Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 20 of 88

Beware the Traditions of Men

By

On August 28, 2023

In Churches/Church Response

Mat 15:1-3 Then Pharisees and scribes came to Jesus from Jerusalem and said, (2) “Why do your disciples break the tradition of the elders? For they do not wash their hands when they eat.” (3) He answered them, “And why do you break the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition?

Mat 15:8-9 “‘This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me; (9) in vain do they worship me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’”

As it was, so it is today. Human beings, in creating their own brand of the religion of Christ, replace His freeing and life-giving Word with their own traditions – the inventions of their own imagination. These distortions of God’s truth always bring bondage and, ultimately, spiritual death. They become a false gospel of justification by works.

The Christian church is not free of this business of replacing God’s Word with traditions. Laws created by man which supposedly earn merit before God, and condemnation if not obeyed. We see this always trying to creep in among us in Christ’s church and in many cases it has largely replaced the gospel itself.

Most of you have seen it in the case of how local churches handle domestic abuse. The “tradition of the elders” takes over so that mercy is replaced with sacrifice. You must get permission from the church to separate from evil. You are required to be counseled by the elders or their appointee. The marriage and family are presented as the highest good, never to be dissolved no matter the cost. I saw a local church the other day with its name in big letters on the building – The Family Life Church. Christ, you see, replaced with worship of the family. I bet we can guess how they would handle domestic abuse among their members!

But you see the point – it is the same point Jesus made to the Pharisees. When man creates his own brand of laws – traditions – they enslave people. Nowhere in the Bible can you find a “law” which requires oppressed victims of a wicked, abusive spouse, to plead with their church for permission to leave. It isn’t there. Churches have assumed an authority that Christ has not given them.

Some years ago I was told by a lady that she was soooo excited because her church leaders had started a new ministry and program to address domestic abuse in the church. She was just sure they had seen the light and that I should be excited about it. But in reviewing the material she sent, I noticed that the pastor and elders still retained the authority (insisting upon it in fact) that abused spouses needed to come under the “authority of the church” and submit their case for approval (presumably approval from God). As soon as I read that I told the lady that inevitably those church leaders were still going to add to the abuse of victims. Because as long as churches set themselves up with an authority God has not given them, the traditions of men will replace the freedom of God’s Word. I, of course, was pronounced to be overly critical and judgmental.

The church does indeed have authority. It has the authority to preach and teach God’s Word – pure and unaltered. It has the authority to confront sin and to deal with unrepentant people who claim to be Christians. The church is to put out of its midst false teachers and members who walk in sin (see 1 Cor 5). But this authority comes from Christ, who is the Head of the church. It must never originate in the imaginations and inventions of man.

Ever Heard of “The Triple Knowledge?

By

On August 23, 2023

In Biblical Teaching

Eph 2:1-6 And you were dead in the trespasses and sins (2) in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— (3) among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. (4) But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, (5) even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— (6) and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus,

If you, like myself, were not raised in a Reformed church, you probably haven’t heard of “The Triple Knowledge.” There is a three volume commentary on that topic written by Pastor Herman Hoeksema.

The Triple Knowledge comes from the second question of the Heidelberg Catechism (written in the mid 1500’s in Germany) which reads this way:

2. Q. What do you need to know in order to live and die in the joy of this comfort? A. First, how great my sins and misery are;[1] second, how I am delivered from all my sins and misery;[2] third, how I am to be thankful to God for such deliverance.[3]

The Triple Knowledge, you see. Now, many of you have gone through much suffering or are still suffering. Your life has not gone according to the script which you planned. Well, when distilled right down to it, when all the dross has been burned away, the ONLY thing that matters to us in this present life is The Triple Knowledge. The first question of the catechism goes like this –

1. Q. What is your only comfort in life and death?                                                                  

A. That I am not my own,[1] but belong with body and soul, both in life and in death,[2] to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ.[3] He has fully paid for all my sins with His precious blood, and has set me free from all the power of the devil.[5] He also preserves me in such a way[6] that without the will of my heavenly Father not a hair can fall from my head;[7] indeed, all things must work together for my salvation.[8] Therefore, by His Holy Spirit He also assures me of eternal life[9] and makes me heartily willing and ready from now on to live for Him.[10]

If you have been listening to the mid-week Ephesians Bible study I am teaching online (all the videos are posted on our youtube channel (Light for Dark Times), but if you have been following these, you know that we have been considering those first three verses of chapter 2 which begin – “And you were dead in trespasses and sins…”. The first of the three says that we must come to see how great our sin and misery are. This is the first step in attaining the comfort which only Christ can give.

