Some of you may not have subscribed to my second blog over at lightfordarktimes.com I encourage you to do so. I post articles there generally on Fridays. This is the latest one and it is an important subject:
When a RASN starts using “We” or “Us” They Are Claiming False Allies
But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. (1Co 5:11)
The “R” in our acronym RASN stands for “reviler.” It is important that we know who a reviler is and what reviling consists of. Domestic abusers are inevitably revilers. In fact, all RASNs reviler. Abusers, sociopaths, and narcissists use this evil tactic.
“Their throat is an open grave; they use their tongues to deceive.” “The venom of asps is under their lips.” “Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness.” (Rom 3:13-14)
To revile is to curse someone. It is to assault with words. It contains the stem shared in other words such as villain and vilify. The reviler accuses, blames, and generally speaks words which are designed to paint the target as the villain, when in fact the reviler is the villain.
Revilers may do their evil-speak openly, but often they are more cunning. They imply. They use innuendo. They want to maintain “plausible deniability” in case someone calls them on it. They are so crafty that quite often the one who is being reviled doesn’t fully realize what is happening. You know what that is like – that feeling in your gut that you just got hit with a verbal missile but you can’t quite nail it down.
Revilers are some of the devil’s favorites for his attacks on Christ’s people:
“Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.
(Mat 5:11)
There it is. Uttering evil against someone falsely. A genuine Christian will experience this kind of attack. It is a certainty. They hate Christ. His enemies reviled Him, and they continue to revile His people. But the Lord counts it as a blessing to us because it identifies us as being His true people.
I mentioned that revilers are cunning. Especially the ones who disguise themselves as “saints” in the church. Most local churches have revilers in the camp. Through their evil words, revilers seek power and control. They put others down so that they can be put “up.” Once you get wise about this wickedness, you will get free of it and you will become a real threat to the reviler. “I know what you are. I know what you are doing. God hates what you are doing. In fact, He hates you!” At that point someone is going to “go.” Either the reviler, or if he has allies enough, the victim will be driven out.
And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. (Joh 3:19)
Proverbs 22:24-25 Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, (25) lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.
If you have had much contact at all with a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist), then you have no doubt been lashed with their anger. And one of the most common fuses that sets off this anger is simple disagreement with them. RASN’s simply cannot tolerate any opinion other than their own. Not only do they punish you for voicing disagreement, the fire of their wrath is set off if they even sense that you are thinking differently than they are. They are dictators on a small scale who insist on controlling even the minds of others.
Why is this? Why the rage?
Well, RASN’s are intensely insecure and fearful people. What are they afraid of? They are afraid that someone will see through their disguise and see them for who they really are. For whatever reason (none of such reasons being good), these kinds of people have resolved to cover their true selves with an image they have fabricated. So they live in constant fear that they will be discovered and uncovered. They expend tremendous energy keeping up the disguise. It’s like one of those sci-fi cloaking devices which requires continual energy to maintain or else the spaceship will become visible.
RASN’s then, are incredibly insecure and fearful people. They are in bondage to fear. They are never wrong. They are the best. They must win. No one must be permitted to believe otherwise. And anyone who does must be punished with blame, with an anger-lashing, or with some other form of retribution.
Don’t feel sorry for them. Don’t imagine that if you could just reason with them and help them see their fear, you could fix them. Nope. Not gonna work. I suppose that is what these Proverbs mean:
Pro 23:9 Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the good sense of your words.
Pro 26:12 Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.
And we impart this in words not taught by human wisdom but taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual. (1Corinthians 2:13)
This verse has been twisted and misapplied very, very often in the history of the Christian church, by people who want to be regarded as a kind of elite, “super-saint.” Such arrogance insists that “those who are spiritual” means that there is a lower class and an upper class of Christian. And, of course, the ones who teach this falsehood, always turn out to be members of the elite group. They, unlike the commoners, have been “taught by the Spirit” and the rest of us must emulate them and crave to become members of their class.
This is all entirely opposite to what the Apostle Paul means in this passage. He identifies two, and only two, categories of human beings – the natural man, and the spiritual man. Every real Christian, everyone who has been born again by faith in Christ, is indwelt by and is taught by the Spirit through the Word of God, the Bible. In other words, those who are spiritual are those who are in Christ and who are now radically different from the world and its natural worldlings.
What does this have to do with the RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist). Just this – RASNs who choose religion as their field of narcissistic supply, very often present themselves as a member of this false upper class of saints. They crave to be exalted in their local church. They seek (and very typically) positions – elder, pastor, music director, teacher, etc – and sadly, due to the naivete of the rest of the church members, very often achieve what they seek.
I suspect that many of you have known one or more of these kind. They can put on “holy talk.” They invite you to meet with them so they can “disciple” you. They seek a following and are intensely jealous of anyone whom they perceive to have a following. They put themselves forward as the “go to” person. Whether you need a Bible question answered or some kind of counseling – they are the ones to meet that need.
In politics lately you have heard of the “deep state” in reference to people and powers who operate behind the scenes, pursuing their own agendas. RASNs, because they regard themselves as super-saints, a cut above everyone else in the church, are a kind of “deep state.” They are constantly working to effect their own program, influencing people to go their direction, and very typically in doing so they are working against the real appointed leadership of the church. It is no wonder then that division and strife are so very common in the churches. These elitists are working non-stop to sow their seeds of discord. Remember, RASNs love to turn people against one another because divided people are easier to control.
If you are a Christian, that is, if you have been born again through faith in Christ, then you are what Paul calls “spiritual.” You are taught by the Spirit of Christ, led by the Spirit of Christ, always through the Word of Christ in the Bible. So don’t be intimidated by the elitist RASN. Be wise and understand that such a person is most often a wolf in wool.
Recently I experienced a replay of something (someone) which has happened to me countless times in my 41 years as a pastor. I suspect that most of you will say, “Oh yes, I have met that guy too.”
The setting is in the local church. Some Sunday, let’s call him Mr. Log in the Eye (LE for short), Mr. LE shows up at church. Why is he there? To worship God? Hardly. He is drawn there because religion is his chosen vehicle for self-exaltation by using and abusing others. Religion can be such a wonderful tool for – Pharisees. So here he comes.
Before his time on this particular Sunday is over, he will have minutely examined and judged just about everything and everyone. Following the morning service, he inevitably will approach the pastor and offer (unrequested of course) his judgment. Mr. LE’s words are abrasive. They are inappropriate and fundamentally unkind. He is a reviler – a person who shoots missiles with his words.
Now, Mr. LE is the kind of person who is trouble. Who is toxic. Who is divisive. He is the kind of person we do not want to be among us. And more – if he brings a wife and/or children along with him, they will be quiet and withdrawn while Mr. LE expounds. When you are on the receiving end of this fellow, you feel those darts within. In the moment, you really don’t know how to respond. You are left feeling discouraged and a bit of a failure.
Many domestic abusers I have had the sad “privilege” of dealing with in our own church, were just like Mr. LE. Arrogant. Judgmental. Unthankful. Rude and abrasive. I do not let such a person continue to use our church as his (or her) playground to feed their arrogance and entitlement. Abuse me once, shame on you. Abuse me a second time, and reject being corrected, and you will be shown the door. Mr. LE is not to be allowed to continue his abuse of Christ’s people.
Tit 3:10-11 As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, (11) knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.
We’ve talked a good deal about his evil ways, but Mr. Badman added this to all his wickedness − he was a very proud man − exceedingly proud and haughty in mind. He had a look that said he must not be contradicted or opposed, because he considered himself to be as wise as the wisest person in the country, as good as the best, and as handsome as any. He took great delight in praising himself and also relished the praises others gave him. He couldn’t stand to have anyone think themselves above him, or to have their intellect or celebrity set before his. He had limited social manners toward his equals, but for those who were of an inferior rank, he looked down on them in great contempt. And if at any time he had a remote occasion having to do with them, he’d act aloof but with a very domineering spirit. Solomon gave a characteristic note about him when he said, Proud and haughty scorner is his name, who deals in proud wrath (Proverbs 21:24). He never thought his manner of living good enough, his clothes fine enough, or his praise refined enough….
