I received an email today from ACBC announcing a broadcast called “Help for Single Women Longing for Marriage.” To get an idea what the content of that session is, all you need do is skim an article they included with the advertisement. It was written by Amber Komatsu (I have no idea who she is) and is entitled “Gender Roles and the Single Woman.”
One of the worst dangers of this kind of thing is that it sounds sooooo “biblical,” right? But I can tell you that this stuff does not play out well. In practice, what this gal is saying, and which the ACBC endorses and teaches, is sheer patriarchy that wicked abusers are going to jump right on and use against their victims.
Here is an excerpt from the article – Triggered warning. Now, I know my criticisms here are going to cause me to be charged with being some “liberal unbeliever” who doesn’t believe God’s Word. Well, I do believe God’s Word. I believe the Bible is the inerrant, inspired Word of God. What I don’t believe is the distortions of God’s truth that are packaged up so often just like this. Tell me what you think of what she is saying:
Author: Jeff Crippen Page 72 of 88
For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. (Romans 1:21)
I cannot tell you how many, many years I was blind to the fact that (1) I was dealing with abusers, and (2) They knew exactly what they were doing when they carried out their abusive tactics. When they told me what I was thinking, they were intentionally abusing me, craving that power and control that is their diet. When they accused me, they were intentionally abusing me. When they lied and re-wrote history, they were intentionally abusing me. They knew exactly what they were doing and they knew precisely why they were doing it.
And yet, here comes Jeff the very next day after one of their attacks, running into them again and greeting them, being long-suffering, letting bygones be bygones — you all know the drill. Why? Why did I do this? I did it because I did not yet understand what they were and how they worked their evil. I thought I was dealing with a brother or sister in Christ who was simply “difficult.” How do you deal with a “difficult” person? Well, you are patient. You are forgiving. You respond to them as if they knew Christ but were still pretty rough around the edges. And there are people like that. The problem is, many of these “difficults” have been “difficult” for decades!! Where is Christ in them? Where is their growth into His likeness? One “Christian” lady I once knew even boasted of her “German General” stubbornness and then laughed about it, claiming to have been a Christian for decades. I think not.
But, you see, when we wake up to the truth and realize that who we are dealing with is an abuser and that abusers KNOW full well what they are doing when they launch their schemes and attacks, that changes the whole playing field. Right? Now when I run into such a person there is no more smiling and forgetting and handshaking. Oh no. Now I hold them accountable because I know their wickedness is intentional and planned. I identify by the appropriate label what tactic they used on me — or tried to use. It still isn’t a cake walk for me, don’t misunderstand. But you know what? I find that there are fewer and fewer of these evil ones in my circle of relationships now. In fact, I don’t know of a single one. You see, abusers tend to clear out when they know they are exposed.
Your abuser didn’t slip. He didn’t unknowingly do what he did because of some unconscious childhood event leftover in his psyche. He did what he did with intent. And that means he is culpable. Guilty. Someone to be held responsible.
He wasn’t just having a bad day.
Jon 1:1-2 Now the word of the LORD came to Jonah the son of Amittai, saying, (2) “Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and call out against it, for their evil has come up before me.”
Jon 3:4-5 Jonah began to go into the city, going a day’s journey. And he called out, “Yet forty days, and Nineveh shall be overthrown!” (5) And the people of Nineveh believed God. They called for a fast and put on sackcloth, from the greatest of them to the least of them.
Many of the churches that we have dealt with in regard to their cruel treatment of domestic abuse victims proudly include in their doctrinal statements an unbending confession of the inspiration and inerrancy of Scripture. I fully concur with that doctrine. The Bible is the very Word of God and is the rule for our faith and practice.
However, it is not enough for us to confess the Bible to be the Word of God. We must also interpret and apply it as the Lord intends for His Word to be understood and applied. The Pharisees, as you know, were very conservative in doctrine and held to the letter of Scripture. And yet they were so, so very wrong in how they used it. Grievously and mercilessly wrong.
Psa 1:1-2 Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; (2) but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.
Pro 4:14-15 Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not walk in the way of the evil. (15) Avoid it; do not go on it; turn away from it and pass on.
Psa 26:4-5 I do not sit with men of falsehood, nor do I consort with hypocrites. (5) I hate the assembly of evildoers, and I will not sit with the wicked.
More often than we realize, I am convinced that the fundamental reason evildoers (such as domestic abusers hiding behind a “christian” facade)…the fundamental reason evildoers are welcomed in local churches is not mere naivete about abusers on the part of the pastor and congregation. Sometimes naivete, for a time, can explain things, but what we are seeing over and over again is a hardened, continuing insistence by local churches that the evildoer be “loved” and welcomed with open arms. So much does this spirit reign that anyone who balks at welcoming such people are accused of being hard-hearted and unforgiving. What is the explanation of this?
