Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

If We Confess Our Sins – but the Narcissist Will Not

1Jn 1:9-10 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (10) If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

These are very familiar verses to us and greatly encourage the real Christian. The Lord is willing to forgive us, to cleanse and wash us from the stain of our sins…if we confess our sins to Him. He faithfully forgives and He does so in full agreement with His justice…because of Christ and the Cross.

But have you ever wondered about the negative part of this Scripture – “If we say we have not sinned”? I mean, who would do that? Even the common unsaved person will, if pressed, acknowledge he or she has sinned (though they usually try to minimize the gravity of their sin). But who says “I have not sinned”?

The narcissist. The abuser. The sociopath. And if you have been the target of such people, you know very well that this is true. They are never wrong. Never to blame. It’s never their fault. YOU! You’re the one who sinned, who wronged them. In other words, as the Scripture says, they say they have not sinned. They will not confess their sin.

I have seen this in action soooo many times. Meeting with people who insist that they are eminent Christians and yet who refuse – even in meetings lasting for hours (meetings which I stopped having long ago) – they REFUSE to acknowledge their sin. So, guess what? Their sin is not forgiven by the Lord. IF we confess – but they will not confess. They are calling God (as John says) a liar. The Lord says to us “you have sinned.” But this kind of wicked person denies it – “No, God, you are wrong. I have not sinned.” “Yes you have.” “No I haven’t.”

Therefore they remain in their sins, covered with the mire of their wickedness, and if they persist in this denial (which these kind inevitably do), they will perish in their sins.

Joh 8:44-45 You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies. (45) But because I tell the truth, you do not believe me.


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  1. Deb R.

    My experience has been a bit different. They do “confess” with the expectation that now you will also confess. It is not a repentance confession, it is a manipulation confession followed by, “I’m always the one quick to confesses, you’re too righteous (said with a sneer) to confess.” It is a fake confession for the sake of appearances but not a confession clothed with remorse and sorrow.

  2. Over and over

    They don’t…… If they do a pretend confession, get ready…. the playbook is it’s going to be used against you, and twisted so they can get away with their abuse-“I said I was sorry, you need to forgive me”…. no restitution, no public acknowledgment of their evil, no genuine accountability, no change, just more manipulation. Fortunately, we see it for what it is – evil.


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