Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

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The Comforter

Joh 14:16-18 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, (17) even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you. (18) “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.

The Holy Spirit, particularly in the Gospel of John, is called the paraclete, variously translated as the comforter, the Helper, and probably some other similar terms as well. Christ and the Spirit, as well as the Father, are one. So much so that Jesus can say of the coming of the Spirit, “I will come to you.”

Every real Christian is indwelt by the Comforter. And He is very active in us. Paul could say, for example:

Rom 8:14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.

and again-

Rom 8:16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God,

It is by the Spirit that the Father communicates to us that we are indeed His children. The Spirit is the Spirit of adoption and He is the One who assures us that we really are Christ’s people.

But what I would like us to think about here is this matter of the Spirit being the Comforter. Here is Paul once again:

2Co 1:3-5 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, (4) who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. (5) For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.

Oppressed people are afflicted people. In fact, it is not going too far to say that every real Christian is oppressed in this fallen world. We share, as Paul says, in the sufferings of Christ and those sufferings are not rare. They are abundant.

However, the more these sufferings increase, the more the Comforter comforts. I don’t know exactly how He does this, but He does. It is a mystery, but it is real. I suppose one way this comfort comes to us is through the Spirit leading other believers to join us in our suffering. To come to us and help us just as faithful believers came to Paul when he was in prison. But I am sure there is also an inner, mystical aspect to this communication of comfort to us as well.

The Spirit’s comforting has a goal even beyond comforting us. He causes us to experience this comfort so that we can exercise it toward other believers who are suffering. That is why, for example, we all are comforted by those believers who have experienced the same kinds of sufferings that we experience. If you want to find someone who is a comfort to you, for instance, when you are being sorely abused by a wicked person, you will find that someone in the ranks of those who have also been abused. They suffered, they were comforted, and they can pass that comfort on to you.

Knowing these things helps us endure and persevere in this fallen world. Christ has not left us alone as abandoned orphans. When we are born again, He comes to us and He comes in the Person of the Spirit. He is right there with us in our suffering. So ask Him. Ask Him to pour out that comfort on you. As Peter puts it – Cast your cares upon Him, for He cares for you. And Paul again:

Php 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. (7) And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

More Thoughts on the Impossibility of the Christian to Remain Deceived

Mar 4:10-12 And when he was alone, those around him with the twelve asked him about the parables. (11) And he said to them, “To you has been given the secret of the kingdom of God, but for those outside everything is in parables, (12) so that “they may indeed see but not perceive, and may indeed hear but not understand, lest they should turn and be forgiven.”

Over the years as I have ministered in the local church and in ministry to domestic abuse victims, I have learned that very, very few pastors and professing Christians really want to learn about the subject. When I began, I stated my purpose as that of educating local churches about how domestic abusers are hiding in their congregations. That is not my fundamental purpose any longer.
Because almost none of them want to hear the truth about this subject. Victims, on the other hand, are EAGER to learn and quite often contact me, thanking us for our books and blogs and encouraging me by telling me how their eyes have been opened to the lies and fog put upon them by evildoers – and by their churches. So my focus changed some time ago. I focus on helping the victims.
Now, in a previous Monday’s article I talked about the fact that a real Christian cannot be indefinitely deceived by evil. And furthermore, that when we see professing Christians choosing the deception, plugging their ears to the truth, we can be pretty sure that we are dealing with counterfeit saints.
Notice the scripture above from Mark 4. Jesus had just told the parable of the soils. Most of the crowd did not get it. Why? Jesus explains the reason. He has not granted them the ability to see and understand. And they don’t want to see and understand. The disciples however had been given “the secret of the kingdom” so that Jesus told them the meaning of the parable – the secret of the kingdom.
Now here is the point for our purposes here. Every true Christian is indwelt by the Spirit of Christ and has been given eyes to see and ears to hear Christ’s Word. That truth necessarily exposes lies of the evil one. And thus, at some point, the unholy charade of the domestic abuser is going to be visible to them.

1Co 2:12-14 Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God. (13) And we impart this in words not taught by human wisdom but taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual. (14) The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned.

I say again, most of the oppression put upon abuse victims by local churches, pastors, members, and counselors, has its origin in unsaved people and false churches.

Col 2:8 See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ.

A Christian Hears the Good Shepherd's Voice and Cannot be Deceived Indefinitely

My friend pointed out the follow verses to me today with some very good insight from it. Here is the passage:

2Ti 3:12-13 Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, (13) while evil people and impostors will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived.

Now, most all of us have learned from hard experience that domestic abusers (and all other kinds too) who hide in the church, posing as wonderful saints, deceive many people. The result of that deception is that pastors and church members typically gravitate to the abuser’s side, discounting the victim’s testimony. Or at minimum they place a heavy burden on the victim to “fix” her abuser.
Now, the point I want to examine here is this business of deception. Yes, the wicked can deceive any of us for a time. Sociopaths and psychopaths can be incredibly skilled at their lying ways. Just the nicest guy, you know. Would do anything for anyone. Yada, yada. If we have not been properly taught about such people (and the Bible is filled with warnings about them), we can be duped – for a time.

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