Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 3 of 82

The Fallacy of Counseling Without the New Birth

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On August 17, 2024

In Abusers, Counseling

A man of this world, exposed only to worldly influences [devoid of the Spirit] – to influences arising from the present sensory things – from ‘all that is in the world, the lust of the eye, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life, which are of the world and not of God,’ – may become worse, but he will never become better.

John Brown, Geneva Commentary on Galatians

Many if not most local churches, pastors, counselors, and professing Christians, believe they can make an evil person ‘better.’ This fallacy is at the heart of most of what parades as “Christian” counseling today. If only they can expose the domestic abuser, for example, to enough positive influence, surely he/she will see the error of their ways and amend. That is the idea.

It is not the idea of the Bible.

When a sinner is born again through faith in Christ, far more happens than just forgiveness of sins (which itself of course is a wonderful thing). The sinner is made a brand new person – a new creation who is now a citizen of the new world to come – the kingdom of God it is called. He is given a new heart where there used to be a hardened, unbelieving heart set totally against the Lord. He is given a new mind which is continually renewed so that increasingly his mind conforms to Christ’s truth. His conscience is cleansed. He hears Jesus, he is taught the truth as it is in Jesus, he is led by the Spirit within him.

1John 3:9-10 No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God’s seed abides in him; and he cannot keep on sinning, because he has been born of God. (10) By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.

All of these things are true of EVERY genuine Christian. NONE of them are true of counterfeit Christians.

Now, with all of these things in mind, how is it that so much of what claims to be Christendom denies that these truths are not true? How is it that so many professing Christians in thought and practice insist that a person who walks in sin, who abuses his/her spouse, who has a sense of entitlement and superiority over others, who is enslaved to porn…is still a Christian but who just needs the counselor’s “help.”?

Helping a real Christian understand the evil of abuse which they have been subjected to, to help them see how this evil thinks and what its tactics are – now there is valid counseling. Teaching from God’s Word truth that sets us free in other words. Not God’s truth mixed up with man’s psychology and “wisdom.” No, the pure truth of God’s Word.

When Paul told the Corinthian church to expel the wicked man from among them (see 1 Cor 5), he did not tell them to send him to counseling so he would see the error of his ways. No, he told them to have nothing to do with him, not to associate with people who claim to be Christians but who walk in sin. Paul did not tell them to “fix” the guy. Put him out into the world where he belongs!

Many of you have probably felt sometimes, having been the target of evil, like that poor woman Jesus healed:

Luke 8:43 And there was a woman who had had a discharge of blood for twelve years, and though she had spent all her living on physicians, she could not be healed by anyone.

Only when her path crossed with Christ’s was she healed. How many of you have trusted and trusted and hoped and hoped that all these “physicians” would surely be able to “heal” your abuser and make him a changed man? It didn’t work, did it? Hopes up. Hopes dashed. Over and over again. The foundational problem is that a domestic abuser or RASN of other varieties is simply unsaved, dead in his sins, a slave to the devil, desiring the same things as his infernal father. Such a man will never get better. He will (count on it) get worse.

We Cannot Say this Enough – RASNs Believe they have the Right to Dictate What You Think

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On August 12, 2024

In Abusers, Evil

Tyrants are all about control and power. Dictators in the political realm, for example, demand to control not only what you say, but what you think. You don’t have the right to hold an opinion that differs from theirs. If you do and the tyrant finds out, expect a vicious attack.

I have written on this subject before but it is a topic which continues to amaze me. Think of it. What kind of person believes that they have the right to control your thoughts? Not only must you never SAY anything negative about them, you are not even allowed to THINK anything negative about them. The thing is incredible.

RASNs don’t ask you what your thoughts are, they TELL you what your thoughts are to be. You cannot have a real discussion with them, sharing a different point of view and talking about it. Nope. It’s not allowed. They rage and they belittle if you do.

A narcissist is exposed when they believe someone holds a different view on some subject than they. They can’t leave it alone. They must show you that you are a fool and that you had better get your thinking in line with theirs.

Of course there are subjects which we as Christians do not allow for differences. The deity of Jesus Christ for instance. No wiggle room there. Justification by faith alone in Christ alone is another truth we will not compromise on.

But generally these are not the kind of subjects the RASN will enforce with the spirit of tyranny. No, his raging strikes out over topics which to any reasonable person DO have wiggle room for differing opinions. What kind of vehicle is the best. How to perform a certain task. You are expected to conform your thoughts to his.

I have seen narcissists launch into a frenzy when they realized that I did not agree with them. One literally thrashed around on the couch in my office in a tantrum. Another slammed down his book, stormed across the room double time, and let me know he had to confront me for mentioning an opinion which differed from his.

