“You need to fight for her. She is yours”
Those words might sound at first like a noble statement of a wonderful husband.
They aren’t.
Author: Jeff Crippen Page 58 of 88
One of our longtime blog followers (and my friend) sent me the following book recommendation. The author is now a U.S. Senator (Arizona) who is a retired Air Force officer, having served as a fighter pilot in many combat arenas. Martha McSally is also an abuse survivor and her life story will be a real encouragement to all. You can find Dare to Fly on Amazon here*.
Here is the synopsis my friend sent me:
This week I received a copy of Senator Martha McSally’s new book, Dare To Fly: Simple Lessons in Never Giving Up. She was appointed to the US Senate from AZ, and is currently running for a full term. She is also a retired USAF Colonel., who led troops in Afghanistan! The first female fighter pilot to fly in combat and to command a fighter squadron in combat. I find her to be an inspiration. But even more, what she overcame!So far I have only read chapter 10: “Thrive Through the Darkness”.She tells of being sexually assaulted, abused and raped, first by her high school coach, and then in the USAF. She tells how the military structure, even in the Academy, allowed this to happen to women, and the measures she took to fight for reform, and how she personally “thrived” through this darkness. She is a believer. I will quote a paragraph here:“It is important not to conflate forgiveness with reconciliation, because they are very different. Forgiveness is letting go of the offense and not letting it have any power over you anymore. Reconciliation is a restoration of the relationship. We are called to forgive, and we are freed when we forgive, but we are not necessarily called to reconcile with the other person.”And more:…”With the grace of God leading me, I was able to come to a true place of forgiveness, freed from the rage and sense of betrayal—feelings that were punishing me, not the man who assaulted me.”
My friend continues:
There is probably more inspiration to encourage women to fight through the challenges of life (and abuse) in this book. The military good ol’ boy structure reminds me of some churches.
*Unholy Charade is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for website owners to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking Amazon.com and affiliated sites. See additional information here.
Most of you already know that our fellow elder here at Christ Reformaton Church, Mack McConkey, has been seriously ill for nearly two months now. He is still hospitalized and tomorrow the doctors have surgery planned to try to get Mack’s pancreas functioning correctly. Mack has continued to have one trial after another and he has not been improving.
Not only did I want to ask you to continue to pray for him and for this surgery, but I wanted to tell you a bit more about Mack. Mack and his wife Rite (pronounced “reet”) were at this church when I came 27 years ago. Mack came to faith in Christ in his ’40’s and he and Rite were married about one year before I was called here as pastor.
Mack has faithfully served the Lord with us all these years. He stood firmly with us through many hard trials and I want to tell you about one of those trials in particular.
Back in 2010 this ministry the Lord has called us to in exposing domestic abusers in the church and helping their victims, began. It was and continues to be clearly the Lord’s doing. The books, the blogs, the original sermon series – all of it. And right at the beginning there was opposition. One or two people in particular tried to stop it from ever starting. And even after the ministry began, there were efforts to drive me and others away. There were people who hated the light that was starting to shine on their wickedness and that original sermon series on abuse was the start.
Mack stood firm with us all that time. So did Rite. They and others like them who are still in this church refused to let the enemy stop what the Lord had begun. And so we were enabled to persevere and the Lord has used all of this for His glory and for the rescue of many oppressed victims of abuse – many of you who follow this blog are included in that number.
I just wanted all of you to know a bit more about Mack – that he is a genuine Christian, a true brother in Christ, and if the Lord should so choose to spare him, we certainly could use him back here with us once again.
Ephesians 6:12 ESV For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
Recently I watched the newest movie version of The Invisible Man. NOTE: I do not recommend that just anyone watch it, particularly abuse victims. I can assure you that it will be very triggering because the plot concerns a very evil, narcissist/sociopath abuser whose wife is trying to escape from him. So I say again, this movie is not for everyone.
However, I was impressed with how accurately the script represented the domestic abuser, and how the victim’s family and friends refused to believe her. Elizabeth Moss did a very good job portraying this role.
But what I wanted to especially focus upon in this article is how it struck me that the invisible man is a very accurate image of the domestic abuser – especially the kind that pretends to be a holy, saintly, Christian. Let me explain.
Proverbs 5:3-5 ESV For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil, (4) but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. (5) Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol;
I am going to turn this scripture around. It is written to a son, but surely we can use it as a warning to daughters as well. Because as many of you have learned by sad experience:
These paragraphs were taken from a church’s web page. Read them, and then I want us to think about how a “church” like this is fertile soil for the wicked, including abusers:
Our Core Beliefs: If you were to ask 10 different people at Our Savior’s Church their individual beliefs about heaven, sin, free will, or any other theological issue, you would probably get 10 unique answers! Nevertheless, there are certain core beliefs which we share that define who we are and who we understand God to be. A good way of explaining these core beliefs lies in the name of our national church body.
We believe in the transforming power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and understand forgiveness and faith as radical gifts from God that are given no matter who we are or what we do.
We are “church.” That is, every member is bound together in the Body of Christ, gifted by the Holy Spirit, and empowered to be a doer of the Gospel.
We life, work, and serve our American context knowing what we do here also impacts the world.
Now, think carefully about these words. Let me translate them for you:
Thank you all for continuing to pray for Mack and his wife Rite (prounounced “reet”). Mack remains in acute rehab about 50 miles away from us, which is closer than the initial hospital he was in. He has had ups and downs and some times of intense pain.
However, we are encouraged with the progress he is showing and hope that his date of coming back home (it has been 42 days now) will be soon. His pancreas is still not at all back to normal, but his kidneys are fully functional and that is a huge hurdle crossed.
The covid thing still prevents any visitors but we are able to talk with him through his ground floor window and that is a giant advantage over ICU.
Mack and Rite and all of us here really do greatly appreciate all of you praying for them. We will keep you updated as change occurs.
We continue to point out the lies and false teaching disguised as “Bible” which Pastor Screwtape and his associate, Wormwood, laid upon this man who was married to an abuser wife. As I have written before, this is a clear case of the woman as the abuser and the victim’s “church” leaders lording it over him and seeking to keep him in bondage. Here then is a second excerpt from the letter the victim received, followed by my comments:
On May 11th we posted the wicked letter from “Pastor Screwtape” and his associate, Wormwood, that was sent to an abuse victim in their “church.” You can read the letter here. Now I want to dissect this collection of lies and perversions of scripture so that we can all clearly see the typical tactics these kinds of false shepherds use on victims. We start in this post with just one paragraph (which Screwtape wrote after opening with a couple of the typical “softening up the target” talk that express how much the victim is loved…blah, blah, blah. Then the first fusilade is fired:
“First, it is the will of God that you do not divorce your wife. As we have emphasized repeatedly, the Lord has permitted divorce (and remarriage) for one reason only, that being “sexual immorality” (Matt. 5:32; 19:9). Although some good men disagree, we have emphasized that Paul did not add to our Lord’s one exception in addressing the church at Corinth. He wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:10f, “A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.” Your intention to divorce Your wife transgresses this clear command of our Lord.”
This is another excellent comment left in response to the post on this subject last week. Amy tells her story and her insights are right on. I wanted to be sure everyone sees what she wrote, so here it is in this stand alone post. Thank you Amy!