Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 40 of 88

Do as they say, Not as they do?? What does this mean?

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On December 20, 2021

In False Teaching

Mat 23:1-3 Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples, (2) “The scribes and the Pharisees sit on Moses’ seat, (3) so do and observe whatever they tell you, but not the works they do. For they preach, but do not practice.

Have you ever read these words of Jesus and been confused? I have. Wouldn’t you think that we should disregard what such hypocrites say as well as what they do?

Well, recently a commenter on this blog gave an account of how he was taken in by a similar hypocrite and his comment I believe sheds some light on why Jesus said what He said:

My wife and I have a friend that has been at our home the past three days. A family that were pillars in the church….married over 50 years….the husband a mentor to me when I was a young husband and father….who come to find out, behind closed doors in the home abused his wife and children. So instead of a home filled with the love of Jesus it was a house of horrors. Pray for the family. Pray for their safety especially the wife. Pray for wisdom.

So what you are telling us Pastor Crippen is even though I broke bread with this man…studied the Word together, prayed together, shared our deapest thoughts and concerns…learning to be a godly husband and father with him…he did this as a wolf, as a fraud, as a hypocrite? I should be weeping losing a friend. But I find myself not…instead there is this steadfast anger in my soul….not a raging anger….just a steadfast mad….might it be righteous anger? I am now doubting he never became a new creation in Christ as he claims.

Thank you Wade, for sharing this.

The scribes and Pharisees “sat in Moses’ seat.” This brings to our minds how Ezra read the Scriptures to the people after they returned to the land and apparently that tradition continued in the synagogues as some teacher would read and expound the Law given through Moses to the people. We see it in Jesus’ actions at Nazareth:

Luk 4:16-20 And he came to Nazareth, where he had been brought up. And as was his custom, he went to the synagogue on the Sabbath day, and he stood up to read. (17) And the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was given to him. He unrolled the scroll and found the place where it was written, (18) “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, (19) to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” (20) And he rolled up the scroll and gave it back to the attendant and sat down. And the eyes of all in the synagogue were fixed on him.

Hypocrites, in other words, are very capable of stating scriptural doctrine. Of quoting Bible verses. So when these Pharisees in the synagogues read Moses’ words, Jesus told the people to do whatever the Pharisees “told them to do,” ie, whatever the scriptures said. BUT the application of the Law by the Pharisees is what the people were to reject. Because these wicked counterfeits warped and twisted the real meaning and spirit of the Law.

Remember that people in Jesus’ day, just as so many people have been down through the centuries, did not have personal access to the Scriptures. People didn’t carry their Bible around and I would imagine that myriads of people wouldn’t know how to read it if they did. So they were dependent upon their synagogue leaders to read God’s Word to them. THAT is the part Jesus is telling them to hear and do. But the actual practical interpretation and handling of it was botched and was to be rejected. Jesus was upholding the Law as God’s Word, but was denouncing the ways the Pharisees and scribes twisted and perverted it.

And that is what Wade (author of the comment above) has experienced in this guy whose mentoring even benefitted him. I have experienced the same thing more than once, only to learn later that the person I thought was genuine was a fraud. And as I looked closer, I could see how such people misapplied and twisted God’s Word.

You can think of many examples of this very thing. Think for instance of the “godly” and saintly and wise preacher who was well-known and appreciated by thousands, and then is found out to have been living a sham all along. Did we benefit from his “ministry”? Yes, in many ways. To the extent he was truly communicating God’s Word in the Bible to us, we did. BUT, we had better go back now and closely examine how we might have bought into some of his applications of Scripture because in some way ALL of his applications are going to be tainted.

Really, I think what Jesus is saying is simply what we refer to as “sola scriptura” (if I spelled the Latin correctly). Scripture alone. Yes, God gives us pastors and teachers and so on (Ephesians 4), but our sole authority for what we believe is the Bible alone. We err greatly if we make any human being our authority.

Practically, what will inevitably happen when we are dealing with a hypocrite, is that if we will apply Jesus’ instruction here, it will not be long before the hypocrite hates us and leaves us. Because hypocrites demand that we do as they do. When we make Scripture our only authority and thus do what God says to do, the counterfeit will be incensed – and exposed.

