Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 79 of 88

What the Presence of Christ in Us Will Mean

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On March 6, 2019

In Biblical Teaching

One of the most common ways that a Christian is persecuted today is in the scenario of a Christian who is married to a non-Christian.  Very often the unsaved spouse, the abuser, parades himself or herself as an eminent Christian, but is really only a Saul.  And at the root of the abuse is a fear of Christ, as the abuser sees that the Spirit of Christ is in the victim, and a hatred for Christ and thus for the victim.

This is vital for all churches and pastors and Christians to realize.  Not only for themselves personally, but because it will enable them to understand what is really happening to an abuse victim who is a Christian.  Listen now, and learn.

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"God Can Save Anyone" – A Common Line Used to Keep Abuse Victims in Bondage

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On March 5, 2019

In Biblical Teaching

Heb 3:18-19 And to whom did he swear that they would not enter his rest, but to those who were disobedient? (19) So we see that they were unable to enter because of unbelief.

You hear this all the time from pastors and professing Christians – God can save anyone. There is no one who cannot be saved.” This is an absolutely false and unbiblical statement that continues to do great harm to many. It enables evildoers. Let’s think this through.
Now, it is true that God desires all to be saved:

1Ti 2:3-4 This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, (4) who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.

I mean, don’t you desire all people to be saved? Of course. It should not surprise us therefore that God desires the same. But all people are not going to be saved. Many are going to hell. So why, if “God can save anyone” does hell even exist?

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Come Out From Them and Be Separate – "But He's Your Husband"

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On March 4, 2019

In Family/Children

2Co 6:14-18 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? (15) What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? (16) What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. (17) Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, (18) and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.”

I once had a target of an abuser tell me how her pastor and other members of her church and her parents were pressuring her to remain married to her abuser. They were giving her the usual gibberish about divorce not being permitted by God, do a better job submitting to him, and all the typical lines used by the usual suspects in these cases.
Her response to them was classic:

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Domestic Abuser Intervention Programs Don't Work – Don't Get Drawn in by Them

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On March 1, 2019

In Abusers, Counseling, Getting Free

As most of our readers probably know, I always tell abuse victims these two things:

  1. Abusers never change, and
  2. A marriage to an abuser does not need to be fixed, it needs to be ended.

I advise people to base their decisions about whether to leave, whether to stay, and so on upon these two fundamental assumptions. If they do, they will make wise decisions and avoid being further deceived by the abuser and his array of allies.
Now, I have caught flack for making these absolute statements. You see, people (especially professing Christians) want to believe that everyone is redeemable. That God is the God of the impossible. That we must never give up hope on anyone. This is the stuff that makes the tear-jerker feel good movies a hit, you know. The serial killer is forgiven by his victims’ families, they tell him about Christ, and he gets saved and marvelously transformed. This is the thing, you see. This is the stuff that sells.
But it is not reality. And it is not in agreement with the Word of God.

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There is No Neutrality, No "Innocent" Bystander When We See Abuse

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On February 27, 2019

In Supporting Victims

John 7:12-13  And there was much muttering about him among the people. While some said, “He is a good man,” others said, “No, he is leading the people astray.” Yet for fear of the Jews no one spoke openly of him.

Let us hear what Judith Lewis Herman says about this kind of silence which is, in practice, a kind of neutrality:

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Church Associations/Denominations – How they enable Abusers in churches

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On February 25, 2019

In Churches/Church Response

NOTE: This post was originally published at my Light for Dark Times blog (lightfordarktimes.com) January 11, 2019 but I am also publishing it again here to be certain all our readers see it. It is a very important subject.
I am going to make a statement here that 10 years ago I would have argued against. No way would I have agreed with it. But hard experiences and further thought on God’s Word have turned me around completely on this. And I will show you how the subject at hand relates directly to all of us, especially to victims of those wicked abusers carrying on the Unholy Charade in a church. Here it is:

Local churches are not to band together into formal associations with other local churches. They are not to form what we call denominations. There is no biblical warrant for such practices and the result is inevitably the facilitation for the more rapid spread of evil, the furtherance of bondage to self-exalting men, and more intense oppression of the innocent.