You were dead in trespasses and sins. DEAD. You were in bondage to Satan. You were hostile to God. Divine justice declared you condemned, and in fact you deserved hell. The ONLY reason any of us are freed from Satan’s tyranny and that we are now alive to God, is that God had mercy on us.

I am sure that a common tactic of Satan to distract us from seeing what we were in sin and and haters of God before His Spirit regenerated us, is to get us to focus upon our sufferings in this present world. But even if we could somehow remedy every single one of the pains that come our way, get free from all our oppressors, unless we come to know how great our sin is, and how great a Savior Jesus Christ is, and how we owe God every ounce of gratitude we can find in us, then we have lost everything. We would still be empty and worse than empty.

Here is the fountain of true joy no matter how hard my circumstances are – that I know Jesus Christ as my Savior, that I know the depths of my sin and how great His mercy was to me in saving me, and that from my heart’s depths I offer Him my thanks and praise daily. The rest won’t matter at all on that Day when we see Him face to face.

No Wonder the Lord Calls the Wicked ‘Fools’

By

On August 21, 2023

In Counseling, Evil, RASN

Heb 12:1-2 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, (2) looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

We have been reading through Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan each Sunday in the morning class. Christian, the main character, is a Pilgrim traveling through the wilderness of this world. He started out with a heavy burden on his back (his sin) and a book in his hand (the Bible). Bunyan likens the Christian’s life in this present world to a long journey from the City of Destruction (this world) to the Celestial City (heaven).

Similarly, the Apostle Paul says that this present life is like a race which we must run. No one can run it for us – we must do it. Jesus is our Guide, cheering us on and giving us directions. He is the one who has set this race in front of us, having run it before and ahead of us – for us.

Obviously then, we must fix our eyes on Jesus if we are going to finish this race well and avoid the many turns, detours, and deceptions which the enemy throws at us along the way. Those who are wise keep their eyes on Jesus and follow His lead.

And then there are those who are evil and stupid. How do they approach the race? Well, they insist that they can find their own way. That the course is one of their own choosing and so is the finish line. You can’t tell them otherwise. You can warn them that they are on Broadway which ends in hell – but they won’t listen. They are fools. Wise in their own eyes.

RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) consider themselves to be so wise that they need listen to no one. Pretending to be wise, they have become fools. I’ve seen it and I suspect most of you have as well. These kind cut off the branch they are sitting on. Their marriage can be anything but loving. Their children increasingly love the world and want nothing to do with the narcissist’s religion. The house is burning down around them, but no matter. They will run their own race according to their own rules and not even Jesus is going to tell them which course to follow.

Rom 1:22 Claiming to be wise, they became fools,

So there they are, running and running but they will never reach the real finish line where life is to be found. They will run off the cliff that Broadway ends in and fall right into hell. Such is the way of the fool. They select their own course, follow their own path, and like Frank Sinatra – they sing all along, “I did it my way.” Wonder how that’s working out now for Frank, and all others who refuse to acknowledge and give thanks to the Lord?

Narcissists are all about Image

By

On August 17, 2023

In Churches/Church Response, Narcissist, RASN

Christian behavior is easy to fake and many in the church are naïve and gullible and are particularly vulnerable to the manipulations and deceit of the narcissist. The church is a prime hunting ground for narcissists, with little real accountability and significant opportunity for attention and [self] promotion. Narcissists are able and willing to adapt their behavior and words for the purpose of promoting their image and will use organizations, such as the church, to accomplish their goals.

Narcissism in the Church, David Orrison

Orrison is right on. His book is excellent by the way – available on Amazon. Notice that he identifies a (perhaps “the”) fundamental motive and makes the narcissist tick. Image. Promoting their image.

The narcissistic message does not build families. Rather, it builds the image.

Ibid

Image, image, image. Entire families, as Orrison notes, can be nothing more than a tool used by the narcissist to promote his or her image. That image is, of course, a lie. It is a mask. A counterfeit. A fiction. But wicked people of this kind are often very, very skilled at creating and promoting an image that causes others to even envy them. “Just look at that family. What fine Christians the parents must be!”

Narcissist fathers or mothers work very hard to promote this fictional image. They are stalwarts in their church. They “serve.” They communicate in all sorts of ways that no one else can achieve the level of holiness that characterizes them.

