Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 48 of 88

Let's Think Some More about What it Means to Have no Conscience

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On April 19, 2021

In Abusers

Blessed is the man against whom the LORD counts no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit. For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. Selah. I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,” and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah. (Psalms 32:2-5)

The human conscience is a powerful thing. It is a powerful thing in the life of the Christian. As David found out when he sinned, the Lord uses our conscience to put a heavy hand upon us when we sin. So intense is the Lord’s working through our conscience that under His conviction we are without strength, dried up, like a man lost in the heat of the desert. The only remedy is genuine repentance and confession of sin, and then God’s forgiveness. Notice then that the truly repentant person can feel that forgiveness, in contrast to the heavy misery of a convicted conscience.
This is a powerful truth to hold onto when you come under temptation. Sin tells us that we can indulge ourselves and enjoy it. But the fact is, as David and myriads of Christians have found, when a Christian yields and sins, if there is any enjoyment at all it is over in seconds. Then comes that terrible heat of conscience. The heavy hand of the Lord driving us to confession and repentance. It is a miserable thing. Day and night. Day and night. You wake up at 3AM with a knot in your gut and your sin right before you. You cannot concentrate. You have done wrong and you know and feel that wrongness. So don’t be duped by temptation. If you are a real Christian, you cannot enjoy sin. It just won’t work.
Now, as most all of you know, the person we call an abuser has little or no conscience. He can play the holy saint outwardly, then all the while inwardly and out of sight he lives in wickedness. Think about this. He has no conscience, or a seared conscience (they are pretty much the same thing). If you have ever felt the intensity of misery that a violated conscience can bring, then just mull over the fact that the abuser can do what he does — abuse — and experience no pangs of conscience. He can sleep at night. In fact he even delights in his evil. He feeds on it. It is sweet to him.
Think about this. Dwell on it. The thing is incredible. It shows us the degree of the evil we are dealing with in this abuse thing. Here is a person who can do incredible wickedness against his own wife (who has hated his own flesh? as Paul says), and not only does it not bother him, but when he sees her suffering, he rejoices in it. He is energized by it.
Do you understand? Most professing Christians and pastors do not. This is evil. These are the evil people who most certainly are in this world. If we fail to understand the depth of their wickedness, the conscienceless nature of their minds, and if we instead assume they are like us, then we are going to go miserably wrong and we will be duped by them. We will think we can fix them. We will feel sorry for them. But Scripture tells us their true nature:

But these people, like irrational animals—creatures of instinct born to be caught and destroyed—speak blasphemies about things they don’t understand, and in their destruction they too will be destroyed, suffering harm as the payment for unrighteousness. They consider it a pleasure to carouse in the daytime. They are spots and blemishes, delighting in their deceptions as they feast with you. They have eyes full of adultery and are always looking for sin. They seduce unstable people and have hearts trained in greed.  (2 Peter 2:12-14a HCSB)

So we must know what we are dealing with. We must believe what God’s Word tells us about the reality of evil around us and particularly as it creeps in amongst us in the local church.
And largely, “we” (the visible, professing Christian church), do not.

A New Book by Cindy Burrell – Reformulating the Christian Marriage Counseling Model Where Abuse is Involved

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On April 18, 2021

In Blog News

Our friend Cindy Burrell has published a new book which is available on Amazon here*

This is the back cover description –

In the years since I began working with abuse victims, I have been shocked – and at times horrified – by the accounts victims have shared regarding their Christian marriage counseling experiences. Coupled with my own history, it is sadly apparent that many abuse victims have been ignored, abandoned, and even excommunicated from their churches for acknowledging the toxic, ungodly nature of their spouses and refusing to accomodate abuse in their homes.

It is time to take an in-depth look at the common Christian marriage counseling model, identify its weaknesses and present a new model based upon biblical truth and common sense – a model that acknowledges that victims matter, and abuse should never be tolerated in God’s sacred institution of marriage.

Thank you, Cindy, for your work in writing this new tool. May the Lord bless it to His purposes and glory.

*Unholy Charade is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for website owners to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking Amazon.com and affiliated sites.  See additional information here.