Disregard what you say and laugh at you? That’s what the proud man will do no matter what Scripture you bring him, unless God strikes his conscience by the Word. Mr. Badman used to work for those who told him about his pride, but it did no good. Besides, when you have said what you can, they [ie, The RASN] will tell you they aren’t proud but that you are the one who is the proud man or you wouldn’t judge, nor would you in such a boldly disrespectful and evil-speaking way meddle with other men’s matters like you do.
Bunyan, John. The Life and Death of Mr. Badman (Updated, Illustrated): An Analysis of a Wicked Man’s Life, as a Warning for Others (Bunyan Updated Classics Book 4) (pp. 145-147). Aneko Press. Kindle Edition.
As we have been reading through this great book by John Bunyan (author of Pilgrim’s Progress), I have been repeatedly struck with Bunyan’s insight into RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists). Here he describes the terrible pride of such people. They refuse to be corrected or even to be disagreed with. They praise themselves and demand praise from others. Their sense of superiority and entitlement is astonishing.
I recommend this book very highly, but with this caution. Bunyan’s portrayal of the abuser is so accurate that the book can be rather triggering for anyone who has been abused by a Mr. Badman. Nevertheless, it is filled with practical wisdom, and – spoiler alert – Badman gets justice in the end.
2Co 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
One of the most prevalent false teachings found in local churches, “Christian” literature and “Christian” counseling is the insistence that a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) can still be a Christian. The error goes even further, instructing people who have been victimized and targeted by these toxic individuals, that they must “believe the best” and accept the RASN’s claim to be a Christian.
But the thing is impossible.
As Paul states in the verse above, to be a Christian means being a new person. A newly birthed creation of God. Therefore, certain things will no longer be true of the new man. He will not think like he used to. His mindset will no longer be self, self, self. He will have been taught by Jesus to love. All of these things and more speak of a radical, radical change.
The Bible knows nothing of someone who walks in sin without repentance being a Christian.
1Jn 2:4-5 Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, (5) but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him:
1Jn 2:9-11 Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness. (10) Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no cause for stumbling. (11) But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes.
I find it intriguing (and very frustrating) that so many professing Christians see these truths as so radical, so black and white, that surely they must be softened down. “I mean, John surely could not have meant that someone who is a real Christian will love his brother, and that anyone who does not love others is not a Christian. No, we must not think in such absolutes.”
Really? The Bible DOES speak in such absolutes! We have it throughout Scripture.
The beginning of getting free of the “Christian” RASN is to realize that God means what He says. A RASN is not a Christian. He or she is a counterfeit from whom we must separate. And from whom we have the right to separate.
“Besides,” Legion said, “if they discover our intentions, they may send to their King for aid. If they do that, I know very well what it will mean for us. For this reason, let us assault them with the false appearance of fairness, covering our true intentions with all manner of lies, flatteries, and deceptive words; feigning things that never will be, and promising that which they shall never find. This is the way to win Mansoul and make them open their gates to us and even make them desire us to come in to them.
“The reason I think this approach will be best is that the people of Mansoul are all simple and innocent. Every one of them is honest and true, and they don’t even know what it is to be assaulted with deception, cunning, and hypocrisy. They are strangers to lying and misleading lips. Therefore, we won’t be detected by them at all, if disguised in this way. Our lies shall be accepted as true sayings, and our counterfeit transactions as upright dealings. What we promise them, they will believe, especially if we pretend to have great love for them and that our intention is only for their benefit and honor, as we deliver all our lies and contrived words.” (For such men are false apostles, deceitful workers, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. No wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. – 2 Corinthians 11:13-14)
Bunyan, John. The Holy War (Updated, Illustrated): Made by Shaddai upon Diabolus for the Regaining of the Metropolis of the World (Bunyan Updated Classics Book 2) (pp. 9-12). Aneko Press. Kindle Edition.
This passage is from John Bunyan’s allegory, The Holy War written sometime after he authored Pilgrim’s Progress. It is, in allegorical form, the account of Satan creeping into Eden and through cunning deception leading Adam and Eve into sin, thus winning the creation for himself. In this quote, we have Legion proposing to his diabolic allies in evil, the strategy to be followed in this plot to trick the inhabitants of Mansoul into handing their city over to these devils, and to do so willingly.
