Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Why Force a Spouse to Remain Married to You?

Exo 2:23-25 During those many days the king of Egypt died, and the people of Israel groaned because of their slavery and cried out for help. Their cry for rescue from slavery came up to God. (24) And God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. (25) God saw the people of Israel—and God knew.

RASN’s in a marriage most typically try to force their victim/spouse to remain married to them. They resort to all kinds of tactics, most of which you all are sadly familiar with. One tactic is, they quote the Bible. Twisted and perverted of course, but they quote the Bible in order to claim God’s authority that the victim must remain in the marriage. They cite all kinds of books and pastors and others who claim God forbids divorce for abuse.

The motive in this of course is to maintain power and control. Threats are made. Bible verses are tossed into the mix (out of context). You know how this evil game works.

Now, here is the obvious question to put to such evil ones. Why in the world do you want to force your spouse to remain married to you? I mean, what kind of “marriage” is that? What are you (the RASN) accomplishing if you force them to stay with you? What twisted view of marriage do you have? If you have to force her/him to stay, what do you have? You have a master/slave scenario – but you certainly do not have a marriage.

And I would put the very same questions to pastors and others who try to force the victim to remain in this enslavement. Why? What have you accomplished if you force her to stay? Is it so you can go out and brag about how you “saved” a marriage?

Now of course the elephant-in-the-room question in all this is what is the reason the victim wants to be free? That is, what is the reason she/he does not want to remain married to the RASN? I can tell you. Because the RASN is a RASN!

If Pharaoh had succeeded in making the Israelites return to Egypt, what would he have accomplished? Restoration of slavery. And that is all.


This Week’s Video Links


Perhaps the First RASN? – Cain


  1. Exactly!

    Thank you!

  2. Seeker

    I believe in my heart that God doesn’t want any of us to remain slaves in our marriages any more than He wanted the Israelites to remain slaves in Egypt. However, I struggle to reconcile this belief with what Jesus said in Mark 10 about people who divorce and remarry committing adultery. It seems that what He said is very clear: “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.” But I can’t believe that He really wants abused wives to remain imprisoned in a miserable, loveless marriage. Pastor Crippen, if you could explain what I am not understanding, I would greatly appreciate it.

    • The best way to get my explanation is to get my book Unholy Charade (on Amazon). I deal with this question there. I’m not just trying to sell books! It really does help though to read that book. Also see our recommended reading page here on this blog and get David Instone Brewers book, Divorce and Remarriage in the Church.

      • Seeker

        I will try to find a way to get your book. Thank you.

      • Seeker

        Okay, I read the description on Amazon and I see it is based on domestic abusers within the church. Would it still be helpful for someone like me? My husband is not a Christian at all and refuses to set foot in a church. I am the one who is a Christian, and I want to obey God’s commands, whatever they may be.

    • You are set free

      I second the book….. It does answer the rawest of questions!!!! In fact I need to get it & read it again – it was that good – as were / are the YouTube videos (strongly suggest watching “The Lord is Against the Wicked and Defends the Oppressed” from approximately 4 years ago – find it in the Light For Dark Times videos).

      Seeker….. I came from a Bible-fisted situation and the very scriptures you are quoting are the very ones (among others!!) I was literally tortured with by not only the abuser but his other deceivers in the “church” body as well. Please keep in mind death is not just physical death, it is spiritual death too. The wicked /evil abusers are by all accounts spiritually dead – and dead is….dead. Initially it was hard not to over think this and paint myself back into the twisted shaming corner the abuser intended – but once you catch onto their game, you’ll see their weaponizing the Bible for harm is the exact opposite intent that is within those very same scriptures that set you free.

  3. Denise

    Ditto to what Joe said!

    Once you finally begin the process of breaking away, it is amazing how important the Bible suddenly becomes to these people after having not cracked one open for decades, and not bothering to live its truths. Suddenly they become experts on what God expects and they call you out for disobeying God if you divorce them! Just so they can keep you locked in that abusive marriage!

    The Lord has parted that sea, I’m crossing it, and never going back! The truth does indeed bring freedom!


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