Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 83 of 88

More Thoughts on the Impossibility of the Christian to Remain Deceived

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On December 26, 2018

In False Teaching

Mar 4:10-12 And when he was alone, those around him with the twelve asked him about the parables. (11) And he said to them, “To you has been given the secret of the kingdom of God, but for those outside everything is in parables, (12) so that “they may indeed see but not perceive, and may indeed hear but not understand, lest they should turn and be forgiven.”

Over the years as I have ministered in the local church and in ministry to domestic abuse victims, I have learned that very, very few pastors and professing Christians really want to learn about the subject. When I began, I stated my purpose as that of educating local churches about how domestic abusers are hiding in their congregations. That is not my fundamental purpose any longer.
Why?
Because almost none of them want to hear the truth about this subject. Victims, on the other hand, are EAGER to learn and quite often contact me, thanking us for our books and blogs and encouraging me by telling me how their eyes have been opened to the lies and fog put upon them by evildoers – and by their churches. So my focus changed some time ago. I focus on helping the victims.
Now, in a previous Monday’s article I talked about the fact that a real Christian cannot be indefinitely deceived by evil. And furthermore, that when we see professing Christians choosing the deception, plugging their ears to the truth, we can be pretty sure that we are dealing with counterfeit saints.
Notice the scripture above from Mark 4. Jesus had just told the parable of the soils. Most of the crowd did not get it. Why? Jesus explains the reason. He has not granted them the ability to see and understand. And they don’t want to see and understand. The disciples however had been given “the secret of the kingdom” so that Jesus told them the meaning of the parable – the secret of the kingdom.
Now here is the point for our purposes here. Every true Christian is indwelt by the Spirit of Christ and has been given eyes to see and ears to hear Christ’s Word. That truth necessarily exposes lies of the evil one. And thus, at some point, the unholy charade of the domestic abuser is going to be visible to them.

1Co 2:12-14 Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God. (13) And we impart this in words not taught by human wisdom but taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual. (14) The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned.

I say again, most of the oppression put upon abuse victims by local churches, pastors, members, and counselors, has its origin in unsaved people and false churches.

Col 2:8 See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ.

I Don't Want Your Christmas Cards – A Victim's Response to an Abuser Ally

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On December 24, 2018

In Supporting Victims

Isa 1:11 “What to me is the multitude of your sacrifices? says the LORD; I have had enough of burnt offerings of rams and the fat of well-fed beasts; I do not delight in the blood of bulls, or of lambs, or of goats.

Mat 12:30 Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.

It happens every Christmas. You go to the mailbox and there it is. A Merry Christmas card addressed to you from a voice from the past. From someone you don’t want to hear from ever again. Yet here they are showing up in your holiday. If you are really unlucky, it even has their fine, family picture on it.
Not only do abusers do this, so do those who allied with them. You know, those people who told you how wrong you were, how unforgiving you were, how unloving and unmerciful and unkind you were when you confronted the abuser and broke relationship with him. The ones who said you were the one sinning. Who told you that you were the one God regarded as the guilty one. Then they went and wrapped their arms around your abuser and said, “you poor, poor, poor fellow.”
Merry Christmas. In Jesus’ name, of course. That’s what the card said. “Sure hope you hang this up on your fireplace.”

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Dealing With the Abuser — sermon by Ps. Jeff Crippen

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On December 23, 2018

In Sermons

Dealing With the Abuser
Sermon 14 from the series: The Psychology and Methods of Sin
A 21 sermon series on domestic violence and abuse
First given on October 24, 2010
Sermon Text:  Nehemiah 2

The book of Nehemiah has a number of themes –

  • God’s covenant faithfulness to His people
  • The rebuilding of the earthly Jerusalem to which Christ would one day come
  • The sovereignty of God over all the nations

It is also a book about the man of God serving the Lord in the face of persistent opposition. The opposition came from several sources, but primarily from one abusive, controlling, entitled individual named SANBALLAT. He hated that these Jews had returned from captivity in Babylon and were going to rebuild their capital. Sanballat is a type, a symbol, of Satan. If you want to learn more about the tactics of our enemy, read this book!! Listen to another chapter and see what I mean –

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Diotrephes, the Evangelical Church, and You

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On December 21, 2018

In Abusers

I have written something to the church, but Diotrephes, who likes to put himself first, does not acknowledge our authority. (10) So if I come, I will bring up what he is doing, talking wicked nonsense against us. And not content with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers, and also stops those who want to and puts them out of the church. 3 John 1: 9-10

My two books, A Cry for Justice and Unholy Charade, were written because the evangelical, Bible-believing church has a problem – a big problem.  Diotrephes is hiding in our pews.  Or rather, he is hiding in plain view.  He (or she) is the person who wears a mask of eminent saintliness, having convinced most everyone in the church of his godliness, but whose real motive is a craving to be first.  Diotrephes likes to put himself first.  He sees himself as entitled to power and control and regards himself as fully justified in using whatever tactics are necessary to ensure that he lords this power over the people of Christ.  Perhaps you have known him?

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Is Your Abuser a "Child of God"?

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On December 19, 2018

In False Teaching

John 8:39-44 They answered him, “Abraham is our father.” Jesus said to them, “If you were Abraham’s children, you would be doing the works Abraham did, (40) but now you seek to kill me, a man who has told you the truth that I heard from God. This is not what Abraham did. (41) You are doing the works your father did.” They said to him, “We were not born of sexual immorality. We have one Father–even God.”
(42) Jesus said to them, “If God were your Father, you would love me, for I came from God and I am here. I came not of my own accord, but he sent me. (43) Why do you not understand what I say? It is because you cannot bear to hear my word. (44) You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

Quite often we hear from Christians, pastors, authors, and counselors something like, “you must love your abuser because he is a child of God like all human beings. God loves all His children, and so must we.”
Totally bogus. I will prove it to you.
Look at the passage quoted above. Does that sound like the Pharisees are children of God? Nope. Who is their father according to Jesus? The devil. They even share the devil’s spiritual DNA.  “If God were your father…”.  But he isn’t. The devil is.
This business of all human beings being children of God is simply the same old theological liberalism that infected the church long ago and which was opposed by faithful saints like J. Gresham Machen.
Think a bit further on this. If God loves the wicked because they are his children, then necessarily his love for them is motivated by something in them. That is to say, in some way, God finds them “loveable.” But is that what the Bible says about man outside of Christ? No way. Did God elect us to salvation because of some merit he saw in us? No way. If he did, then grace is no longer grace.
So don’t ever fall for the line “we must love everyone because everyone is a child of God.” The fact is that the wicked, such as the domestic abuser hiding behind a facade of “saintliness,” is an object of God’s own hatred. And thus the Psalmist can say in perfect holiness:

Psalm 26:5 I hate the assembly of evildoers, and I will not sit with the wicked.
Psalm 139:21-22 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD? And do I not loathe those who rise up against you? (22) I hate them with complete hatred; I count them my enemies.

 
 

A Christian Hears the Good Shepherd's Voice and Cannot be Deceived Indefinitely

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On December 17, 2018

In Churches/Church Response

My friend pointed out the follow verses to me today with some very good insight from it. Here is the passage:

2Ti 3:12-13 Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, (13) while evil people and impostors will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived.

Now, most all of us have learned from hard experience that domestic abusers (and all other kinds too) who hide in the church, posing as wonderful saints, deceive many people. The result of that deception is that pastors and church members typically gravitate to the abuser’s side, discounting the victim’s testimony. Or at minimum they place a heavy burden on the victim to “fix” her abuser.
Now, the point I want to examine here is this business of deception. Yes, the wicked can deceive any of us for a time. Sociopaths and psychopaths can be incredibly skilled at their lying ways. Just the nicest guy, you know. Would do anything for anyone. Yada, yada. If we have not been properly taught about such people (and the Bible is filled with warnings about them), we can be duped – for a time.

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Sinfulness of Sin Denied by the Abuser —Sermon by Ps Jeff Crippen

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On December 16, 2018

In Sermons

Sinfulness of Sin Denied by the Abuser
Sermon 13 from the series:  The Psychology and Methods of Sin
A 21 sermon series on domestic violence and abuse
First given on October 17, 2010
Sermon Text: Isaiah 59:1-2

Isaiah 59:1-2 ESV Behold, the LORD’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save, or his ear dull, that it cannot hear; (2) but your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear.

Sinners minimize their sin. They minimize the sinfulness of sin. They minimize the effects of sin. They minimize their own responsibility and culpability for their sin. We see this very thing here in Isaiah 59. Sinful Israel was blaming God –

  • His hand is short, He cannot reach us to save us,
  • His hearing has grown dull so that he cannot hear us crying to Him

The problem rested in God, you see. That was their thinking.
What was the real problem? Their own iniquities had separated them from God so that He would not look upon then nor hear them to save them. Yet they blamed Him, and in that blaming – they minimized the sinfulness of their sin, the effects of their sin, and their own guilt in their sin.