Here is the beginning of the Declaration of Independence. It is a divorce decree. It is the recognition of a breach of covenant. We celebrate this divorce in the United States every July 4th. The purpose of this post is to simply put forth this question: If it was right and good for the American Colonies to divorce the King of England for his many and repeated abuses, if most all Americans including pastors and church members celebrate this Independence Day as a glorious win for freedom, how is it that these same pastors and church members insist that an abuse victim in a marriage has no right to divorce their abuser?
There is the question as all Americans wave flags and watch the fireworks and celebrate freedom from tyranny. How is it that so many professing Christians will deny the same freedom to a fellow believer who is suffering a present and evil tyranny right in their midst? It is quite common for churches to wave the flag and celebrate on this day, yet at the very same time they oppress the oppressed by demanding they remain in bondage to a wicked abuser. The common double standard.
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The Unanimous Declaration of the
Thirteen United States of America
In Congress, July 4, 1776
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness; that, to secure these rights, governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed; that whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles, and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security. Such has been the patient sufferance of these colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over these states. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.
Job 30:26 ESV But when I hoped for good, evil came, and when I waited for light, darkness came.
Psalms 52:3-4 ESV You love evil more than good, and lying more than speaking what is right. Selah You love all words that devour, O deceitful tongue.
Couple’s counseling (and I would add marriage “intensives” – a kind of focused retreat for a couple) is anathema when it comes to abuse. It goes wrong and works as a tool to further enable and empower the abuser. I won’t go into all of the reasons why this is the case, but it is true.
What I do want to discuss here is a very similar experience that I have had personally and which I have seen played out in the experience of others many times. It is the fallacy of calling evil, good, and good, evil. Here is how it works:
Have you ever been judged and sentenced by a fellow Christian (well, maybe they were a Christian) as they glanced down and saw that NIV or ESV in your hand? Ted was a member of a real fundamental baptist church (I’m a baptist, so it’s ok for me to say that). I met him in the prairies of eastern Montana on an antelope hunt (yes, I hunt. I keep a nice big bear hide on my office wall to test newcomers’ graciousness to us of the sportsman’s persuasion). Riding in Ted’s old Ford truck out across the prairie, I was listening to Ted rattle on about the KJV of the Bible. He had seen my NASB back at camp and felt compelled by the spirit of ________, whatever to convert me. On and on he went until judgment came from above. Ted was so hyped about the Authorized Version that he drove smack into a ditch. No way was it coming out of there without another truck. I left him there and wandered off to find a buck on my own. Ted’s gospel was a tradition. Ted’s religion was that of the Pharisees. And it wasn’t pleasant.
Mat 21:28-32 “What do you think? A man had two sons. And he went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work in the vineyard today.’ (29) And he answered, ‘I will not,’ but afterward he changed his mind and went. (30) And he went to the other son and said the same. And he answered, ‘I go, sir,’ but did not go. (31) Which of the two did the will of his father?” They said, “The first.” Jesus said to them, “Truly, I say to you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes go into the kingdom of God before you. (32) For John came to you in the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes believed him. And even when you saw it, you did not afterward change your minds and believe him.
My journey into the Lord’s wisdom about domestic abusers hiding in the church began in 2008, eleven years ago. Since that time we have all seen “Christian” organizations (Focus on the Family, Christian Counseling and Education Foundation, etc) and denominations jumping on the wagon ready to go along for the ride, even claiming to be leading the caravan.
Most of it is a mere front. A public relations stunt and I don’t believe the large majority of these people at all. Here is what has happened – they got busted. As other voices began giving a hearing to abuse victims and the facts of what has been going on in churches for decades came to light, the pressure grew. All of a sudden the “ministries” began launching their programs. There has been almost no real repentance for all the years of oppressing victims and enabling abusers that these groups are guilty of. No. They simply knew that it was looking bad for them and they had better do something. And thus the conferences, the books, the therapy programs, yada, yada, yada.
But I am telling you that nothing has changed among these counterfeits. Nothing. How do I know? Read on –
I did not send the prophets, yet they ran;
I did not speak to them, yet they prophesied.
(Jeremiah 23:21)
Here is still another example of the wicked, evil filth that victims of abuse are subjected to through the hands of their fellow “christians.” In this case the abuser is in a full-time ministry position. All the time he has been “serving the Lord,” he emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, and sexually abused and tormented his wife. Ultimately she realized what was happening and left him. Later, she received the following letter from one of the abuser’s colleagues. Notice that this man is a false prophet, claiming to be announcing Jesus’ very words which were given to him to speak to her.