Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 1 of 88

RASNs are Never Wrong – Even if They sink the Boat

By

On March 30, 2026

In Abusers, Churches/Church Response

If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not in us. (1Jn 1:10)

RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) are not Christians. How do we know? Because they never confess their sin. They are never wrong. Never. Just ask them. And therefore, as John says, they call God a liar. They are not born again. This is a very important point which abuse victims need to understand if they are going to start on the path to freedom. The denial of this truth is typical in “biblical counseling” and churches where the victims of RASNs are told that because the RASN claims to be a Christian, it is “unchristian” of us to doubt it.

I saw a perfect example of this business a number of years ago. I took a man from our church (he left us long ago when he could no longer hear truth) out in my boat at the entrance to the ocean. I asked him if he would like to steer it for awhile and he did so. Quite soon, he decided to navigate to the opposite side of the channel between the jetties. He didn’t ask. He just did it. Soon we were out of the navigation channel and into much shallower water where jagged rocks lay just under the surface. He clipped one of them and I told him to get back over into the channel. His response? “Do you think I was born yesterday?”

Well, later as we were heading in he was steering again (don’t let a RASN steer you in any way!) and he once again veered off the entrance channel into a very shallow area. I told him he needed to stay to the other side. His response? “Then you take it!” And he walked away from the helm.

A RASN not only cannot admit fault when it comes to steering a boat, they will never admit their sin. Any “confession” on their part (which is rare) is just a sham, a fake designed to deceive. It would be a number of years before I learned just what this man was. He wasn’t simply a stubborn, bull-headed guy. No. He was a self-centered, bullying, false Christian who wouldn’t even listen to God’s own Word.

A couple of years later he came up to me after I had taught a Bible study and blurted out, “I don’t care what you say. My mother is in heaven. I saw her pray one time.” I had said nothing about his mother. I never met or knew her. But it was the truth of God’s Word that he hated. Soon after he took himself and his wife out of our church. Now he knows. But its too late. Too late.

We dismiss, far too often, RASNs as being simply “difficult people.” That is letting them off too easy. Classing them like that is just an excuse to cling to the false notion that just about everyone who says they are in Christ, are. The truth is this – the way is narrow and few are they who find it. A person who says they love God but they hate their brother is a liar. No, this fake and stupid boat navigator was what the Lord calls a fool. He was an arrogant, abusive, narcissistic man who, for many years, had been excused by the previous pastors of our church who compromised God’s Word so as to broaden the narrow way for the likes of this guy.

Faulty Doctrine in the Church Enables Evil

By

On March 19, 2026

In Churches/Church Response, Evil

I am writing these things to you, hoping to come to you before long; but in case I am delayed, I write so that you will know how one ought to conduct himself in the household of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and support of the truth. (1Ti 3:14-15)

The Church is commissioned by Christ to uphold His truth without any dilution or compromise. A local Christian church is to be THE household of God wherein people can find, see, and hear God’s truth. Truth about God Himself. Truth about man and sin. Truth about Christ and salvation through faith alone in Him alone. In other words, a place where God’s Word is faithfully and accurately preached, taught, obeyed, and lived.

Very, very few local churches are the pillar and support of the truth.

As a result, evil is able to flourish. Church discipline is not practiced so that the wicked are exposed and expelled. False shepherds stand in the pulpit. People who are not saved are assured that they are. And the innocent are oppressed by the wicked who creep in among the sheep.

This is why so many of you have been victimized by evil people who were in a church that you attended. Where the lie is taught, evil is able to flourish comfortably. People who bear bad fruit, who wear a saintly mask but in fact are the devil’s emissaries find themselves very comfortable and accepted and justified in such a place.