Have you ever wondered for instance, how Rome became Rome? How the Pope became the Pope even though he puts his pants on one leg at a time like everyone else (I guess he wears pants)? I can tell you. Local churches began to meet together. Their elders and pastors had “convocations.” Pretty soon the head honcho bishop of the capital city got to thinking he should be acknowledged as top dog by the other churches and he sold them on the idea. Voila! The devil’s church is formed and everyone in all the other churches had just better do what Papa says, or else. After all, he is Christ on earth. Just ask him and he will tell you.
But I am not writing this morning primarily about Rome. That is just the classic example from the history of the church. No, I am writing to you to recommend some serious thinking about the common practice of churches forming and joining formal associations with one another. Writing up a doctrinal statement that all must adhere to. In some cases (church of England) putting together a Prayer Book that regulates worship in all the churches. Merging finances to fund denominational enterprises like missions, seminaries, and so on. The Southern Baptist Convention. The Independent Fundamental Baptists (IFCA). The Conservative Baptists. The Orthodox Presbyterians. The Presbyterian Church in America. The Association of Reformed Baptist Churches in America (ARBCA) (nearly defunct now due to their cover up of the evils of one Tom Chantry). CJ Mahaney’s Sovereign Grace group. On and on the list can go.

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The Abusive Marriage Wrongly Seen as Pious Asceticism

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On February 22, 2019

In Churches/Church Response

Colossians 2:16-23 ESV Therefore let no one pass judgment on you in questions of food and drink, or with regard to a festival or a new moon or a Sabbath. (17)  These are a shadow of the things to come, but the substance belongs to Christ. (18)  Let no one disqualify you, insisting on asceticism and worship of angels, going on in detail about visions, puffed up without reason by his sensuous mind, (19)  and not holding fast to the Head, from whom the whole body, nourished and knit together through its joints and ligaments, grows with a growth that is from God. (20)  If with Christ you died to the elemental spirits of the world, why, as if you were still alive in the world, do you submit to regulations– (21)  “Do not handle, Do not taste, Do not touch” (22)  (referring to things that all perish as they are used)–according to human precepts and teachings? (23)  These have indeed an appearance of wisdom in promoting self-made religion and asceticism and severity to the body, but they are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh.

One of the reasons Christians so often pile a huge and even dangerous burden onto the victimized spouse of an abuser is the crazy notion that her suffering is somehow pleasing to God.  Asceticism is the “severe treatment of the body” that supposedly helps a person defeat their temptations and sins — whipping one’s back, crawling up stairs on one’s knees — that sort of thing.  Scripture counters any such notion — “they are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh.”  When the Lord Himself brings trials into our lives, trials from which at the moment there is no escape, that is one thing.  He means this for our good and for His glory.  Paul’s thorn in the flesh, whatever that was, is an example.  Paul however would have escaped this thorn if the Lord had made it possible.

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Beware of the Popular Domestic Abuse "Advocates" Who insist they can Fix Abusers

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On February 20, 2019

In Churches/Church Response, False Teaching, Supporting Victims

1Co 5:11-13 But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler–not even to eat with such a one. (12) For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? (13) God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”

One of the reasons I am not very popular with the “bigger” names in the domestic abuse ministry realm is because I maintain that we are not to waste our time and energy with programs and “ministries” designed to “fix” abusers. In fact, I maintain that abusers as we have defined them here in this blog do not change. They do not repent. And, in fact, they play us for fools when we try to “save” them.
And yet this is not the message most professing Christians want to hear. They like a “they all lived happily ever after” ending to the story. That is why things like this gain popularity for their practitioners:

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Who do we Really Want in our Churches? – Is "Everyone" Welcome?

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On February 18, 2019

In Churches/Church Response

Rev 2:14-16 But I have a few things against you: you have some there who hold the teaching of Balaam, who taught Balak to put a stumbling block before the sons of Israel, so that they might eat food sacrificed to idols and practice sexual immorality. (15) So also you have some who hold the teaching of the Nicolaitans. (16) Therefore repent. If not, I will come to you soon and war against them with the sword of my mouth.

How many times have you seen those church signs as you drive along?

“Everyone Welcome”

And so it seems in most local churches, everyone is welcome. “Come on in. Feel the love.” How foolish (or just plain rebellious) can we be!
Just a few moments of serious thought about what the Lord has written in the Scriptures will show us that in fact, not everyone is welcome in the Lord Jesus Christ’s church. Certainly not by Him. Why aren’t we following His lead?

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A Reminder – Sunday Sermon is Now at Light for Dark Times

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On February 16, 2019

In Blog News

Just a reminder for everyone that from this point on the Sunday morning sermon will be posted at Light For Dark Times instead of here at Unholy Charade. This is in keeping with our “remodeling” of LFDT’s to make it a, well, “virtual church” of Christ Reformation Church here in Tillamook. You will find a link there which will take you to Sermon Audio where the sermon is posted both in PDF format and Audio. The Audio will not be uploaded until Sunday afternoon PDT. 
As we have mentioned, we are making plans to enable us to upload a video recording of the sermon and you will already find our Sunday morning Order of Service at LFDT’s to help you participate with us.
If you consider us your church, which we invite all of you to do (if you are church homeless), please email us and let us know. That way we can keep a (private) roster of our extended fellowship. Feel free to use an alias for anonymity if you wish and no physical address or other identifiers is necessary.

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