Here is a link to a post I wrote over at Light for Dark Times (to be published Friday morning, 5-12-23). Want to see some biblical proof that divorcing an abuser is not only allowed by the Lord, it is His instruction?!
Author: Jeff Crippen Page 24 of 88
This video (only about 15 minutes long) REALLY helped me because it so accurately describes exactly what I have had to deal with numbers of times over the years. When you are enabled to connect the dots by hearing someone else describe what a RASN did to you, it is very validating, clarifying, and freeing.
Here is the link: The Non-Thinking Thinking of the Narcissist
1Ti 5:8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Would you say that you know unsaved people who are kind and generous to their spouse and children? People who work hard and provide for their family. People who are honest and who evidence a sense of right and wrong? I think that we all know such people – a few at least.
Now, unless they come to faith in Christ and acknowledge that all of their “good” works will not help them on the Day when Christ comes to judge the world, unless they are born again, they are going to perish in their sins. They will end in hell. Behind every “good” work man does, there is sin as long as they reject Christ.
But…
Did you know that there are people who claim to be Christians whose portion in hell is going to be significantly hotter than the man or woman who provided for their family? You see it to be true, from Paul’s words above. A person who will not provide for their family is worse than an unbeliever. To claim to be a Christian and yet abuse your family is a far greater sin than the “moral” unsaved person’s. And, of course, the “christian” who abuses his family has in practice “denied the faith,” as Paul puts it. He/she is, in fact, not a Christian at all.
It is, therefore, very probable that the “christian” abuser (who is hiding within the visible church), arouses far more of God’s wrath than the sinner who is outside the visible church, making no claim to religion at all.
There are many of these kind sitting in pews on Sundays, filling church membership rolls, reciting the creeds, and maybe even standing in the pulpit. Not just a few. Many.
2Ti 4:14-15 Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. (15) Beware of him yourself, for he strongly opposed our message.
These two verses have been a tremendous help to me. I have written before about what Paul says here but there are still more insights to be gleaned. Here is one….or two.
What do you suppose Paul would have said if Timothy had said – “I think we should get together with Alexander and work things out. I would be happy to mediate”? We know the answer. Paul has already handed Alexander over to the Lord for judgment for what he had done. Timothy would have caught a pretty hefty rebuke from Paul had he been foolish (and arrogant) enough to propose such a thing.
There is sin, and then there is sin. Some sin is more wicked that other sin. Sodom and Gomorrah will have it better on the day of judgment than Capernaum. Both Jeremiah and John tell us that there is a kind of sinner that we are not obligated to pray for. Alexander was that kind of wicked.
And so are RASN’s who claim to be Christians, all the while reviling, abusing, sociopathing and narcississing (is that a word?). The Lord will repay them.
Let me give you another scenario. Let’s say that Alexander sent word to Paul that he “forgave” Paul. Or what if your abuser did the same to you? How would you respond? How should you respond? Are you now obligated to “work it out” with them? Of course not. The whole thing would be a setup.
One reason that RASNs often continue to contact their victim after they have left them is that they still crave that evil power and control. The only reason they want to “get together” is to suck you in once again, blame you, shame you, and remind you how superior they are to you and how stupid you are, how very much below them you are. These kind never change.
The Lord will repay them according to their deeds.
2Co 2:15-17 For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, (16) to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things? (17) For we are not, like so many, peddlers of God’s word, but as men of sincerity, as commissioned by God, in the sight of God we speak in Christ.
“For we are not like SO MANY…”. The more we learn about RASN’s (Revilers, Abusers, Sociopaths, Narcissists), the more we understand that they are all in it for the same thing (“it” being existence)…SELF. In its essence that is what the goal of sin is – getting what self wants.
RASN’s are different than your average sinner (as we all were the moment we were born into this world and as a person still is if they are not in Christ). They are different. How? They feed their self by demanding power and control over others. Others exist for them only to feed their perpetual self digesting appetite. Others are nothing to them. They are incapable of even natural human love, empathy, or other such caring emotions.
Now, back to Paul’s words – “For we are not like SO MANY…”. How many narcissists are there in this world, Paul? MANY. SOOOO MANY. And as you increase in your knowledge and awareness of them, the more you realize that Paul was precisely correct. There are SO MANY of them!
Now, where are these to be found? Well, everywhere – but Paul is addressing the Christian church! He says that SO MANY preachers and other “servants” of Christ are fakes because in fact they are – get this – peddlers of God’s Word. They are fakes, self-serving elixir salesmen who blow into town using some “gospel” to line their pockets.
Think of it – what is a “peddler.” Let’s check out the dictionary –
“One who offers merchandise for sale on a street corner or door to door. A hawker. A huckster.”
In other words, Paul says that there are SO MANY hucksters in the churches whose goal is to sell the gospel. And they necessarily must alter the gospel into a non-gospel, or it won’t sell. Why? Because the true gospel is a fragrance to those who believe and the stench of death to those who hate Christ. Something that smells like rotten, putrefying flesh is a hard sell. So it has to be changed.