Listen to Me! – A Common Demand of Abusers

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On April 13, 2021

In Abusers

2Co 11:20 For you bear it if someone makes slaves of you, or devours you, or takes advantage of you, or puts on airs, or strikes you in the face.

One of the worst abusers I have ever known, a man who caused all kinds of grief with many attempts to portray himself as the finest saint we ever met and yet worked tirelessly and by nature to enslave those around him, was heard to say more than once, “you didn’t listen to me! All these bad things have happened because you wouldn’t listen to me!”

This of course is a common trait of this kind of wicked person – he or she demands to be obeyed. We all need to step back and take a long look at what is going on whenever we find ourselves constantly wondering, “What will Joe say about this?” “What would Jesus say?” gets replaced with Joe. It sneaks up on us and usually we aren’t aware of just how much of this is going on.

Years ago in our church a very wicked sin was committed and how to handle it was not an easy matter. Ultimately we chose a course which I still know was the right one and what the Lord would have us do. Not everyone was happy (“everyone” never is), and there were various kinds of fallout. Some months later in a meeting, this man in his arrogance and anger because he had not been obeyed, said “If you had done what I told you, none of this would have happened. But you wouldn’t listen to me.” He was right in a sense. If we had listened to his demands, none of the positive outcome of obeying the Lord would have happened!

The level of wicked arrogance in these kind is incredible as you think it over. Here was a man who would gladly look at a pastor, elders, godly grey-hared church members, and tell them all, “Listen to me! You should have listened to me!” Let that soak in. What level of evil does such a thing require? It is designed to revile. The abuser is a reviler. He villifies, ie, makes his target the villain. The Lord says plainly that revilers will not inherit the kingdom of God and we are not to even eat with such a person, let alone permit them to be among us in the church.

1Co 5:11-13 But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. (12) For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? (13) God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”

I am sure that every domestic abuse victim has heard this rhetoric a bajillion times. “Listen to me! You should have done what I told you! Now this is all your fault!”

I have also seen this same type of arrogance revelaing itself often in people who contact me and say they are looking for a church to attend. Sometimes of course those questions are genuine and come from real Christians who are frustrated by not being able to find a group of true Christians to fellowship with. But my red flags start going up when someone right off presents themselves as a real authority on theology, a follower of….(you fill in the famous preacher names), and evidence a lot of Bible “verbage” (christianese as I call it). There are more warning signs too but in the end I just realize that they leave me with an uneasy feeling.

So I test them.

I tell them, for instance, that one of our church’s important missions is to help domestic abuse victims and expose abusers. I advise them to read one of my books to understand more about us. If one of their favorites is the kind whose teaching oppresses abuse victims (ie, “no divorce for abuse”) I point out that person’s error. I tell them that our church requires that someone be with us for about a year before we would consider them becoming a voting member, and that we require a background check for people who attend regularly here in order to protect children and others.

Guess what happens?

In every case of a person of this kind, I know that the inevitable scathing email response will be forthcoming. It always is. How dare we require a background check – Jesus would never require such a thing! (Hmmm, “Test the spirits to see if they are of God, for many false spirits have gone out…). How dare we be so divisive as to be critical of a preacher who simply holds a different point of view than us on divorce for abuse. And in all of this verbage, they ooze accusation and guilting, exalting themselves. “You need to listen to me!”

One of the most common pieces of wisdom that the Lord gives us and which we have suffered very much for many years because we were not wise in this way, is that we are not to quickly trust people just because they claim to be a Christian. In my early years of being a pastor, I was foolish in this regard many times. We wanted to see the church grow. We wanted people to come and to hear and to be saved. So we too readily believed, accepted, invited, and ….suffered the consequences of evil coming in among us.

Many pastors and church members and “church experts” would call us too rigid, too hard, and unloving for these safeguards we have in place. But I can tell you this – failing to exercise these wise cautions in the past resulted in years of trouble, division, and evil creeping in among us. If those “church experts” and others would be honest, they would admit that their system in fact produces counterfeits and trouble. But they aren’t honest and I don’t look for them to be.

I know that probably the majority of people who learn about our practice and realize that no, we aren’t going to listen to them (ha! a demand that we listen to them when we don’t even know them!!), are going to be done with us.

