Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Daughters, be Wise and Beware

Proverbs 5:3-5 ESV  For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil,  (4)  but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.  (5)  Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol;

I am going to turn this scripture around. It is written to a son, but surely we can use it as a warning to daughters as well. Because as many of you have learned by sad experience:

For the lips of a forbidden man drip honey and his speech is smoother than oil, but in the end he is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. His fee go down to death; his steps follow the path to Sheol.

In last few months particularly, I have been contacted by mothers and grandmothers whose daughters have been led away from them by an evil man they married. It is a very sad scenario. Daughters who once were very close to their parents are now hostile to them. They have been indoctrinated with their evil husband’s deceit and even think they are obeying the Lord to follow the wicked man’s commands.
I have seen the letters in which the daughters parrot back the words of their husband, forbidding her parents or grandparents from ever seeing her or her children again. Hostile letters. Full of all kinds of false accusations. I often wonder what these daughters would have thought if someone had told them 10 years ago or even 5 years ago – “the day is coming when you will hate your mother and father, move away, and tell them they are not allowed to see you or your children again.”
Daughters, beware. There are evil men out there, often sitting in church pews and spouting “God’s Word” left and right, ready to brainwash you and steal you away. Ready to own you and your children you have by him. Your selfhood, your personhood, your relationships, will one by one, little by little, fade away until people who once knew you will not even recognize you.
Daughters, beware.


Superficial Christianity Invites and Enables Evil


The Abuser as the Invisible Man


  1. Cara

    Yes, and your victimization and brainwashing will be a tremendous source of pain and suffering for your loved ones. The abuser harms not only his wife (his captive) but he harms all who care about her. Abuser men are of the devil. They are the devil’s children. They are domestic terrorists, murderers, and evil.
    Never go easy on abusers. They are of Satan. Treat them accordingly.
    And yes, the flipping of this Bible verse is perfect because when the abuser is luring his prey, he is all honey and oil. Never does the prey suspect of the hell that he has awaiting her once he entraps and enslaves her. Abusers are slick, convincing liars, just as their father, the devil is.

  2. Norma

    Pastor Jeff, is this a new trend? Are churches promoting it? I know there have been extreme, cult like groups in the past, where church abuse lived and thrived, but is there a newer twist to this scenario? I have a friend that received a registered letter from her married daughter (mother of my friend’s two grandchildren) that stated she and her husband were disowning my friend and her other two adult siblings and would have nothing to do with them from that point on. My friend says they go to a church that seems to wield influence over them. That was two years ago. It’s heartbreaking.

    • Jeff Crippen

      I don’t know if it is any formal, planned trend but it certainly occurs with sad frequency and at least indirectly some controlling churches would support it.

  3. walkinginlight

    All the males in my life, father, brother, son, and anti-husband who all should have looked out for me, respected and treated me kindly. All abused me with the viciousness of Satan. It sure was extremely sad and traumatic for me thinking these would love and protect me. The only males in my life who were not mean to me was both paternal and maternal grandfathers. I do not wish to carry hate in my heart concerning these and gave it to the Lord long ago, but oh how sad it is to have gone through this life and seeing such poor excuses for the male species. There is only one for me who sticks closer then a brother and will never leave nor forsake me. Hallelujah!!

  4. Sherry

    I am new to the website, but need some advice. I have a dear friend who has been dating a man for 2 years or more. This man will not commit to marriage and I am unsure why. Is this a tactic of an abusive man/person. Should my friend stand up to him and make him do the right thing, or should she leave him because he can’t commit, why can’t he commit. Is it ok to be held by a man that won’t commit and live against your morels. My friend is a very big follower of the Christian faith, and I am not as versed as she is, so I am hoping that you can give me some advice the she will listen to, being such a follower of Christ. I am so worried of the message that she is giving to those around her and even more I am worried that she is falling victim to someone who may not care about her values. If you could please do a relatable scripture, so that I might be able to convince her or me that she is doing the right thing. I know I don’t need you permission, but any advice would help. I don’t want to see my friend be used or manipulated by satans/a mans ways. I love my friend, please don’t think I am judging her. I want what is best for her and you seem to have a wealth of knowledge on the evils that a man can inflict if you don’t have the right man. I am so lost, please help.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Sherry – Thank you for commenting and for caring about your friend. There are a couple of possible explanations for this situation. 1) Your friend may think she is a Christian and profess to be, but may well not truly know Christ. If she is committing immorality (sex outside of marriage) with this man and she is not turning away from this sin (repentance) then as we have been learning in our study of First John (you can find this series on our Unholy Charade youtube channel), then she does not know Christ at all. 2) Or, she has been duped by this man and caught up by him, being used by him. Even if this is the case, at some point the lights would go on for her if she is truly in Christ. 3) Your friend professes to be a Christian but in fact is a hypocrite – her “christianity” is fake, an outward shell she puts on.
      Here are some applicable Scriptures:
      1 Thessalonians 4:1-5 ESV  Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more.  (2)  For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus.  (3)  For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality;  (4)  that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor,  (5)  not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;
      2 Corinthians 6:14-18 ESV  Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?  (15)  What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?  (16)  What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.  (17)  Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you,  (18)  and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.”
      Your friend’s willingness or unwillingness to obey these Scriptures will reveal whether she truly knows Christ or not.
      It is interesting, isn’t it, that you are more concerned about her state than she is?

  5. Sherry

    Unfortunately Jeff, your words of scripture, fell on deaf ears. I could not get my friend to realize the message that she was sending to her kids, family and friends. I fear that her daughters will allow a man to use them as she is being used by this man, that will not marry her. Her heart is good and she deserves a man that will make it right in the eyes of God. But he tells her, it is her fault that they can not be married. I know in my heart these are signs of abuse. How do you save someone you see following a man that will continue to abuse her and her values? I don’t know if he even believes in marriage. I’m not sure if he has ever been married. What message is he sending to my friend and her kids by saying it is her fault they can not get married. It sickens me. I hope that you might do a full story on the importance of marriage in the eyes of God. I do not want to turn my back on my friend. Will I too, be turning a blind eye to the abuse. I am hoping that you might be able to reach her and anyone else that struggles with this. My mind is struggling……. he told her it was her fault they could not be married. Wow

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *