Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 31 of 89

The Lord Does not Need a Majority

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On November 14, 2022

In Biblical Teaching, Supporting Victims

1Sa 14:6 Jonathan said to the young man who carried his armor, “Come, let us go over to the garrison of these uncircumcised. It may be that the LORD will work for us, for nothing can hinder the LORD from saving by many or by few.”

As we have all been reminded recently, to win an election we must gain a majority – and the bigger that number, the better. This is not true in regard to the Lord. When He decrees, it is done. And He delights in using the small things, the few in number, the weak things, to accomplish His works.

1Co 1:26-29 For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. (27) But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; (28) God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, (29) so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.

When we are targets of evil, we can be pretty lonesome, as most all of you know. There aren’t many allies to be found when standing with the oppressed requires paying a price. But it is in these times when we need to get our heads put on straight by the truth of God’s Word. The fact is, as it was in Luther’s day (and really always has been), the Lord does not need a mighty army to gain victory. He really doesn’t even need ONE person, though it does appear that He chooses so often to raise up one or a few to accomplish His purposes.

So, you can have the courts against you, your abuser against you, a church against you, family members against you, with hardly any (if any at all) to “have your back,” if the Lord is with you then you must put your trust in Him, believe His promises, and know that though the wicked rage against Him and His people, He who sits in the heavens laughs.

Deu 32:35-36 Vengeance is mine, and recompense, for the time when their foot shall slip; for the day of their calamity is at hand, and their doom comes swiftly.’ (36) For the LORD will vindicate his people and have compassion on his servants, when he sees that their power is gone and there is none remaining, bond or free.

Do You Need Permission from Your Church to Divorce Your Abuser?

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On November 11, 2022

In Abusers

Here is a link to a post published today at our other blog, Light for Dark Times. It addresses the question in this headline.

How “Expository” Preaching can go Wrong

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On November 9, 2022

In Biblical Teaching

2Ti 4:1-2 I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: (2) preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching.

I went to a conservative seminary, conservative theologically. [I would hope it still is, but a written doctrinal statement does not necessarily mean that the doctrine is actually taught and practiced]. Seminaries and other Christian organizations seem to always drift from their original anchorage.

Like others attending such seminaries, I was taught to be sure to “preach the Word.” By that instruction was meant – “preach expositionally.” An exposition is, as the dictionary puts it, “a setting forth of the meaning or purpose” of some writing or communication. The point is that students are instructed to teach and preach the Bible by examining it carefully so as to accurately communicate the actual message God intended. The immediate (adjoining verses) and broader (the rest of the Bible) context is to be consulted so that our conclusions agree with other parts of scripture which speak to the same subject.

Now, this is all good and necessary, but in this article I want to call attention to a very common and damaging error which typically parades under the heading of “expository preaching.” Here is Jesus exposing this error:

Mat 23:23-24 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others. (24) You blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel!

Quite often this microscopic, gnat-straining dealing with Scripture (parsing individual words, examining original language meanings, detailed diagraming of sentences, consulting various commentaries and opinions, looking into variant readings in Greek manuscripts, etc) ends up leading us to that old error – missing the forest for the trees.

Many of you have been harmed by this very thing. Why? Because one main “forest” that is missed when the camel is swallowed while the focus in on the gnat, is “mercy.” God’s mercy. God’s faithfulness. God’s justice. In other words, the question that is so often not asked in Bible study is this – “Does the character of God agree with my findings?” “Is my application of this Scripture a conclusion that we see lived out in Jesus?”

These warnings are for the liberal as well as the conservative Bible student. “God loves and forgives everyone”?? Really? Did Jesus love and forgive anyone and everyone no matter what? Better go back to the Bible drawing board on that one. “God does not permit divorce for any reason.” Or, “God does not permit divorce for abuse – Jesus only listed adultery.” Sooo, no matter what an evil spouse does to his or her spouse, the victim is required by God to remain married, to stay enslaved in Egypt and to suffer for the Lord? “But I have carefully done a detailed word study on ‘adultery’ (“porneia”) and there is no question that my conclusions are correct. I, above any other Bible scholar, have reached the truth here and all must obey my teaching on this or be at odds with God.” Really? How does that camel taste?

And still another form of this error concerns proper application of correct results. If we fail to rightly apply what the Scripture says, then we are still not handling the Word of God correctly. This error extends from not making application at all, to creating applications that do not properly grow from the Scripture we are studying. I heard R.C. Sproul recently say toward the end of a sermon on the subject of salvation, “this means that very probably in an audience this large, some if not many of you are not born again.” That is proper application – and it tends to thin out the pews!

So, when I hear someone say “I want expository preaching,” I don’t quickly assume that we are talking about the same thing. It may be that we are dealing with a gnat strainer who is all caught up in staring at one single tree – maybe even one twig on one branch on one tree – while the forest around him is burning.

If We Confess Our Sins – but the Narcissist Will Not

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On November 7, 2022

In Abusers, Evil

1Jn 1:9-10 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (10) If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

These are very familiar verses to us and greatly encourage the real Christian. The Lord is willing to forgive us, to cleanse and wash us from the stain of our sins…if we confess our sins to Him. He faithfully forgives and He does so in full agreement with His justice…because of Christ and the Cross.

But have you ever wondered about the negative part of this Scripture – “If we say we have not sinned”? I mean, who would do that? Even the common unsaved person will, if pressed, acknowledge he or she has sinned (though they usually try to minimize the gravity of their sin). But who says “I have not sinned”?

The narcissist. The abuser. The sociopath. And if you have been the target of such people, you know very well that this is true. They are never wrong. Never to blame. It’s never their fault. YOU! You’re the one who sinned, who wronged them. In other words, as the Scripture says, they say they have not sinned. They will not confess their sin.

I have seen this in action soooo many times. Meeting with people who insist that they are eminent Christians and yet who refuse – even in meetings lasting for hours (meetings which I stopped having long ago) – they REFUSE to acknowledge their sin. So, guess what? Their sin is not forgiven by the Lord. IF we confess – but they will not confess. They are calling God (as John says) a liar. The Lord says to us “you have sinned.” But this kind of wicked person denies it – “No, God, you are wrong. I have not sinned.” “Yes you have.” “No I haven’t.”

Therefore they remain in their sins, covered with the mire of their wickedness, and if they persist in this denial (which these kind inevitably do), they will perish in their sins.

Joh 8:44-45 You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies. (45) But because I tell the truth, you do not believe me.

Creeps Creep in Among Us – We Must be more Watchful

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On November 4, 2022

In Churches/Church Response, Evil

This is a link to an important post at Light for Dark Times which published this morning. I hope many of you will read it and will find it not only instructive, but validating and encouraging as well.

Creeps among us

No, Sinners are not all the same

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On November 2, 2022

In Abusers

Jud 1:4 For certain people have crept in unnoticed who long ago were designated for this condemnation, ungodly people, who pervert the grace of our God into sensuality and deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ.

Jud 1:12-13 These are hidden reefs at your love feasts, as they feast with you without fear, shepherds feeding themselves; waterless clouds, swept along by winds; fruitless trees in late autumn, twice dead, uprooted; (13) wild waves of the sea, casting up the foam of their own shame; wandering stars, for whom the gloom of utter darkness has been reserved forever.

Jud 1:18-19 They said to you, “In the last time there will be scoffers, following their own ungodly passions.” (19) It is these who cause divisions, worldly people, devoid of the Spirit.

You have no doubt heard it before. “But we are all sinners. Sin is sin.” Some years ago I was explaining to a pastor and his wife what my book Unholy Charade was about and how wicked abusers pretend to be Christians, creep in among believers in the church, all the while doing their wickedness behind the scenes. The pastor and his wife responded – “but that is just another type of sin. Domestic abuse is sin and we are all sinners.” I went on to try to get them to see that is false. All sin is not the same. Some sin is more wicked than other sin. We do not all carry out the evils that the narcissitic, sociopathic, evil person performs. Yes, we are all born into this world lost, in sin, and without being born again in Christ we would perish in hell. Nevertheless, the Bible is quite plain that there are degrees of sin and degrees of hell:

Joh 19:11 Jesus answered him [ie, Pilate] “You would have no authority over me at all unless it had been given you from above. Therefore he who delivered me over to you has the greater sin.”

Luk 10:12 I tell you, it will be more bearable on that day for Sodom than for that town.

I could cite more, this is enough to prove the point. Not all sin is the same.

And you have it plainly here in this little epistle of Jude. These “certain people” who creep into the church – these creeps as I think Jude would call them – have a reservation with “the gloom of darkness.” They are “designated for condemnation.” You don’t see a lot of wiggle room here for adding on an addendum – “so we must work doubly hard to lead them to Jesus and get them saved.”

In many ways this little letter of Jude isn’t so little. It is a declaration of condemnation for people who put on a disguise of saintliness, sneak into the church like the enemy agents they are, with the goal of carrying out the designs of the chief enemy whom they serve. Just read it again. Is this not a perfect description of so many of the evil people we have had to face in our homes, in marriages, in our churches? Well, says Jude, they have a reservation in hell. And there are LOTS of them:

Mat 7:22-23 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ (23) And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

If your abuser, if the one who reviles you because they are, by his or her very nature, a reviler, and if at the same time they profess to be a servant of Christ, a respected member of a church, putting on that evil angel disguise every Sunday morning, then they are NOT your typical sinner. They aren’t even your typical hypocrite. Yes, they are hypocrites…but these kind actually and actively are on a mission to destroy Christ’s church. Like a hidden reef in the ocean that goes unseen until the ship hits it, these kind come in among us and sit with us at the Lord’s table, all the while having the intention of dividing us, twisting and distorting the gospel of God’s grace into an evil message of “sin all you want because Jesus will forgive you.”

No, all sinners are not the same. Jude did not write a postscript to this letter – “so be sure you all pray hard for these creeps because we have to be sure to get them saved.” No, the Lord’s message for this kind is – “there is a place reserved for you in hell where you will receive perfect justice for all eternity.”

Have You Ever been too Quick to Share Your Life with Someone?

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On October 31, 2022

In Abusers

I am not sure that title expresses the subject I want to talk about here as clearly as I would like. Perhaps the following scripture will do a better job:

2Ki 20:12-17 At that time Merodach-baladan the son of Baladan, king of Babylon, sent envoys with letters and a present to Hezekiah, for he heard that Hezekiah had been sick. (13) And Hezekiah welcomed them, and he showed them all his treasure house, the silver, the gold, the spices, the precious oil, his armory, all that was found in his storehouses. There was nothing in his house or in all his realm that Hezekiah did not show them.

(14) Then Isaiah the prophet came to King Hezekiah, and said to him, “What did these men say? And from where did they come to you?” And Hezekiah said, “They have come from a far country, from Babylon.” (15) He said, “What have they seen in your house?” And Hezekiah answered, “They have seen all that is in my house; there is nothing in my storehouses that I did not show them.”

(16) Then Isaiah said to Hezekiah, “Hear the word of the LORD: (17) Behold, the days are coming, when all that is in your house, and that which your fathers have stored up till this day, shall be carried to Babylon. Nothing shall be left, says the LORD.

There it is. Understand? “They have seen all that is in my house; there is nothing in my storehouses that I did not show them.”

And, of course, as Isaiah told Hezekiah, those Babylonians would one day be back and take it all.

Have you ever been too quick to show “all that is in your house” to someone who then subsequently used this knowledge against you? I have. The fact is that wicked people like narcissists flatter us – like the false teachers who flattered the Galatians for self-promoting purposes. And it is really refreshing to find someone who seemingly and apparently genuinely is ready to be a friend.

We must be wise. We need to learn not to be so quick to “show people our treasures” as Hezekiah did. I mean, here comes these Babylonians because, they claimed, they had heard that Hezekiah had been sick. They brought gifts from the Babylonian king and perhaps the ancient version of get-well cards. Hezekiah, like us, really appreciated this kindness and his response was to show them everything. To share his life with them. Mistake.

Now, the truth is that there is no sure-fire answer to the question – “how do we know someone’s real motives?” “How can we know if someone is trustworthy?” But one bit of wisdom is, don’t be too quick to share your life. An evil person will one day use the “treasures” you have shown them against you. As Proverbs says, such a person will one day “reveal” the things they now know about you as ammunition for their own profit.

Pro 11:13 Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.

Be sure to read today’s post at lightfordarktimes.com

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On October 28, 2022

In Blog News

Friday morning’s post over at Light for Dark Times blog is an important one which I hope you can read and be helped by. You can access it by this link:

Your Motives are Always Evil – Really?

This Kind Never Forgives

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On October 26, 2022

In Abusers

Mat 6:14-15 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, (15) but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Eph 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Narcissists, sociopaths, abusers and their kind never forgive. They blame and shame and accuse, but they never forgive. They may claim to forgive, they may mouth words of forgiveness, but in fact they never forgive.

These wicked ones will do all kinds of things if they perceive you have wronged them (and you are always the one to blame). Resolving a conflict, working to genuinely reconcile when there has been some sin or perceived sin, is just not in their bag of tricks.

The primary goal of a narcissist (call them an abuser if you will)…is vengeance. Getting even. Revenge. And of course forgiveness is just not in the recipe for any of those motives.

The worst wrong you can ever to do such an evil person is (just ask him) to expose them. To call them out. To be light shining on their darkness. The rage will ensue and vengeance will be sought.

Now, from the Scriptures quoted above, and from many other scriptures, a person who refuses to forgive is not forgiven by the Lord. Jesus said so. That is to say, they are not born again. Play the “christian” game all they want, it is a biblical fact that cannot be refuted – anyone who is characterized by a refusal to forgive is not one of Christ’s people. “Just as God in Christ forgave you.” But these wicked ones are not forgiven by God. They do not know His forgiveness – neither will they ever give it.

This sin of unforgiveness is not committed by the seeking of justice. We are not refusing to forgive if we end a relationship with a narcissist. But the person who is driven in the depth of their being to punish and exact revenge upon anyone who they perceive has wronged them – that person is dead in trespasses and sins. Forgiven people forgive, you see.

