Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 33 of 88

The Remedy Against the Enemy

This article is taken from the preface to Martin Luther’s commentary on Paul’s Epistle to the Galatians. Did you know that this commentary was instrumental in the salvation of John Bunyan, Charles Wesley, John Wesley, and others? It was.

In his preface, Luther writes about what he calls passive and active righteousness. It is innate to our sinful flesh to focus upon active righteousness – a righteousness which WE earn before God. When we do that, the Law will condemn us and our conscience will oppress us. The passive righteousness is that righteousness credited to us by faith in Christ. It is Christ’s righteousness which HE actively gained for us.

Read Luther’s words carefully and prayerfully. There is no doubt that to one extent or another all of us get ourselves in trouble by reverting to a righteousness based upon our doings rather than Christ’s.

St. Paul sets about establishing the doctrine of faith, grace, forgiveness of sins, or Christian righteousness. His purpose is that we may understand exactly the nature of Christian righteousness and its difference from all other kinds of righteousness, for there are various sorts of righteousness.

There is a political or civil righteousness, which emperors, princes of the world, philosophers, and lawyers deal with. There is also a ceremonial righteousness, which human traditions teach. This righteousness may be taught without danger by parents and schoolteachers because they do not attribute to it any power to satisfy for sin, to please God, or to deserve grace; but they teach such ceremonies as are necessary simply for the correction of manners and certain observations concerning this life.

Besides these, there is another righteousness, called the righteousness of the law or of the Ten Commandments, which Moses teaches. We too teach this, according to the doctrine of faith.

There is yet another righteousness that is above all these—namely, the righteousness of faith, or Christian righteousness, which we must carefully distinguish from the other sorts mentioned above, for they are quite contrary to this righteousness, both because they flow out of the laws of rulers, the traditions of the church, and the commands of God, and also because they consist in our works and may be performed by us either by our natural strength or else by God’s gift. For these kinds of righteousness are also from God’s gift, just as are other good things that we enjoy.

But this most excellent righteousness—that of faith, I mean—which God imputes to us through Christ, without works—is neither political nor ceremonial, nor is it the righteousness of God’s law, nor does it consist in works. It is quite the opposite; that is to say, it is passive, whereas the others are active. We do nothing in this matter; we give nothing to God but simply receive and allow someone else to work in us—that is, God.

Therefore, it seems to me that this righteousness of faith, or Christian righteousness, can well be called passive righteousness. This is a righteousness hidden in a mystery that the world does not know. Even Christians themselves do not thoroughly understand it and can hardly grasp it in their temptations.

Therefore, it must be diligently taught and continually practiced. And whoever does not understand this righteousness when afflicted and frightened in conscience must be overthrown, for nothing comforts our conscience so firmly and securely as this passive righteousness.

But human weakness and misery is so great that in the terrors of conscience and danger of death we see nothing but our works, our unworthiness, and the law. And when we are shown our sin, in time we remember the evil of our past life. Then the poor sinner groans with great anguish of spirit and thinks, “Alas, what a dreadful life I have lived! Would to God I might live longer; then I would amend my life.”

Thus human reason cannot restrain itself from the sight of this active or working righteousness—that is, our own righteousness; nor can it look up to see the passive or Christian righteousness but relies altogether on the active righteousness—so deeply is this evil rooted in us.

On the other hand, Satan abuses our natural weakness and increases and aggravates these thoughts of ours. Then our poor conscience becomes more troubled, terrified, and confounded, for it is impossible for the human mind to conceive any comfort, or to look only to grace in the feeling and horror of sin, or to constantly reject all argument and reasoning about words. For this is far above human strength and ability, and indeed above the law of God as well.

It is true that the law is the most excellent of all things in the world; yet it is not able to quiet a troubled conscience but makes our terrors worse and drives us to desperation—“so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful” (Romans 7:13).

Therefore, the afflicted and troubled conscience has no remedy against desperation and eternal death unless it takes hold of the forgiveness of sins by grace, freely offered in Christ Jesus—that is to say, this passive faith or Christian righteousness. If the conscience can take hold of this, then it may be at rest and boldly say, “I do not seek this active or working righteousness, although I know that I ought to have it, and also to fulfill it. But if I had it and did actually fulfill it, I still could not place my trust in it, nor should I dare to set it against God’s judgment. Thus I abandon all active righteousness, both of my own and of God’s law, and embrace only that passive righteousness that is the righteousness of grace, mercy, and forgiveness of sins. Briefly, I rest only on that righteousness that is the righteousness of Christ and of the Holy Spirit.”