And I consider that a win. We wouldn’t listen to them. We listened to the Lord.

1Jn 2:19 They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us.

The Matriarchal Kingdom of Abuse

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On April 12, 2021

In Family/Children

1Ki 15:11-13 And Asa did what was right in the eyes of the LORD, as David his father had done. (12) He put away the male cult prostitutes out of the land and removed all the idols that his fathers had made. (13) He also removed Maacah his mother from being queen mother because she had made an abominable image for Asherah. And Asa cut down her image and burned it at the brook Kidron.

We know that the very large majority of domestic abusers are men and that churches have been enabling abusers by teaching and practicing what we call patriarchy. The father this. The husband that. It’s all about the father and everyone else in the family exists to serve him and further his “mission” in serving the Lord. The father becomes the “priest” of the family – a virtual mediator between them and God. Men who lust for power and control and self-glory love this system. The Lord does not.

But what I want to talk to you about here is a very similar system in which it is the wife or mother or grandmother in the family who is “queen.” I know this evil exists because I have met it numerous times over the years, and as the scripture above demonstrates, we find examples of it in the Bible as well.

The matriarchal kingdom is established by an abuser who is a woman. In the circles we are most familiar with, in Christian circles that is, a mother or a grandmother craves power and control. She uses her religion (just like Asa’s mother did) to establish an idolatrous dynasty over which she rules. It looks something like this:

  • She presents herself to her husband, her children, her grandchildren, as kthe most saintly, godly, wise woman they have ever known.
  • Her verbage is filled with Bible talk and scriptures (twisted and perverted of course).
  • She is regarded by her offspring and their offspring as a virtual prophetess.
  • She is very skilled at punishing anyone who demonstrates any hint of independence from her kingdom.
  • Her punishing tactics include, guilting, shaming, threatening, removing her favor, hinting at taking away their inheritance, turning other family members against the “wandering sheep,” etc.
  • Anyone who breaks from her control will pay the price of being a non-person, rejected by all in her kingdom.

Get the picture? And don’t miss this – an evil matriarch like this always establishes a false religion. She and her “family” system are the idol-god which is to be worshipped by all…or else.

And here is a sobering, sobering warining: Very few people in a matriarchal system ever break free. They yield to fear and when Christ in some way calls them to come out from this enslavement, they cling to the false god.

Anyone who is born into such a kingdom of darkness is blind to what it really is. Like everyone else in it, they think “mother” or “grandmother” is indeed the model of a true saint. It is only the Lord who can open their eyes and begin to show them the bondage they are in. You can tell them and tell them and tell them in order to help them see, but ultimately the Lord has to give them the eyes to see. And then they have to make a choice which no one else can make for them. Stay in bondage, or leave it to follow Christ.

How many of these matriarchs of darkness hold key and noteable positions in many local churches? More than most people imagine. It must have been something like this at Thyatira-

Rev 2:20 But I have this against you, that you tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess and is teaching and seducing my servants to practice sexual immorality and to eat food sacrificed to idols.

Recently Lynn commented on this blog, sharing her experience of getting free from such a family system – ruled by numerous tyrants. Her comment is worth repeating here:

When God opens your eyes, it is an invitation to let go of what you think you know and embrace his loving truth. While his gift to each of his elect is free, it is also extremely costly.

It will cost you family, friends, and reveal to you who are the wolves, who are the sheep, and who are the goats. Anyone who has appeared as godly on the outside but ends up being rotten to the core, we are commanded to remove ourselves from. That’s hard. None of us want to lose people, but the truth of the matter is that if your faith is genuine and you are obedient to Christ, you will not be able to hold onto all of your relationships. Your faith will reveal those who hate God in your midst. Don’t be surprised when you experience the hatred Jesus talks about when he tells us that they will hate us just as they hated him. We live in a day and age and a nation that refuse to be obedient to God’s word yet profess to carry his name.