But it is a house of cards. And as the years go by, as the children advance in age, the lie becomes increasingly difficult to maintain. Such a home is devoid of the Spirit of Christ. For all their apparent godliness, inside they are full of dead men’s bones.

When anyone in the slightest way questions the image – the fury of these kind is unleashed. Other people only exist to promote the image. As soon as anyone is perceived as failing to do so, the narcissist has no more use for them. In fact, all along, these superior, entitled types deny any real existence of the people around them. Individuality is not permitted. Other people only exist for one reason – to envy and promote the narcissist’s image.

These types of family units are not that rare, and quite often their chosen field of operation is the local church. They come flattering, but their goal is to use. It is just as Paul warned the foolish Galatians –

Gal 4:17 They eagerly seek you, not commendably, but they wish to shut you out so that you will seek them.

Man Cannot Cleanse the Sinner of Sin

By

On August 14, 2023

In Churches/Church Response, Evil

Jer 13:23 “Can the Ethiopian change his skin Or the leopard his spots? Then you also can do good Who are accustomed to doing evil.

The emphasis of this Scripture is, of course, not to somehow accuse the Ethiopian of being a worse sinner than other peoples (no doubt there have been wicked men in history who have tried to twist this verse to mean that). Rather, this is a declaration from the Lord that man cannot cook up his own remedy for sin. The sinner is a sinner. He can no more make himself pure and righteous than a leopard can decide not to have spots anymore.

John Bunyan illustrated this in part 2 of Pilgrim’s Progress where two fools named Fool and Want-Wit (ie, Witless) were trying to change the color of an Ethiopian’s skin by washing him. It reads like this:

They saw one Fool, and one Want-wit, washing an Ethiopian with intention to make him white, but the more they washed him, the blacker he was. Then they asked the Shepherds what this meant. So they told them, thus it is with the vile person; all means used to get such a one a good Name, shall in the end tend but to make him more wicked.

There are plenty of Fools and Want-wits around us today, and particularly in the local, visible church. Many professing Christians actually believe that by “loving” the wicked person, by “forgiving” the RASN, a fix can be effected. Filth washed away. Darth Vader becomes good once more because Luke just knew there was some island of goodness in him.

And notice – the more this kind of approach is taken, this business of human beings transforming the wicked into saints, the more evil the person becomes! A false gospel only produces counterfeits.

Have you ever had professing Christians get angry with you when you told them that RASNs never change? I have. Sometimes that anger has come from the actual victims of the RASN! One abuse victim told me angrily, “I don’t believe that! My God is bigger than that and He can save anyone.” I can assure you that her abuser has not become a saint.

God cannot save everyone. This is something God cannot do. Does this mean He is not omnipotent and sovereign? No. What it does mean is that God will never violate His holy being. He will not justify the unrepentant, unbelieving sinner. God cannot and will not and is not going to save Pharaoh.

I maintain that many local churches today are Fool and Witless. They are washing and washing and washing through all their self-invented methods, wicked people and the only result is that those wicked ones are just growing in their evil.

New Mid-Week Bible Study on Romans has Begun

By

On August 11, 2023

In Abusers

This link will take you to the first in a new series of studies through the book of Romans. Two videos have been posted already, introducing this epistle and the Apostle Paul. If you subscribe to our channel (Light for Dark Times) and, as they say in youtube land, hit the bell icon, you will be notified when a new post is uploaded. I plan to publish one each week in addition to the Wednesday and Thursday morning studies (Ephesians and Revelation).

The videos are also published on our Sermon Audio site at sermonaudio.com When we make the videos we livestream them on both Facebook (Light for Dark Times) and on Sermon Audio. Generally we will do this on Friday mornings but the time may vary.

RASNs in Church and the Damage they do to Children

By

On August 9, 2023

In Churches/Church Response, Evil

Rev 2:20 But I have this against you, that you tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess and is teaching and seducing my servants to practice sexual immorality and to eat food sacrificed to idols.

3Jn 1:9 I have written something to the church, but Diotrephes, who likes to put himself first, does not acknowledge our authority.

Christians know that they are to fellowship with other Christians, and that we are to remember the Lord’s Day and gather together in Christ’s church. We are to train up our children in the Lord and one key way we do that is to take them to church regularly where they hear God’s Word taught and preached.

But what happens when we are taught that the only way to “go to church” is to get dressed up, hop in the family car, and drive down to the church building where we go to Sunday School and then the worship service? What happens, I ask, when that particular model of “church” is clung to at all costs? What do I mean by “at all costs”?