Luther, Martin. Galatians (pp. 15-16). Crossway. Kindle Edition.

Lessons in Faith from Job

Job 1:13-22 Now there was a day when his sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother’s house, (14) and there came a messenger to Job and said, “The oxen were plowing and the donkeys feeding beside them, (15) and the Sabeans fell upon them and took them and struck down the servants with the edge of the sword, and I alone have escaped to tell you.” (16) While he was yet speaking, there came another and said, “The fire of God fell from heaven and burned up the sheep and the servants and consumed them, and I alone have escaped to tell you.” (17) While he was yet speaking, there came another and said, “The Chaldeans formed three groups and made a raid on the camels and took them and struck down the servants with the edge of the sword, and I alone have escaped to tell you.” (18) While he was yet speaking, there came another and said, “Your sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother’s house, (19) and behold, a great wind came across the wilderness and struck the four corners of the house, and it fell upon the young people, and they are dead, and I alone have escaped to tell you.” (20) Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. (21) And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.” (22) In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.

Unlike Job, we are given a behind the scenes look at what was happening in all his suffering and loss. Job was not to blame. He was a righteous man and even in all this, he did not sin or charge God with wrong. Satan brought the attacks and all his evils were under the perfect sovereign control of God.

God never explained to Job what we are allowed to know. That whole scene in chapter one between God and Satan was never revealed to Job in all his lifetime. The lesson was that Job was to trust the Lord no matter what. His “friends” got it all wrong. It wasn’t the simple health/wealth prosperity theology – you do good and God will bless you. If bad things happen to you, it is because you did wrong. Nope. All wrong.

I mean this as encouragement to any of you who are suffering trials right now. It is a question for all of us to consider – “Is my present suffering and my trials worse or even as bad as those of Job?” We could apply the same question to others in scripture: the Israelites in Egypt, Noah surrounded and isolated in a world of evil, Daniel in the lions’ den, the Apostle Paul, David when pursued by Saul….on and on we could go.

And yet, the Lord delivered all of them. None of their situations were too hard for the Lord. Sometimes the deliverance came through removal from this evil world – like the martyrdom of Stephen. As John Bunyan wrote regarding the murder of Faithful in Vanity Fair, the people of God who are persecuted to death arrive immediately at the Celestial City while the rest of us continue on our pilgrimage to it in this evil world.

YOUR situation, trials, sufferings, and circumstances are not too hard for the Lord. He promises to take us safely through them. He is present with us in it all. And there will be an end to it one day. Our task is to pray without ceasing, to persevere in faith in Christ, and to know that we can cast our cares upon Him because the One who knows each hair on your head knows your circumstances even better than you do. And He cares. He cares for you.

Are You Ready?

Exo 12:11 In this manner you shall eat it: with your belt fastened, your sandals on your feet, and your staff in your hand. And you shall eat it in haste. It is the LORD’s Passover.

This world is not a friendly place for Christ’s people. It is enemy territory and it is not our home. We are aliens and strangers in it. The Lord tells us not to expect this world to be our friend and that it will be through many trials and tribulations that we travel through to the kingdom of God.

But we are leaving. We are pulling out. A great exodus is in the making – it is even happening right now, every time someone is brought to faith in Christ, every time a Christian dies and departs this temporal life…every time these things happen, a departure from this world occurs.

The Christian is a person who is marked by the blood of the Lamb. Christ is our Passover, and He is our Moses who is leading us in exodus to Canaan. Because all of this is true, let me ask you…are you ready? Do you love Christ’s appearing? If you know Him, your departure is at hand.

The Lord told the Israelites through Moses, as He instructed them about Passover, to be ready to go. It was time to pull out of this miserable slave prison of Egypt. As they prepared the Passover, they were to be ready to go. Dressed for travel. Belt fastened. Sandals on. Staff in hand. If you were there you could look at them and ask, “Going somewhere?” They were ready.

Are you ready? Are you living your earthly life with traveling clothes on so that any moment when the Lamb arrives you are set to go? This is to be our frame of mind moment by moment. It is our certain hope. We don’t cling to this perishing world. We don’t longingly glance back at Sodom. We are to be ready, every moment.

And people should be able to look at us and listen to us and be led to ask, “Going somewhere?” Yep!

There is Only One Who can Deliver You

Heb 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.

This scripture is profound and it is my intention in this article to help you see why it is one of the very, very most important truths for you to know. It is, in fact, the answer to all – yes, ALL – of your troubles.