This is evil. These kinds of people really believe that their opinion is the only one that is right and the only one that is to be tolerated. No one else dare even THINK differently than they. It is from the pit energized by the father of lies himself.

The Power of Words – For Good or For Evil

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On August 9, 2024

In Blog News

I wrote a post on this important subject this morning. Here is the link. I am posting it here so that those who don’t follow my lightfordarktimes.com blog will see it.

How Does a True Church Deal with an RASN in it’s midst?

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On August 7, 2024

In Churches/Church Response

It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that is not tolerated even among pagans, for a man has his father’s wife. And you are arrogant! Ought you not rather to mourn? Let him who has done this be removed from among you.
(1Corinthians 5:1-2)

Why is sin so comfortable in many, if not most, local churches? Why is it that a domestic abuser, for instance, is typically permitted to remain a member of the church? Why do churches far too often look like the world rather than Christ?

Forty years ago when I became a pastor, I did not fully understand the answers to these questions. In fact, I didn’t really even grasp how typical this thing was, and is today. I did know however, that unrepentant sin and people who claimed to be Christians but walked in sin, were not supposed to be in the church. I knew that because the Bible said so. And yet, I consistently met with strong resistance when I pointed out to the church board that sin needed to be confronted and if not repented of, the individual was to be put out of the church.

What is underneath all of this? What is the root? Well, now I know. It is this:

Most pastors – even in doctrinally conservative churches – preach an incomplete gospel, which is no gospel at all. They teach their people that a person can be justified before God, his sins forgiven, and yet still walk in sin. Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven – that is the motto. Holiness is disconnected from salvation. Justification and sanctification are compartmentalized so that you can have one without the other.

In other words, the truth of God’s Word is denied, watered down, made more palatable.

But the Bible is hardly unclear on this matter. When we are born again, we are BORN AGAIN. We are made new creations. We have heard the Good Shepherd and we follow Him. We have learned the truth as it is in Jesus. And thus, holiness of life is not optional. The Christian is not the old man but a new man created in Christ. The Christian’s mind has been and is being renewed. He or she has been given sight to see and a mind to understand that nothing – absolutely nothing – is more important that Christ. “This Word is true!” the new believer exclaims! Everything he or she used to pursue as the chief end of their life – has been relegated to a lower place. It is Christ, His Word, His truth, now. These are the things that matter.

Now think carefully on this. First of all, are YOU born again? Has there ever been a time in your life when your eyes were opened and your ears made to hear Christ and His Word? Or is your religion just something that you do when you have time and the other things important to you can be put on hold for a few hours?

I say all of this not only to challenge everyone to examine themselves, but to demonstrate that these vital truths of the gospel are being silenced in the churches (that is why big churches are big). The result is that a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) can be pronounced a Christian and on his way to heaven, even though he remains a man of the world, thinking just like the world, valuing what the world values, and would bail out the door of the church if anyone dare preach the truth as it is in Jesus.

A true church will not be a place where a RASN is comfortable. A true church is a church that teaches justification and sanctification as inseparable truths. A true church will tell people who show no fruit of Christ in their lives that they are still dead in their sins.

Were RASNs always this bad? – the Progressive nature of Sin

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On August 4, 2024

In Evil, RASN

Psalm 1:1 Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers;

In this description of the righteous person, David states three negatives to show qualities of the godly – walks not, stands not, sits not. This tells us that sin is progressive. It begins by walking in the guidance of the wicked, then advances to lingering in the path of evil ones, and finally “arrives” at sitting down in a fully settled comfort with the worst of sinners – scoffers. Sin is progressive. Like a disease, if left unchecked by repentance, it progresses until it consumes.

Your RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) may not have always been what he or she is today. In some cases, this is one reason you were deceived by them. Their sin was in a kind of seed form. It was there – the narcissism, the entitlement, lack of conscience and so on – was there. But it was not so advanced. The RASN, you might say, walked in and listened to the counsel of the wicked. Gave an ear to it. Acted upon it. Took its dark advice. But as time progresses, so does sin. The walking became standing. Lingering in the way that the wicked frequent. A comradery with evil was developing until…

…the lingering became sitting. Having been entertained and fed over time, the RASN became one of the RASNs. Sin progresses.

In the early stages, during the walking era, your RASN may have had some regard for you – I’m not sure we would ever call it “love.” But it was enough to convince you that this person cared for you. That a friendship truly existed. But slowly and often imperceptibly, the sin grows. It begins to stand in evil and ultimately it sits down with it in comfort. The RASN belongs at that point. He or she regards you with contempt, and in my opinion at this stage of the progression, there is no turning back.

