Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 74 of 89

America Celebrates Divorce from an Abuser on the 4th of July – Independence Day!

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On July 4, 2019

In Getting Free

Here is the beginning of the Declaration of Independence. It is a divorce decree. It is the recognition of a breach of covenant. We celebrate this divorce in the United States every July 4th. The purpose of this post is to simply put forth this question: If it was right and good for the American Colonies to divorce the King of England for his many and repeated abuses, if most all Americans including pastors and church members celebrate this Independence Day as a glorious win for freedom, how is it that these same pastors and church members insist that an abuse victim in a marriage has no right to divorce their abuser?

There is the question as all Americans wave flags and watch the fireworks and celebrate freedom from tyranny. How is it that so many professing Christians will deny the same freedom to a fellow believer who is suffering a present and evil tyranny right in their midst? It is quite common for churches to wave the flag and celebrate on this day, yet at the very same time they oppress the oppressed by demanding they remain in bondage to a wicked abuser.  The common double standard.

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The Unanimous Declaration of the
Thirteen United States of America
In Congress, July 4, 1776

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness; that, to secure these rights, governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed; that whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles, and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security. Such has been the patient sufferance of these colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over these states. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

Call Evil Good: The Error of Couple Counseling for Abuse

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On July 3, 2019

In Churches/Church Response, Counseling, Getting Free, Supporting Victims

Job 30:26 ESV  But when I hoped for good, evil came, and when I waited for light, darkness came.
Psalms 52:3-4 ESV You love evil more than good, and lying more than speaking what is right. Selah You love all words that devour, O deceitful tongue.

Couple’s counseling (and I would add marriage “intensives” – a kind of focused retreat for a couple) is anathema when it comes to abuse. It goes wrong and works as a tool to further enable and empower the abuser. I won’t go into all of the reasons why this is the case, but it is true.
What I do want to discuss here is a very similar experience that I have had personally and which I have seen played out in the experience of others many times. It is the fallacy of calling evil, good, and good, evil. Here is how it works:

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The Religion of the Pharisees (Part 4)

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On July 1, 2019

In Churches/Church Response

Have you ever been judged and sentenced by a fellow Christian (well, maybe they were a Christian) as they glanced down and saw that NIV or ESV in your hand?  Ted was a member of a real fundamental baptist church (I’m a baptist, so it’s ok for me to say that).  I met him in the prairies of eastern Montana on an antelope hunt (yes, I hunt.  I keep a nice big bear hide on my office wall to test newcomers’ graciousness to us of the sportsman’s persuasion).  Riding in Ted’s old Ford truck out across the prairie, I was listening to Ted rattle on about the KJV of the Bible.  He had seen my NASB back at camp and felt compelled by the spirit of ________, whatever to convert me.  On and on he went until judgment came from above.  Ted was so hyped about the Authorized Version that he drove smack into a ditch.  No way was it coming out of there without another truck.  I left him there and wandered off to find a buck on my own.  Ted’s gospel was a tradition.  Ted’s religion was that of the Pharisees.  And it wasn’t pleasant.

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I Do Not Believe the Southern Baptists' Claim that they Are Changing and Dealing With Abuse

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On June 29, 2019

In Churches/Church Response

Mat 21:28-32  “What do you think? A man had two sons. And he went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work in the vineyard today.’  (29)  And he answered, ‘I will not,’ but afterward he changed his mind and went.  (30)  And he went to the other son and said the same. And he answered, ‘I go, sir,’ but did not go.  (31)  Which of the two did the will of his father?” They said, “The first.” Jesus said to them, “Truly, I say to you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes go into the kingdom of God before you.  (32)  For John came to you in the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes believed him. And even when you saw it, you did not afterward change your minds and believe him.

