Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 33 of 88

Wolves in Wool

This is a true truth quote from John Bunyan that I just wanted to share with you:

You have some professors [ie, people who profess to be Christians] that are only saints before men when they are abroad [in public] but are devils and vipers at home; saints by profession, but devils by practice; saints in word, but sinners in heart and life. These men may have the profession, but they lack the fruits that adorn true repentance.

The Barren Fig Tree, John Bunyan

Faith is the Key

1Jn 5:4-5 For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. (5) Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?

We are reminded here once more that victory over the enemy of our souls – Satan and his world kingdom – is faith. Faith in Christ. Believing that Jesus is indeed the Son of God. BUT, note that this faith only comes to us when we have been born of God. You must be born again. Examine yourself carefully and honestly. There are myriads of people who claim to be Christians, who simply assume that they are and that therefore all is well between them and God. But few are really saved. Jesus said so. The gate is narrow that leads to life and few are they who find it.

The faith which the Lord gives His people as a gift by His grace, is a key. It is the very thing by which we overcome the world and enjoy victory. Faith in Christ. Faith in His promises. It is that shield of faith by which we extinguish all the lies and other assaults thrown at us by the world, the flesh, and the devil. Believing the Lord’s Word. Believing His truth and His promises.

Those of you who have read The Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan will recall that Christian and Hopeful, through a moment’s carelessness, got off the Way and ended up in the Giant Despair’s dungeon. His assaults and those of his wife (Diffidence) so worked on their minds that they almost gave up hope and Christian in particular entertained the idea of suicide – planted in his thinking by the Giant.

And then, just when things were darkest, Christian realized he had been quite foolish. Why? Because he remembered that all along he had a key. The key that would open up all the doors of the prison and lead to freedom. Sure enough, he used that key and out they went.

The key was faith. Faith in the Word and Promises of the Lord. Faith, as John says, is the victory by which we overcome the world. The issue, you see, is not even so much the particular evils assaulting us, but whether or not we have this key (whether we are really born again or not), and if we have it, will we remember and use it? Is God’s Word to us true? Are His promises certain and reliable? The enemy whispers, “no.”

Faith answers with YES!

Faith is the Victory

Mat 8:24-27 And behold, there arose a great storm on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by the waves; but he was asleep. (25) And they went and woke him, saying, “Save us, Lord; we are perishing.” (26) And he said to them, “Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?” Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm. (27) And the men marveled, saying, “What sort of man is this, that even winds and sea obey him?”

“Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?” Why are we afraid? No doubt that was the disciples’ initial reaction to Jesus’ question. “Can’t you see? Look around! The boat is about to go down and us with it!”

They had gone and awakened him and asked him, “Save us, Lord.” But apparently their faith in Him did not extend to the ability to command the winds and the sea! They were about to witness the Creator of the universe do something they could not imagine. “Be still!” And there was immediately a great calm.

“Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?” You have these storms in your life, often brought on by wicked people. For all appearances, the storm is winning and you are perishing. But if you know Christ, if you are in Him, if you have been born again by faith in Him, then the fact is that He is the Sovereign over that storm. In reality, you are not perishing. Christ is in the boat with you and all He need do is speak, and evil must obey Him.

Our problem is not so much our circumstances, it is rather, our little faith. Christ has promised us. Not a single one of us will perish. He won’t lose us. He loves and cares for us. His promises to us are sure and certain. He will provide for us. He will preserve our faith, though it be little, right up to our time of departure from this world. He has effected our justification by His own righteousness imputed to us so that the real storm of God’s wrath will pass us by.

Look at how Mark tells it:

Mar 4:35-41 On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side.” (36) And leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. And other boats were with him. (37) And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. (38) But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” (39) And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. (40) He said to them, “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” (41) And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, “Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?”

“Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” Isn’t that the question you often ask? Does Jesus care? Here you are, sinking in evil at the hands of the wicked, and is Jesus taking a nap? Does He know? And if He does, does He care?

His answer – “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” Faith, you see, faith in Christ, is how we overcome the storms that for all appearances seem ready to destroy us. His promises are true. He does care. The wind ceased, and there was a great calm. A GREAT calm. Ocean as flat as a lake. Not even a breeze. And one day He is coming again. He will speak, and the raging of sin in this wicked world is going to halt forever.

Why are you so afraid?

You are a Pilgrim on a Journey

Heb 11:13-14 These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. (14) For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland.

