Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 1 of 87

Truth-Tellers in a Toxic Family

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On December 11, 2025

In Churches/Church Response, Counseling

Gal 4:16 So have I become your enemy by telling you the truth?

I was listening to an online podcast focusing on narcissism recently. The subject was about the experience of the one person in a toxic family who sees the truth and speaks it. There are two routes facing the whistleblower in such a setting (and really in any toxic environment). The first path is to continue to speak the truth – let’s say regarding a narcissist parent. What is going to happen?

Well, the typical result is that the truth-teller is going to be made the scapegoat. Often to the point of actually being avoided, ostracized, and accused. This is the very thing Jesus spoke of-

Luk 14:26 “If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple.

I saw a picture on Instagram that portrayed this very thing. A man was walking down a road, back to us, carrying a suitcase. The caption was – “when an organization refuses to change its toxic structure it loses its best employees.” The toxic family or marriage does the same. It loses its healthy, truth-telling member while refusing to face the toxicity and change by dealing with the real culprit.

The second path is to conform. To be silent. And this way is never truly silence. It is characterized more by only speaking praise and adulation for the toxic person or family. This choice adds to the poison AND it eventually infects the one traveling this way. Quite often I have had teenagers or wives come to me as their pastor and tell me about an abuser parent or spouse. They want my help. Most often, they just want someone to hear them, but at other times they want someone to “fix” it. But you cannot (NOTE this carefully!) fix it! What we can do is provide a listening, believing, validating ear and we can point the person to helpful resources, we might even be able to provide some types of tangible resources to help (money, books on abuse, protection, etc) but you will never fix a narcissist. You will never fix a RASN. Because they never change. Never.

But back to the point. If the person who sees the truth of the toxin in their family or marriage or workplace or CHURCH, decides to go along with the status quo and not “make waves,” and if they remain in that entity – then over time the probability is very high that THEY will be a carrier of the toxin themselves. RASN-ism is a communicable disease!

1Co 15:33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”

Don’t misunderstand. I am not spreading blame here upon, for instance, abuse victims who at least for right now have no means of escape. There are so often financial barriers or child-custody issues that block a path to freedom. I am addressing the cases in which a freedom path does exist but the one who sees the truth decides to remain in that toxic place. And this dynamic is something I have seen personally quite often. People who once came to me, telling me about the toxin and asking for help, made a choice to remain in that broken, damaging place and as time went along they drank the kool-aid enough that they became toxic themselves. At that point – you can expect it – if you are the one who tried to help, and if you are the one who keeps directing the person to freedom road, YOU will become the culprit in their eyes. You will be seen as a threat and YOU will be blamed for it all.

I capitalized CHURCH above because very often a local church can be a toxic environment – a poisoning “family” if you will. Perhaps the pastor is the RASN or an elder or some “eminent saint” who wields power and control behind the scenes. This is what the Lord commands us to do in those cases-

3Jn 1:9-10 I wrote something to the church; but Diotrephes, who loves to be first among them, does not accept what we say. (10) For this reason, if I come, I will call attention to his deeds which he does, unjustly accusing us with wicked words; and not satisfied with this, he himself does not receive the brethren, either, and he forbids those who desire to do so and puts them out of the church.

And if that church decides to stand with Diotrephes, then it is no longer a real church but a synagogue of Satan. Shake of the dust and move on lest you participate in the poisoning of others.

RASNs and Compartmentalization

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On November 26, 2025

In Abusers

For such men are false apostles, deceitful workers, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.
(2Co 11:13-14)

Most of you know how RASNS (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, and narcissists) wear disguises. They do so for a number of reasons, one of which is that they lust for praise and, after all, who they really are will not evoke praise, rather it will bring rejection. A full-blown tyrant who possesses the power and resources to carry out whatever they desire perhaps need not be so concerned with a disguise. But most RASNs do not have a complete tyrannical power, and therefore they use deception to hide what they are and to gain power and control.

Now, when a person wears a disguise, to be really effective – they need to be able to compartmentalize their personhood. That is, they need to be able to divide who they are into at least two persons. The real and the false. Let me give an illustration.