It was hard leaving my entire family, including my extended family behind. While leaving my immediate family was less painful – they are a pack of narcissists wearing the guise of godly saints. I’ve had to purge most of my extended family and church relationships as well. They may not all be the wolves Christ mentioned, but they are also caught up in deception of false teaching around who Christ is, and what their responsibilities are as the Christians they claim to be. They refuse to separate from those who the Bible instructs us to avoid because they are family. Family means more to them than obedience. They refuse to seek to understand who God is for themselves nor gain wisdom in the face of evil. They let their ears be tickled by lies all the while being convinced they are walking in truth.

One of the things that has been so many fail to take seriously is that when Jesus said he’s come to separate fathers from sons, mothers from daughters and that if you choose family over obedience to him you are rejecting him. That instruction is missing in much of today’s churches. Rejecting unsaved family, especially if they wear the clothes of godliness yet are filled with dead men’s bones, is deemed unchristian.

How dare you be so unloving as to reject your family? Don’t you know you’re not being Christ like you know? And other such accusations are what you will hear from those who proclaim to be Christ’s yet refuse to obey him.

It’s not the narrow road for nothing. If it was easy, everyone would do it. But it’s not. It is hard and costly, yet nothing in this world is worth more than being Christ’s. Not family. Not friends. Not position. Not possessions. Nothing.

So to all those who are broken by wicked people parading around as godly, come out from the wolves den and live. You too can find the healing, hope and belonging your heart craves in the arms of Christ and his true sheep. No longer must you remain in the hands of wicked abusive people. Embrace the freedom granted to you by Christ. If the son sets you free you are free indeed.

Friends May Desert Us – Christ Never Will

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On April 7, 2021

In Getting Free

FriJob 19:18-19 Even young children despise me; when I rise they talk against me. (19) All my intimate friends abhor me, and those whom I loved have turned against me.

I bet you all can identify with Job, right!? This is one of the most painful facets of wickedness and evildoers – our “friends” ally with them and abandon us. Family turns against us and takes up with the wicked one, feeding his facade of “godliness.” In a real way, victims of evildoers are seen just as Job was – unpleasant and unclean as if they contracted some kind of leprosy.

Every real Christian is going to experience this betrayal in one degree or another. Jesus said it:

Mat 10:34-39 “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. (35) For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. (36) And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. (37) Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. (38) And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. (39) Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

So, is this true or not? That is the question I would put to people who profess to be Christians and yet they insist on maintaining that this should never happen. That if “family” bonds are being threatened, they must be preserved at all costs. Is the cross the offense that Paul said it was?

Gal 5:11 But if I, brothers, still preach circumcision, why am I still being persecuted? In that case the offense of the cross has been removed.

The question then is not this (which is so often put to victims of evil): “Why is there conflict and alienation between you and your family members?” but rather this (which is properly put to those accusing the victim): “Why do YOU not experience any of this in your own life in your relationships?”

I want to write in another article about something I call “the Judas Moment.” The basic premise is this: there comes a time in everyone’s life – particularly in the life of a person who claims to be following Christ – when the Lord puts a pivotal question to us. Will we follow Him regardless of the cost, or will we look back at Sodom longingly? Will we take up our cross and follow Christ, or will we have one foot in the world and one foot in His Way? He won’t let us do it, you know. It is Him or the world. It is Christ or family and friends.

Most choose the world and you can be sure that when someone makes that choice, they are not going to walk with you in Christ’s truth. They will go their way, looking for someplace where they can continue to deceive themselves and others about their standing with the Lord.

Is it worth it? I mean, is it worth being hated by family and friends? Well, Jesus said it – if we find our life in this world, we will lose it. But if we lose our life here, we will truly find life in Him – and that is life indeed.

What if Timothy Continued to Hang Out with Alexander the Coppersmith?

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On April 5, 2021

In Churches/Church Response

2Ti 4:14-15 Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. (15) Beware of him yourself, for he strongly opposed our message.

We are not told in Scripture what it was specifically that Alexander had done. It involved opposing the gospel with great and evil energy, and must have done real damage to Paul. “Great harm” are the words Paul described it with. But these two little verses have been very important to me. They demonstrate that:

  • It is not slander to specifically name our abuser and expose his evil
  • It is right to look forward to the day when Christ will repay the wicked for what they have done to us

And let me now add a third point to this list:

  • We should expect, (and really the Lord requires) those who claim to be our friends and certainly those who claim to be Christians, to have nothing to do with the wicked one themselves.