I mean, being so stuck in our idea of “church” that no matter if Jezebel or Diotrephes is running the show there, we still persist in showing up there each week with our children? In that rut, we seem to think that it is better to be in a visible, brick and mortar building with a pulpit and pews, even if RASNs are in charge. What if, just what if….there is the option of a small group of genuine believers where God’s Word is faithfully preached and where the people really love one another – would you embrace it or would to cling to that brick and mortar synagogue of Satan?

Do you understand my point?

If you take your children to a “church” where false believers abound, where everyone is told they are surely on their way to heaven (even though they walk and live in unrepentant sin), do you realize what that is doing to the children? Kids aren’t stupid. They sense when they are uncomfortable around an adult, but they really have no choice in the matter. Sunday after Sunday they find themselves around Jezebel and Diotrephes. That after all is where the big pipe organ and stained glass windows and programs for every age group are – and you can’t have a real church without those props, you know.

Do we EVER read God’s Word? Which of the 7 churches of Asia were free of Jezebel and her kind? Just two, and here is one of them:

Rev 2:8-11 “And to the angel of the church in Smyrna write: ‘The words of the first and the last, who died and came to life. (9) “‘I know your tribulation and your poverty (but you are rich) and the slander of those who say that they are Jews and are not, but are a synagogue of Satan. (10) Do not fear what you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and for ten days you will have tribulation. Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life. (11) He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. The one who conquers will not be hurt by the second death.’

So think about this carefully? Would you choose Smyrna? Or are the bells and whistles of Laodicea what you want? To insist on taking your kids to Jezebel’s church is surely spiritual child abuse – it is causing the little ones to stumble. And you know what the Lord thinks about that.

The First Time You Realized Your RASN Never Loved You

By

On August 7, 2023

In Abusers, Narcissist, RASN

Gen 4:8 Cain spoke to Abel his brother. And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him.

Do you suppose that Abel thought Cain loved him? I mean, they were brothers. Abel was a righteous man, Cain was not (that is the reason he killed Abel). But I wonder – could it have been that Abel did not really understand the hatred his brother had for him?

Mothers love their children. Fathers love their children. Husbands love their wives. Close friends love one another. Unless, of course, one is a narcissist or a sociopath. In those cases, the “love” is just a sham. A deception utilized as a tool to use the target.

Did you think that your domestic abuser spouse loved you when you were first married? I suppose you did – I mean, generally why else would anyone marry someone, right? And did you once think that your narcissist parent loved you? Or that “good” friend who turned out to be one of our RASN categories?

My point is this – at some time it dawned on you that the love was a mask. It took you, most likely, a long, long time for you to see through that mask and even though it slipped numbers of times, you still clung to the notion that this person loved you.

But then there comes that time – and it is a really hard pill to swallow. A realization that is very, very difficult to wrap your mind around. In fact, it turns out, this spouse/parent/friend did not love you at all. They actually, you began to realize, regarded you with contempt. In their eyes you were stupid, beneath them, just an errand boy/girl to be used.

You saw glimpses of this – subtle smirks, cutting words, not-so-funny insults, but you just didn’t realize the true state of affairs. When you did, when the lights went on, when you finally understood that this person was in fact incapable of love, how did you feel? All those years – apparently they meant nothing and could be as easily discarded by the RASN as a if they never happened at all.

This kind of reality is very painful – and that pain doesn’t dissipate quickly. One day it will be gone though. The pains of this life will be swept away forever when the Lord Jesus Christ returns and takes us home. Crying, pain, tears, hurtful memories, trauma – all gone.

Know the House by its Fruits

By

On August 2, 2023

In Evil, Family/Children

Pro 3:33 The LORD’s curse is on the house of the wicked, but he blesses the dwelling of the righteous.

Zec 5:1-4 Again I lifted my eyes and saw, and behold, a flying scroll! (2) And he said to me, “What do you see?” I answered, “I see a flying scroll. Its length is twenty cubits, and its width ten cubits.” (3) Then he said to me, “This is the curse that goes out over the face of the whole land. For everyone who steals shall be cleaned out according to what is on one side, and everyone who swears falsely shall be cleaned out according to what is on the other side. (4) I will send it out, declares the LORD of hosts, and it shall enter the house of the thief, and the house of him who swears falsely by my name. And it shall remain in his house and consume it, both timber and stones.”

We know that a Godly parent can have a prodigal child. We see this in the parable by that title – The Prodigal.