Back in the cold war days when all kinds of espionage and spy intrigue were going on between, for instance, the United States and the Soviet Union, one soviet spy “became” a Roman Catholic priest. He studied laboriously for a long time under the tutelage of a one-time priest who had turned communist, learning the ins and outs of the Roman priesthood. The KGB filed all kinds of false documentation with various agencies so that this fellow passed and the real thing. Ultimately the RC church actually assigned him as priest to a church in New York. For over a decade he played out this role, all the while gathering intelligence data for the Soviets via connections he was able to make as a priest.

But my point is this – when the CIA finally discovered him and put electronic surveillance (bugs) in his room and searched through his files without his knowledge, they were amazed. Why? Because this man was able to actually “become” a priest, actually caring for the people in his church, delivering genuine eulogies and sermons. After his arrest, he reported that he really enjoyed his role as priest and that his own identify had become rather mixed up. Who was he? A priest? Or a Soviet spy?

But people like this, and RASNs included, are able to pull off such an effective disguise because they can compartmentalize their lives. They can step in and out of multiple roles. And this is why their disguise is soooo effective. A domestic abuser, for instance, who claims to be a Christian, easily assumes the persona of a fine saint when he or she is in a particular setting. At home, he reverts to what he really is. Unless we understand this dynamic. we will continue to be confused and deceived by the RASN.

RASNs Will Never do This

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On November 8, 2025

In Abusers

Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way. (Psalm 139:23-24)

True repentance involves a willingness to be “searched.” The Psalmist admitted that there could well be a “hurtful way” within him. A serious heart problem. And he asks the Lord to search him out in the deepest recesses of his being to discover any wicked thought, motive, or attitude – sin to sum it up in one word. He wants the Lord to shine light, to expose, and to then replace any such sin with “the everlasting way.” This is humility. It is repentance. It is confession.

A RASN (reviler, abusers, sociopath, narcissist) will never pray such a prayer. Why? Because he or she will never acknowledge any kind of sin, fault, error, blame, guilt on their part. They live a lie. They are a sham. Their only “prayer” is that of the self-righteous Pharisee who boasted of his fake righteousness to the Lord.

The greatest terror the RASN fears is that a light might shine upon him and strip away his disguise for all to see who and what he really is. Darkness hates the light. But for the true people of God, for those who are genuinely righteous with the righteousness of Christ, this searching of the heart, this divine exposure of everything within, is something we hunger and thirst for.

Seek the LORD, All you humble of the earth Who have carried out His ordinances; Seek righteousness, seek humility. Perhaps you will be hidden In the day of the LORD’S anger. (Zephaniah 2:3)

Will the RASN be hidden from the Lord’s wrath on the Day? No. He will be crying for the ricks and hills to fall upon him and hide him from that great light. But it will not work. He will be found out and his sin exposed for all the world to see.

RASNs as Corrupt Politicians

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On November 1, 2025

In Abusers, Evil

“But let your statement be, ‘Yes, yes’ or ‘No, no’; anything beyond these is of evil.
(Mat 5:37)

I am sure that you have noticed while watching the news that dishonest politicians are in no way the picture of Matthew 5:37. Today their “yes” is yes, but tomorrow it will be “no.” What they say and do vacillates depending upon present circumstances. This is because they are self-serving with no sound, firm principles.

Wicked people are like this. RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) are only consistent in being self-servers, users of others. They are the classic picture of the double standard. I knew a man just like this once. On the surface he seemed to be very confusing without any predictability. But he was in fact predictable – he would always come down on the side which served him the best.

RASNs are liars. Their yes is no and their no is yes. They also use this method to gaslight others. Crazy-making. Willfully unpredictable. “Sure, go ahead and buy those clothes for the kids.” 24 hours later – “you did what? Am I made of money?!!”

All of this is the mark of a wicked person who, if they claim to be a Christian, is a counterfeit – a tare among the wheat. Watch out for these kind in the church. When you sense that a person is consistently inconsistent, someone who is confusing to you – you are probably dealing with a RASN. A creep who has crept in among us.

RASN’s Have No Shame

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On October 24, 2025

In hubris, Narcissist, RASN

There is a normal kind of shame which is proper and which functions in a healthy person. In this article I don’t mean the wrong kind of shame which wicked people cast upon an innocent. I am speaking of shame which is rightly felt when we wrong someone or sin in some manner and later come to the realization of what we have done.

RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) are shameless. They are never truly and rightly ashamed. I have seen this evil in play many times. Someone, for example, who is a divisive person in a local church, who causes great harm to others there, and who is finally expelled from the fellowship, very typically will be absolutely shameless. They will smile and glad-hand you later as if that entire history never happened.