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You CAN Trust Your Perceptions – Don't Believe a Crazy-Maker

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On December 14, 2018

In Getting Free

John 8:44 You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

One of the common tactics of a domestic abuser is to lie. After all, he is of his father the devil who lies whenever he speaks. So it is the abuser’s nature to lie. And one of the ways abusers lie is to lie about the facts. About reality. To distort what happened. The goal? To convince the victim that her perceptions cannot be trusted. That she is crazy. A kind of fog is cast over the victim’s mind so that she wonders if what she saw or heard or smelled or felt was even real.
Now, still another way that the wicked use this gaslighting (as it is sometimes called) tactic is to twist and distort Scripture. For example, consider the following passage:

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More Typical Lies Laid Upon Abuse Victims by Those Duped by Evil

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On December 12, 2018

In Churches/Church Response

I am not going to say anything new in this post. You have all heard it before. But we need to hear it, before, now, and again and again.
An abuse victim who has been targeted not only by her abuser, but by her family members, by her pastor, by the pastor’s wife (I need to write a post about pastor’s wives and how they so often enable the abuser), and by other church members in her church, told me some of the things she is being told:

  • Give him a chance
  • We must forgive people
  • He wants you back
  • He is hurting
  • Stop running from your problems
  • The Bible says for better or worse
  • Stop feeling sorry for yourself

Now, this stuff just makes my blood boil. Lies. All lies. Let me make a few observations and I imagine you all will have some also —

  • Give him a chance — that is what the victim HAS been doing, often for decades!  Yeah, give him a chance to abuse and destroy you all over again.
  • We must forgive people — Really? Does God forgive everyone? Does God forgive when there is no repentance? NO! Does forgiveness necessitate reconciliation? NO!
  • He wants you back — Oh man, you can’t invent this stuff. Yes, he wants her back alright. So his kingdom reign of power and control can be reinstituted in full measure.
  • He is hurting – Oh really. So this means that the people saying these things to the victim have been in contact with the abuser, listening to his plays for pity. They are his allies now. He is hurting? Well how about the victim’s hurts? How is it no one seems to even think about how she has suffered? This is pure EVIL.
  • Stop running from your problems — Ok, well, the next time someone points a gun at your head, or puts poison in your drink, don’t run. Just stand there. Just drink up. And the fact is, abuse victims who leave their abuser, who start calling him on his evil, ARE ceasing to run from their problems! They are now facing those problems square on.
  • The Bible says for better or worse — Now this is rich. I will give $1000 to any of these people who can show me chapter and verse on that one. You see, people take statements made by man and they hear it so often in sermons, and in their laziness they don’t check it out, and pretty soon they elevate it to the Word of God. In addition, “for better or worse” was never meant to mean “you must endure even the most cruel wickedness from your spouse no matter what.”
  • Stop feeling sorry for yourself — Time to get a clue. The person who is feeling sorry for himself is not the victim. It is the abuser. WE must stop feeling sorry for him because his pity ploys are largely how he enlists us as his allies.

To people who lay this cruel garbage on victims, I say go. Just go. Go away and learn what God means when He says He desires mercy, not sacrifice. Close your lips. In the meanwhile, we are done listening to you.
 

There is a Time to be Done with Your Abuser

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On December 12, 2018

In Getting Free

Mat 10:12-15 As you enter the house, greet it. (13) And if the house is worthy, let your peace come upon it, but if it is not worthy, let your peace return to you. (14) And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town. (15) Truly, I say to you, it will be more bearable on the day of judgment for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah than for that town.

Much of what I write these days is repetition. I have written about these subjects before. But truth needs to be repeated, and repeated, and repeated. Often. It takes hearing something over and over before we finally “see” it.  And so here it is, once more.
Many (probably most) churches today have been teaching unbiblical concepts of the love of Christ. “Unconditional love” seems to be the catch phrase. We are told that we must never give up on anyone. That no matter what they have done, we must love them. And by “love them,” most often what is meant is that we must continue to have a relationship with them, expend energies trying to “fix” them, and so on. This mantra of course leaves the domestic abuse victim sitting forever in abuse.

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