It is vital that we clearly understand the nature of this present life. If we fail to do so, we open ourselves up to all kinds of attacks and discouragements. We are going somewhere. We are on a pilgrimage. For the Christian, the destination is Heaven, the Kingdom of God, the New Heavens and Earth.

Listen to this introduction to The Pilgrim’s Progress, written by the editor of the 3-Volume set of John Bunyan’s works: [I have edited the wording a bit to help us better get through some old English language] –

The pilgrimage of life is a deeply-interesting subject…every individual of our race is on pilgrimage, from the cradle to the grave. It is the progress of our soul through time to the entrance to eternity. And it is beset on all sides and at every moment with spiritual foes of the deepest cunning. We travel through enemy country, all the while uncertain of how many years the journey will take, only certain that it must terminate and usher us into eternity – either of exquisite happiness, or awful misery. How natural then that every person’s life be called by this appropriate name – a pilgimage.

1Pe 2:11-12 Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. (12) Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.

These are instructions to every Christian throughout the world; all are warned of the necessity of sobriety and vigilant watchfulness, ‘because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walks about, seeking whom he may devour….He shall cast some of you into prison, so that you might be tested; be faithful unto death, and I will give you a crown of life.’

All mankind are pilgrims; all are pressing through this world: the Christian willingly considers that his life is a journey, because he is seeking a better country. But the majority of human beings are very anxious to suppress any thought that this present time is a preparation for eternity, and, in consequence of this neglect, they shudder when approaching the brink of the grave, into which they irresistibly plunge.

Although this world is filled with examples that warn them that suddenly, in a moment when they least expect the fatal catastrophe that may befall them, still they behave as if they were intoxicated and make no inquiry at all into the Holy Scriptures to find how they might escape the second death. Instead, they take and accept the miserable advice of some “worldly-wise man” and seek a refuge in lies, all of which death will one day sweep away.

Every person is traveling and advancing. Time hurries on those who insist on remaining in the foul, fascinating and alluring streets of the ‘city of destruction’ (this present world)…and they do so to their eternal doom.

Every person, except…those whose anxious prayers lead them to Christ. These press on in that narrow and difficult way that leads to the heavenly Jerusalem.

George Offor, 1861

This pilgrimage is very difficult and hard many times for Christ’s people. If you know Christ and He knows you, then you know at least some of this difficulty. Numbers of you are in it now, dealing with the persecutions from some evil person – a spouse, a family member, or just people of this world in general. But here is the point I want to direct you to – this pilgrimage has a termination point. It has a destination. The trip doesn’t last forever. Christ is waiting for us and in fact, He has promised to travel with us the whole way. There may be no present quick remedy for the trials you are in right now, but there is One who can enable you to press on and make it through. Ultimately, Jesus Christ is our strength and our hope and life. By faith in Him, we overcome…and we will surely get to that Celestial City Bunyan’s Christian pilgrim had his eyes set upon.

One final note: Satan wants to convince you that your pilgrimage has no destination. That it is itself eternal. That there is no end to your troubles. This is a lie from the Father of Lies. In fact, the truth is that our earthly lives are but a vapor that soon passes away. A few years or perhaps even a few more days, and we will have arrived. Believe these promises from the Lord and take comfort in them.

1Co 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

The Remedy Against the Enemy

This article is taken from the preface to Martin Luther’s commentary on Paul’s Epistle to the Galatians. Did you know that this commentary was instrumental in the salvation of John Bunyan, Charles Wesley, John Wesley, and others? It was.

In his preface, Luther writes about what he calls passive and active righteousness. It is innate to our sinful flesh to focus upon active righteousness – a righteousness which WE earn before God. When we do that, the Law will condemn us and our conscience will oppress us. The passive righteousness is that righteousness credited to us by faith in Christ. It is Christ’s righteousness which HE actively gained for us.

Read Luther’s words carefully and prayerfully. There is no doubt that to one extent or another all of us get ourselves in trouble by reverting to a righteousness based upon our doings rather than Christ’s.

St. Paul sets about establishing the doctrine of faith, grace, forgiveness of sins, or Christian righteousness. His purpose is that we may understand exactly the nature of Christian righteousness and its difference from all other kinds of righteousness, for there are various sorts of righteousness.

There is a political or civil righteousness, which emperors, princes of the world, philosophers, and lawyers deal with. There is also a ceremonial righteousness, which human traditions teach. This righteousness may be taught without danger by parents and schoolteachers because they do not attribute to it any power to satisfy for sin, to please God, or to deserve grace; but they teach such ceremonies as are necessary simply for the correction of manners and certain observations concerning this life.