My journey into the Lord’s wisdom about domestic abusers hiding in the church began in 2008, eleven years ago. Since that time we have all seen “Christian” organizations (Focus on the Family, Christian Counseling and Education Foundation, etc) and denominations jumping on the wagon ready to go along for the ride, even claiming to be leading the caravan.
Most of it is a mere front. A public relations stunt and I don’t believe the large majority of these people at all. Here is what has happened – they got busted. As other voices began giving a hearing to abuse victims and the facts of what has been going on in churches for decades came to light, the pressure grew. All of a sudden the “ministries” began launching their programs. There has been almost no real repentance for all the years of oppressing victims and enabling abusers that these groups are guilty of. No. They simply knew that it was looking bad for them and they had better do something. And thus the conferences, the books, the therapy programs, yada, yada, yada.
But I am telling you that nothing has changed among these counterfeits. Nothing. How do I know? Read on –

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Want to Read a Letter from Wormwood?

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On June 28, 2019

In Churches/Church Response

I did not send the prophets, yet they ran;
I did not speak to them, yet they prophesied.
(Jeremiah 23:21)

Here is still another example of the wicked, evil filth that victims of abuse are subjected to through the hands of their fellow “christians.” In this case the abuser is in a full-time ministry position. All the time he has been “serving the Lord,” he emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, and sexually abused and tormented his wife. Ultimately she realized what was happening and left him. Later, she received the following letter from one of the abuser’s colleagues. Notice that this man is a false prophet, claiming to be announcing Jesus’ very words which were given to him to speak to her.

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The Most "Godly" Person You Know Probably Isn't

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On June 26, 2019

In Abusers

Proverbs 6:12-14 A worthless person, a wicked man, goes about with crooked speech, winks with his eyes, signals with his feet, points with his finger, with perverted heart devises evil, continually sowing discord;

Just when my day is going along smoothly and I am actually getting some things on my list done, POW! Something happens that sends me back to the computer to write another post. I can’t just make a note of it. I have to crank it out at the moment if at all possible.
Recently I was reminded very powerfully of how abusers put on their convincing show of “godliness.” I know that we have written numbers of posts on this subject, but I want to try to describe this tactic to you even more clearly so that to whatever extent I am able, you can be there right with me seeing what I see.

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The Confusion of Abuse: More Thoughts on the Fog

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On June 24, 2019

In Abusers

Romans 1:24-25 Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, (25) because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.

I once read M. Scott Peck’s book, People of the Lie. Certainly the Christian reader will find areas of disagreement with Peck, such as his acceptance of some classic Freudian theories, but nevertheless I am finding the book profitable.  There are excellent insights into the nature of evil which are certainly beneficial to victims of abuse.  Abusers are, indeed, people of the lie.

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Another Letter of Ex-Communication from a Reformed Baptist Church to an Abuse Victim

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On June 21, 2019

In Churches/Church Response

Mat 12:7  And if you had known what this means, ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the guiltless.

Once more we have seen a victim of cruel domestic abuse (at the hands of a “Christian” spouse) oppressed and ex-communicated by the church she faithfully attended and served for years. For her protection we are not including the name of the church although the sins of these people deserve to be exposed and announced from the rooftops.  Here then is a letter from the kingdom of darkness, all the while claiming to be representing Christ:

Dear _______,
It is with deep regret that I write this letter to inform you that ________ Church voted unanimously to excommunicate you from the church according to the process in our church’s constitution and Matthew 18. This action was taken by the church after much prayer and private advisory consultation with other Pastors at sister churches outside of our congregation.
This action was taken because you refused to continue to receive counseling to save your marriage. Also, this includes your deliberate actions to pursue an unbiblical divorce and break your covenant vows that you made before God in the sight of witnesses.
This action has been taken out of deep concern and love for your soul. We will continue to pray for you and your husband that the Lord will grant you repentance and reconciliation with Christ, your husband, and this congregation.
In Christ Love,
Pastor ___________

