Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 34 of 88

Beware of Alexander

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On July 11, 2022

In Biblical Teaching, Counseling

2Ti 4:14-15 Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. (15) Beware of him yourself, for he strongly opposed our message.

This statement by the Apostle Paul is extremely helpful to us because it shoots down numbers of false guilt trips laid upon people who have been targeted by evil. Notice these things:

  1. Paul names Alexander. He identifies him to others. We are often told (especially in churches) that it is wrong to “gossip” in this way. Not so.
  2. Even the Apostle Paul was harmed by wicked characters like this. Alexander had done Paul “great harm.” We know this coppersmith opposed the gospel, but in doing so he also maligned Paul personally. He did “me” great harm Paul says. We must not think ourselves stupid or guilty of some accusation when these attacks come.
  3. Paul looked to the Lord for ultimate justice on the Day when Christ judges the world.
  4. Paul warned others about Alexander. Beware of him.

This scripture has been a great help to me over the years. Paul’s words here negate many of the false charges and “advice” that are brought against us when we speak out about evil. It is not wrong for an abuse victim for instance to name their abuser and tell others about the evil the abuser is doing. It is not wrong to desire God’s justice upon the wicked. It is not wrong to tell others about the evil and deceptions of a wicked person.

I hope this helps you all as it has helped me.

Pressing on in Christ

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On July 6, 2022

In Biblical Teaching

Act 20:32 And now I commend you to God and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up and to give you the inheritance among all those who are sanctified.

Joh 17:17 Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.

For over a decade now I have been writing and speaking about how evil creeps into the church and hides among us. Specifically, I have focused upon that wickedness of domestic abusers wearing their disguises, parading as the finest and most eminent Christians, all the while oppressing their victims. And I will, by God’s enablement, continue to do so. Exposing this evil. Helping victims of it understand more clearly what they are experiencing and how to get free of it. These are good and necessary things.

However, I am also going to increasingly focus upon ultimate freedom. The freedom that only Christ can give. Because without this focus as well, there is a great danger that victims and survivors of abuse will end up stuck. Treading water, you might say, regarding growth in Christ and never coming to the freedom and enjoyment the Lord intends for us.

It is a good thing to read books about domestic abuse, about narcissists, about sociopaths and so on. I have written books like that myself. But we must not stay there. We must not just keep on talking about abuse, about abusers, about what has happened to us, and so on. Knowledge of these things is certainly important – but we must go further. We must immerse ourselves in the Word of God because it is only by God’s truth as applied to us by the Spirit of God that we are going to grow up into the new creations Christ intends us to be. This all begins of course with this: you must be born again. To try to seek after healing from trauma and from the evil acts foisted upon us by abusers – to seek after this and yet not be born again is a futile enterprise. I have seen it and it is a sad picture. Such people, devoid of Christ, only end up in an unending cycle of perpetual victimhood. Wrapped up in themselves and even, as can often be the case, becoming mean and abusive themselves.

So let me ask you. Are you born again? Do you really know Christ? If you have any doubts at all – and be ruthlessly honest with yourself – then go to Christ immediately. Whoever calls upon the name of the Lord WILL be saved.

And then let me ask you – if you are born again, where is your focus? Are you giving yourself to God’s Word so that by it you are growing in the Lord? We have soooo many opportunities around us in this regard. Just in our little ministry here we post two Bible studies each week online at Facebook, Youtube, and Sermon Audio – one on the Gospel of John and one on Revelation. Then we share links to our Sunday morning class and we post the Sunday sermon on these same sites as well. If you faithfully follow a couple of these series you will be enabling the Word of God to do its work in you.

Christ wants His people free. He wants us to be wise with His wisdom. He wants us to know Him more and more. And it is by His powerful Word that He effects these things.

The Wicked Demand Secrecy

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On July 4, 2022

In Abusers, Evil, Spiritual Abuse

Joh 3:19-20 And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. (20) For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed.

In your contacts with evil, most of you have known how wickedness works overtime to conceal itself. That is what John is talking about in these verses. The wicked love darkness because it lends itself to hiding. To concealment. To secret-keeping. Truth, on the other hand, God’s truth – exposes what is lurking in the darkness.

Secrecy is a common tactic of this darkness. Secrecy blinds people to what is really going on in the dark. And evil people demand that everyone keep their secrets. That everyone maintain the disguise for them. Evil insists that its evil never be spoken of. Rather, lies are to be told that support the whitewashed exterior mask and keep the true person hidden.