Besides these, there is another righteousness, called the righteousness of the law or of the Ten Commandments, which Moses teaches. We too teach this, according to the doctrine of faith.

There is yet another righteousness that is above all these—namely, the righteousness of faith, or Christian righteousness, which we must carefully distinguish from the other sorts mentioned above, for they are quite contrary to this righteousness, both because they flow out of the laws of rulers, the traditions of the church, and the commands of God, and also because they consist in our works and may be performed by us either by our natural strength or else by God’s gift. For these kinds of righteousness are also from God’s gift, just as are other good things that we enjoy.

But this most excellent righteousness—that of faith, I mean—which God imputes to us through Christ, without works—is neither political nor ceremonial, nor is it the righteousness of God’s law, nor does it consist in works. It is quite the opposite; that is to say, it is passive, whereas the others are active. We do nothing in this matter; we give nothing to God but simply receive and allow someone else to work in us—that is, God.

Therefore, it seems to me that this righteousness of faith, or Christian righteousness, can well be called passive righteousness. This is a righteousness hidden in a mystery that the world does not know. Even Christians themselves do not thoroughly understand it and can hardly grasp it in their temptations.

Therefore, it must be diligently taught and continually practiced. And whoever does not understand this righteousness when afflicted and frightened in conscience must be overthrown, for nothing comforts our conscience so firmly and securely as this passive righteousness.

But human weakness and misery is so great that in the terrors of conscience and danger of death we see nothing but our works, our unworthiness, and the law. And when we are shown our sin, in time we remember the evil of our past life. Then the poor sinner groans with great anguish of spirit and thinks, “Alas, what a dreadful life I have lived! Would to God I might live longer; then I would amend my life.”

Thus human reason cannot restrain itself from the sight of this active or working righteousness—that is, our own righteousness; nor can it look up to see the passive or Christian righteousness but relies altogether on the active righteousness—so deeply is this evil rooted in us.

On the other hand, Satan abuses our natural weakness and increases and aggravates these thoughts of ours. Then our poor conscience becomes more troubled, terrified, and confounded, for it is impossible for the human mind to conceive any comfort, or to look only to grace in the feeling and horror of sin, or to constantly reject all argument and reasoning about words. For this is far above human strength and ability, and indeed above the law of God as well.

It is true that the law is the most excellent of all things in the world; yet it is not able to quiet a troubled conscience but makes our terrors worse and drives us to desperation—“so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful” (Romans 7:13).

Therefore, the afflicted and troubled conscience has no remedy against desperation and eternal death unless it takes hold of the forgiveness of sins by grace, freely offered in Christ Jesus—that is to say, this passive faith or Christian righteousness. If the conscience can take hold of this, then it may be at rest and boldly say, “I do not seek this active or working righteousness, although I know that I ought to have it, and also to fulfill it. But if I had it and did actually fulfill it, I still could not place my trust in it, nor should I dare to set it against God’s judgment. Thus I abandon all active righteousness, both of my own and of God’s law, and embrace only that passive righteousness that is the righteousness of grace, mercy, and forgiveness of sins. Briefly, I rest only on that righteousness that is the righteousness of Christ and of the Holy Spirit.”

Luther, Martin. Galatians (pp. 15-16). Crossway. Kindle Edition.

Lessons in Faith from Job

Job 1:13-22 Now there was a day when his sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother’s house, (14) and there came a messenger to Job and said, “The oxen were plowing and the donkeys feeding beside them, (15) and the Sabeans fell upon them and took them and struck down the servants with the edge of the sword, and I alone have escaped to tell you.” (16) While he was yet speaking, there came another and said, “The fire of God fell from heaven and burned up the sheep and the servants and consumed them, and I alone have escaped to tell you.” (17) While he was yet speaking, there came another and said, “The Chaldeans formed three groups and made a raid on the camels and took them and struck down the servants with the edge of the sword, and I alone have escaped to tell you.” (18) While he was yet speaking, there came another and said, “Your sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother’s house, (19) and behold, a great wind came across the wilderness and struck the four corners of the house, and it fell upon the young people, and they are dead, and I alone have escaped to tell you.” (20) Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. (21) And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.” (22) In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.

Unlike Job, we are given a behind the scenes look at what was happening in all his suffering and loss. Job was not to blame. He was a righteous man and even in all this, he did not sin or charge God with wrong. Satan brought the attacks and all his evils were under the perfect sovereign control of God.

