t “Christians.”

But something happened. They kept sucking on their bottles. They choke on God’s Word that is anything beyond “believe in Jesus and you can go to heaven.” Their “Christianity” consists primarily of traditions handed to them, not from diligent digesting of God’s Word. They are still children.

Now, notice what maturity in Christ entails. It is to have our spiritual senses trained by constant chewing on the meat of the Word in order to be able to distinguish good from evil. Get it? There it is. Boast all they want about how mature they are in Christ, the fact is that they cannot see Satan when he is right in their face. In fact, they are so inept at discernment that this scripture tells us that they confuse good and evil. They will defend the evil one and condemn the righteous.

It is very dangerous to have babies leading local churches. All they can consume is milk and all they can serve up is milk. Everyone who says they are a Christian is to be believed no matter their fruit. Sound doctrine taught in-depth is just to divisive – they choke on it. So they stay in diapers and take many others with them.

Keep Away from a False Gospel

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On June 20, 2023

In Evil

Act 2:40 And with many other words he bore witness and continued to exhort them, saying, “Save yourselves from this crooked generation.”

There are many professing Christians who do not wish to be full-blown hypocrites. They adhere to sound doctrine – to a point. But their half and half Christianity reveals itself when they are challenged to publicly renounce the errors and false teaching which characterizes the local church they are in. They balk. They have been in that church for many years. They have friends there. To depart would be accompanied by a heavy price.

I recently read a challenge to such people issued long ago by John Calvin. He was referring to people who acknowledged the false gospel of the Roman Catholic church, but who refused to separate from it. He said:

Must we not cry out, ‘Keep yourselves from this perverse generation,’ when we realize that everyone is going to hell?

Sermons on Acts

Further, we see the impudence of such [half and half preachers/Christians] when they accuse us of excessive severity and say, ‘You do not need to lash out this way against the pope and his people and call him Antichrist. You can preach the gospel well enough without such accusations. What good does it do to say that priests are ravenous wolves who will devour the flock of Jesus Christ and poison everyone with their false doctrine?’

Such men are really dreadful teachers. They should have been born sooner so they could have taught Peter how to preach and instruct him what to say.

Not so for us. We preach what we have been taught by God and if we wish to come to him through our Lord Jesus Christ, we must rid ourselves of this perverse generation. We cannot do that unless we separate ourselves from their lies and deceits.

Ibid

“But I Just Want to Think Good About Everyone”

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On June 19, 2023

In Abusers, Churches/Church Response, Evil, Supporting Victims

Joh 8:44 You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

Gal 5:12 I wish those who unsettle you would emasculate themselves!

Tit 3:10-11 As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, (11) knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.

There are people, even and perhaps especially many professing Christians, who maintain that it is wrong and sinful to say or think anything negative about anyone. They hold to the notion that loving others means believing they are basically good, overlooking their sins, and always believing “the best” about them. These are the kind of people who will tell the abuse victim who begins to confide to them the abuse they are living in – “now, you shouldn’t talk about your spouse that way. If you just think the best about them, all will be well.” But it isn’t. And it won’t.

I have often wondered what makes such people “tick.” We living in an increasingly wicked world and yet if you point out the evils around us that are so obvious, this kind of a person will try to neutralize you observations. “Oh, well I choose to believe that there are a lot of good people in this world.” And yet,

Rom 3:10-12 as it is written: “None is righteous, no, not one; (11) no one understands; no one seeks for God. (12) All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.”

Did Jesus ever “just think the best about everyone”? You know the answer to that –

Joh 2:24-25 But Jesus on his part did not entrust himself to them, because he knew all people (25) and needed no one to bear witness about man, for he himself knew what was in man.

So what does make these “always just think good about others” people tick? To some degree I think it is pride. It makes them feel superior to others. In other cases the motive is no doubt cowardice because to conclude that someone is evil quite often means having to take a stand against them. In still other cases the reason is ignorance. If we are ignorant of the nature and even the existence of evil, and of its tactics, then we are going to remain blind to it. In still other cases – perhaps the most common – the motive is plain old unbelief in God’s Word and refusal to obey Him.

The Bible has much to say about the wicked and also much to say to Christians about how we are to deal with the wicked. We are not to associate with them – especially if they claim to be a Christian. We are to put them out of the church. We are to defend their victims. All of this requires paying a price. And so the “just think good about everyone always” crowd ignores much of the Bible, willfully disregarding God’s own Word and choosing to travel a path that makes them feel so good about themselves.

God, however, doesn’t feel good about them at all:

Deu 27:19 “‘Cursed be anyone who perverts the justice due to the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow.’ And all the people shall say, ‘Amen.’

A Beautiful New Scripture Poster

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On June 16, 2023

In Blog News

Our friends and faithful CRC members (the Austins) have their own business at graphicspaces.com They have been a huge encouragement to us these past years and several times they have designed Scripture posters for us which we display in the church building and at home. Recently I asked if they could design another poster to go along with the newest sermon series, God’s Power in Our Weakness, and they graciously did so. If you go to their website and select the “New” section, you will find it available for purchase. This is a great tool to remind us of a vital truth we dare not forget – when we are weak, then we are strong.

Perhaps the First RASN? – Cain

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On June 14, 2023

In Abusers, Evil, Narcissist

1Jn 3:12 We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother’s righteous.

Gen 4:3-5 In the course of time Cain brought to the LORD an offering of the fruit of the ground, (4) and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the LORD had regard for Abel and his offering, (5) but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell.