You will always be punished by the wicked for speaking truth because truth reveals reality. When that revelation happens, the fangs come out. Jesus, the Light of the world, experienced that and He told us that we who belong to Him will experience it in this world as well. Evil people are murderous toward anyone who speaks the truth about them. From tyrant dictators right on down to the domestic abuser who wears a “christian” disguise, these evil ones insist that we keep their secrets. All of their power and control tactics are aimed at maintaining this secrecy. “Don’t you ever talk to anyone about what goes on in this family.”

And this is also one of the primary reasons the wicked hate the righteous. Cain killed Abel because Abel’s deeds were righteous. At the root of so much domestic abuse and violence that we see hiding in churches is this very thing. Murderous hatred toward the victim simply because her/his life exposes what is hidden. That is to say, Christian domestic violence victims are being persecuted by an emissary of the devil.

Joh 3:21 But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.”

The Mind Replays the Negative if we let it

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On June 29, 2022

In Biblical Teaching, Counseling

Php 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Martyn Lloyd-Jones says in his book Spiritual Depression (a must read by the way) that it is vital that we learn to “talk to ourselves and stop listening to ourselves.” Because if we just let our minds “run” for some reason the thoughts it replays are negative for the most part. Think about this.

When you are just passively alone with your thoughts, what kinds of things jump into play? Largely they are traumatic memories, memories of when you did something stupid, memories of when you sinned, memories of someone hurting you, memories of cutting words, memories of betrayal, memories of loss. Right? And for the most part these replays leave us with things like shame, guilt, grief – the bad stuff.

Have you ever wondered why our minds don’t just default to GOOD memories? The day at the lake with our kids. The time you did something right. That time someone blessed you with particularly kind words. Unless you are very different from me, your auto-replays just don’t pull up those kinds of memories.

Think about how this works itself out in our dreams. If yours are like mine, they usually border on what might be classed as a nightmare. Or at least they are some scenario where you are trying and trying to do something but everything just keeps going wrong and you can’t do it. You forgot the combination to your locker at school. You are driving and driving trying to find the right way. Right?

Something is wrong with our minds in this present life. We are in need of Christ’s renewal and we need it really badly. And I suppose that is a big reason why the Apostle Paul wrote the words quoted above. He is really saying the same thing as Lloyd-Jones. Don’t listen to yourself. Talk to yourself. Speak the good things you have in Christ. Remind yourself of who you now are in Him. Think of your real life that is yours now in heaven above where Christ is.

If you know Christ, then God is your real Father. You are His child. Now, do we suppose that our heavenly Father is going to send these hurtful, shameful, accusatory messages into our minds? Of course not. They are coming from the world, the flesh, or the devil. But they are not coming from the Lord. So we must enter into some warfare here. We must take charge, pick up the Word which is the sword of the Spirit and put to death the lies being thrown at us on the battlefield of our minds. Think on these things – the pure things, the good things, the true things.

Setting Our Sights Above

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On June 22, 2022

In Counseling

Php 3:20-21 But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, (21) who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.

It is essential to learn about evil – growing wise to it. This world is fallen. It is the darkness of the enemy and its citizens are darkness. We once were there with them:

Eph 5:8 for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light

Wisdom about evil does not mean gazing at it, thinking about it, dwelling upon it. To do so is to be overcome. Our victory in Christ is lived out by faith – believing His promises and setting our eyes up there, not down here.

If you are born again, you are in Christ and being in Him means you are a citizen of heaven. This world is not your home. You will never be truly at home until you are in the New Heavens and Earth. In Christ you are already there….there, but not yet. So don’t look down. Look up along with all of us who love His appearing and eagerly await that Day when He comes.

Christless Religion is Always Abusive

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On June 20, 2022

In Churches/Church Response

Luke 24:44-47 Then he said to them, “These are my words that I spoke to you while I was still with you, that everything written about me in the Law of Moses and the Prophets and the Psalms must be fulfilled.” (45) Then he opened their minds to understand the Scriptures, (46) and said to them, “Thus it is written, that the Christ should suffer and on the third day rise from the dead, (47) and that repentance and forgiveness of sins should be proclaimed in his name to all nations, beginning from Jerusalem.

Christ is the central and chief theme of the Bible in both Old and New Testaments.  His disciples could not understand the Scriptures until He opened their minds to this fact. They just didn’t get it.