God never explained to Job what we are allowed to know. That whole scene in chapter one between God and Satan was never revealed to Job in all his lifetime. The lesson was that Job was to trust the Lord no matter what. His “friends” got it all wrong. It wasn’t the simple health/wealth prosperity theology – you do good and God will bless you. If bad things happen to you, it is because you did wrong. Nope. All wrong.

I mean this as encouragement to any of you who are suffering trials right now. It is a question for all of us to consider – “Is my present suffering and my trials worse or even as bad as those of Job?” We could apply the same question to others in scripture: the Israelites in Egypt, Noah surrounded and isolated in a world of evil, Daniel in the lions’ den, the Apostle Paul, David when pursued by Saul….on and on we could go.

And yet, the Lord delivered all of them. None of their situations were too hard for the Lord. Sometimes the deliverance came through removal from this evil world – like the martyrdom of Stephen. As John Bunyan wrote regarding the murder of Faithful in Vanity Fair, the people of God who are persecuted to death arrive immediately at the Celestial City while the rest of us continue on our pilgrimage to it in this evil world.

YOUR situation, trials, sufferings, and circumstances are not too hard for the Lord. He promises to take us safely through them. He is present with us in it all. And there will be an end to it one day. Our task is to pray without ceasing, to persevere in faith in Christ, and to know that we can cast our cares upon Him because the One who knows each hair on your head knows your circumstances even better than you do. And He cares. He cares for you.

Are You Ready?

Exo 12:11 In this manner you shall eat it: with your belt fastened, your sandals on your feet, and your staff in your hand. And you shall eat it in haste. It is the LORD’s Passover.

This world is not a friendly place for Christ’s people. It is enemy territory and it is not our home. We are aliens and strangers in it. The Lord tells us not to expect this world to be our friend and that it will be through many trials and tribulations that we travel through to the kingdom of God.

But we are leaving. We are pulling out. A great exodus is in the making – it is even happening right now, every time someone is brought to faith in Christ, every time a Christian dies and departs this temporal life…every time these things happen, a departure from this world occurs.

The Christian is a person who is marked by the blood of the Lamb. Christ is our Passover, and He is our Moses who is leading us in exodus to Canaan. Because all of this is true, let me ask you…are you ready? Do you love Christ’s appearing? If you know Him, your departure is at hand.

The Lord told the Israelites through Moses, as He instructed them about Passover, to be ready to go. It was time to pull out of this miserable slave prison of Egypt. As they prepared the Passover, they were to be ready to go. Dressed for travel. Belt fastened. Sandals on. Staff in hand. If you were there you could look at them and ask, “Going somewhere?” They were ready.

Are you ready? Are you living your earthly life with traveling clothes on so that any moment when the Lamb arrives you are set to go? This is to be our frame of mind moment by moment. It is our certain hope. We don’t cling to this perishing world. We don’t longingly glance back at Sodom. We are to be ready, every moment.

And people should be able to look at us and listen to us and be led to ask, “Going somewhere?” Yep!

There is Only One Who can Deliver You

Heb 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.

This scripture is profound and it is my intention in this article to help you see why it is one of the very, very most important truths for you to know. It is, in fact, the answer to all – yes, ALL – of your troubles.

I have been writing and teaching about the evil of domestic abuse hiding in churches for over a decade now. The things I have written are important to know. We must be wise about evil and be able to recognize its disguises and tactics. I have been contacted by scores (perhaps even several hundreds now) of domestic abuse victims, most of who are targets of a wolf in wool hiding in “christian” disguise. And they have asked me many questions as they sought help:

  • Do you know of a good attorney?
  • Can you help me find a sound church?
  • How can I survive the family court system?
  • What do you think about this verse of scripture my abuser uses against me?
  • The pastor and elders have sided with my abuser. What can I do?
  • How can I educate my pastor about abuse?
  • My children and other family members have sided with my abuser against me? How can I show them they are wrong?

And, as I said, these are important issues. Great pain and suffering is brought about in these things.

But…in the end there is only ONE who can deliver you. In a sense, as a Christian you only have ONE friend who will never fail you. And that Friend is, of course, the Lord Jesus Christ. But if He is to help you, then you must know Him. You must be born again.

Listen now – just because you are a victim of abuse does not in itself mean that you truly know Christ. Many, many people who profess to be Christians – aren’t. They are not saved. They are not regenerated. The Spirit of Christ is not in them. Their religion is one of outward forms, only on the surface, a religion of traditions and motions, but not of the heart.