What fueled Cain’s murderous rage against his brother? Abel’s deeds were righteous and the Lord had regard for his offering. Cain’s offering was rejected. Cain, like Diotrephes (see 3 John) craved to be first. He demanded to have his ego fed. He was evil and his brother was righteous. So he killed Abel.

Cain, I suppose you could say, was the first narcissist (besides Satan). He was driven by self-worship, a vacuum of empathy, a profound sense of entitlement and superiority, and when that diabolic mixture met a righteous man who was approved by God, murder was the predictable outcome.

Cain would not confess his sin, even when directly confronted by the Lord. RASN’s as you know, are never wrong, never to blame – it was all Abel’s fault, it was all God’s fault. The punishment the Lord put upon him was excessive – just ask Cain and listen to him moan and demand to be pitied.

RASN’s are characteristically and intensely envious, jealous people. They regard themselves as gods and refuse to share the glory they insist is theirs with anyone else. Not even with God. This is one reason domestic abusers so often sabotage their victim’s successes. They cannot tolerate praise going to anyone else. That praise, by the way, may not even be real – but the RASN will imagine it to be so.

I suppose this is the reason Satan hates the Lord and the Lord’s people with such intensity. “I will be like the Most High” is the devil’s demand. You see it in the description of the Antichrist given in the book of Revelation. Bow down and worship his image, or else.

And sure enough, RASN’s are children of the devil. Jesus said so Himself.

Why Force a Spouse to Remain Married to You?

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On June 12, 2023

In Abusers, Churches/Church Response, Evil, Getting Free, RASN

Exo 2:23-25 During those many days the king of Egypt died, and the people of Israel groaned because of their slavery and cried out for help. Their cry for rescue from slavery came up to God. (24) And God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. (25) God saw the people of Israel—and God knew.

RASN’s in a marriage most typically try to force their victim/spouse to remain married to them. They resort to all kinds of tactics, most of which you all are sadly familiar with. One tactic is, they quote the Bible. Twisted and perverted of course, but they quote the Bible in order to claim God’s authority that the victim must remain in the marriage. They cite all kinds of books and pastors and others who claim God forbids divorce for abuse.

The motive in this of course is to maintain power and control. Threats are made. Bible verses are tossed into the mix (out of context). You know how this evil game works.

Now, here is the obvious question to put to such evil ones. Why in the world do you want to force your spouse to remain married to you? I mean, what kind of “marriage” is that? What are you (the RASN) accomplishing if you force them to stay with you? What twisted view of marriage do you have? If you have to force her/him to stay, what do you have? You have a master/slave scenario – but you certainly do not have a marriage.

And I would put the very same questions to pastors and others who try to force the victim to remain in this enslavement. Why? What have you accomplished if you force her to stay? Is it so you can go out and brag about how you “saved” a marriage?

Now of course the elephant-in-the-room question in all this is what is the reason the victim wants to be free? That is, what is the reason she/he does not want to remain married to the RASN? I can tell you. Because the RASN is a RASN!

If Pharaoh had succeeded in making the Israelites return to Egypt, what would he have accomplished? Restoration of slavery. And that is all.

This Week’s Video Links

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On June 9, 2023

In Biblical Teaching, Blog News, Sermons

Here are the links to the Sunday morning class, the sermon, and the mid-week Bible studies.

Sunday School – Christiana (Part 2 of Pilgrim’s Progress) – https://youtu.be/Elpx8BMbV5E

Sermon – Pt 3, Will We See Sadie Again?  https://youtu.be/DcNPP-Xh5aY

Ephesians Study – https://youtu.be/qRVB9dw_ef8

Revelation Study – https://youtu.be/IJA1bpB2E0g

Help from Job – Will we Take the Good but not the Bad?

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On June 7, 2023

In Abusers, Narcissist, RASN

Job 2:10b Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips.

When the Lord tested Job, and it was a severe test as you know, his wife faltered and essentially told him to give up. In response, he recalled all the very good things the Lord had given them before and acknowledged the Lord’s right to withdraw them.

Job’s words reminded me of a very common and repeated scenario I have experienced. Emphasis on “repeated.” It is a characteristic of the wicked, especially of RASN’s. It goes like this: Those the RASN targets are so often very longsuffering and do all kinds of good things for their persecutor (not fully realizing just what kind of person they are up against). They are regularly giving and giving and giving good things to the oppressor, sensing (in a kind of subconscious way) that they can win the favor of the wicked one if they just continue to do nice things.

I say “subconscious” because I think what happens is that we somehow sense that there is this kind of tension in the relationship which must be fed or it will turn on us. I bet you know what I mean. Here you are almost daily giving and giving and giving and getting nothing good in return. But you just keep on giving. Why? Because your relationship is entirely one-sided. You give, they take.

Now, let’s come to a crucial and revealing point in all this. As you awaken to what is really going on and you begin to learn the nature of the RASN, you begin to voice truth. You point out the selfishness, the coldness, the void of empathy. And when you do, what happens? Does the RASN remember all of the kindness you have shown them? Is he saddened that he/she has been so selfish and unkind? You know the answer – NO! Most certainly, NO! It is as if all those many, many kind gifts and acts never even took place. They are completely disregarded. The RASN curses you for the admonition and wipes the slate entirely of the whole history of good that you have shown them.

RASNs then are guilty of the very sin which Job rejected. They accept and take the good, but no one better criticize, admonish, correct, or communicate truth to them about their sin. Or else.

If these things resonate with you, if you are in a relationship in which the giving is all on your part, if you are under a daily urging to give and give and give, ask yourself, “why?” Because surely something is very wrong.

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