Neither do many who claim to know Christ today.  They just don’t get it. And that is bad news.  Not only for them, but also for those whom they try to teach or pastor or control. A Christless “christianity” becomes the religion of the Pharisees, and it is always abusive to people. Why?  Because Christ and His character is the spirit of the Scripture.  Without Him, the Bible becomes mere letter that kills.

Christ is the sum of the whole Bible, prophesied, typified, prefigured, exhibited, demonstrated, to be found in every leaf, almost in every line…. Christ is the main, the center to which all these lines are referred. (Thomas Adams, 1583-1652)

Christ is the pearl of that ring, Christ is the object, the center wherein all those lines end; take away Christ , what remains?  Therefore, in the whole scriptures let us see that we have an eye to Christ; all is nothing, but Christ.  (Richard Sibbes,1557-1635)

This means we have some questions to ask today.  Why do we see the Scriptures being interpreted and applied so often in a manner obviously devoid of mercy?  Why is the church so often characterized by a spirit that is apparently so foreign to the Person and nature of Christ?  Why is the Bible used so frequently as a club to oppress the oppressed? Could the answer be one that we really don’t want to face?

2 Corinthians 4:3-6 And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled only to those who are perishing. (4) In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. (5) For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. (6) For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

Why Some Comments Don’t Get Approved – Don’t Take Offense

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On June 18, 2022

In Blog News

Just a reminder about why sometimes your comments may not be published here. Of course any that are submitted by people who want to side with abusers or just in general go on the attack, well, those aren’t going to ever see the light of day.

But sometimes we don’t approve comments because they contain recommendations or references to other sources which:

  1. I am not familiar with (and I just don’t have time to research them), or
  2. I am familiar with but don’t feel that I can recommend them.

So if a comment you submitted doesn’t get published, don’t take offense or think that you did something wrong.

Revenge Will not Change the Past

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On June 15, 2022

In Counseling, Evil, Getting Free

Rom 12:19-21 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” (20) To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” (21) Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

We know that it is right to desire justice. To pray that the Lord will take vengeance upon the wicked. He Himself tells us that He will repay. The Psalms are filled with imprecations asking the Lord to bring the just due of their sins upon those who hate Him and hate His people.

But we are given a serious warning in the Scripture above – we must never take vengeance ourselves. Revenge is to be left to the Lord’s wrath, not ours. Why? Because if we are not careful, evil will overcome us and we will find ourselves doing evil ourselves.

Let me explain further.

Over the years I have known people who have suffered greatly at the hands of evil, wicked, abusive oppressors. No doubt about it. They really were targets of devilish abuse. However, these victims I am speaking of here made a turn down a wrong path. They chose the path of vindictiveness. Of vengefulness. You can see and hear it in them. They have been wronged and they are set upon getting even.

I am not talking about people who simply take their case to court, testify against the criminals who victimized them, and seek justice in that manner. No, I mean victims who just keep right on using every opportunity they can to see that their abuser pays. Such people have been overcome with evil. And I can tell you, they become mean and cruel themselves. Furthermore, they get themselves locked into a state of anger and bitterness toward God.

I heard a line in a movie recently that resonated with me: “Vengeance will not change the past.” When we seek revenge ourselves, we are acting as if we think that if just enough blood is squeezed out of the person who wronged us, the past will be changed. That somehow the evil done to us will be balanced out and vaporize if we can just do a proportionate amount of vengeance back at the oppressor. But it never will. Vengeance will not change the past.

Vengeance belongs to the Lord. A vindictive, hateful, revenge-seeking spirit is not a beautiful thing. It is ugly. It is not of Christ. Instead of going down that path, we are to love our enemies and pray for them. In most cases they will remain our enemies because they will not repent. This is not a naive mindset. But it leaves final justice and vengeance to God, who in fact is the only One who really can handle revenge.

And there is something else I think Christ can do. We see it here:

Rev 21:4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

See it? The former things will have passed away. God’s vengeance can and will, in fact, change the past. The former things will pass away. Whatever that means, it surely means that any trace of even the memory of evil will be gone forever. There is NO way we can pull that off ourselves by taking revenge on those who have wronged us. But Christ can. And He will.

And let me close here with one more important word of wisdom. It is very good to learn about evil. About abuse. About its tactics and its motives. We are to be wise about these things. But we are also to be innocent of any taint of evil in ourselves. We learn about the devil and his schemes, BUT we must spend far more time learning about Christ and knowing Him more and more. If a victim of abuse keeps treading water by focusing on the abuse itself, what has been done to him/her, so that time in God’s Word, in prayer, in working out our salvation, goes wanting – there will be an increasing emptiness of soul and a growing distance from Christ and His sure promises.