This. This is what is going on over and over again in local churches. This is the work of Pharisees to whom Christ pronounces divine woes. It is not the fruit of the genuine people of Christ who understand that the Lord stands with the oppressed and that His Word is to be interpreted and applied according to His mercy, not according to a heavy and cruel demand of suffering and sacrifice.
I will let all of you comment and share your insights on what this “pastor” has said here, but let me say just a few things and then I turn the comments over to you:

  1. This pastor and church have no authority whatsoever to forbid this lady the right to divorce her abuser. She does not need their permission. She is not bound to submit to their “counseling.”
  2. This pastor and church have allied themselves with evil, protecting and enabling the abuser while adding to the suffering of the victim.
  3. This pastor and church have publicly slandered this lady, falsely accusing her before others.
  4. This pastor and church are lying when they claim to have love and deep concern for her soul. That is not what is motivating them at all. Rather, their motivation is one of self-serving ends and an idolatrous worship of marriage, flowing from a religion of legalism.
  5. This pastor and church have made false charges against this lady to other unnamed “Pastors” who have absolutely no firsthand knowledge of the case, and yet the church has relied upon those pastors’ verdict.

Marriage was made for man, not man for marriage. That is a lesson these Pharisees will never understand.
May the Lord bless this sister in Christ, set her free from oppression, and may He deal in His justice with this pastor and church who have so terribly treated her.

The Religion of the Pharisees (Part 3)

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On June 19, 2019

In Churches/Church Response

Let’s look now at Matthew 3.  Here is the first mention of the Pharisees and their kind in Matthew’s Gospel –

Matthew 3:1-17, “In those days John the Baptist came preaching in the wilderness of Judea, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.” For this is he who was spoken of by the prophet Isaiah when he said, “The voice of one crying in the wilderness: ‘Prepare the way of the Lord; make his paths straight.’” Now John wore a garment of camel’s hair and a leather belt around his waist, and his food was locusts and wild honey.  Then Jerusalem and all Judea and all the region about the Jordan were going out to him, and they were baptized by him in the river Jordan, confessing their sins. But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming to his baptism, he said to them, “You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the wrath to come? Bear fruit in keeping with repentance. And do not presume to say to yourselves, ‘We have Abraham as our father,’ for I tell you, God is able from these stones to raise up children for Abraham. Even now the axe is laid to the root of the trees. Every tree therefore that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. “I baptize you with water for repentance, but he who is coming after me is mightier than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire. His winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor and gather his wheat into the barn, but the chaff he will burn with unquenchable fire.” Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to John, to be baptized by him. John would have prevented him, saying, “I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?” But Jesus answered him, “Let it be so now, for thus it is fitting for us to fulfill all righteousness.” Then he consented. And when Jesus was baptized, immediately he went up from the water, and behold, the heavens were opened to him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and coming to rest on him; and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”

First of all, where did these guys come from?  We have not met them in the Old Testament.  Malachi spoke some 400 years before, and then the OT canon ended.  The 400 silent years, this era is called, because God sent no prophet during that time.  And then John the Baptist came on the scene in the spirit of Elijah.  John was the last OT prophet, a real transitional figure between the Old and the New covenants and, as Jesus said, John was the greatest of the prophets (Matthew 11:11).  But who are these vipers – the Pharisees and the Sadducees?  How did they develop during this time that is also called the “Intertestament Period”?

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The Lord is Merciful and Gracious: but He Does Not Forgive His Enemies

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On June 17, 2019

In Biblical Teaching

In this article, I would like to demonstrate the following principle to you from Scripture and then help you apply it to this matter of “forgiving the abuser.” Every victim of abuse, especially Christians, know what it is like to be pushed and prodded with “as a Christian, you are required by God to forgive your abuser.”  Too often this pressure includes the demand that the victim reconcile with the abuser, and it leads to being deceived by the typical false repentance abusers love to claim for themselves.  Here is the principle:
God does not forgive His enemies. He never has, and He never will. As His children in Christ, we are to reflect His character and attributes. Therefore, this has profound implications for how we deal with our enemies, who are also the enemies of the Lord.

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