I say these things because far more than a few times I have been contacted by a victim of abuse who professes to be a Christian. But when I respond to their questions with answers like these:

  • Pray and keep on praying. Ask the Lord to direct your ways and lead you where He wants you to go.
  • Read your Bible regularly, earnestly, and believe the promises of the Lord.

…when I respond to them this way, it is not a rare thing for them to respond to me with something like:

  • I have tried that, but nothing happens.
  • Those things just don’t seem to work for me.
  • I don’t think God is really good or He would rescue me.
  • I don’t want anything to do with church or the Bible anymore.

And the central point of this article that I want to put right out in front of you is this – without faith, it is impossible to please God. If you really don’t believe His Word, if you really don’t believe that He answers the prayers of His people, if you don’t believe that He rewards those who seek Him, as He promises, then He is not going to hear you because, in fact, you aren’t born again. You are not one of His children.

It is by faith in Christ that we are born again. It is faith in His promises that is a fruit which demonstrates we really know Him. The person who has no faith in Him has a heart that is still as hard and cold as stone.

Tell me, do you believe God? Do you possess faith which He gives to us as a gift when we are born again? Do you pray, in faith, and keep right on praying, believing that He hears you and will answer you in His way and in His time? Because, I say again, if a person does not possess this faith, they do not belong to Him.

There is NO problem, NO experience of suffering, NO grief – that the Lord cannot deliver you from. No matter how impossible it looks. Think of it – how possible did it look, what were the chances, that Moses could go before Pharaoh and effect the deliverance of the Jews from that cruel, enslaving bondage? It wasn’t possible. It was IM-possible. And yet it happened. By faith Moses…By faith, Abraham…by faith, Daniel…and the list goes on and on.

So chew on these words seriously. Stop listening to yourself and start talking the promises of God to yourself. And start right here:

Heb 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.

Why Does the Lord Permit Suffering?

I was reading an article recently by one of my very favorites – J. C. Ryle – entitled simply, “Sickness.” It is a chapter in his wonderful book, Practical Religion. Ryle proposes several reasons why the Lord permits even His own people to suffer sickness (and we can apply these reasons to other kinds of suffering as well). Here is what he proposed:

  1. Sickness helps to remind people of death and thus the folly of living one’s life as if they were never going to die and stand before God.
  2. Sickness helps to make men think seriously of God and their souls and the world to come.
  3. Sickness helps to soften our hearts, and teach us wisdom.
  4. Sickness helps to humble us.
  5. Sickness helps to test a person’s religion to demonstrate whether it is true or not.

Now, even though many if not most people fail to see these benefits when they suffer, this only demonstrates the depth of man’s sin and depravity. Sickness, as Ryle says, should be seen as God’s “day of visitation,” to make us think and consider the real and eternal issues of life.

And so, the next time you suffer, do as the old Puritans exhorted us to do – improve upon that suffering. Let the Lord through it improve you and bring you closer to Him.

The Evil Person Has no Foundation

Luk 6:46-49 “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you? (47) Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like: (48) he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built.

(49) But the one who hears and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great.”

As most all of you know, many evil people claim to be Christians. Abusers, revilers, narcissists, sociopaths – the list goes on. They are wolves in wool.

And they are something else – they are fools. Why? Because while he/she hears God’s Word and in many cases can quote it, entering into theological debate and manifesting apparent thorough knowledge of Scripture – such a person does not do God’s Word. He hears it, but does not do it.

Jesus said that a storm is coming. As in Noah’s day, so a great (and this time, final) deluge is heaping up right now. On the day when that dam bursts, two kinds of people will be revealed. Those who heard Christ’s Word and did it, and those who only heard. Sheep and goats. Wheat and chaff. One will prevail because he has laid a sure foundation – the Lord Jesus Christ. The other will perish because he build his house on the sand and will be washed away into hell.

In the early 20th century an entrepreneur came to Tillamook where we live. He had a dream. He was going to build a seafront boardwalk – something to rival Atlantic City. And he did in fact do it. A huge hotel, an indoor salt water pool – people even built homes there. They called it Bay Ocean. Well, if you go there today, other than for a few sparse remnants of concrete, all you will see is sand, beach grass, and the Pacific ocean. Why? Because the waters came. The ocean swept in and in a relatively short time everything eroded away.

There was no foundation. It did not stand.

And that, for all the wicked man’s seeming “wisdom,” is exactly what is going to happen to him one day. Swept away. Gone forever. There won’t even be the smallest sign in the kingdom of God that he ever existed. The wicked are fools. Their sin makes them fools.

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