Every week we post two livestream videos on Facebook, Youtube, and Sermon Audio of in depth Bible studies. One on the Gospel of John and the other on Revelation. Every Lord’s Day we provide a Sunday morning message from Scripture and a worship service sermon on the same media venues. It is in this kind of focus upon God’s Word that our real victory is going to come.

Could it be that some of you might need to change gears a bit, exercise faith in Christ, and do this:

Heb 12:2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Faith is Our Victory – By it We Believe God’s Word

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On June 13, 2022

In Biblical Teaching, Counseling

God’s promises are true. His Word is not a fiction. This is why Scripture tells us that it is by faith that we overcome the world. We embrace the Lord’s Word and cling to it by faith – not by sight. Sight will deceive us. Sight will tell us lies, such as, “there is no way out of this for you. God has said He will help, but where is He now? Things are just getting worse and worse for you.” Sight lies to us. But when God speaks, His Word is pure truth. His promises never fail. That Word however must be embraced by faith. Read Psalm 17 here and believe it!! Look away from your circumstances and use the eyes of faith that (if you know Christ) He has given you.

Psa 17:1-15 A Prayer of David. Hear a just cause, O LORD; attend to my cry! Give ear to my prayer from lips free of deceit! (2) From your presence let my vindication come! Let your eyes behold the right!

(3) You have tried my heart, you have visited me by night, you have tested me, and you will find nothing; I have purposed that my mouth will not transgress. (4) With regard to the works of man, by the word of your lips I have avoided the ways of the violent. (5) My steps have held fast to your paths; my feet have not slipped.

(6) I call upon you, for you will answer me, O God; incline your ear to me; hear my words. (7) Wondrously show your steadfast love, O Savior of those who seek refuge from their adversaries at your right hand. (8) Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings, (9) from the wicked who do me violence, my deadly enemies who surround me. (10) They close their hearts to pity; with their mouths they speak arrogantly. (11) They have now surrounded our steps; they set their eyes to cast us to the ground. (12) He is like a lion eager to tear, as a young lion lurking in ambush.

(13) Arise, O LORD! Confront him, subdue him! Deliver my soul from the wicked by your sword, (14) from men by your hand, O LORD, from men of the world whose portion is in this life. You fill their womb with treasure; they are satisfied with children, and they leave their abundance to their infants.

(15) As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness; when I awake, I shall be satisfied with your likeness.

Your Experience is a Foreign Language to Most People

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On June 8, 2022

In Churches/Church Response, Counseling

Heb 5:14 But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.

Many years ago I received a yearly prayer letter from people I did not know all that well but who had been in a church we attended at that time. The letter asked for prayer in regard to their daughters who had, they said, been estranged from them and cut off all contact. It went on to say that the source of the problem stemmed from their daughters consulting a therapist who had planted false memories in the girls.

Now, what I want to attempt to communicate to you is how I reacted to that letter. I didn’t get angry. I didn’t think a whole lot about it. To my knowledge the parents were fine Christian people. So I didn’t really choose up sides – and let me tell you why.

This scenario was beyond the paradigm of my mind. It was like a foreign language – or better – an alien language.

I just didn’t know about such things. I had never personally experienced a situation like this, and therefore my mental programming had no real capacity to understand it. I was not wise about evil. And in such settings, it is inevitable that the whistleblowers (in this case the daughters) are not going to be so much disbelieved, as they are going to be met with a kind of blindness and deafness. Which blindness and deafness is naturally going to gravitate toward accepting the claims of the accused perpetrator of whatever evil is being called out. (I told you I was going to TRY to explain this!)

When a victim of some kind of wickedness – especially the kind that parades as an angel of light – …when the victim reports the thing, this inability to process the data comes into play very, very often. And I suppose it especially does so in local churches and other Christian settings where naivete to evil so often reigns.

To a large extent, this is what the Apostle means in the verse above (Hebrews 5:14). We must be trained by constant practice to be wise to evil. No one ever sat me down and said “Jeff, you need to learn about evil and how it works in life. What it looks like. How evildoers disguise themselves.” But have you ever heard of a seminary course or a church Sunday School class dealing with this very topic? Pretty rare. So, a seminary graduate launches off into a pastoral career and guess what is going to happen when a woman (or man) in his church comes to him asking for help with child molestation or domestic violence?

You may as well be feeding a mathematics problem into a word processor application. It isn’t going to compute.

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