Think of it. Alexander was an evil enemy of Paul and of Christ. He had done Paul much harm. Paul warns Timothy to beware of Alexander. (I like to think of Alexander as Alexander the Copperhead!) Does that mean that Timothy should keep hanging out with Alexander, but just be a bit wary of him? Of course not! It means that Timothy must realize that Alexander is an enemy of Christ and that he has done great evil to Paul. Obviously this means Timothy is not going to go over to Alexander’s house for dinner if invited.

And if Timothy did accept such an invitation, if Timothy thought that Paul might be exaggerating, or if Timothy listened to Alexander’s “take” on the gospel, what would that say about Timothy? Specifically, what would it say about Timothy’s real attitude toward Paul?

You see the point, right? All of you who have been wickedly abused by wicked people know that one of the most hurtful and frustrating aspects of it all is that when you make the evil known, when you reveal it and ask for help, when you identify your persecutor, family members, supposed Christian friends, and others you thought would surely help you, continue to maintain relationship and social interaction with the evil one. They do not obey the Lord:

1Co 5:11 But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one.

An abuser is what the Bible calls a reviler. A reviler villifies. He accuses and guilts and condemns his victim. And a reviler is on the list that Paul gives here. We are to have nothing to do with such a person, especially if he claims to be a Christian. But is that what you see typically happening when an abuser is identified? No. You see the victim paying a price, but the majority of “friends” keep right on eating with such a one.

Why is this? What makes someone want to keep hanging out with Alexander? Cowardice? Refusal to pay the price of standing with the victim? Denial of the reality of evil? Whatever the reason, there is no good reason for this. It enables evil and causes greater harm to the victim. Furthermore, it raises serious doubt as to the reality of these “friends'” profession of Christ.

I have seen this thing play itself out over the years. People who claim to belong to Christ, people who insist that they are our friends and fellow believers, who then refuse to break off with a person who has cruelly treated someone, eventually end up standing with the wicked and against the victim. And really, this is what they had been doing all along.

If Timothy had not heeded Paul’s warning, if Timothy had socialized with Alexander and regarded the unpleasantness as just some squabble that was between Alexander and Paul, you know what would have happened. Timothy would no longer have been in ministry with Paul and his claim to be Paul’s fellow soldier for the gospel would have been exposed as a sham.

Of course, that didn’t happen. Timothy’s faith was real and he continued to be a great comfort and encouragement to Paul:

Php 2:19-22 I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you soon, so that I too may be cheered by news of you. (20) For I have no one like him, who will be genuinely concerned for your welfare. (21) For they all seek their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. (22) But you know Timothy’s proven worth, how as a son with a father he has served with me in the gospel.

Info Regarding Our Livestream Broadcasts

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On March 31, 2021

In Blog News

If you watch our Sunday morning class and worship service or our Wednesday 10AM Bible study livestreams, no doubt you will see (as we experienced this morning) freeze ups due to bad internet connections – or whatever. After a livestream we upload to youtube and to sermonaudio.com/crc and often those uploads are better than the Facebook livestream.

But we are also going to set up a second iphone camera to record (no internet use) the Bible study on Wednesdays in addition to the other camera that is livestreaming on Facebook. Then we will upload the recorded video to youtube and sermon audio. Long story short, if you have trouble with internet freeze ups on Facebook live, check out the uploaded video at the other two sites. We usually have them uploaded within a few hours after the broadcast.

Internet. Computers. Blessing and curse!

We Become Like the Master we Choose

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On March 31, 2021

In Biblical Teaching

Psalm 115:4-9 Their idols are silver and gold, the work of human hands. (5) They have mouths, but do not speak; eyes, but do not see. (6) They have ears, but do not hear; noses, but do not smell. (7) They have hands, but do not feel; feet, but do not walk; and they do not make a sound in their throat. (8) Those who make them become like them; so do all who trust in them. (9) O Israel, trust in the LORD! He is their help and their shield.