I have been writing and teaching about the evil of domestic abuse hiding in churches for over a decade now. The things I have written are important to know. We must be wise about evil and be able to recognize its disguises and tactics. I have been contacted by scores (perhaps even several hundreds now) of domestic abuse victims, most of who are targets of a wolf in wool hiding in “christian” disguise. And they have asked me many questions as they sought help:

  • Do you know of a good attorney?
  • Can you help me find a sound church?
  • How can I survive the family court system?
  • What do you think about this verse of scripture my abuser uses against me?
  • The pastor and elders have sided with my abuser. What can I do?
  • How can I educate my pastor about abuse?
  • My children and other family members have sided with my abuser against me? How can I show them they are wrong?

And, as I said, these are important issues. Great pain and suffering is brought about in these things.

But…in the end there is only ONE who can deliver you. In a sense, as a Christian you only have ONE friend who will never fail you. And that Friend is, of course, the Lord Jesus Christ. But if He is to help you, then you must know Him. You must be born again.

Listen now – just because you are a victim of abuse does not in itself mean that you truly know Christ. Many, many people who profess to be Christians – aren’t. They are not saved. They are not regenerated. The Spirit of Christ is not in them. Their religion is one of outward forms, only on the surface, a religion of traditions and motions, but not of the heart.

I say these things because far more than a few times I have been contacted by a victim of abuse who professes to be a Christian. But when I respond to their questions with answers like these:

  • Pray and keep on praying. Ask the Lord to direct your ways and lead you where He wants you to go.
  • Read your Bible regularly, earnestly, and believe the promises of the Lord.

…when I respond to them this way, it is not a rare thing for them to respond to me with something like:

  • I have tried that, but nothing happens.
  • Those things just don’t seem to work for me.
  • I don’t think God is really good or He would rescue me.
  • I don’t want anything to do with church or the Bible anymore.

And the central point of this article that I want to put right out in front of you is this – without faith, it is impossible to please God. If you really don’t believe His Word, if you really don’t believe that He answers the prayers of His people, if you don’t believe that He rewards those who seek Him, as He promises, then He is not going to hear you because, in fact, you aren’t born again. You are not one of His children.

It is by faith in Christ that we are born again. It is faith in His promises that is a fruit which demonstrates we really know Him. The person who has no faith in Him has a heart that is still as hard and cold as stone.

Tell me, do you believe God? Do you possess faith which He gives to us as a gift when we are born again? Do you pray, in faith, and keep right on praying, believing that He hears you and will answer you in His way and in His time? Because, I say again, if a person does not possess this faith, they do not belong to Him.

There is NO problem, NO experience of suffering, NO grief – that the Lord cannot deliver you from. No matter how impossible it looks. Think of it – how possible did it look, what were the chances, that Moses could go before Pharaoh and effect the deliverance of the Jews from that cruel, enslaving bondage? It wasn’t possible. It was IM-possible. And yet it happened. By faith Moses…By faith, Abraham…by faith, Daniel…and the list goes on and on.

So chew on these words seriously. Stop listening to yourself and start talking the promises of God to yourself. And start right here:

Heb 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.

Why Does the Lord Permit Suffering?

I was reading an article recently by one of my very favorites – J. C. Ryle – entitled simply, “Sickness.” It is a chapter in his wonderful book, Practical Religion. Ryle proposes several reasons why the Lord permits even His own people to suffer sickness (and we can apply these reasons to other kinds of suffering as well). Here is what he proposed:

  1. Sickness helps to remind people of death and thus the folly of living one’s life as if they were never going to die and stand before God.
  2. Sickness helps to make men think seriously of God and their souls and the world to come.
  3. Sickness helps to soften our hearts, and teach us wisdom.
  4. Sickness helps to humble us.
  5. Sickness helps to test a person’s religion to demonstrate whether it is true or not.

Now, even though many if not most people fail to see these benefits when they suffer, this only demonstrates the depth of man’s sin and depravity. Sickness, as Ryle says, should be seen as God’s “day of visitation,” to make us think and consider the real and eternal issues of life.

And so, the next time you suffer, do as the old Puritans exhorted us to do – improve upon that suffering. Let the Lord through it improve you and bring you closer to Him.

The Evil Person Has no Foundation

Luk 6:46-49 “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you? (47) Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like: (48) he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built.

(49) But the one who hears and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great.”

As most all of you know, many evil people claim to be Christians. Abusers, revilers, narcissists, sociopaths – the list goes on. They are wolves in wool.

And they are something else – they are fools. Why? Because while he/she hears God’s Word and in many cases can quote it, entering into theological debate and manifesting apparent thorough knowledge of Scripture – such a person does not do God’s Word. He hears it, but does not do it.

