Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 51 of 88

Why is Forgiveness Even Possible?

Mark 2:4-11  And when they could not get near him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him, and when they had made an opening, they let down the bed on which the paralytic lay. And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Son, your sins are forgiven.” Now some of the scribes were sitting there, questioning in their hearts, “Why does this man speak like that? He is blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?” And immediately Jesus, perceiving in his spirit that they thus questioned within themselves, said to them, “Why do you question these things in your hearts? Which is easier, to say to the paralytic, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Rise, take up your bed and walk’? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins” — he said to the paralytic — “I say to you, rise, pick up your bed, and go home.”

In our ongoing discussion of forgiveness, we am challenging much of the contemporary thinking among Christians regarding this important subject.  I trust that all of you realize (and I think that you do) that when I maintain that because God does not forgive His enemies  (they must bow and humbly repent of sin and confess Christ as Lord and Savior, thus laying down arms against God), I do not mean that we are to remain hateful and vengeful toward those who sin against us and who, in fact, are our enemies. We are not to seek personal vengeance, but to leave that to God. But what I mean is that in all of this, we do not declare that they are no longer our enemy, when in fact, they are. They continue the warfare. And I address this because so many victims of abuse are being told that forgiveness means that they must no longer regard their abuser as their enemy, which is simply a denial of reality.

Rudeness as a Sign of Evil

1 Corinthians 13:4-5 ESV  Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant  (5)  or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;

Do you see that little phrase here – “or rude”?  The very next quality of love that is named after it is “it does not insist on its own way.” I suspect the latter is an elaboration on rudeness.
Abusers and other evil characters are rude. This word means far more than mere failure to observe proper etiquette (although I suspect that many of you could share how being a slob or being gross was a quality of your abuser). Rudeness is not simply limited though to a failure to be polite. It is in fact, an insisting upon having its own way. It is a pressing and pressuring of someone else. It is a violating of proper boundaries. An inappropriate insistence that someone do something or yield to some demand. It is a rank lack of consideration for others.
Let me give you some examples. I tell you, evil people just keep giving me the examples!!  I suppose that’s one good thing about them. They provide lots of material for us to write about.

We are Children of the Promise – Take Heart

We will stand as children of the promise
We will fix our eyes on Him our soul’s reward
Till the race is finished and the work is done
We’ll walk by faith and not by sight [Keith and Kristyn Getty, Stuart Townend, By Faith]

Do you know about the Promise? If you don’t, you really need to. It is at the center of the gospel and of our salvation in Christ. Let’s start here:

Exodus 19:5-6 ESV  Now therefore, if you will indeed obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall be my treasured possession among all peoples, for all the earth is mine;  (6)  and you shall be to me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.’ These are the words that you shall speak to the people of Israel.”

You were probably taught in church that this was and is a promise for the Jews in some future day when Christ returns. But that explanation is far too small. God’s plan and purpose is bigger. MUCH bigger. Besides, we know that Israel, by sin, failed to be this kingdom of priests and this holy nation. But check this out:

Revelation 1:4-6 ESV  John to the seven churches that are in Asia: Grace to you and peace from him who is and who was and who is to come, and from the seven spirits who are before his throne,  (5)  and from Jesus Christ the faithful witness, the firstborn of the dead, and the ruler of kings on earth. To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood  (6)  and made us a kingdom, priests to his God and Father, to him be glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.

See it? The “you shall be” spoken to the Israelites has become “has made us…a kingdom, priests to his God and Father.” Who? Us! The true church. All people from all nations who have been born again in Christ. It is a finished deal. (Christian,  you are a king and priest serving the King of kings and the Most High Priest – live like it!)
Now, what of the Promise? The Promise is the promise God made to Abraham –

The Lord's thoughts Really are Higher than Ours

Isaiah 55:8-13 ESV  For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.  (9)  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.  (10)  “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,  (11)  so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.  (12)  “For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.  (13)  Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress; instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle; and it shall make a name for the LORD, an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.”

I thought about this Scripture this week as I was preparing the Sunday sermon from Jeremiah. The Lord had to correct Jeremiah’s thinking about what needed to be done in the wicked nation of Judah in which he lived. Jeremiah had a fix-it plan and he could not understand why God didn’t wipe out the wicked and restore Judah to peace and godliness.
The Lord’s reply was, essentially, what He says here through Isaiah. This is an amazing passage of Scripture – I may have to use it for next Sunday’s sermon. There is incredible hope here for the Lord’s true people.

This New Book on Domestic Abuse in the Church Looks Good…but…it isn't

1 Thessalonians 4:9 ESV  Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another,
Hebrews 10:16 ESV  “This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, declares the Lord: I will put my laws on their hearts, and write them on their minds,”
1 John 2:27 ESV  But the anointing that you received from him abides in you, and you have no need that anyone should teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about everything, and is true, and is no lie—just as it has taught you, abide in him.
John 10:4 ESV  When he has brought out all his own, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice.