Challenging the No Divorce for Abuse Fortress Which Has Been Raised Up Against the Knowledge of God

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On December 20, 2021

In Churches/Church Response

I continue to hammer on this business of abuse as grounds for divorce because frankly I see it as the non-negotiable issue in this battle against abuse and abusers hiding in the church and being enabled by pastors and Christians.  As long as anyone refuses to acknowledge that a victim of abuse has a right before God to divorce their abuser, then injustice is still going to be effected by them against victims.  They will keep right on insisting that victims remain in cruel bondage in Egypt.

Exodus 21:7-11 ESV “When a man sells his daughter as a slave, she shall not go out as the male slaves do. If she does not please her master, who has designated her for himself, then he shall let her be redeemed. He shall have no right to sell her to a foreign people, since he has broken faith with her. If he designates her for his son, he shall deal with her as with a daughter. If he takes another wife to himself, he shall not diminish her food, her clothing, or her marital rights. And if he does not do these three things for her, she shall go out for nothing, without payment of money.

1 Corinthians 7:15 ESV  But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.

A Christian woman was married to a wicked man for 25 years.  Although the husband had vowed to love and cherish her until death parted them, he never did.  His abuse of his wife might be called mere passivity.  He just did not care.  He was not available for a real relationship, focused himself on his own pleasures, ate the meals she cooked with unthankfulness and assumed he was as good as the next guy.

Is this abuse?  “Well, yes.”  Does this man’s wife have biblical grounds to divorce him?  “Well, no,” you say? “No adultery.  No desertion = no divorce.  It’s that simple.”

Then let me complicate it for you.

A Christian woman was married to a wicked man for 25 years.  He too had vowed to love and cherish her until death parted them, but neither did he.  He was more active in the abuse of his beloved.  He regularly used cutting words until her sense of self had almost died.  He mocked her efforts to beautify the home and told her she was a pathetic mother (though he never lifted a hand to help with either the house or the children).  Well, at least with the unpleasant aspects of child-rearing, like discipline or helping with schooling.  He was not a drunk.  He went to work regularly, but he controlled and begrudged every dollar she spent.  And sometimes he would rage.  Throw things.  Smash a wall.  Scream and yell about how stupid she was to do….whatever.

Is this abuse?  “Well, yes, of course it is!”  Does this man’s wife have biblical grounds to divorce him?  “Hmmmm….no.  No adultery.  No desertion.  No divorce.  Still pretty simple.”  And would you be willing to explain that to her?  That GOD has bound her to this man and that if she divorces him she will be guilty of a most heinous sin?  “Boy, that wouldn’t be easy, but I would have to do it.  What God says about all of this is really very plain.”

Let me muddy up the waters for you some more then.

A Christian woman was married to a wicked man for 12 years.  He turned from his vows to love and cherish her just about the time they left the church after the wedding ceremony.  The honeymoon was actually a crime of rape.  Three months later he choked her almost unconcious in a rage over, what was it now – his beer being warm.  He told her that if she ever called the police on him he would kill her.  You could write the script of the next 11+ years of hell, after which this woman barely knew who she was and she wondered – how can God let this happen to me and my children?  Why doesn’t He send someone – a rescuer?  But, of course, her Christian friends all reminded her many times that God hates divorce and that since all of us are sinners, she needed to look closely at herself to see where her faults were that contributed to the marriage “problems.”

It was in the 12th year of this marriage that final events occurred.  Having realized that she just could not permit her children to be exposed to this evil man any longer, she resolved to leave.  She developed a plan that would involve telling her husband in a public place that she was taking the children and leaving him that day.  And so she did.  She picked a restaurant.  She and the two girls and their father ate a meal first – it had been a normal “walk on eggshells” day – after which this brave lady told him of her decision.  After staring at her with those familiar cold eyes for what seemed like forever, he got up, went outside, and she thought it was over.

It wasn’t.  He returned with a shotgun – right there in the restaurant – and without saying a word or making a sound, pumped a shotgun blast into each one of them.  Just as cooly, it seemed, he turned and walked out.  He was arrested and put in jail later that same day.  The wife alone survived, though it was months before she recovered from her physical wounds.  The other wounds, well – that is another story.

Is this abuse?  “But of course!  And of the most devilish kind!”  Does this poor lady have grounds to divorce this beast called her husband?  That is to say, what does God command her?  I’m sorry, I can’t hear you very clearly.  Could you speak up?  Does this lady have biblical grounds to divorce this ‘man?’  Didn’t God say that the slave wife could go free from the marriage if her husband failed to provide food, clothing, and marital rights?  Is murdering children and nearly killing their mother not a rather clear example of failing to provide life?  So what do you say?  What are you going to tell this lady?  Does she have a right to divorce this murderer?  And if your answer is no, then are you going to be the one to tell her so?  Are you going to tell her that if she divorces the murderer of her children that she is guilty before God and that you will be forced to announce her sin to her church?