But what I want to address here is a pattern which I have seen repeatedly over the years. A pattern which the Scriptures above, and others, declare. It is this: When the children in a home, one after another, embrace the world and choose to walk in sin rather than following Christ, it reveals that the Spirit of the Lord has left that home. And the cause is to be found in the sin of one or both parents.

Now, I want to be very careful in handling this subject because I do not want to lay any false guilt upon a godly parent. There are exceptions. For instance, I know a man who was not born again until mid-life. Prior to that as he raised his children, he walked in sin. Not surprisingly, his children followed the world. Now however, he loves the Lord and does all he can to point his children to Christ. And I know there are other exceptions – the very common example of one spouse being a Christian while the other is a wicked abuser.

But I am speaking here of a too common pattern in which both parents are pretending to be Christians – perhaps that pretending is even quite convincing – but over the years you see the children rejecting Christ (or carrying on the hypocritical disguise of pretending religion) and following the world. When the children were small, it was much easier for the parents to put on an appearance of godliness while, in fact, denying the power of Christ.

This dynamic causes great confusion to us. Here we see what we thought was a fine Christian family, but as the years pass and the children grow up, the fruit is bad. We can remain blind to what this reveals – after all, it is always very hard to come to the realization that the whole house is built on the sand of false faith.

Pharisees beget Pharisees. Worldlings birth worldlings. The Spirit of the Lord is not present in such a home. Rather, as Zechariah’s flying scroll announces, the Lord’s curse is upon such a home. The fruit is bad because the root is bad. So let’s not be deceived. Something is terribly amiss with a place which claims to be the home of saints and yet the fruit coming out of that home is consistently rotten. A bad tree does not produce good fruit.

Those of you who are or have been married to a wicked spouse and you had had children in that marriage, have certainly seen and had to battle with the influence of an evil father or mother upon the children. And there are still more of you who are the children of an evil house – yet you have been rescued and saved by the Lord. These exceptions are the pure mercy of Christ, that we smoking brands were plucked from the fire.

But, let me emphasize this again, the pattern I am speaking of here is that of the deception which is carried out so often in churches. Namely, this:

2Ti 3:5 having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.

Eze 33:31-32 And they come to you as people come, and they sit before you as my people, and they hear what you say but they will not do it; for with lustful talk in their mouths they act; their heart is set on their gain. (32) And behold, you are to them like one who sings lustful songs with a beautiful voice and plays well on an instrument, for they hear what you say, but they will not do it.

The flying scroll of the curse of the Lord is upon such a house. The rottenness in the foundations of such a place will inevitably be revealed as the years go by.

Many Church Leaders are Guilty of Lording it Over the Flock

By

On July 31, 2023

In Churches/Church Response

1Pe 5:1-3 So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: (2) shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; (3) not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock.

The Orthodox Presbyterian Church has surfaced on my radar once again. It isn’t the first time – that’s why I say “once again.” Still another domestic abuse victim has written to me and shared her story of how she was treated by her pastor and elders in spite of clear evidence of her husband’s abuse (and it was severe).

NOTE: I realize there will be exceptions in a few individual OPC churches. Exceptions, I mean, to what I say here. But I have received repeated reports over the years about abuse victims being further oppressed in this denomination (as well as in others of course).

The OPC (like several other Presbyterian denominations) takes great stock and delight in consulting and enforcing their “Book of Church Order.” The way they proceed is very similar to a secular civil court. It is typically heartless. They will cite this paragraph and that rule and then level formal charges against the accused. Along with these accusations you have the inevitable threats.

  • Obey us, submit to us, or else
  • You will be ex-communicated
  • Your soul is in danger of hell if you don’t repent and do as we say

And, of course, all of these heartless indictments and procedures are prosecuted by men who are absolutely ignorant of the nature of the case before them. They are fools. But a fool with power is a real danger. They are haughty. They will NEVER listen to correction. They are un-teachable. I don’t even try anymore. If their incompetency were exercised in the secular world in some profession, they would have their credentials removed and they would find themselves being sued for big bucks. But in the churches – nope. There is no accountability.

Well, hmmmm, I guess there IS accountability, isn’t there?

Jer 23:1-2 “Woe to the shepherds who destroy and scatter the sheep of my pasture!” declares the LORD. (2) Therefore thus says the LORD, the God of Israel, concerning the shepherds who care for my people: “You have scattered my flock and have driven them away, and you have not attended to them. Behold, I will attend to you for your evil deeds, declares the LORD.

Page 20 of 88

Previous

Next