When we use the word “doctrine,” what we mean is the content of what we believe, and when we speak of “bible doctrine,” we mean that body of truth which God’s Word teaches us. Many professing Christians say that they don’t want to be bothered with “doctrine” because it is boring and something just for academia and theologians. But every one of us embraces a doctrine about God and about ourselves and about salvation. If that doctrine we hold to is not what the Bible teaches, then we are embracing lies. It is Christ’s truth that sets us free, that shows us the Narrow Way that leads to life, that frees us from Satan’s bondage and makes us children of God. All of that is doctrine.

Now, the primary reason that you who have been oppressed by a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist) is because of lies, false doctrine. Specifically, false doctrine about who a Christian is, what regeneration is and what a born again person will necessarily look like. You have been taught false doctrine about forgiveness, about sin, about the church, and more. And because of this, evil has been able to be pronounced “not so bad” or even “good.” You have been told that you are required to forgive and reconcile with evil. That God does not permit divorce. And all of these lies and more are what keep people enslaved to wolves.

All of this is why I preach through God’s Word. We recently completed some 130 video lessons on Ephesians and we are halfway through Romans now 127 lessons and going. (You can find these on our Light for Dark Times Jeff Crippen Youtube channel). Without this kind of preaching and teaching (and I back up what I teach with the works of respected men like Martyn Lloyd-Jones and Robert Haldane)…without this kind of preaching AND obedience to it, a church is never going to be the pillar and support of truth. Instead, it will be the pillar and support of a den of wolves.

You are all invited to join our church online – even become real members of it. Others have done so and we know them. They email and text me, the join in on Sundays with us, they follow the mid-week Bible studies, and they can be assured that there will be no wolves lurking by them. I know that all of us want an “in-person” church, but let me tell you – being in-person with a place where evil is enabled and God’s Word is distorted is NOT preferable to joining in with a real church online. Don’t let anyone pull the “but that would be forsaking the assembling together with the saints” (see Hebrews on that) twist of Scripture. You are not gathering together with the saints if you gather in a false church. Think of Paul’s epistles. Some of the churches had never laid eyes on Paul. He wrote to them and I guarantee you that if he had livestreaming tech in his day he would have used it!

Domestic Abuse Victims are All Around Us

By

On March 12, 2026

In Churches/Church Response

Woe to those who enact evil statutes And to those who constantly record unjust decisions, So as to deprive the needy of justice And rob the poor of My people of their rights, So that widows may be their spoil And that they may plunder the orphans. (Isaiah 10:1-2)

I am frequently asked “how many people are in your church?” I reply, “about 20 and then around another 20 who join us online regularly on Sundays.” And you can see in the questioner’s eyes – “Hmmmm….” and read their thoughts – “Nothing happening there.” A response like this betrays the fact that the person asking the question is ignorant of the Lord’s ways. They haven’t given a thought to questions such as – “How many people faithfully follow Jesus? Or Paul? What expectation does the Bible give us as to how many people are going to genuinely follow Christ?

“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. “For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.
(Mat 7:13-14)

But let me get to my main point. Local churches very typically have in their membership RASNs who are hiding behind a saintly disguise. And when they are exposed, they lash out, blame, accuse, and leave. They do not repent. They leave. The darkness hates the light. And this is what has happened here in our own church, and it will happen in any church that brings the light of God’s truth upon evil faithfully. We have experienced all of this and we have concluded, correctly so, what the headline of this article states – Domestic abuse victims are all around us. They are not a rarity. RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) LOVE to hide as saints in the church. They are the creeps who creep in among us. And in most cases, they are very comfortable there as they enjoy safety from the naivete and even willful blindness of professing Christians.

I say that domestic abuse victims are all around us, and that means also that RASNs are all around us. Not only have I seen the proof of this statement in our experience in our church over the years, but I see it in my contacts with people “out there.” In everyday contacts with strangers. When the situation and the conversation warrants it, I bring up the subject. I might hand the person a copy of my book – Unholy Charade – when I see that “look” on the person’s face that says, “I know this thing. I have or am in it right now.” Or “I have a son/daughter who is in this very situation.”