One example I know of was in the case of a full-blown narcissist who wrongly and sinfully divorced his wife. She was a wonderful person but by his monstrous ego made her life rather miserable. After he divorced her and went off with another woman, he returned to his victim’s house one afternoon, knocked on the door, and asked her, “Do you have a copy of the recipe for that chili that you make? I would like to have it.” Shameless, you see. A normal, functioning human being with a conscience would never have been able to show their face unless it was to confess their sin and in real brokenness ask for the forgiveness they don’t deserve. But not the RASN. No conscience, Never wrong. No empathy. And thus no shame.

In another case a very self-centered woman, a user of others, continued to ask favors of the people she had so used and wronged after the damage her sin had caused resulted in destroyed relationships. And yet even after all of that, she could shamelessly contact the very people she had used and try to use them again! They were, to her, people who owed her. People whose very purpose was to serve her. How could she even show her face to them? Because these kind of people have no shame. They have done nothing wrong, you see. And everyone owes them. Try to point their toxic traits out to them, and all you are going to get is more toxin throw at you. There are indeed people who are non-redeemable.

This shamelessness can take you by surprise, so foreign is it to a normal person. Here they come, smile on face, greeting you as if their dark history of sin never happened. And if they claim to be a Christian, this shamelessness is regarded by them as holy saintliness. “See how fine a Christian I am? See how big my heart is? I don’t hold anything against anyone.” The level of shamelessness this requires is exponential.

Such a shameless approach takes you, as I said, by surprise. You don’t process it quickly enough so after the encounter you find yourself musing – “I should have said….”. But you didn’t because the whole incident was so alien to you. I do remember the one time I was able to respond “You should be ashamed!” But there have been many more incidents in which, as the first lady I mentioned, I retrieved the chili recipe and gave it to them.

For many walk, of whom I often told you, and now tell you even weeping, that they are enemies of the cross of Christ, whose end is destruction, whose god is their appetite, and whose glory is in their shame, who set their minds on earthly things. (Php 3:18-19)

The Ending Reveals the Beginning

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On October 17, 2025

In Churches/Church Response, Counseling

Where a relationship ends up reveals what it was from the beginning

Often we can find ourselves going down that memory lane, thinking that things were so great back then. For anyone in a relationship with a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) and especially for a person married to a RASN, those good old days were not, in fact, the good old days.

One of the truths the target of a RASN needs to come to grips with is that at some point their marriage “went wrong.” It used to be good, but then it took a turn down abuser lane. But this is a fiction. When a relationship arrives at abuser-land, we can know that this is really what it always was. The RASN didn’t start out being a “good guy” and then gradually morph into the abuser he (or she) is today. A tree producing rotten fruit always had a bad root.

These are difficult truths to face up to. It isn’t pleasant to come to terms with the truth that the abuser never loved you. Never. Right from the start he was what he is. He may have expended more energy in wearing a disguise then, but a RASN is a RASN and always was a RASN.

As unpleasant as it is to face up to these things, this is the path to freedom. As long as an abuse victim clings to the idea that the RASN has a good side of “the force” within then, she will continue to rationalize and make excuses for the abuser. And generally these excuses have their origin in the abuser himself – “I had a bad upbringing;” “Things at work were hard today,” “You pushed my buttons,” and blah, blah, blah. We all need to realize that the common explanations for an abuser’s actions – “well, he just has anger issues,” etc – originate from the abuser himself. Think about that and let it sink in. The common psychological theory of a domestic abuser originates in the abuser himself. Abusers have been allowed to write the book on abusers!

Counselors and pastors, for example, allow a RASN to explain what is wrong with them and why they treat their spouse like they do. Buying into that nonsense, the counselors and pastors often present the victim with those abuse-excusing explanations and devise a plan of “therapy” founded upon these deceptive lies. The result? The prison of abuse enslaving the victim continues.

Abusers never change.

A marriage to an abuser does not need to be fixed, it needs to be ended.

The ending reveals what the beginning was.

These truths are mile markers on the road to freedom.

What is the Source of the RASN’s Popularity?

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On October 11, 2025

In Abusers, hubris, jealousy

‘I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.’
(Isa 14:14)

Very typically a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) is quite popular within his or her social circles. These might be at church, at work, with extended family or other social arenas. The RASN is held in high esteem for their charm, their helpfulness, their expertise in and skill or their academic prowess.