Luke 14:3-6 ESV And Jesus responded to the lawyers and Pharisees, saying, “Is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath, or not?” But they remained silent. Then he took him and healed him and sent him away. And he said to them, “Which of you, having a son or an ox that has fallen into a well on a Sabbath day, will not immediately pull him out?”  And they could not reply to these things.

More Thoughts on Why an Abuser Cannot be a Christian

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On December 16, 2021

In Churches/Church Response, False Teaching

Good people never pretend to be evil, but evil people pretend to be good.  Sheep don’t wear wolves’ clothing. 

In the beginning, when abuse still had me in the fog and I was a new pastor (the fog can last for years!) I used to think that the many abusers I had met in the church, people who profess to be Christians and were even highly thought of by the rest of the church, were Christians with problems. A hard childhood, shame issues, and so on. As long as I dealt with them that way, in my relationship with them as their pastor, I got nowhere. In fact, what I did do was enable them in their abuse, supporting them in their excuse-making. Have to hold the church together, you know.

Then, after almost 30 years of being emotionally and spiritually slapped around by these kind, the Lord opened my eyes to the real nature of abuse – its mentality and its tactics.  He gave me an extra-hard wakeup “whack” upside the head as they say down South.  The result was that I began to see what was happening to me, and to their other victims, and I also began to read the Bible like never before, with new understanding about what it says about the psychology of sin. Nothing illustrates the nature of sin better than abuse, in my opinion. I realized that when the Bible says things such as it does in the following verses, it means exactly what it says.  I say that again – it means exactly what it says!  I had been taught for years, like many of you in the evangelical church that these black and white words are actually quite gray.  Wrong!

Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, (1 John 2:4)
Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness. (1 John 2:9) 
Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. (1 John 3:15 )

Christ truly changes us when He saves us. I mean, He really changes us so that though we are not perfect by any means, the fundamental nature of our being becomes one that loves God and loves others.  Have you been taught otherwise?  I was taught “otherwise” at a conservative Bible college for Pete’s sake!

When I faced up to this, I realized that a person who is an abuser simply cannot be a Christian.  It can’t be. He may look like it in many ways and at many times, but he is a fraud. I learned that good people never pretend to be evil, but evil people love to pretend to be good. Sheep don’t wear wolves’ clothing. What is perhaps even more sobering is that this also means that many people in our churches who may not be classic abusers, nevertheless are not genuine Christians. Abuse victims in a church can really suffer at their hands too.

As I began to deal with abusers in this light, progress was made. Oh, they didn’t change and we didn’t all live happily ever after together. They blew up at the exposure and hated me and left. They still hate me.  It will be the same for you.  But now I have peace and these false sheep are gone. I wish I could have been better help to their spouses, but so many victims remain under the confusing fog cast by their abuser. Maybe one day some will see it.

Our Suffering is Not Redemptive – We do not Redeem Others

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On December 13, 2021

In Biblical Teaching

One of our good friends, knowledgeable about evil and the wickedness of abuse, wrote the following excellent essay. It deals with this common business of people telling us that we need to endure suffering in order to save our oppressor. The scripture she examines is 2 Corinthians 5:21. Many thanks to her for her work:

So why do people have this mentality that when we forgive like Christ, we should just absorb the consequences and let the guilty person go free without any repercussions for their sin? As if that’s what Jesus did on the cross? No, that’s a superficial and distorted view of the cross.

What took place is much deeper than that.

“God made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.” 2 Cor 5:21

First, only perfect justice can make forgiveness possible. God cannot and does not forgive at the expense of justice. It’s an abomination to Him to justify the wicked or to condemn the innocent. (Prove 17:15, Rom 3:23-26) God is a just God. Forgiveness is just.

Second, note, that while Jesus as an atonement for sin was indeed the sinless sacrificial lamb of God who propitiated God’s wrath, AT THE SAME TIME, He didn’t exactly die as an “innocent” person. He BECAME SIN. God MADE HIM, the sinless one who knew no sin, to become something He wasn’t. Jesus died as The Offender, except that it wasn’t His own offense.

What happened on the cross was something extremely unique that only God can do and can never be replicated. It was in Christ at the Cross that sin and innocence, wrath and love, justice and mercy were meshed together. Once and for all. None of us are able to repeat that, nor are we ever called to try.