Notice carefully how these demons resolve to use the innocent naivete of the people against them. It will not even occur to them, the demons realize, that someone could be lying to them for evil purposes. They are simple, innocent, honest, and true and they do not even know what it is to be targeted by lying, cunning deceit.
Herein then in important wisdom. “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves. “But beware of men… “(Mat 10:16-17) Revilers, abusers, sociopaths, and narcissists and their kind all prey upon the simple. They use cunning and deception, putting on a disguise of righteousness, knowing that their target will never suspect their evil intent. Why? Because they are naive about evil. They assume everyone else is just like them. It won’t even occur to the victim that the RASN could be in disguise and lying to them.
Don’t be naive about evil. Don’t fall for the propaganda so many preachers of our day are spewing from their pulpits, telling us that people are all just like us, that their intentions are sometimes flawed but basically good, and that it is sinfully judgmental to not think the best about everyone. That is how Mansoul fell. And our enemy is working his same old schemes still.
Pro 5:3-4 For the lips of an adulteress drip honey And smoother than oil is her speech; (4) But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, Sharp as a two-edged sword.
Solomon is specifically warning his son here about the danger of the wicked woman, but I want to make a bit different application of these verses which, I trust, is not a misuse of the text. Specifically, I want to talk to you about another kind of woman who, I suspect, many of you have been damaged by.
In many if not most local churches, and certainly in the Christian “celebrity” circles, you will meet a woman (apply this to men also, but I am saving that for a separate post) who appears to be the epitome of godliness. She is the head of the women’s ministry. She teaches a Bible study. In larger churches she may even be on the speaking circuit or an author of books about the Godly woman. Or she may just be a “pillar” in her church to whom others looks as someone to emulate. She will tell you how to raise your children. She expounds on her “verse-for-the-day.” She is the source of biblical wisdom for struggling souls.
Have you met her? I imagine most of you have.
But so often the entire thing is a facade. A disguise. A deceptive show by a narcissist meant to gain praise and acclaim. The disguise covers up what she really is. Her words drip honey. He speech is smoother than oil. But in reality she is bitter as wormwood and her words, proceeding from her evil heart, are a sharp, cutting, reviling sword.
And if you disagree with her or confront her with error, that sword is going to come out. She is a bully. A user of others. Her religion is a lie. For all of her Bible talk, for all of her words about Jesus, He does not know her and she does not know Him. Religion and the church are simply her chosen vehicle for self-glory and for exercising power and control over others.
I would be quite interested in hearing some of you stories of encounters you have had with – what shall we name her? Mrs. Wormwood? Yes, let’s go with that title.
for Demas, having loved this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica…(2Ti 4:10)
Where to begin with this topic? Narcissists – let’s start here (and the rest of the RASN crowd does the same thing anyway). A relationship – a friendship, a marriage, a familial relation, etc, with a narcissist can initially and perhaps even for an extended time, appear to be real. Love-bombing, flattering – these and more are all weapons of the narcissist to deceive and use.
But then the day comes – and I have had multiple people who have experienced this use the very same phrase – the day comes when just as if someone had thrown a switch, the Demas deserts you. Overnight, everything changed. From one day to the next. Over. Done. Gone. Desertion with no remorse.
I bet Demas had appeared to be a true Christian brother to Paul. But his real love was elsewhere. For whatever selfish purpose, he was happy to hang with Paul – until it was going to cost him. And then he hit the road. Back to the world and that is where his heart was all along anyway.
If you are born again, if you truly know Christ, then this kind of thing either has happened to you or it is going to happen to you. Count on it. I have had professing Christians tell me how much they loved me and how thankful they were for our ministry, and then boom! Gone never to be seen again. No apparent reason. Or, if pressed by someone, you can bet that they will put the blame on you. But you will still be flabbergasted and hurt at how someone like this could just desert?
Think of it – the coldness of this abandonment, so often followed up by persecution. And often the abandonment happens even if the wicked one is still living under the same roof as the one abandoned.
Desertion and abandonment clearly reveal the real heart and mind of a person. It is revealed that the friendship, the apparent love, was just a ruse. And once we understand this, as painful as it is, we will have grown wiser.