And what I am saying here is that such reactions are not rare. Once a number of years ago I spoke at a pastor’s conference, having been assigned to present the morning “devotion.” What “devotion” means in such cases is “find something in the Bible to make everyone feel good at the start of their day.” But I didn’t. What I did do is expound on Jude’s statement that creeps creep in among us in the church, abusers, sociopaths, child predators, narcissists, and I gave personal illustrations of exactly how such creeps had attacked our own church from within. Well, the crowd went totally silent. Remember, these were pastors, their wives, elders, and other church leaders. Dead quiet. An uncomfortable silence. Why? Because I had shone light upon the very evils that they had among them in their own churches and had been ignoring or simply did not know what to do about it.

Afterwards, two things happened. First of all, a number of people came up to me and said “We have exactly such a situation in our church,” or in other cases a woman might give be a look and thumbs up and mouth the words “thank you.” The second thing that happened was that one of the conference organizers called me and said that the leadership had decided not to upload my “devotion” to the group’s website, as is normally done, because “it was too sensitive a topic.” And guess what? Not too much time afterwards the ugly truth was uncovered that the very leadership of that organization had been for years covering up one of their own pastors who was abusing children in his church. That guy is now in prison and a very large number of churches left that organization.

RASNs and their victims are all around us. We need to bring up this subject in the course of our daily contacts and direct them to the truth of God’s Word about it. One way I choose to do this is to give them a copy of my book, Unholy Charade, (I am not trying to sell my books here by the way) and to provide them with the website address of this blog, send them to our site at sermonaudio.com/crc or our Youtube site at Light for Dark Times, Jeff Crippen where they will not only find truth about RASNs, but will hear about Christ and the salvation He has effected for all who will turn to Him in faith and repentance. I encourage you all to do the same as you can.

Churches Welcome New Members and Appoint Elders Without any Background Check

By

On March 3, 2026

In Churches/Church Response

1Ti 5:22 Do not lay hands upon anyone too hastily and thereby share responsibility for the sins of others; keep yourself free from sin.

We all know, anyone knows (unless they are completely lacking in discernment) that evil people, counterfeit Christians, narcissists looking for self-glory, and other such types very typically seek out the local church as their stage of operation. How could anyone not know this? There are regular reports of pastors and church officers and church members being busted for molesting children, stealing church funds, being caught in adultery, and on the list goes. You know this. We know this. Who doesn’t know it?

And YET, in spite of the clear commands of God’s Word, one such command cited above, local churches, pastors, elder boards, denominations, Christian schools regularly (dare I say even typically) NEVER look into the background of a person they want to appoint as an elder, a deacon, a youth ministry leader, a Sunday School teacher, or, believe it or not, sometimes even a pastoral candidate!

I have seen this evil over and over and over. Here is a man, for instance, relatively new to a church and having come from another church, who appears to be a fine, godly saint. So, he is appointed as an elder. But no one bothered to look into his background. To check with his previous church or to interview other references. The thing is unthinkable but I can tell you it happens over and over again.

Why? That is a good question, is it not? Why? How does such a church know that he is not a pedophile, or a divisive man of whom Paul commands us:

Rom 16:17 Now I urge you, brethren, keep your eye on those who cause dissensions and hindrances contrary to the teaching which you learned, and turn away from them.

How does such a church know that this man is not an abuser of his wife? Or a full-blown narcissist? They do NOT know because they do not really know the man. So, they go right ahead and appoint the man into a church office or accept him/her as a member or Sunday School teacher. They have just welcomed a wolf into the flock. They are guilty and as Paul told Timothy, they will share in such a person’s sins.

But back to the question – why? Secular businesses and organizations regularly do background checks. Has the person ever been arrested? Has he or she ever been terminated from employment? And yet churches not only rarely ignore such investigations, they actually believe that this man or woman who they don’t really know, is what he or she says they are. What about Jesus’ teaching about wolves in sheep’s clothing? Well, these people just ignore that.