There was an incredible and miraculous and supernatural and unspeakable exchange at the cross. My sin for His righteousness. Not only did Jesus die as an “offender” but I also live because I’m now considered righteous. I don’t go to hell because I’m no longer the offender. He TOOK my sin. My offense and guilt and sin has been placed on Another Person. Sin was imputed to Christ. Guilt was attributed to Christ. THAT is why God poured out His wrath on Him. God was punishing the “offender” and letting the “innocent” go free. It was not an “innocent” person who bore God’s wrath, but because guilt was imputed to Christ, God was punishing the “guilty”; because God is JUST.

There was an exchange between sinner and God that cannot be replicated between sinner and sinner. What Jesus did on the cross was UNIQUE and impossible in human relationships, humanly beyond comprehension and it’s something only God-made-flesh can do.

So what does the cross teach us about dealing with offenses? For one thing, justice must be done. Nobody is getting away with anything. Tolerating another person’s (unrepentant) sin is an abomination to God. (By the way, God “tolerates” only those He has set apart for destruction. He temporarily tolerates some people but will in the end give them justice in hell. You don’t want God to tolerate you). When God gives grace, God works REPENTANCE in the heart of the sinner and brings him in a right relationship with God. When God makes peace (forgives, pardons) with a sinner, He makes him a new creation with a new repentant heart that loves God back.

Then, it also teaches us that the onus for making things right is on the offender.

We as Christians are not called to be mini sacrifices for people. We are not little walking atonements for those who sin against us.

Jesus didn’t die on the cross for me so that I can then “die” for others’ sins against me. If someone sins against me I’m not called then to make an “exchange” between me and him, of his sin for my righteousness, his guilt for my innocence, my bearing of the consequences for his freedom. That would be quite absurd actually, and to apply the Cross that way in human relationships we would turn Christ’s sacrifice into something vulgar.

But the fact that Christ was willing to do that for us on our behalf, that is part of why the Cross of Christ is so EXTRAORDINARY, so other-worldly. In human relationships the offender and the innocent person must be kept separate and in human relationships the innocent person does not and should not take on the sin or guilt or the consequences of the offender.

So if someone sins against me, then Jesus dying on the cross does not mean that now I need to just suck it up and take it and let the other person go.

I am not an extension of the cross, and I don’t “get to” absorb someone else’s shame, guilt, loss, and punishment on the offender’s behalf. The offender takes the loss. The offender takes the punishment and consequences. But one thing the offender cannot ever do is take my pain away. That’s where forgiveness comes in.

The cross shows that it is in fact the offender who must make amends, take full responsibility for his guilt and sin, make restitution when needed, take on the cost of the damage he’s done. He is not to be let go free with impunity precisely because Jesus wasn’t “let go” when sin was placed on Him. I’m afraid too many times we get that backwards.

The guilty must be punished, the offender must repent, justice must be done, before forgiveness is extended.

If the wrath of God came down crashing on the Son  of God to make forgiveness possible, how much more should we not insist that the offender repent at his own cost when seeking forgiveness? Forgiveness is not free, and it is not unjust.

Division as an Abuse Tactic

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On December 8, 2021

In Abusers

Rom 16:17-18 I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. (18) For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive.

The wicked commonly are at work among us to divide us. Specifically, to alienate us from fellow believers. Paul does not primarily mean (in the verses above) division caused over a doctrinal difference such as who are to be the proper subjects of baptism (believers or infants, etc). He means fundamentally people who alienate us from one another rather than increasing our love for and fellowship with one another, as the doctrine of Christ teaches us.

Abusers, as most of you know, are always busily working to isolate their target from anyone who might be a help to them. They do this because they want, as you know, power and control and it is much easier to control someone who has no allies. You hear stories frequently of abusers moving the family clear across the country, away from family and other friends. Abusers are divisive people. They cause division. Here is another example in scripture:

2Co 10:10 For they say, “His letters are weighty and strong, but his bodily presence is weak, and his speech of no account.”

See it? These enemies of the gospel were working to alienate the Corinthians from Paul. Why? Because they wanted to control them and lead them away from Christ:

Gal 4:13-17 You know it was because of a bodily ailment that I preached the gospel to you at first, (14) and though my condition was a trial to you, you did not scorn or despise me, but received me as an angel of God, as Christ Jesus. (15) What then has become of your blessedness? For I testify to you that, if possible, you would have gouged out your eyes and given them to me. (16) Have I then become your enemy by telling you the truth? (17) They make much of you, but for no good purpose. They want to shut you out, that you may make much of them.