As a result, anyone who questions the RASN’s fame or ability is immediately written off as someone motivated by jealousy or ignorance or other ill motive. After all, everyone knows that the RASN is just the greatest. Any slight flaw seen in them is blamed upon someone else for “pushing the RASN’s buttons.”

However, the real source of the RASN’s popularity and famous reputation does not lie in true skill or genuine charm of persona. No. The actual origin of all of this wonderment of name and fame flows from the boastings and pride of the RASN himself. That is to say, the RASN is his own public relations department. He is “the greatest” person at his workplace. He is the best Christian. He is the pinnacle of fatherhood. Says who? Says the RASN himself.

And we very typically and unknowingly are caught up in this self-propaganda campaign of the RASN. We believe him or her. We buy into the belief that everyone at the RASN’s place of employment are incompetent fools and that if it weren’t for the RASN the business would fold. We are swept up into thinking that the RASN is the finest and most knowledgeable Christian in his church – because he tells us it is so.

But what is the reality? It is this – RASNs are fools. RASNs are the divisive source of trouble in whatever circle they operate in. It is not the wife or children of the RASN who stir up the trouble and frustration, it is the RASN. “I bring in 90% of the business where I work.” “If it weren’t for my hard work and wise counsel, the pastor of my church wouldn’t be able to make it.” “If my wife just realized how fortunate she is to have me as her husband….”. But these are all lies, and where do they find their source?

In the wicked one himself. The RASN is a fountain of lies. That is the real source of his or her popularity, which in reality is just a scam.

Abusers and Animals

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On September 25, 2025

In Abusers

Luk 12:24 Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!

Psa 145:15-16 The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season. (16) You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing.

Psa 147:9 He gives to the beasts their food, and to the young ravens that cry.

RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) have no empathy. The cosmos revolves around them and everyone and everything exists only to serve their wicked ego. One of the very common ways their evil nature is exposed is in regard to how they relate to the animals.

Domestic abusers, for example, are known to evidence cruelty to animals. Sometimes when they want to punish their targeted victims (usually their wife) they treat a pet in the home with cruelty. They will even kill a beloved pet just to punish and control.

This trait demonstrates what a RASN really is – a child of the devil. He (or she) can claim to be a Christian and put on some fake saintly disguise, but their true spiritual DNA is revealed in how they abuse animals – or show no empathy toward them at all. They are of their father the devil. If they were children of God they would do what He does – feed and care for the animals.

Cruelty to animals comes in levels over a spectrum, from outright physical abuse of a pet to actually killing it. But there are more subtle levels of this evil as well. For instance [and don’t misunderstand what I am about to say here – I realize that not everyone chooses to have a dog or cat or other pet for reasons that are valid and not evil] ….for instance, a RASN, because they are a black hole void of empathy, will show no affection or kindness toward animals. They may tolerate (and even that for selfish reasons) a dog, for instance, in the home. But if you observe them, the RASN will betray his cold heart. Not by outright visible actions, but simply by having absolutely no feelings toward Buster or Teddy or Coco.

Domestic animals (pets) are rather remarkable creatures. They show far more empathy and love than the RASN and in that sense they are more human than the RASN. God has commanded us to love one another and therefore love is something that is supposed to be part of the very essence of what it means to be a human being. In that sense then, the RASN is more of a beast than a dog is. Dogs and other higher order animals are without question capable of showing love for their master. A chief highlight of a dog, for instance, is to key on phrases like “go for a walk” or “want to go?” I haven’t ever been able to really sort out why these outings elicit such excitement for a pet, but surely part of the explanation is that they simply want to be “with.” With us. With their master. If the master is, for example, absent for sometime (it may only be for a few hours!) there will be the family dog sitting at the front window waiting to hear that car drive up. The tail wags, jumping and licking and barking ensue. The master is home.

We have in these animals a wonderful picture of the genuine Christian’s relationship to the Lord Jesus Christ. Listen to the Good Shepherd:

Joh 10:3-5 To him the gatekeeper opens. The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. (4) When he has brought out all his own, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice. (5) A stranger they will not follow, but they will flee from him, for they do not know the voice of strangers.”

None of these qualities are to be found in the RASN, regardless of how hard he works at his “christian” disguise. He does not know the voice of the Good Shepherd. Why? Because he does not know Him. He does not belong to Him. He is of his father the devil. And such a being is cruel toward Christ’s sheep.