And, therefore, local churches have domestic abusers, narcissists, even pedophiles serving in various church offices and positions. The pastor himself may be such a one. No one checked. And guess what happens if you suggest that such a background investigation be made? You will be labeled a troublemaker, unspiritual, lacking faith, or even somewhat slanderous.

The devil and his servants are so very, very subtle and deceptive. Churches that hastily accept a person and judge by appearances (the appearances they see on Sunday mornings that is), are being disobedient to God’s Word and unbelieving of that Word.

What might be other reasons for such willful carelessness? Well, ignorance of evil would be one reason. Ignorance of how narcissists and sociopaths and socially charming pedophiles operate. Such church leaders who are this careless are not fit to shepherd Christ’s people. Another reason is that well, “we just don’t want to risk offending the man.” I have personally informed people on a couple of occasions that we would be looking into their background and guess what? They never came back. Good!!

I am sure there are other reasons – perhaps you can suggest more in the comments here. But I can tell you definitely – the common, typical practice of local churches is that they never look into the background of a candidate for membership or appointment to a church office.

Such so-called shepherds will give an account to the Chief Shepherd one day.

The Good Ol’ Boys (and girls) Club Silences the Case of Abuse Victims

By

On February 17, 2026

In Churches/Church Response, Evil

Gal 2:11-14 But when Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned. (12) For prior to the coming of certain men from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles; but when they came, he began to withdraw and hold himself aloof, fearing the party of the circumcision. (13) The rest of the Jews joined him in hypocrisy, with the result that even Barnabas was carried away by their hypocrisy. (14) But when I saw that they were not straightforward about the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas in the presence of all, “If you, being a Jew, live like the Gentiles and not like the Jews, how is it that you compel the Gentiles to live like Jews?

Paul rebuked Peter not only to his face, but in the presence of all. Publicly. Because the truth of the gospel was more important than anything, and Peter was sliding into a denial of it.

There is a good ol’ boys club mentality (with women members as well) that refuses to do what Paul did. Our of a craving to remain well-liked, popular, rewarded and part of the in-group. there is an unspoken climate in professing Christendom which says, “you must never criticize anyone in the group. And certainly never publicly. And if you do, you will be guilty of a terrible disrespect to your brethren and there will be consequences.” And thus, when celeb type preachers and other popular figures in churches and other groups teach that, for example, abuse is never grounds for divorce, they must never ever be called to accounts for their error.

I have experienced this myself for many years and I could give you many examples of how I have been expelled from the “in groups” because I have publicly, in my books and speaking and this blog, rebuked popular Christian men and women for the harmful and dangerous error they teach. Good bye any invitations to speak at conferences. Good bye to my books being promoted. Good bye to acceptance in a denomination of churches. And so it goes.

You see the same thing operating to the detriment of our nation when you look at Congress for instance. The rule is – you must never call another member of Congress to accounts for their even harmful errors. If you do so, you will be ostracized. Punished. It will cost you. This is how the world works – and if you have ever been a whistleblower you know what I am speaking of.

But the church is supposed to be the pillar and support of truth. We are not to be respecters of persons. When false, unbiblical doctrines are being preached and people put in bondage under them, we are to shine the light of truth upon the error and let the rats scurry off if they won’t repent. But this is simply not common in our day. Typically the truth-tellers are driven away while the rats enjoy advancement up their self-created career ladders.

But I do not care. I really don’t. Paul named names and he did so publicly. And so must we.

Are You Relying on a RASN for Future Spousal Care?

By

On January 30, 2026

In Abusers, Getting Free

I recently came across a podcast on Youtube entitled “Why Narcissists Do Not Like Sick People.” This is a subject I had not thought about much. I mean we know that RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) have no empathy, but consider how this would play out when the RASN’s spouse or child becomes ill, especially ill for an extended period of time.