The Galatians had loved Paul. They received the gospel gladly. But now…things have cooled between them and the apostle. Why? Because of these enemies who were at work among them to alienate them from him.

Have you had this happen to you? I bet you have. It has happened to me more than once. It is a common tactic of the enemy. Alienate. Divide. Then own and control – and abuse.

So let me speak to anyone who might be reading this who has been alienated from those they once loved – and who loved them. The very fact that this alienation has occurred through the workings of another person who you are smitten by, is evidence that they are servants of the enemy. Your “godly” husband has picked you and the kids up and moved you clear across the country and convinced you not have contact with your longtime friends or family members – is not godly. It is one thing to break off contact with the wicked, as Christ calls us to follow him even if it means leaving family. But that typically happens because they hate you for following Christ. The division caused by the divisive abuser, on the other hand, is quite different. It alienates you from those who love you.

So, let’s be wise as serpents here. Anyone who you have come to think is just the cat’s meow and who is convincing you to break off with those who have loved you and who love Christ, is wicked. He or she is the divisive person Paul tells us to have nothing to do with. Such a person is using their victim – serving their own wicked appetite, as Paul puts it. And when they are done one day chewing on you they will spit you out and discard you like they never knew you.

Desiring Justice or Craving Revenge? Two Very Different Things

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On December 6, 2021

In Biblical Teaching, Counseling, Getting Free

Rom 12:19-21 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” (20) To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” (21) Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Rev 6:9-10 When he opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain for the word of God and for the witness they had borne. (10) They cried out with a loud voice, “O Sovereign Lord, holy and true, how long before you will judge and avenge our blood on those who dwell on the earth?”

Desiring God’s justice is a good and right thing. In fact, Christ said that His people are characterized by a hunger and thirst for righteousness. I think that righteousness longed for includes divine justice for us via the judgment of the wicked:

2Th 1:6-8 since indeed God considers it just to repay with affliction those who afflict you, (7) and to grant relief to you who are afflicted as well as to us, when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven with his mighty angels (8) in flaming fire, inflicting vengeance on those who do not know God and on those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus.

But that final judgment is effected by the Lord, not by us. We are not, as Paul tells us, to avenge ourselves. Vengeance is not ours to exercise – we are to leave it to the Lord. We look for it. We pray for it. But we are not to become veangeful people. We can exercise our rights under the law and call the police or report an assault. We can testify in court and even work to have an evildoer prosecuted. But that is seeking justice. It is much different than craving revenge.

Recently I was talking to a good friend who has survived years of evil abuse and betrayal. She told me that she has found peace by leaving justice against her abusers to the Lord. She said that she knows examples of other victims who are characterized by a desire for revenge. And here is the problem with going down that road:

If you seek revenge, you will be overcome with evil.

We are to overcome evil, not be overcome by it. The way we overcome it is not by repaying evil for evil, but by repaying it with good. This is not contrary to a desire for justice. Not at all. I am not certain what “heaping burning coals on their head” means, but I suspect it has something to do with adding conviction, accountability, and ultimately apart from repentance, more severe judgment when Christ returns.

If we crave revenge, we are craving something that we would do ourselves. Do not avenge yourself, is how Paul puts it. Leave vengeance to the Lord. If you try to be an avenger, you will not be able to handle evil – it will handle you.

What does this look like? It translates into a person who is angry. Who hates. Who is not at peace. Who is unsafe themselves to be friends with. Who, as they are increasingly overcome by evil, become abusive themselves.

So many people today are taking their theology from entertainment channels. Movies are filled with the drama of Avengers. Of people who are sorely assaulted and wronged, so they decide to be as tough as nails, pick up a weapon, and go get revenge. This has a very wide appeal to people and they try to emulate in real life what they see in fiction. They have been wronged, so like Charles Bronson they launch out with a Death Wish, or like Keanu Reeves as John Wicks they in some way set out to destroy and kill everyone who wronged them. Violence characterizes them increasingly as they morph into their false god of revenge.

I know domestic abuse victims who are in this very trap. They want revenge. And when you allow yourself to be taken over by this craving for vengeance, you become the center of your world. Everything slopes toward you and how you were wronged and how your abuser needs to pay up – now. And woe to anyone who gets in your way – collateral damage, you see.