Here is a very important theme the Bible teaches numbers of times. We become like the master we choose. Those who make mute, blind, deaf gods will progressively become mute, blind, and deaf themselves. I suppose this is another way of saying idolaters are becoming lifeless just like the chunk of wood or metal they carved into a god.

Now, I want to be very clear that in this article I am NOT talking about domestic abuse victims who want to be free but simply cannot do so immediately. There children, finances, dangers and so on that have to be considered. And in so many cases the victim is on her own, having been rejected even by her “church.” I understand completely.

But here I want to talk about a kind of person who is a target of abuse, but who knowingly and willfully chooses to yield to their abuser, to in a way “ally” with him and to remain with him even though the victim has a plain avenue of escape. I have known enough of these people to know that they do exist.

Now, when we willingly choose a master, Scripture tells us that we will increasingly become like that master. When we make the right choice and choose Christ and follow Him, we are on the road to becoming like Christ. This is called sanctification. We will have ears to hear His Word (His sheep know His voice). We will have eyes to see things as they really are. We will be able to speak His truth and recognize the enemy’s lies. His life flows more and more into and through us.

On the other hand, if we choose an evil master…. You can complete the sentence. Our ability to see and hear and speak truth will grow weaker and weaker and weaker until one day it is no more.

Isa 44:15-20 Then it becomes fuel for a man. He takes a part of it and warms himself; he kindles a fire and bakes bread. Also he makes a god and worships it; he makes it an idol and falls down before it. (16) Half of it he burns in the fire. Over the half he eats meat; he roasts it and is satisfied. Also he warms himself and says, “Aha, I am warm, I have seen the fire!” (17) And the rest of it he makes into a god, his idol, and falls down to it and worships it. He prays to it and says, “Deliver me, for you are my god!” (18) They know not, nor do they discern, for he has shut their eyes, so that they cannot see, and their hearts, so that they cannot understand. (19) No one considers, nor is there knowledge or discernment to say, “Half of it I burned in the fire; I also baked bread on its coals; I roasted meat and have eaten. And shall I make the rest of it an abomination? Shall I fall down before a block of wood?” (20) He feeds on ashes; a deluded heart has led him astray, and he cannot deliver himself or say, “Is there not a lie in my right hand?”

Choosing to yield to and remain with an abuser or some other evil person rather than to obey the Lord and “come out from among them,” is to choose another god. This is why, for instance, Jesus said more than once that if we love even father or mother more than Him, if He calls us to follow Him but we delay and run back to the wicked “just for now,” then we cannot be His disciple. That means, we cannot be saved. It is a looking back to Sodom – remember Lot’s wife.

I have seen victims of abuse watch their children being abused by a wicked spouse. In so many of your cases, as you have told me, that was the defining moment. They realized that they cannot permit this any longer. Their love for their children drove them to leave. But the kind of person I am speaking of here sees the thing happening – even to the children – and yet remains with the wicked one even when the door is open for them to make an exit. I suppose they have swallowed the kool-aid of false teaching – “well, you know it’s always better for the children to have two parents.” Or something like that. But for whatever reason, they stay. And the kids, who have no choice, are stuck there too.

It is never, ever better to choose your abuser as your master.

Mat 6:24 “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

I have wondered about some of the abuse victims I have known who have shut down. You cannot ever really know what is going on with them because they won’t talk. They will even defend their abuser and refuse to hear truth. We all were at a similar point early on I am sure, but as the Lord shone more and more of the light of His truth in us, our spiritual hearing and sight switched on and pow! There it was. Once we were blind but now we see. But in these type of people I am thinking about here, that light switch seems to have been shut off for good. And like their abuser, they will hate the light.

Do not go down that path. Do not give in and and choose your abuser as your master. It is a path that will lead to nothing good, a road that leads into ever increasing darkness and ends in the death of your soul. We become like the master we choose.

What Does a Real Church Look Like?

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On March 29, 2021

In Churches/Church Response

1 Kings 19:11-14 ESV  And he said, “Go out and stand on the mount before the LORD.” And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake.  (12)  And after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper.  (13)  And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And behold, there came a voice to him and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”  (14)  He said, “I have been very jealous for the LORD, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away.”