Murder with Plausible Deniability

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On September 19, 2025

In Abusers, Evil, RASN

Joh 8:44 You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) are of their father the devil. Everyone born into this world is a child of wrath, a slave of the devil, but RASNs are way down the spectrum in the kingdom of darkness. These are people with no conscience, haters of good, people who see themselves as the center of the universe. And because they share a heavy dose of their father’s DNA, we should not be surprised to find that satanic quality of murder in them.

Now, let’s be very accurate here. ALL of us, the moment we are born into this world, are dead in sin. By nature we are (were, if you are a Christian) sinners, haters of God, opposed to Christ. And as such we have all been guilty of murder via hatred for others. Jesus said so in the Sermon on the Mount. But not all of us actively seek to literally murder another human being. RASNs often do. Some simply take a weapon and literally kill. You see this far too often in domestic violence.

But RASNs are crafty. They like to murder but they want to have plausible deniability. And so they can choose to devise some kind of “set up” for death. Let me explain.

I have seen domestic abusers act in ways which endanger their spouse or children. These tactics can be rather subtle – and thus deniable. Refuse to put safe tires on the wife’s car. Let her drive then in an unsafe vehicle. Send her on errands to places where a loving husband would at least accompany her. Even promote a “martyrdom” attitude in the family so that they make unsafe decisions. I have seen cases like these where a woman, for instance, does something that is dangerous because her abuser encouraged it. All of this is fueled by a murderous intent.

A loving husband will guard his wife. He will regard her as the weaker vessel and step up to his duty before God to protect his wife. He will not let her take chances which put her in a dangerous situation. The RASN, in contrast, can often be seen actually encouraging these kinds of choices. I wonder how many women have died because of these very kind of tactics?

RASNs are Like Their Father the Devil

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On September 11, 2025

In Churches/Church Response, Counseling

John 8:44  You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

Light and Darkness are incompatible. They cannot be reconciled. There is no gray area or middle ground of agreement. And so it is with good and evil, righteousness and unrighteousness.

2 Corinthians 6:14-15  Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?  (15)  What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?

The RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) is darkness. When we talk about this kind of individual, we are not speaking about a mere “difficult” person or about someone who is a “normal” unsaved person. We all have to operate in this fallen world and that means having to be in various relationships with non-Christian people. Employers, neighbors, family members, and so on.

But when we consider the RASN (and typically we deal here with the domestic abuser) we have left the realm of the “normal” and entered the territory of the abnormal. These are people who, like the Pharisees who hated Christ, actively seek to destroy (their father the devil is a murderer from the beginning), and they actively seek, through their arsenal of abuser tactics, to exercises power and control over their target. They are darkness and servants of the god of this world.

This is true of course of all unsaved people who are dead in their sin, in bondage to the devil. But might we not be correct in saying that there is a gradient of evil? All who are outside of Christ are in the darkness. They are servants of sin. They hate the law of God. So there is no one “good.” Not even one (see Romans 3:10ff).

But the RASN – take the narcissist or the sociopath for instance – is on the farther end of the spectrum of evil. Without conscience. Devoid of empathy. Heartless and cruel. An active hater of what is good and right.

These truths the typical professing Christian and the typical pastor or Christian counselor just doesn’t get or admit to. How often I have had these kind of people tell me “but we are all sinners.” They want to categorize the unregenerate into one common lump. But that is not reality. There really are people who are more evil than others, and RASNs are of that level of wickedness.

Therefore, when the church tells a victim of domestic abuse that she (or sometimes he) must remain in marriage to their abuser, what does this mean? It means that such “counselors” are demanding that darkness and light co-exist. Remember, I am not talking about a situation in which a Christian finds herself married to an unsaved husband. I am addressing the scenario of a Christian married to a RASN. To demand that such a non-marriage continue is to deny the nature of the wicked spouse. Jesus said that such people are of their father the devil. That they share their father’s wicked DNA and thus, like him, they are liars and murderers. They don’t just want to not think about Christ, they want to kill Him and all who belong to Him.

When a church leader then, orders an abuse victim to remain bound to her RASN, that leader is actually ordering her to continue to live with Cain, who is in various ways, acting with murderous intent toward her. I have written elsewhere that domestic abuse is murder cooked slowly. Just put her on the barbeque on low and let her cook.

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