To the RASN, other people only exist as a source of the RASN’s “supply.” That is, the RASN uses others to feed his or her lust for self-glory and exaltation. A “trophy wife” for instance is simply that to the RASN – a trophy to be used for the provision of self praise. BUT what is going to happen when that wife becomes ill? Let’s say she is diagnosed with a serious, debilitating illness and is going to require extended care? You guessed it – she has outgrown her usefulness and has become an unwanted burden. Oh, in certain settings the RASN might put on a show of compassion to impress others how “lucky” the wife is to have such a “caring” husband. But that is just a show. It’s fake and lasts only as long as there is an audience to impress.

Now, one particular point this podcaster made was that rather often victims of RASNs will choose to stay with the RASN for years, and even more so as old age approaches. The thinking is, “who is going to care for me when I cannot care for myself?” But what we are forgetting is that RASNs are not people who care for or about others. Caring for someone who is ill requires care, not carelessness. It demands self-giving, not self-praising. It requires, in other words, love. But the RASN’s accounts come up empty in each of these qualities. They have nothing to give because they do not WANT to give. They are takers. Oh, if the RASN is the one who needs care, here comes the avalanche of demands. The old double standard comes into play once more.

So, these are certainly things to think about. If anyone is thinking that their abuser is “at least” going to provide care for them one day, just look at the past. Consider the history. Has your RASN ever truly provided care? Typically domestic abusers, for instance, refuse to provide even basic resources for their victim in obtaining health care. If your RASN doesn’t care now, why would we think he/she is going to care then? As has often been said, the best predictor of the future is the past.

The RASN’s Descent into Mordor

By

On January 15, 2026

In Abusers, Evil

Most of you have seen the Lord of the Rings series, or read it. You will remember that closing scene at the fires of Mordor where Gollum clutches “his precious” all the while falling into destruction in the fires. Gollum gives us a very accurate and fitting picture of the RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist). And really of anyone who clutches their sin instead of turning from it to salvation in Jesus Christ.

The “precious” of the RASN is – himself. His delusion by which he regards himself to be the center of the universe is a path to destruction – eternal destruction in hell, but also destruction in this present life. RASNs are surrounded by the devastation they cause, and this destruction is destructive even to themselves. They cut off the branch which they are seated on.

You can think of many examples – most of you have had the hard experience of them personally. RASNs destroy marriage, family, relationships, finances, careers, children, local churches and more.

DESTRUCTION AND MISERY ARE IN THEIR PATHS,
(Rom 3:16)

But, like our character Gollum, they cling to their precious self-image. To let it go would be the ultimate terror for them. They choose the lie and shudder at any ray of truth. They choose the fires of hell where the worm does not die rather than be exposed. Unlike Gollum who, in the novel’s fiction, ended in nothingness – it will not be so for the RASN. What will, for instance, the narcissistic abuser be thinking when he stands before the Lord naked and exposed, where every lie will be uncovered and every secret of the heart revealed?

“As Is” and “What You See is Not Necessarily What You Get”

By

On January 8, 2026

In Abusers, Counseling

We know that RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) are very deceptive. They wear disguises and like their father the devil, they can appear as angels of light or sons of righteousness as the Apostle Paul puts it.

In defending ourselves against these kind, there are two points of wisdom which will serve us well if we truly believe them and do not permit false ideas to steer us into danger. The first point is the “As Is” principle which I was encouraged to hear being taught recently. Let’s consider what it means.

To employ “As Is” in approaching a relationship is to truly understand and believe that very, very few people actually morph into a better person. Really, it is only the Lord who can make someone a new creation through the new birth by faith alone in Christ alone. But the Bible makes it clear that the way is narrow that leads to life and few are they who find it. Most people, the vast majority, choose to walk the easy way of Broadway which leads to hell. The church, the real church, therefore, is often referred to in the Bible as the “remnant.”

