Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Being Comfortable in the Presence of the Wicked is a Mark of an Unregenerate Heart

Psa 1:1-2  Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers;  (2)  but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.
Pro 4:14-15  Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not walk in the way of the evil.  (15)  Avoid it; do not go on it; turn away from it and pass on.
Psa 26:4-5  I do not sit with men of falsehood, nor do I consort with hypocrites.  (5)  I hate the assembly of evildoers, and I will not sit with the wicked.

More often than we realize, I am convinced that the fundamental reason evildoers (such as domestic abusers hiding behind a “christian” facade)…the fundamental reason evildoers are welcomed in local churches is not mere naivete about abusers on the part of the pastor and congregation. Sometimes naivete, for a time, can explain things, but what we are seeing over and over again is a hardened, continuing insistence by local churches that the evildoer be “loved” and welcomed with open arms. So much does this spirit reign that anyone who balks at welcoming such people are accused of being hard-hearted and unforgiving. What is the explanation of this?

You can see from the scriptures quoted above, and many others, that a consistent mark of a true Christian is a hatred of evil. Christ’s true children refuse to walk, stand, or sit with the wicked. And we are blessed by the Lord for it.
So, what are we to say about people who claim to belong to Christ, but who refuse to break off company with evildoers? And specifically, I mean with evildoers who are counterfeit Christians. People whose lives evidence a heart that loves the world and is hardened against the Lord for all their talk about being Christians. David hated the company of such men and refused to consort with them. But what do we see so often today in the churches?
We see church members and pastors making excuses for the wicked. We see the wicked being covered for, enabled, and protected. A vast array of excuses are offered to minimize their sins:

  • None of us are perfect
  • He is just going through a difficult time right now
  • She was raised in a really abusive home
  • You have to get to know her. At first she does seem mean and selfish, but that’s just her personality
  • He’s just a kid. The teen years are very hard, you know

Of course these excuses must be continually offered because the evildoer continually walks in his evil without repentance.
Now what does this all say about the people who are making the excuses?  Scripture says that light cannot abide darkness. A righteous man is tormented in spirit in the presence of evildoers. And conversely, those walking in darkness do not want to be around those who belong the Christ, the Light of the world. So what are we to conclude about a so-called Christian who evildoers sense a comradery with and from whom they receive protection?
I think the answer is obvious.


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  1. walkinginlight

    As the old saying goes: “Birds of a feather flock together”. Thank you for this, it is just more confirmation for me.

  2. Z

    The commands are perfectly and consistently spelled out in Scripture and, Pastor, you have explained perfectly why so-called (counterfeit) “christians” can’t obey them. Darkness cannot stand being around Light in us. Their comfort is with other people of darkness. Period. And they’ll all pay the eternal price for it. “We discern their end.” Psalm 73:17

  3. ProtectedbytheLord

    My stbx who wears the All-American guy facade to a T. Yet, he is unrepentant over his porn addiction and refuses to acknowledge his abusive treatment towards me throughout the years … and he has filed for divorce … I do call him wicked!! Yet, because of his charade, the sense I get from others (thankfully not all) is that I’m going “too far” in calling him wicked. Perhaps people have trouble defining “wicked” and knowing how far to go in identifying someone as wicked? As my stbx’s primary victim, I sure don’t!

    • ProtectedbytheLord

      To add, I thank God for your boldness. Because of your blog, I’ve been able to see him for who and what he is.

      • Stormy

        I’ve experienced this first hand. The respected church planter and youth Sunday school leader befriended the most evil, mean spirited, bully I’ve ever had the displeasure of knowing.
        Church planter hangs out with the evil bully and even defended the wicked bully when a righteous person confronted bully in public for her entitled obnoxious rude behavior.
        The Evil bully provoked an innocent person—when victim responded appropriately church planter came to her defense. It makes me sick. It’s one of the reasons I enjoy the online sermons so much. I can’t bear to see a church member support the wicked. As far as I’m concerned church planter and youth group leader is a phony thru and thru!

    • Jeff Crippen

      Most professing Christians want to live in a fantasyland where virtually no one is truly wicked. They haven’t read Romans chs 1-3 for a long time, or perhaps never.

      • eagerlabassistants

        Or don’t believe it . ..or “don’t like confrontation”.
        Btw…and sorry it’s off topic in a way..maybe not…. But what, according to 1,Timothy 1:20 does it look like to hand someone over to Satan? (And did Hymenarous or Alexander ever learn not to blaspheme?…is it the same Alexander the coppersmith? And was it prior to him ever learning not to blaspheme or not. Do we know? Does anyone know about specifically Alexander..in addition to just anyone..)? Just curious.

        • Jeff Crippen

          No one knows for certain about the outcome of any of these 3 people. My opinion is that we won’t see any of them in heaven. As to handing someone over to Satan, I think the answer is seen in this parallel passage:
          1Co 5:4-5  When you are assembled in the name of the Lord Jesus and my spirit is present, with the power of our Lord Jesus,  (5)  you are to deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord.
          It means to put someone out of the church, into the kingdom of the world whose god is the devil, because they insist upon walking habitually in sin without repentance. It is a kind of irony – “You want to live as if you belonged to the devil all the while with your mouth claiming to be a Christian? Well, we put you out into the devil’s kingdom where you belong.”

  4. Stormy

    I’ve seen this many times in my church with professing Christians. I’ll share another example. Their was a woman who opened her home up for bible studies. She was a proud church member , a professing Christian. She pretended to be my friend.
    Unknown to me She was a heavy drinker and was having multiple affairs on her husband. When she realized I would not give her a thumbs up to sleeping around with guys she met in bars nor would I support her adultery she refused to speak to me and gathered allies against me.
    She has since moved on and married her next victim. She has had an opportunity to apologize to me and clear the air. She refused to acknowledge her wrong doing.
    Her best friend is currently a nursery school worker in our church. When I see her many Sunday’s I think —How can she be here in church every Sunday and be so accepting of this woman’s, excessive drinking, mean girl bullying and treachery toward her husband? Thank you Pastor Crippen for articulating it so succinctly.
    Birds of a feather flock together. Her friend —(fake Christian Sunday school teacher) is comfortable with evil that’s why she continues to support this woman who bullied me, betrayed her husband with guys she picked up in bars and remained drunk most of the time. I have no problem with non Christians behaving this way. I do have a problem with bible study home group leaders behaving this way.

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