Where is faith in Christ in all this? When we choose to obey the Lord and leave veangence to Him (it is His all along, not ours), we are exercising faith in His Word. He has promised to repay, and you can bet that He knows how to exercise perfect veangence upon the wicked – we do not. We desire justice and pray for it. The imprecatory Psalms are our prayers. But veangence? We leave that to the Lord.

Are you someone who has traveled down the revenge road? If so, I can assure you that you are not experiencing the Lord’s peace. You are angry and you are looking for payback. You are being overcome with evil. Stop. Stop right where you are and turn around 180 degrees. Go back. Get off that revenge road and get back in step with Christ.

The Lord’s Other Prayer – Psalm 109

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On December 1, 2021

In Biblical Teaching

A friend recently reminded me again of this 109th Psalm and even put together a template of it so that we can personalize it and pray this prayer against the wicked. [If you would like the template you can email me and I will send it].

I say that this Psalm is the Lord’s “Other Prayer” because we all know about the “Our Father who art in heaven…” Lord’s prayer, but do you know about this one? There are clear references in this Psalm to Christ, showing us that it is a Messianic Psalm – the words of Christ if you will. Make no mistake, Jesus offered this prayer against His enemies, just as King David did.

As you read it, think about how “Un-christian” this prayer of Christ is regarded today by most people who claim to be Christians. I have often said that most professing Christians think they are better Christians than Jesus was! And yet, here is this prayer (and there are others like it) which it is right and good and proper and FREEING for us to pray! Ready? Here it is-

Psa 109:1-31 To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David. Be not silent, O God of my praise! (2) For wicked and deceitful mouths are opened against me, speaking against me with lying tongues. (3) They encircle me with words of hate, and attack me without cause. (4) In return for my love they accuse me, but I give myself to prayer. (5) So they reward me evil for good, and hatred for my love.

(6) Appoint a wicked man against him; let an accuser stand at his right hand.

(7) When he is tried, let him come forth guilty; let his prayer be counted as sin! (8) May his days be few; may another take his office! (9) May his children be fatherless and his wife a widow! (10) May his children wander about and beg, seeking food far from the ruins they inhabit!

(11) May the creditor seize all that he has; may strangers plunder the fruits of his toil! (12) Let there be none to extend kindness to him, nor any to pity his fatherless children! (13) May his posterity be cut off; may his name be blotted out in the second generation! (14) May the iniquity of his fathers be remembered before the LORD, and let not the sin of his mother be blotted out!

(15) Let them be before the LORD continually, that he may cut off the memory of them from the earth! (16) For he did not remember to show kindness, but pursued the poor and needy and the brokenhearted, to put them to death. (17) He loved to curse; let curses come upon him! He did not delight in blessing; may it be far from him! (18) He clothed himself with cursing as his coat; may it soak into his body like water, like oil into his bones! (19) May it be like a garment that he wraps around him, like a belt that he puts on every day! (20) May this be the reward of my accusers from the LORD, of those who speak evil against my life!

(21) But you, O GOD my Lord, deal on my behalf for your name’s sake; because your steadfast love is good, deliver me! (22) For I am poor and needy, and my heart is stricken within me. (23) I am gone like a shadow at evening; I am shaken off like a locust. (24) My knees are weak through fasting; my body has become gaunt, with no fat. (25) I am an object of scorn to my accusers; when they see me, they wag their heads.

(26) Help me, O LORD my God! Save me according to your steadfast love! (27) Let them know that this is your hand; you, O LORD, have done it! (28) Let them curse, but you will bless! They arise and are put to shame, but your servant will be glad! (29) May my accusers be clothed with dishonor; may they be wrapped in their own shame as in a cloak! (30) With my mouth I will give great thanks to the LORD; I will praise him in the midst of the throng. (31) For he stands at the right hand of the needy one, to save him from those who condemn his soul to death.

If Your Plumb Line is Off…Everything will be

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On November 29, 2021

In Biblical Teaching

2Co 10:12 Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.

If you have ever built something like a shed or any structure like that, you know how vital it is that the foundation and frame are true. Square. Plumb. Verticals must be vertical, horizontals have to be level, the foundation diagonals must be equal – or you are going to struggle every step of the way.

The Apostle Paul gives a sobering warning in the verse above. How foolish would it be to calibrate a measurement with a tool that was inaccurate? Like using a 13″ ruler as a one foot ruler and assuming it is in fact 12″ because you compared it with one just like it. You get the point.