You must be born again. Every Christian, every true child of God, is born again. God’s Law is written on our hearts. His Spirit has made us new creations. We have been taught to love one another. The Spirit leads us and produces His fruit in us, enabling us by the Spirit to put to death the deeds of the flesh.
Kevin Giles’ new book, The Headship of Men and the Abuse of Women [Cascade Books, 2020] presents the thesis that the complementarian teaching of the headship of men and the submission of women to that headship promotes the abuse of women in the church, and really is a root cause of abuse particularly in conservative churches that teach it. Certainly complementarianism does this harm when men (and ironically many women) embrace its patriarchy and use it to justify oppressive, sinful abuse. Giles makes many correct points in this regard throughout his book.
However…

What did Jack the Ripper look like?

I recently read a short story by Shirley Jackson from collection of her short stories entitled Dark Tales.  There is a movie out now, recently released, on Jackson’s life – but I don’t recommend it. It may not be that factual anyway.  On the other hand, a movie version of her novel “We Have Always Lived in this Castle” is definitely worth watching – but not for kids.
Anyway, one very short story she wrote is called Jack the Ripper. It describes a man who appears to be a champion of mercy and empathy. He comes upon a young woman lying on the sidewalk in the rain and dark, drunk and passed out. He goes into the pub nearby and attempts to garner some support to help her but ends up only being mocked. Eventually he carries her home (finding her address in her purse) and goes to great lengths to carry her up 6 flights of stairs to her appartment. He settles her in, puts her to bed, and then you expect him to leave.
He doesn’t.  This in fact is how the story ends:

Life After Abuse – How to Move On

Galatians 2:20 ESV  I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

What do you do with your life after you have gotten free from an abuser? In most cases of course we all know that being totally free isn’t possible because of things like joint custody of children, visitation, relatives who often ally with the abuser, and so on. And there are triggering events and places that can replay the trauma. Nevertheless, we need to be able to get on with life. Here are some of my thoughts on this subject and I hope they will be helpful.

Change to the Name of our YouTube Channel

We will be changing the name of our youtube channel from Unholy Charade to Christ Reformaton Church. Since we are primarily posting our mid-week Bible study, Sunday morning class, and Sunday sermons on youtube, the new title is a better description of the content.
Blog names of course will remain the same.

The Remnant – this is an extremely freeing truth

Genesis 6:9-11 ESV  These are the generations of Noah. Noah was a righteous man, blameless in his generation. Noah walked with God.  (10)  And Noah had three sons, Shem, Ham, and Japheth.  (11)  Now the earth was corrupt in God’s sight, and the earth was filled with violence.

We have been taught all our lives (or at least all the time we were in the sphere of visible Christianity) that most everyone who claims to be a Christian, who declares that they have been born again, who is a church member…is a Christian. We are not to doubt this, and in fact we were told that it is a sin to doubt it.
And so, here  you are coming to church on Sunday, walking into the place, and seeing all these people…75, 100, 200, 300, or maybe even a thousand or more. There is the singing and the instruments. The prayers. The communion table. The sermon which surely is declaring God’s truth. And there are the baptisms of people who have just been saved. You were taught that a real church is a growing church, and that if the numbers were not increasing, you weren’t faithfully doing God’s work. And oh, how busy it all was. Busy, busy, busy for the Lord. Programs. Committees. Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday night. What a great church!
Well, let me shatter this artificial and unbiblical world.

The People Walking in Darkness Have Seen a Great Light

Luke 1:76-79 And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High; for you will go before the Lord to prepare his ways, (77) to give knowledge of salvation to his people in the forgiveness of their sins, (78) because of the tender mercy of our God, whereby the sunrise shall visit us from on high (79) to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace.”

Light and darkness are two huge and vital themes in the Word of God. Right from the get go –

Gen 1:2-3 The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. (3) And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.

Darkness is death. Where there is no light, there is no life. No photosynthesis, no warmth, no energy. When God spoke light into the darkness, He spoke life into being. Light and life. Darkness and death. It is not surprising then that these were the very first creative words of God – let there be light! And He did this before He created the sun and stars! God, who is light Himself, is the origin of light. He is God. He alone is to be worshipped — not some sun or moon god. It is the Lord who keeps the sun’s raging hydrogen bomb-like burning going. His might is beyond our ability to comprehend. Our sun is a lesser star of billions and billions more – all shining and burning because of the energy given them by this God who has revealed Himself to us. Here we hang in space on nothing, tipped at just the right angle, set at just the right distance from the fire, so that we aren’t consumed like a roasted marshmallow nor are we frozen in a wasteland of absolute zero.
And so it is spiritually. With our souls –

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