Jesus said that a storm is coming. As in Noah’s day, so a great (and this time, final) deluge is heaping up right now. On the day when that dam bursts, two kinds of people will be revealed. Those who heard Christ’s Word and did it, and those who only heard. Sheep and goats. Wheat and chaff. One will prevail because he has laid a sure foundation – the Lord Jesus Christ. The other will perish because he build his house on the sand and will be washed away into hell.

In the early 20th century an entrepreneur came to Tillamook where we live. He had a dream. He was going to build a seafront boardwalk – something to rival Atlantic City. And he did in fact do it. A huge hotel, an indoor salt water pool – people even built homes there. They called it Bay Ocean. Well, if you go there today, other than for a few sparse remnants of concrete, all you will see is sand, beach grass, and the Pacific ocean. Why? Because the waters came. The ocean swept in and in a relatively short time everything eroded away.

There was no foundation. It did not stand.

And that, for all the wicked man’s seeming “wisdom,” is exactly what is going to happen to him one day. Swept away. Gone forever. There won’t even be the smallest sign in the kingdom of God that he ever existed. The wicked are fools. Their sin makes them fools.

How to Put on Christ When You are Accused by the Enemy

Galatians 5:1 For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

All Christians and in some ways in particular, those who have been victims of crafty abusers who parade as most eminent and holy Christians, have been the target of false accusations and condemnation, all designed to lead us to despair of having forgiveness of sins in Christ. This is a common tactic of the enemy and we must be wise to it.  Listen to these words by Martin Luther as he comments on Paul’s Epistle to the Galatians:

Let us bear this in mind when the devil accuses and frightens our conscience, attempting to drive us to despair. He is the father of lying and the enemy of Christian freedom; he torments us every moment with false fears, so that when our conscience has lost this Christian freedom, it will feel remorse for sin and condemnation and always remain in anguish and terror.  When that great dragon– that old snake, the devil– comes and tells you that not only have you done no good, but you have also transgressed God’s law, say to him, ‘You are troubling me with the memory of my past sins; you are also reminding me that I have done no good. But this is nothing to me, for if I either trusted in my own good deeds or feared because I have done no such deeds, Christ would in either case be of no value to me at all. I rest only in the freedom Christ has given me.  I know he is of value to me, and so I will not make him of no value, which I would be doing if I either presumed to purchase favor and everlasting life for myself by my good deeds or despaired of my salvation because of my sins.’

Let us learn, then, carefully to separate Christ from all that we do, both good and evil, from all laws, both human and divine, and from all troubled consciences. Christ has nothing to do with any of these.  He does have something to do with afflicted consciences but not to afflict them further, but to raise them up and in their affliction comfort them. If Christ seems like an angry judge or a lawgiver who requires a strict account of our past life, then let us assure ourselves that is not Christ, but a raging fiend. The Scripture depicts Christ as our reconciliation, our advocate, and our comforter. He is and always will be such; he cannot be unlike himself.

The devil will disguise himself in the likeness of Christ and argue with us as follows: ‘You were admonished by my Word and ought to have done this, but you have not done it; you ought not to have done that, and you have done it; be sure that I will take vengeance on you.’ When he does this, we should not let it move us at all but should immediately think, ‘Christ does not speak like this to poor, afflicted, and despairing consciences. He does not add affliction to the afflicted; he does not break the ‘bruised reed’ or snuff out the ‘smoldering wick’ (Isaiah 42:3). It is true that he speaks sharply to the hard-hearted, but if people are afraid and afflicted, he entices them most lovingly and comfortingly (Matt 9:2, 13; 11:28; Luke 19:10; John 16:33).’ We must take good care, therefore, that we are not deceived by Satan’s tricks and receive an accuser and condemner instead of a comforter and Savior. [Martin Luther, Galatians; The Crossway Classic Commentaries]

Pretty good stuff, right? Christian, Christ is your Friend, not your accuser!

Justification by Death??

Jud 1:14b-15 …“Behold, the Lord comes with ten thousands of his holy ones, (15) to execute judgment on all and to convict all the ungodly of all their deeds of ungodliness that they have committed in such an ungodly way, and of all the harsh things that ungodly sinners have spoken against him.”

I read recently that a little girl asked her mother, “Where are all the wicked people buried?” Her mother asked her why she had such a question. The little girl replied, “Because in the cemetery I play by, I only see on the gravestones good things said.”

And so it is. Justification by death. It seems that all a person needs to do is to die and those who survive inevitably pronounce him in heaven, better off, in a better place, a man who was good at heart.