Well, when it comes to examining ourselves, it is crucial that we know if we are spiritually “plumb” or not. If we use a bad plumb line, then our conclusion is going to go wrong. Paul admonished the Corinthians for comparing themselves with themselves. They weren’t looking at Christ, they weren’t comparing themselves to His truth – no, they were looking at one another and deciding that they were just fine in soul.

If you are not born again, and you are just sure that you are, it is because you are measuring yourself with a defective instrument. You are looking at that guy or this gal and deciding that you are quite fine – certainly better than they are. But we must use the plumb line Christ has given us in order to really know if we are born again or not.

Do we love the brethren? Do we love true Christians? Do we love God’s Word? Does our life show that the Spirit of Christ is in us and leading us, or are we walking in the flesh? Are the fruits of the Spirit evident in our lives? Does the world hate us or do worldlings really have no problem at all with us? These and more are the plumb lines to use.

Are you born again? Are you? I am not asking if you say that you believe in Jesus. Nor am I asking if you have been a church member all your life. Or if you have been baptized? Or if you say your prayers at night. I am asking – are you born again? This regeneration is entirely a work of God, a re-birth that only He can accomplish. It is an act of creation, of raising a dead man to life. Has the Lord raised you up from the dead? The answer to this question, given in truth, would clear up a whole bunch of confusion in many people’s lives. Because in the end, unless we are born again, everything else we are doing “in Jesus’ name,” is meaningless.

Mat 7:21-23 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. (22) On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ (23) And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

Some More Thoughts on Perpetual Victimhood

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On November 24, 2021

In Counseling

I have written recently on this topic of perpetual victimhood, but I believe it is necessary to keep this subject before all of us. I am running into it quite often. It concerns this business of therapy and counseling that keep abused people embracing an identity of being a victim. On and on the therapy goes and it keeps people enslaved.

Now I want to be careful to emphasize that we are not saying things like PTSD counseling and therapy do not have a place and are not helpful. Often, most of you know, I have recommended this to victims. HOWEVER, these things must never be an end in themselves and we must be on guard against unbiblical philosophies that can crop up in such counseling. I want to see victims truly healed and victorious over evil and never be snared by the man-centered “therapy” that is so common. There is no deliverance from injury if the remedy is wrong. If you break your leg you don’t want to keep it in a cast forever. And what I am warning against here is the wrong remedies that perpetuate victimhood but have no true cure to offer. Here is the only real and ultimate cure:

Joh 14:1 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.

NOTE: Even though I believe I was quite clear in stating the aim of this article in the opening paragraphs above, emphasizing what I am NOT saying, we have still received several comments from people who apparently failed to read carefully, who have I assume not read my books, and who seem to be very unfamiliar with this ministry to abuse victims. In response, my friend who I quote just below, said this:

You (or I) never said victims shouldn’t have a voice or process what they’ve been through!! You of all people have given victims a voice. And as a counselor myself, I know that of course women have to process what they’ve experienced. You used the word “perpetual “ victim, not ignoring or dismissing the abuse, but getting victory over it. I just heard a testimony of a woman who experienced a lifetime of abuse, and after becoming born again, she went through Celebrate Recovery and has victory over it. Women who stay in victimhood are the ones who marry abusers over and over again. Even the last comment is an accusation of not wanting victims to come forward when that’s exactly what your ministry is all about. They haven’t read your books.

Alright the, here is the post.

A friend of mine recently commented on this matter of perpetual victimhood and here is what she said. This is wisdom so pay close heed:

Anytime someone tells me they have been in counseling, the hair on the back of my neck goes up. If they have been in counseling for years, then how come they are not better? Seeing women who are still victims [after all this prolonged therapy] gets me riled up. As you are teaching in Revelation, at the end of every letter to the churches the Lord says, ‘to the overcomer/victor/conqueror…’. It doesn’t say ‘to the one who ekes by and barely survives.’ I am not seeing women who are overcoming, being victorious, or conquering and yet His word says that we are to be! I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but if we don’t overcome, then the devil wins.

This perpetual victimhood will eventually turn a victim into a mean, abusive person. Why? Because this kind of therapy is not biblical. It is idolatrous because it is the philosophy of me, myself and I. It teaches that it is all about YOU. I know this first hand because I have been on the receiving end of it more than once. Just say or do one thing that “triggers” such a person and they will pull the trigger on you.