Now, what does this mean in regard to this “As Is” principle? Simply this – that when we approach relationships, when for instance we consider someone as a potential spouse, we must take time to get to know them. Because (and I will insert the second principle of wisdom here) “what you see is not necessarily what you get.” This means, of course, that sin is deceptive and that wicked people are often adept at concealing who and what they really are. How often have we heard from abuse victims who tell us that the person they thought they were marrying disappeared on the honeymoon and a very different person emerged! “What you see is not necessarily what you get.” It is vital that we approach new relationships with this piece of wisdom. Paul warned Timothy of this in respect to appointing officers in the church:

1Ti 5:22 Do not lay hands upon anyone too hastily and thereby share responsibility for the sins of others; keep yourself free from sin.

Our natural tendency is to be, well, foolish. We want to believe the best about people, but that approach must be seasoned with wisdom. With a realization that your initial impression may be quite wrong.

And this brings us back to the “As Is” principle. As a relationship develops, and if we are wise and therefore we begin to see the real person – be it only through a few “mask-slipping” warning signs or via more evident traits – we must NEVER proceed down the “I am sure I can help and fix this person” highway. That path is a road to disaster and misery. In other words, we should imagine this label upon the person – “As Is.” If you see clearly, if you have taken the time to truly see what a person is, then they are “As Is.” No warranties to fall back on. Let the buyer beware.

Hearing someone else state this “As Is” principle was quite encouraging to me because for the last 12 years as I have written on this blog and in several books, I have repeatedly presented these two principles which I still believe today:

  1. Abusers (RASNs) never change.
  2. A marriage to an abuser does not need to be fixed, it needs to be ended.

Abusers are “As Is.” And I tell abuse victims that if they will embrace these two principles as truth and then base their decisions about the relationship on these two points, they will make wise decisions which will eventually lead to freedom.

I have actually had abuse victims get quite angry with me when I presented these two truths to them. I was actually just trying to teach them the “As Is” principle. What you now see is what you will continue to get. The best way to predict what your relationship with the abuser is going to be in the future is to look at what it has been in the past. Because abusers never change. They are “As Is.” You cannot return them for a replacement. You can’t get your money back for a defective item. You cannot “save them.”

“But my God can do the impossible! I refuse to give up! I have faith! God can change anyone.” That is not wisdom, nor is it faith. There are things that the Lord cannot do. He cannot and will not be untrue to His own character. He will not wink at sin. He will not save anyone who refuses to call upon Him for His saving mercy. He cannot save the devil.

Why Does it Take so Long to Realize What a RASN is?

By

On December 21, 2025

In Churches/Church Response, Evil, Narcissist, RASN

Rev 2:19-20 ‘I know your deeds, and your love and faith and service and perseverance, and that your deeds of late are greater than at first. (20) ‘But I have this against you, that you tolerate the woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, and she teaches and leads My bond-servants astray so that they commit acts of immorality and eat things sacrificed to idols.

The Lord Jesus commended the church at Thyatira for very commendable qualities – love, faith, service, perseverance and increasing commitment. And yet, in the midst of this genuine church, here was this Jezebel. An incredibly evil person teaching false doctrine, promoting immorality and idolatry. How can we reconcile these things? What is the explanation?

I don’t think that the genuine believers there willfully turned a blind eye to this wolf in wool. I think that they simply didn’t “get it.” They didn’t see her for what she was. And this is the typical dynamic when a reviler, abuser, sociopath, or narcissist is among us. We just don’t “see it” for quite sometime. We don’t see what is right in front of us. The RASN does his or her evil deeds and we get glimpses of those sins, but we remain blinded to the truth – this person is evil. This is not a brother or sister in Christ. This is not a husband or wife who loves me. Our relationship is a sham.