Over the years as a pastor – nearly 4 decades now – I have crossed paths with many, many of these children of the devil. They lashed out, accused, reviled, tried to destroy…and guess how many of them ever subsequently got back to me these 4 decades later? None. Not a single one. THAT is unforgiveness.

A true Christian cannot NOT forgive. The thing is impossible.

[NOTE: The emphasis in this post is upon the wicked person’s refusal to forgive. Nothing here is meant to imply that victims of evil are required by God to “forgive and forget” in the sense of never seeking justice or praying for the Lord to exact His perfect vengeance upon the wicked. What we all are required by the Lord to do is to not seek vengeance ourselves. We are not to be overcome by evil but to overcome it and heap burning coals on the wicked person’s head by not responding in kind. Thank you to a reader for asking for clarification on this point].

If we Don’t Know our Enemy, we Won’t Even Know we are being Attacked

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On October 24, 2022

In Abusers, Counseling, Evil

Gal 4:17 They make much of you, but for no good purpose. They want to shut you out, that you may make much of them.

Jud 1:16 These are grumblers, malcontents, following their own sinful desires; they are loud-mouthed boasters, showing favoritism to gain advantage.

The Bible contains massive amounts of instruction about the wicked. About their motives and their tactics. We are told that Satan is a murderer and a liar who sneaks in among us in an angel of light disguise. Wicked people will arise from among us, as Paul warned the Ephesians. The spirit of the antichrist is at work now and when THE Antichrist appears, much of his energies will be given to deception.

Over the years, particularly in my nearly 40 years of pastoral ministry, I have often failed to understand that the enemy IS an enemy. That is to say, I have explained away many of the more deceptive, confusing, disguised attacks as being far less than they really were. I overlooked. I excused. He was having a bad day. She is a Christian but is just a difficult person who requires my patience. He did this and that thing, said this or that troubling statement, but all in all he is a brother in Christ. So I overlooked. I excused. I even defended these kind of people when others took notice of their behavior. “Well she means well.” “Yes, I know, he has his glitches.”

What was my problem? My problem was I did not know the real nature and intent of such people. I thought I knew them, but I did not. I did not comprehend, nor did I even want to understand, that this kind of person was in fact acting very intentionally and willfully. I did not understand that he/she was an enemy. A narcissist. A sociopath. A person demanding to be worshipped and served and who punished anyone who they perceived had failed to deliver that worship and service. I did not understand, in other words, that I was actually dealing with a wicked person.

Dan 3:5-6 that when you hear the sound of the horn, pipe, lyre, trigon, harp, bagpipe, and every kind of music, you are to fall down and worship the golden image that King Nebuchadnezzar has set up. (6) And whoever does not fall down and worship shall immediately be cast into a burning fiery furnace.”

I think most all of you will identify with me in this. You did not know your enemy. You didn’t even know he/she was your enemy. You didn’t understand that the “troubling” things that confused you, hurt you, abused you – were in fact being done quite intentionally for your harm and for the exaltation of abuser. As a result, you continued on in relationship, very often for years and years, because you did not grasp the nature of your opponent. You could not grasp the reality that the evil being unleashed on you was coming from a person who never did love you, who had no conscience, who wore a masterful disguise before others – and you plugged your ears to any suggestion that something was not quite right here.

This is why we experience a huge flood of emotions when, as we say, “the lights begin to come on.” Those emotions might begin with anger or grief, but eventually a sense of incredible validation sweeps over us. “I wasn’t to blame after all.” “I was right when I had thoughts that something in this relationship was very wrong.” See it? We cannot wisely deal with an enemy if we do not understand that he is our enemy.

And this is why churches and fellow Christians so often become unwitting allies to the wicked. THEY don’t understand evil either. They think they do, but they do not. “He is a brother in Christ and though he sins we must forgive him and be patient with him.” True, for the “normal” Christian. But as for the wicked who parades as a Christian, the truth begins with understanding the true evil nature of the counterfeit who has, as Jude says, crept in among us.

When we realize the truth, when the Lord opens our eyes, we also at some point come to the freeing truth that relationship with such a person in impossible. The wicked demand our enslavement. They insist that our only purpose is to serve them. And they punish any hint of “disobedience.”

Christ’s intent for His people has always been the same – He wants us out of Egypt. No matter how many “Christians” tell us that the Lord’s will is that we remain in Pharaoh’s country patiently enduring abuse, God’s Word tells us otherwise. Redemption. Freedom. Exodus. These are the things He gives us.

Your first step to this freedom is to know the Lord. None of us can ever truly be free of our ultimate abuser, the devil, as long as we are still in bondage to sin. You must be born again. We can read all the books on abuse in the world, we can come to know the tactics and motives of evil, but if we have not come to repentance and faith in Christ, we will not be indwelt and led by His Spirit. Even if an abuse victims gets free of his/her abuser, real freedom will still elude us if we remain a citizen of this world.

Page 31 of 89

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