My friend (who is a trained professional counselor by the way AND an abuse survivor herself) also said:

Where in the Word does it say, ‘oh poor you, you’ve been treated so horribly (which is true) and as you continue to wallow in that everyone is to understand and walk on eggshells around you.’ The Bible does not say this. It says do not be afraid, rise up, be the head and not the tail, and utterly destroy the real enemy.

‘No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you. Be strong and courageous, for you shall cuase this people to inherit the land that I swore to their fathers to give them. Only be strong and very courageous, being careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you. Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may have good success wherever you go.’ [Joshua 1:5-7]

Micah 7:8 Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD will be a light to me.

Eph 6:10-18 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. (11) Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. (12) For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. (13) Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. (14) Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, (15) and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. (16) In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; (17) and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, (18) praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints…

And here is more wisdom for you yet. This comes from another friend of mine who is an abuse survivor and who is also a survivor of something even more serious than domestic abuse. She is a survivor of false Christianity and a false gospel which kept her deceived for many years. Listen to her carefully now:

I’ve come to see and understand more fully that people in perpetual counseling like this don’t want to be healed. That is, healed in Christ. They are not born again, nor are they seeking to be. They are happy to stay in the past and talk and talk and talk about themselves, their problems, their pain, what happened to them, etc… they can’t ever move on.

I love when Jesus asked that man “do you WANT to be healed?” Most people do not. You can see it clearly. They are getting comfort from counselors, not Christ. They are even bringing their children down the same dead road. They cannot see the glory of Christ at all because if they could, He would be drawing them closer to his wisdom, knowledge and Word. He is the only healer. They need to be made new creations and that’s not going to happen trying to get fixed by man.

Let me Tell You the Story of Randy

By

On November 22, 2021

In Churches/Church Response

When I first came to our church here nearly 30 years ago, as I have told you previously, it was a mess. A mass of unconverted people who walked in sin and yet had been assured for years that they were surely fine Christians. One of those people was Randy.

Randy was a stalwart in the community. I was a newcomer, so even though people knew that Randy was no one they really wanted to associate much with, nevertheless they still gave him rank over me. That’s how these things work, as most of you know.

Randy was a liar. He was a fake and he was, well, a loser. He was a wannabe, putting himself off as a fine Christian, and yet he was anything but. Randy had connections though through other members of his family and he rode on their coat tails, seeking praise for himself yet never measuring up.

Well, as I said, Randy was a liar. I knew this firsthand because he lied to me. And it was a significant lie because in it Randy endangered the people in our church. When I told the church board about this, they blew me off. In fact, they acted quite upset that I would say such a thing about Randy. I was causing trouble for them, you know, just like a domestic abuse victim does when she reports her abuser church member to the pastor.

Randy eventually stormed out of the church one Sunday. Just before I began the worship service, he waltzed into my office, slapped a letter on my desk, and told me that I was going to have to find someone else to “carry on his ministry.” That “ministry,” by the way – if you can believe this – was to bring sex offenders from the local prison to our church services each week and leaving them unsupervised among us. Myself, the local police, and the prison officials put an end to this nonsense. How it ever got started I don’t know, but we told Randy it was over. So Randy wanted to get even. He quit, thinking he was dumping his ministry duties on us. Not real bright – there wasn’t going to be anymore “ministry” like this.

Well, the stalwarts in the church, including the church board members, were still Randy supporters. Here was a mess, as they saw it, that I had caused instead of just leaving things alone.

Fast forward now about 20 years. I received a phone call one day from a lady who had seen my book on domestic abusers hiding in churches and she wanted to talk to me. Turns out that, as we talked, I learned that she was married to – guess who – Randy. She told me about his abuse, how he ruined her economically, and other cruel ways he treated her. I could tell she was afraid of him.

And yet, THIS was the man who the church here 28 years ago, harbored. When his evil started to be exposed, what did the church leaders do? They protected him. Refused to confront him. And of course Randy, after he left our church, simply paraded on down the road to the next church where he was welcomed with open arms and lauded in later years as the most godly Christian anyone in that church knew. I warned the pastor about Randy. What do you suppose he said? You guessed it – he arrogantly told me that he was glad to have Randy in his church and that people often need to make a change and move on. And then I have no doubt that he went right out and told Randy I had called.

Christ sees it all. He walks among the lampstands of His churches. He sees. He knows. And one day it is all going to be broadcast for the entire universe to see and perfect judgment is going to be rended by the King of kings.

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