What are the lessons here? One, do not disregard early warning symptoms. A walking agreement with evil counsel is one of those early warning signs. Second, understand that a RASN is not going to get better. They are on a path, headed in a direction, which is the route to full alliance with evil. Sin is progressive. It does not get “better” with time.

Bunyan’s Insights into The Devil’s Invasion Plans of Eden – The Enemy uses our Naivete against us

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On August 1, 2024

In Getting Free

NOTE: I originally published this post back in 2022. But we have just begun reading John Bunyan’s Holy War in the Sunday morning class and we came across this same quote. It is incredibly important in opening our eyes to how evil takes advantage of our naivete, so here it is once more:

The following is taken from John Bunyan’s book “Holy War” in which Satan (Diabolus) and his fellow demons are plotting revenge against Shaddai (the Lord) for casting them out of His presence when their evil conspiracy was discovered. Bunyan here very accurately describes how Satan operates. He is the father of lies, and as I hope you are realizing in more and more clarity, lies and deception are the tools of his servants:

Therefore let us assault them in all pretended fairness, covering of our intentions with all manner of lies, flatteries, delusive words; feigning of things that never will be, and promising of that to them that they shall never find.

This is the way to win Mansoul, and to make them, of themselves, to open their gates to us; yea, and to desire us too, to come in to them.   And the reason why I think that this project will do is, because the people of Mansoul now are every one simple and innocent; all honest and true; nor do they as yet know what it is to be assaulted with fraud, guile, and hypocrisy. They are strangers to lying and dissembling lips; wherefore we cannot, if thus we be disguised, by them at all be discerned; our lies shall go for true sayings, and our dissimulations for upright dealings. What we promise them, they will in that believe us, especially if in all our lies and feigned words we pretend great love to them, and that our design is only their advantage and honour.

Bunyan, Bunyan. The Works of John Bunyan, complete, including 58 books (Kindle Locations 90352-90360). B&R Samizdat Express. Kindle Edition.

And there you go. Remain naive about evil and it will sucker punch you.

The Best Analysis and Description of a Narcissist I Have Heard – Hubris

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On July 26, 2024

In hubris

What Drives a Narcissist’s Exaggerated Self Importance is a recent post by Dr. C on his Surviving Narcissism youtube channel. This is a must watch video. We should make a handout size card with the outline points of this post on it to hand to the RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) the next time the evil fruit of their hubris is put upon us.

Evil Creates Confusion

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On July 25, 2024

In Evil

1John 2:26 I write these things to you about those who are trying to deceive you.

Truth is clarity. It is light, and it enables us to see clearly. But evil trades in the fog, in the darkness. Evil creates confusion. It wears a disguise to hide what it really is. And so things go when we are dealing with a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist).

We all start out in life pretty naive. We assume people close to us love us and want the best for us. Even children of wicked parents begin by believing that mom and dad love them. The thought that in fact they do not doesn’t really cross their mind in the early stages. And sometimes those “early” stages continue for many, many years.

If you have had the unhappy experience of dealing with a RASN, let’s say – an abusive spouse for instance – then if you have come to more clarity about abusers, you can look back and spot “red flags.” Then, if you are like me, you beat yourself up for being so stupid as to not have seen those warnings. But we shouldn’t do this to ourselves. The culprit is the evil, not our stupidity.

Evil casts a fog like one of those Hollywood movie set fog maker machines. Because evil people trade in deceit and lies and disguises – wolves in wool – they create a fog of confusion. We have in our minds the positive notion of who they are so that even when they launch a missile against us, we don’t realize we are being fired upon. They didn’t mean it. They are my friend. We tell ourselves these things, make excuses for the RASN, and even defend them to others who witnessed the missile launch. “Oh, no, he/she loves me. They are really a good person. They just used bad judgment/were having a bad day/I pushed their button….”. And so it goes.

But later, often much, much later, after we awaken from our slumber of naivete, we look back and realize that in fact all of those “bad days” were really attacks on us. That the RASN meant those things for evil toward us. Really. They really did. And then the far-reaching implications start rolling out in our minds – this person is not the person I believed him to be. He/she doesn’t love me and never did. The RASN is motivated in everything they say and do by the demand for others to worship them. To serve them. To exalt their self-created idolatress image. The image is everything. Touch that image and you will be punished.

These realities are not pleasant to face. I suppose this is one reason why we go so long living in a blind denial. I mean, who wants to admit that this person who has been your “friend” or spouse or family member – only hates and uses you? And yet, as our Lord said, it is the truth that sets us free. It clears away the fog and enables us to see rightly.