But the Lord promises His people vindication. He promises to deal out retributive justice to their oppressors. And we are meant to be encouraged by those promises. The wicked who hate the Lord and hate God’s people are not going to “a better place.” Their destiny is certain. It is forever. And it is a place to which the Bible gives very intense, frightening, and terrible names. Such is eternally cast out of the presence of the Lord.

The Danger of Fiction

Php 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Whatever is true. As most of you know, I love to read J.C. Ryle. He was an Anglican pastor in the 19th century in England. His books Holiness, Practical Religion, Knots Untied, Old Paths and others are gems. Listen to this quote taken from his article entitled “Love” which is in his book, Practical Religion:

The delusion which I am trying to combat is helped forward to a most mischievous decree by the vast majority of novels, romances, and tales of fiction. Who does not know that the heroes and heroines of these works are constantly described as patterns of perfection? They are always doing the right thing, saying the right thing, and showing the right disposition! They are always kind, and amiable, and unselfish, and forgiving!

And yet you never hear a word about their religion! In short, to judge by the generality of works of fiction, it is possible to have excellent practical religion without doctrine, the fruits of the Spirit without the grace of the Spirit, and the mind of Christ without union with Christ!

Here, in short, is the great danger of reading most novels, romances and works of fiction [And today we would add, movies]. The greater of them give a false or incorrect view of human nature. They paint their model men and women as they ought to be, and not as they really are. The readers of such writings get their minds filled with wrong conceptions of what the world is. Their notions of mankind become visionary and unreal. They are constantly looking for men and women such as they never meet, and expecting what they never find.

Ryle, J.C.. Practical Religion (Kindle Locations 2698-2708). Kindle Edition.

We are bombarded with the notions and doctrines and opinions of famous movie stars who act as if they are authorities on about any current subject. And yet, as Ryle notes, they are purveyors of fantasy. Their lives are masked with fiction. In reality their lives are disasters, sinful, wicked, and filled with misery. If we immerse ourselves in their fictions, we will crash along with them. Our notions of mankind and life and of God and eternity will be, as Ryle says, “visionary and unreal.” If we are careless, we will become people who “are constantly looking for men and women such as they never meet, and expecting what they never find.” (Ryle)

So-called “Christian” movies and novels are very often guilty of the same kinds of fantasy. The victim just keeps on enduring evil and sure enough, in the end, their abuser repents and is radically changed. But that is a fiction. A fantasy. For myself, I would rather watch Batman than a movie produced by a professing Christian company.

I know Batman is a fantasy.

Nope – He (or she) is NOT a Christian

1Jn 3:7-8 Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous. (8) Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil.

1Jn 3:10 By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother.

One of the most common lies laid upon us by wicked people, by “well-meaning” but ignorant people – is that a domestic abuser, a seeker of power and control, a “Diotrephes” who lusts to be “first” (see 3 John) – are to be regarded as brethren in Christ – just because they say they are. This willful blindness is said to be “love” and “thinking the best” or “not judging.”

All of this is nonsense in light of God’s Word.

The verses cited above by themselves expose these claims to be false, but if you want more just read through the entire book of 1 John.

1Jn 2:4 Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him,

1Jn 3:14-15 We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. (15) Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.

A person whose goal is to obtain power and control over others, who is willing without conscience to use evil tactics to obtain that power and control, who works every moment to hide behind a whitewashed disguise, is a fake, a phoney, a wolf in wool incapable of love no matter how hard he works to pretend it.

What are we to do with a wolf in wool that creeps in among us in the church. The answer should be obvious – expose him and put him out of the church. But that course seems to be odious to so many who claim to know Christ. Why? I think that the explanation lies not only in naivete about evil, but in sheer arrogance – “we are better than Jesus. We can reach some island of goodness in this wolf and save him. We will have another notch in our “saved souls log” and everyone will marvel at how loving and brave we are.”

The reality is that the wolf will still be a wolf, and will keep right on devouring the sheep, leading them astray in myriads of ways. I receive regular reports from abuse victims that such wolves are even standing in pulpits each week, pastors (“shepherds”) of local churches filled with people who refuse to see past the disguise. Once in a while the disguise will slip a little (“my, what big teeth you have”) but such slips will be quickly explained away.

Narcissists, sociopaths, domestic abusers and others of their kind are not Christians. They flunk the test – there is no love in them. They may be able to speak with “tongues of angels,” they may have “all theological knowledge,” they may appear to have incredible faith and by it be capable of constructing majestic temples (ie, mega “churches”), but it is all a sham. No love. The love of Christ is the thing that is missing. It is the sure and certain test they are exposed by.

Joh 13:34-35 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. (35) By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Page 33 of 88