The lesson Elijah (and all of us) had to learn is this – just because we cannot see a hurricane, earthquake, or blazing fire of activity it does not mean that the Lord is not present and working. Elijah had seen God’s fire from heaven at Mt. Carmel, but now Jezebel was out to kill him and no heavenly inferno seems to be coming down on her. Elijah fled.

Now, we all know that many if not most local churches today are favorite venues for evil to oppress victims. Most of you have been through it yourself. The wicked are embraced and the oppressed are shown the door. It is quite typical for a domestic abuser to “serve the Lord” in a church where everyone believes he is a fine saintly man whose wife just pushed his buttons and then, poor man, she deserted him.

So it is very important that we see things as the Lord sees them and specifically here in this article I want to talk about the question, what does a real church look like? Or, I suppose it could be stated in the negative, what does a true church NOT look like?

Most professing Christians think they have the answer to these questions – but I am sure that they do not. They will answer, “a true church is a church that preaches the Word, exercises the sacraments, practices church discipline, and is shepherded by pastors and elders.’ That is the formal answer. But….what are most people really looking for “in a church”?

Recently I was looking on social media where I came across a church that belongs to the home missions organization I used to belong to. I spent some time looking around the site, especially at all the pictures they had posted there. And I was, I don’t know, I guess you could say “triggered.” What I mean is, I found myself as an outsider now looking in on a world I used to be part of. And what was that world like? Well, it was a world of activity. Of busy-ness. A world of full-range Sunday school classes, of choirs and solos, of committees and men and women’s ministries. There were summer picnics, campouts, and conferences. People standing up and giving their testimony of how they came to faith in Christ. There were connections with other churches and pastors and special services featuring a visiting speaker or music group. There was a mid-week or Sunday night youth group. It was a very active, busy, event-filled place, and everyone in it called it, the church.

I lived in that world and was a pastor in that world for years. It was a place where the hurricane, earthquake, and fire were sought. Why? Because everyone believed that unless they saw the Lord’s working, nothing was happening. So the pastor was expected to “produce.” When he couldn’t, people complained or grumbled or even left the place because, as they said, the Spirit wasn’t working there.

So I want to tell you something – I was triggered when I looked at those pictures because…I now know that in that world, the Lord wasn’t present at all. How do I know? Because behind the scenes, in the back of all that “holy busy-ness,” evil lurked. Most of the Christians there, weren’t. There was constant bickering and friction. In reality, regardless of all that activity, people were not truly coming to know Christ. And evildoers were tolerated, in the name of “grace.” Very, very few actually knew the Lord. As a result, it was a setting for the oppressed to be further oppressed and for oppressors to wear their Christian disguise.

I know now that the true church, a real church, is a remnant. I know that the Lord is always working in amazing ways, but like a gentle breeze that few even notice. The fact is, we walk by faith and not by sight. All of those programs and activities and “doings” that most professing Christians crave in a church are in fact after all plain old expressions of the flesh seeking gratification. And if anyone might doubt this, just read Revelation 2-3 and compare the church at Smyrna with the church at Laodicea.