Religion attracts RASNs, and we really need to wise up to this right now. NO ONE is ever going to get rich preaching the true gospel of Jesus Christ, unaltered. Nope. Not gonna happen. When the money and fame and popularity start sweeping in, you can bet that what you’ve got is a peddler with some syrup just guaranteed to fix what ails you. But it won’t. In the end, all the peddler is peddling is – himself.
Joh 15:18-20 “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. (19) If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. (20) Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours.
When I first became a pastor, one of the things that was emphasized in the churches I had been in, in the seminary I attended, and in the annual denominational conferences (required attendance, always went home feeling like a failure)…one of the main emphases was that in order to “win people for Christ,” we needed to “relate” to them. Be like them as much as you can, engage in the things they were interested in….do this and you will get them to choose Christ.
Now, like all confusing things, there certainly is some truth in this. A pastor and certainly every Christian – must not stand aloof and communicate to the lost that we are superior to them. A pastor who is only wrapped up in his theology study and has little time for people – well, that’s not a pastor. (And the pastor who only hangs with the people and never goes to his study isn’t a pastor either). We need to show an interest in people and in the things that are part of their lives. For example, if I see a fellow in the local community with a new tractor, I’m going to ask him about his tractor. You get the point.
BUT, the fact of the matter is that as a Christian, I am not “in common” with the lost. I might share certain common interests, but the fundamental focus of my life is Christ. My real fellowship is going to be with fellow Christians who are the real deal. And the more the people of this fallen world see Christ in me, the more they are going to hate me – unless the Lord chooses to send His Spirit to them to draw them to Himself. When the devil and his antichrist spirit evidences himself among us, there is going to be a divide. And that divide is increasing very quickly in our day.
Let’s extrapolate this thing into the coming days when, as Scripture tells us, Satan’s man – the Antichrist, accompanied by his False Prophet (see the two beasts in Revelation 13)…when Antichrist establishes his worldwide kingdom – only by the sovereign assent of God of course. What is going to happen? The whole world will go after the Antichrist, receive his mark, and worship his image…or else. Now, are we going to be instructed by the Lord to “relate to these worshippers of the beast, show an interest in the things they are interested in, be relevant to them so that…so that, what? So that they see you are interested in looking at the mark of the beast on their forehead?
When I hear well-known and widely followed preachers or other professing Christian personalities talking to us about how we must relate to worldlings, how we must show them that we “understand their pain,” then here is what my ears are hearing – “a tweaked ‘gospel’ that won’t offend.” Think of it. Did Jesus try to be relevant to the Pharisees, to show them some way in which he was like them so that they would listen to Him? Of course not. Because He was Light and they were darkness. The way He WAS relevant was to point out their sin, show them the reality that they were headed for hell unless they repented by looking to Him alone for salvation. That’s pretty relevant, right. In fact, the gospel is the MOST relevant topic we can ever talk to anyone about.
Many of you have been told that if you would just try to relate better to the RASN in your life who is oppressing you, ultimately they would decide to repent and follow Christ. That is bogus and unbiblical. The truth is that most of humanity is going to end in hell and it is only because of God’s grace and mercy in electing His remnant in eternity past that any of us are saved. Being “relevant” sounds just way too much like “become like them.”
Mar 7:3-5 (For the Pharisees and all the Jews do not eat unless they wash their hands properly, holding to the tradition of the elders, (4) and when they come from the marketplace, they do not eat unless they wash. And there are many other traditions that they observe, such as the washing of cups and pots and copper vessels and dining couches.) (5) And the Pharisees and the scribes asked him, “Why do your disciples not walk according to the tradition of the elders, but eat with defiled hands?”
Traditions. There is nothing bad about that word in itself. I hope that you enjoy various traditions – perhaps some in connection with the holidays, decorating your Christmas tree, baking Christmas cookies with your children, and so on. These are good things and they create lasting and pleasant memories.
But tradition in the religious realm can easily go askew and even become dangerous. How? When traditions replace God’s Word and are disguised as God’s Word, then you have a false gospel which can only damn people. And that is what had happened with the Jewish Pharisees. You see it here once more:
Mar 7:13 thus making void the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down. And many such things you do.”
These kind of traditions make void the Word of God. They replace the Word of God and claim to be the Word of God…but they aren’t. They are a creation of sinful man designed to circumvent the true gospel of Jesus Christ and permit sinners to boast about their “good works.”
Now, just as these tradition practitioners accused Jesus, so it is today very often in the visible church. Traditions are created by man, put off onto the people as God’s Word, and enforced by fear of punishment. That is what happened to so many of you when some fellow Christian/Pharisee, or pastor, or church board laid tradition on you and claimed that it was God’s law which must be obeyed.