The Power of Words – for Good or Evil

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On July 19, 2024

In Abusers, Evil

“Their throat is an open grave; they use their tongues to deceive.” “The venom of asps is under their lips.”
(Romans 3:13)

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
(Ephesians 4:29)

Speech is an amazing thing. It is unique to man. But in his fallen, sinful condition, this ability becomes a two-edged sword, just as James tells us:

And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.
(James 3:6-10)

Words have power – for good or for evil. The RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) uses his or her tongue for evil. Their tongue is actually their weapon of choice, very often even more so than their fist. Paul likens the tongue of the wicked to the venom of a snake with power to poison and even kill. Who was the fool who originally pawned this off on us? – sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me. That has to go down as one of the top idiotic statements ever made. “Well, has he ever actually hit you? No? Ok, then don’t make a big deal out of it.” Typical response to an abuse victim by the brain dead.

Being subjected to verbal assault has actual physical and mental effects. These missiles from the enemy really do damage. They are sneaky, cunning, launched with “plausible deniability” so that if the abuser is called out by anyone he/she can just say, “I didn’t mean it. No big deal.” “Oh, toughen up! It’s not like I stabbed you or anything.” But the abuser did mean it, and did stab.

How is it that the Bible, which professing Christians claim to believe, has soooo much to say about the power of words, insist that an abuse victim must stay in a marriage with an evil word-missile-launching spouse? Beat her up. Put her in the hospital. Give her a black eye. Hold a gun to her head. Ok. But “just words” don’t qualify because they really aren’t any big deal.

But the Bible, God’s Word, says that evil words have power to kill. They are poison. Administered repeatedly they traumatize, produce physical ailments, even drive to suicide. Anyone who minimizes the power of words needs to be confronted with the truth that they are rejecting the Word of God.

The power of words is also positively seen. It’s called encouragement, wisdom, life-giving. The ultimate Word is the Word of God which even has the power to create. Jesus is the Word of God who came to show us the Father and give us life in His Name. We are born again by faith in the Word – the gospel. This gospel, Paul tells us, is the power of God to salvation.

So we have an amazing ability to effect healing and good in others by using our tongue (speech) as a power for good to them. To encourage them. To comfort them. To give them hope. We who know Christ are to be kind to one another and how is that kindness most typically given? In our words.

Our tongue is a mighty instrument. For good or for evil. The RASN wields it as a weapon of evil and that is one reason Paul tells us that we have been given the shield of faith as a kind of missile defense system to counter the lies and assaults sent our way by the enemy and his servants.

RASNs Make Promises, Then Attack When we Act on Them

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On July 15, 2024

In Abusers

Pro 14:5 A faithful witness will not lie, But a false witness speaks lies.

Many years ago, in the first church I pastored, there was a woman who regarded herself as a pillar of the church. She was the pianist. She was the church bookkeeper. She hosted and taught a women’s “Bible” study in her home. When we first arrived, she greeted me right away with a big smile and informed me about her many positions and functions in the church.

Just a few weeks later I called her to ask her how many people were in attendance at her mid-week Bible study. I did this only because the denomination that had sent us to that church required me to file a monthly statistical report. I was immediately met with her hostility. “My Bible study is MY ministry and has nothing to do with the church. I don’t need to provide you with any of that information!” So, even though she had set herself up as a teacher and was teaching numbers of the women in our church, she refused any oversight at all. And as it turned out later, she was teaching false doctrines to these ladies. This would all end some years later with her storming out after a church service and announcing she was finished with us.

Another time when I happened to mention that I had forgotten my wallet when we drove the 70 miles in the winter to the nearest town to get groceries, she told me with a cheerful tone, “Oh, if that ever happens again just use the church check I gave you to keep in case the church needs anything and then you can reimburse the church when you get home.” Well, forgetful me, about two years later I did the same thing again but this time I took her up on her offer. But when I got back and took a reimbursement check to her, she threw an angry fit. “Do you know how much work this is going to create for me?!” [Yes, I did know. It would have taken her about 5 minutes to do the recording of the transaction].

I suppose these false promises of the RASN (and that is what she was) are a kind of crazy-making. Lying and denying. But in fact she had lied to me. She was an unkind, unloving, and obviously unregenerate “Christian.”

RASNs are liars. They make offers, make promises, and then when you believe them, they attack. And they deny. Such people have no place in Christ’s church. Eventually this lady went out from us, moved to another town far away, and yes, started up another ladies’ Bible study in her home. I didn’t contact the pastor of her new church. I have found over the years that such heads-up warnings to most pastors are a waste of time. They don’t listen to me.

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