Image Maintenance is Idolatry

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On March 24, 2021

In Churches/Church Response

When there is sin in the church, we panic.  I believe that this is one of the reasons churches and pastors so often give terrible counsel to victims of abuse. We are the Church!  We are Christians!  We aren’t supposed to sin!  This is a disaster, and it is up to us to fix it lest “Christ’s Name” be tarnished.  I put “Christ’s Name” in quotes because I really think that if we would all be honest, we would have to admit that it is really more about our own image maintenance than it is about Christ’s glory.
Whenever we as individuals or as a church set out to put on a mask, set up an image of ourselves that really isn’t true, we are headed for big trouble.  I saw  a lady yesterday in the big city that was in just such a trap.  She wasn’t unattractive, but she had gone to extravagant lengths to look 20 years younger. Elaborate makeup, painstaking hairstyle, carefully selected younger-generation wardrobe, and hanging on the arm of a man at least 20 years her junior.  Why did I notice?  Because I could see it in her look.  She was trying sooooo hard to find self-worth in all of these things, and I knew it wasn’t going to work.  By watching how the man behaved toward her, I would not be at all surprised if she has gotten herself tied up with an abuser.  Oh, what a charmer he was!  Before he is done with her, I wonder how much of her money and her life he will have taken?  Images are dangerous.  They lead us into serious error.  They are a lie in picture form.
As pastors, as churches, we often construct images — names for ourselves — reputations.  But they are not consistent with who we really are.  And when something happens that is not consistent with the image we crave — like the appearance of sin in the church — well, we launch into a defense and damage-control mode.  And NOTHING good is going to come out of that.  Nothing!
So, for example, when a woman who is being abused by her husband comes to her pastor or to one of us for help and relates to us what is happening, I can tell you what the dynamic is that so easily and readily kicks into gear.  Image protection.  Damage control.  “Oh, no! This kind of thing can’t happen here! We have to fix this.  You can’t divorce.  It makes us….er, Christ, look bad!  No, you must be exaggerating.  Let’s sit down and talk this out.”
And so they talk, perhaps.  But nothing changes.  Except maybe for the worse. So the wife says she is leaving.  “No!  God hates divorce!  You can’t.  This is your calling, to persevere and suffer for the glory of God.”  But what is really going on, so often?  We don’t want our own spotless image soiled with word getting around that such a thing happened in our church.  That our people are somehow less than perfect and might even be capable of …. sin!”
And what then happens to the victim?  She is the whistleblower.  Have you ever read the story of a whistleblower?  Someone who exposes corruption in government or some big business or a giant religious organization?  What generally happens to whistleblowers?  They are slandered, they are fired (ex-communicated), and sometimes they are even killed.  The Lord Jesus Christ was the greatest whistleblower of all!  He exposed sin and corruption – and they killed Him for it.  Governments have some laws in place to protect whistleblowers.  Churches do not.  Abuse victims become a threat to the image. And all too often, their churches respond to them with efforts that, frankly, are designed for nothing else than to make them shut up about it.
This sounds so harsh, doesn’t it?  I can hear voices out there saying “You are so negative!  This is way too judgmental.”  Honestly, I wish that is all there was to it because then I could just repent of saying these things and come to my senses and realize that none of this is happening after all.  But it is.  Witness after witness after witness has come forward and told the story of what happened to them at the hands of their churches when they blew the whistle on their abuser.  Shut up, admit you are wrong, or get out.
Why?  Do we actually believe that our churches are incapable of having hidden sin operating within and among them?  Do we think that no wolf in wool could possibly ever be found in our pews?  Are we so naive that we refuse to admit that there could well be a marriage in our church that is not at all what it appears to be?  Or that a member of our church is in fact a hypocrite who is merely putting on a saintly facade while at home he is the devil incarnate? Does our Lord tell us anything different in His Word?  Has He not given us repeated instructions and warnings about this very kind of thing, and even told us how to handle it?  Does He not, in fact, bless us when we expose these things and deal with them as He has told us to?  Where in the world in Scripture do we ever find that the body of Christ has to keep up an image of perfection?
I can remember a number of years ago talking to the leaders of a church of some 300 people.  The pastor had hit the road with the church secretary, both of them abandoning their spouses.  Immediately not only the church leaders, but especially the denominational representative charged into a campaign of image maintenance and public relations damage control.  I remember asking them if they had handled this sin biblically.   The absconding couple were in no way repentant.  So how were they handled?  They were informed that they were terminated from employment and given the suggestion that they seek counseling.   Then, all of the efforts of the church leadership and denomination from that point on were aimed at getting any tarnish off the image.   I asked the denominational representative if the church intended to obey Christ’s instruction and follow the church discipline process — not only for the good of the church, but for that of the pastor and secretary as well.  He accused me of being too quick to run to judgment.  Well, guess what?  They never did implement church discipline.  As a church, they never acknowledged that just perhaps their own pride had played a part in this whole sorry mess.  They just wanted to get back to “normal.”   But normal there had never been good.  It still isn’t to this day.  The image reigns.
And it reigns in many if not most of our churches today.  Wherever there is an image, there is idolatry.  And where idolatry prevails, Jesus is not present.

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