Now, I do not want to promote lawlessness here. I just read an article that said a poll of employers revealed that Gen Z employees are the most difficult to manage. They frequently challenge the employer, they are undisciplined (ie, lazy), they do not have a good work ethic, and they often really don’t have good job skills or knowledge to do their job (though they put themselves off as some divinely sent job candidate on their resume). We see this same thing in the true church. This horrid attitude of entitlement, non-accountability, ignorance of God’s Word, a “free agent” attitude toward commitment to the body of Christ, and so on. This is repugnant to the Lord and it is just plain sin. It is a refusal to love God and to love one another.
[NOTE: Those of you who cannot find a healthy, genuine church or who, in some cases, have been so wrongly treated that going into a church building is just not feasible right now, have found our online outreach to be a very good and safe way to still connect with the body of Christ. You are a great encouragement to us and I know that this “Gen Z” attitude I am writing about here is not the reason you are not in a physical, local brick and mortar church building. I may not have stated this very well, but I just wanted to be sure you know how much we appreciate you].
But back to this matter of tradition masquerading as God’s Word.
Traditions in a local church are not all wrong. Even the particular order of service on Sunday morning is a kind of tradition. I mean, just think of the chaos that would result if everything were different every single Sunday! (Aren’t some churches like that?) Some churches include in their service a passing of the offering plate, while others simply have a box for offerings at the back of the sanctuary. We have a Christmas Eve evening service and a Good Friday service. Those are traditions. And they are good things.
But as soon as any tradition is elevated to the commandment of God, you enter into the world of the Pharisee. Then these traditions actually replace God’s Word. This very same thing can happen if God’s commandments are wrongly taught and applied. The Lord commanded the Israelites to offer certain sacrifices. It was God’s own Word. BUT:
Isa 1:11 “What to me is the multitude of your sacrifices? says the LORD; I have had enough of burnt offerings of rams and the fat of well-fed beasts; I do not delight in the blood of bulls, or of lambs, or of goats.
What had happened? The things commanded by the Lord were made into the end itself. Their real meaning and the true heart-attitude of the worshippers were set aside. They became rote and divorced from what they were truly designed to be.
Traditional Christianity, isn’t. It isn’t the gospel. It isn’t God’s Word. Why? Because the traditions replace God’s Word. And whenever this happens, people are not set free from sin by the gospel, they are placed into bondage and slavery where condemnation reigns.
Mat 12:7 And if you had known what this means, ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the guiltless.
Job 1:1 There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job, and that man was blameless and upright, one who feared God and turned away from evil.
Job 1:22 In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.
Job 2:11-13 Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him. (12) And when they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him. And they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads toward heaven. (13) And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great.
Job’s friends seem to have gotten off to a good start. They had concern about him and came to him. They kept their mouths shut for a week and it appears that they had genuine compassion for him.
But then they spoke….
Job 4:3-8 Behold, you have instructed many, and you have strengthened the weak hands. (4) Your words have upheld him who was stumbling, and you have made firm the feeble knees. (5) But now it has come to you, and you are impatient; it touches you, and you are dismayed. (6) Is not your fear of God your confidence, and the integrity of your ways your hope? (7) “Remember: who that was innocent ever perished? Or where were the upright cut off? (8) As I have seen, those who plow iniquity and sow trouble reap the same.
Essentially their philosophy was much like the current day nouthetic counselors – “Job, it all comes back to your own sin.” They also threw in a large portion of health, wealth, and prosperity theology. You do good and God blesses you. You sin, and God punishes you. Simple as that.
John Calvin in his sermons on Job cuts these “friends” no slack. He says that the devil starts it all and then sends his emissaries to continue the attacks. Accusing, blaming, shaming, all with false doctrine which is disguised as “thus saith the Lord.”
People really need to keep their mouths closed much more than they do. In arrogance, they insist that they know it all – even though they have no idea what a RASN has put the victim through. Their ignorance and ill-treatment of the victim is detestable to the Lord. And more, it is sin against God Himself because they are falsely representing Him.
Beware, then, of people who come to you and have an answer to just about anything. They come claiming they care, they understand…but inevitably the “advice phase” begins. Counsel given out of arrogant ignorance is just plain dangerous and damaging. The church today is plagued with legions of these kind – “The Church of Job’s Friends.”
Don’t go there.
Pilgrim’s Progress Part 2 (Christiana) – https://youtu.be/2UurbTxuW5o
Sunday Sermon – No Time for the Lord, https://youtu.be/MS1T04-yrxE
Ephesians Study – https://youtu.be/6FVWr2rrcgo
Revelation Study – https://youtu.be/4oyTz9fE-cw
NOTE: All of these links are to youtube, but these are also all on sermonaudio.com/crc if you prefer
Here is a link to a new post over at my other blog, Light for Dark Times. It discusses how RASN’s regard their targets with contempt and derision.