There are several reasons why we don’t get it for so long. Of course there is the disguise the RASN wears, pretending to be someone he or she is not. But there is also the fact that we tend to believe that the RASN thinks like we do. That Jezebel has a basic love for others, she just isn’t perfect. So we cut her slack. We excuse behaviors that are quite inconsistent with a claim to be in Christ. We don’t remove them from the church or separate from them. We don’t want that divorce.

But the Lord, in His goodness and justice, finally opens our eyes. He comes to us and says, “Hey, see that woman Jezebel (or that man Diotrephes)? That person is wicked and you must not continue to tolerate their presence in My church. If you don’t take care of dealing with them, I am going to.”

Rev 2:21-23 ‘I gave her time to repent, and she does not want to repent of her immorality. (22) ‘Behold, I will throw her on a bed of sickness, and those who commit adultery with her into great tribulation, unless they repent of her deeds. (23) ‘And I will kill her children with pestilence, and all the churches will know that I am He who searches the minds and hearts; and I will give to each one of you according to your deeds.

When we obey the Lord and put these kinds of people out of Christ’s church, when we see them for what they really are – creeps who have crept in among us (see Jude on this), the Lord is glorified. Oh sure, Jezebel has her “children,” her followers, and typically they are going to leave us as well when we deal with their leader. But the Lord is glorified in our obedience. “All the churches will know that I am He who searches the minds and hearts.” Word will get around. Other Jezebels and their disciples will stay clear of us because they love darkness and cringe at the light of Christ that shines in a true church and in a true Christian. They will project, they will accuse, but they will fear because the Lord is with us, He is in His holy temple.

Abigail Acted in Self-Defense

By

On December 19, 2025

In Abusers, Churches/Church Response, Counseling

Now there was a man in Maon whose business was in Carmel; and the man was very rich, and he had three thousand sheep and a thousand goats. And it came about while he was shearing his sheep in Carmel (now the man’s name was Nabal, and his wife’s name was Abigail. And the woman was intelligent and beautiful in appearance, but the man was harsh and evil in his dealings, and he was a Calebite), (1Sa 25:2-3)

When Abigail saw David, she hurried and dismounted from her donkey, and fell on her face before David and bowed herself to the ground. She fell at his feet and said, “On me alone, my lord, be the blame. And please let your maidservant speak to you, and listen to the words of your maidservant. “Please do not let my lord pay attention to this worthless man, Nabal, for as his name is, so is he. Nabal is his name and folly is with him; but I your maidservant did not see the young men of my lord whom you sent. “Now therefore, my lord, as the LORD lives, and as your soul lives, since the LORD has restrained you from shedding blood, and from avenging yourself by your own hand, now then let your enemies and those who seek evil against my lord, be as Nabal. (1Sa 25:23-26)

Abigail was married to a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist). Nabal the fool (as Abigail emphasized, ‘for as his name is, so is he.’), had put his entire household in mortal danger. David and his men were coming to wipe them out as a result of Nabal’s wickedness. So what did Abigail do?

She took action to protect herself and the entire household. She exercised self-defense. She was married to an abuser and she was an abused wife. She defended herself. And the Lord blessed her.

Surely we can see in this account that God permits abused women to defend themselves. To take action. Such actions can include many things – making economic provision for escape, separation, divorce, and so on. She has a right to ask for help. She has a right to expose her RASN’s evil foolishness and tactics. All of these things are simply forms of self-defense.

Those people who (some pastors, many Christians, theologians, counselors)…who deny the abuse victim’s God-given rights to self-defense need to be called to accounts for the ridiculous ends to which such denials lead. If an abuser is poisoning his target, if he picks up a gun or a knife and is threatening to kill her, consistency requires these people to insist that the victim must submit, even if it kills her. Some Christian leaders have actually come out and said this, claiming that the “suffering” will sanctify her and if she dies, well, all the abuser has done is send her to glory. The Apostle Paul had the right to appeal to Caesar, but abuse victims do not?

Page 1 of 88

Next