Unholy Charade - Jeff Crippen

Unmasking the Domestic Abuser in the Church

Author: Jeff Crippen Page 1 of 85

Still Seeking Your RASN Father’s Approval?

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On June 21, 2025

In Family/Children, Getting Free

I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me. (John 17:23)

Not everyone has the privilege of growing up in a home where their parents truly loved them. More often than we would like to think, a parent is a RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist).

It is natural to human beings to desire to be loved, for example, by their father. In fact, most children believe that their parents (let’s focus on the father in this article) really do love them. But if their father is, for instance, a narcissist, the sad truth is that the child is not loved by dad. Narcissists don’t love. They don’t have empathy. They are users, the center of the universe. Even their children exist only to praise and serve them. The whole scenario is incredibly confusing and crazy-making to a child as the years go by. In spite of all the shaming, guilting, abuse and other ugly tactics, people generally grow up telling themselves that their father does love them.

But he doesn’t. He never did. He doesn’t love anyone.

Now, as a child enters adulthood, this false believe doesn’t disappear. However, at the same time the child, now an adult, continues to try to earn his or her father’s approval. We all want our father’s approval. You rehearse scenarios in your mind – even if you had a good father – in which your performance pleases dad. You also rehearse those scenes where you failed to earn dad’s approval. But the nasty dynamic which a narcissist father instills in his children is a no-win setting. Always striving. Always trying. Must have dad’s approval.

But they never will have it. the narcissist only approves of himself and demands that everyone else approve of him regardless of the truth that he deserves no approval at all.

So how does such a person (the now adult one-time child) break out of this addiction to dad’s approval? I suggest that there is only one ultimate, lasting way to get free and it is this – you need to realize that in Christ you have a real Father who really loves you and approves of you. [I am talking to Christians here – those who have been born again by faith alone in Christ alone. God the Father does not approve of those who reject Him]. The thing is quite incredible. You see it in the scripture quoted above. When we are born again, when we are thereby in Christ, the Father loves us with the same love by which He loves His Son! We won’t get a real handle on this until the day we are with Him in the new heavens and earth. But it’s true.

We need to embrace this truth. In Christ, we are a child of God (don’t believe that lie that all people are God’s children. They aren’t). In Christ we have a Father in heaven who loves us with a love that not even the most loving earthly father could direct toward us. Our Father who art in heaven…. And this Father not only loves, He IS love for all who love Him.

This is where freedom really is to be found. Those recurring replays in my mind where I earn my earthly father’s approval or fail to get it, where I wish and wish and wish I could go back in time and “get it right,” are all flights of fancy, vestiges instilled in our minds by a father whose love was imperfect or non-existent. If only… but the “if” will never happen.

So turn the eyes of your mind upward where your true life is. Dive into your real Father’s Word where He meets you and realize more and more and more that because of Christ and this great salvation the Father has given us in Him, you already have His love. Serve Him, believe His promises, confess your sins to Him and receive His forgiveness, and look forward daily to that day of all days when you hear Him say, “well done, good and faithful servant.”

The RASN is an Addict

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On June 17, 2025

In Abusers, Evil

Psalms 7:14  Behold, the wicked man conceives evil and is pregnant with mischief and gives birth to lies.

I listened to a very helpful podcast this week by Dr. Les Carter. He discussed narcissism as an addiction, comparing the narcissist to an addict. One point in particular which he made was this: the addict grows in his/her toleration of their drug. They have to have more and more and more of it to meet their craving.

And so it is with the RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist). They are addicted to the drug of ego food. Their ego, their self-entitlement, their superior mindset, demands increasing doses as time passes. In other words, the RASN grows more and more evil. And just as an addict rages when his drug is not available, so it is with the RASN.

I have seen this in action, and I suspect most of you have as well. Initially in a relationship with a RASN, the demand for praise and elevation is perhaps not that noticeable. It is more easily met. We administer it and don’t think that much about doing so. But as the years go by, things keep changing. The RASN’s addiction to ego food grows and grows in intensity. If he does not receive his injection, he rages and hates and strikes out.

This is why RASNs increase in, for example, the wicked fruit of jealousy. They hate the success of others. They crave it for themselves. And so they begin working to erode and corrode success in those around them. Healthy people are glad when others succeed. In a church, for instance, when one member of the body is blessed, the rest of the members rejoice because, after all, we are all one in Christ.

Not so, the RASN. Not only is he not glad that the Lord is blessing someone else, he hates it. And really, if you think this through, his hatred is ultimately directed toward the Lord. “I deserve! Give me! That person think they are soooo great! But I am the great one and I demand to be recognized!”

This is why we are often left wondering, after a RASN has all-out attacked and rejected us, if they were always “that way.” Well, in a sense they were. The root of this evil was always there. But it grew. Just like a drug addict, their tolerance to ego food increased so that they demanded more and more and more of it. This is the spirit in them:

2 Thessalonians 2:3-4  Let no one deceive you in any way. For that day will not come, unless the rebellion comes first, and the man of lawlessness is revealed, the son of destruction,  (4)  who opposes and exalts himself against every so-called god or object of worship, so that he takes his seat in the temple of God, proclaiming himself to be God.

The RASN is a Thief

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On June 12, 2025

In Abusers

John 10:10  The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

If you will pardon the personal illustration, I would like to talk to you about how revilers, abusers, sociopaths, and narcissists STEAL not only from their targeted victims, but from many others in the circle of the victims’ world.

We knew an exceptionally godly young woman many years ago (over half a century now!) who was married to a RASN. Being young and inexperienced, we did not realize the nature of the man she was married to. Oh, we could see some of the foibles but what we did not know about was the level of psychological cruelty he subjected her to. Ultimately he deserted her (to her great benefit, though she did not realize it at the time).

Well, the years raced by. Initially we were able to see her on occasion (we had moved some distance away by then) and were very glad for her when she met a Godly man and remarried. But what I want to show you specifically is that her abuser’s stealing did not end even then. Of course we can see how he stole many things from her initially – her confidence, her health, her freedom and more. But he also stole from US and others. How? Well, just consider what could have been. Let me explain.

Had that RASN been kind, truly loving her as Christ loves His bride, had he repented of his sin and followed Christ, our original friendship with that couple would have continued and grown over all these years. Happily, as I said, the Lord gave her a wonderful, Godly husband, but the RASN stole from us what could have been years of friendship. But the RASN destroyed all of that. He stole it.

When a RASN does his RASN destruction, a world of relationships and joy is stolen. Fortunately, in the last months of her life, we were able to reconnect with our friend, but still I cannot help but be very angry about what was stolen from all of us. When an evil person abuses another they inevitably use deceptive tactics which confuse and divide others. They alienate us from one another. They STEAL! They are THIEVES! They steal joy and friendships – they destroy worlds that could have been. Just like the wolves and false shepherds Jesus’ spoke so much about. They only come to steal and kill and destroy. They erase years that could have been.

Fortunately we have a Good Shepherd who is in the business of repaying wolves for what they have done to Christ’s sheep. These RASNs are surely going to come to a miserable end. The Lord will repay them tenfold for their evil deeds. And there is more. Our Good Shepherd is in the business of restoring what was stolen from us:

Joel 2:25-26  I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you.  (26)  “You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the LORD your God, who has dealt wondrously with you. And my people shall never again be put to shame.

Some Great New Posters for Your Home

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On June 5, 2025

In Abusers

Our brothers and sisters in Christ at graphicspaces.com have made several new posters that I will be hanging in our church building. You can buy them for yourself at their website. https://www.graphicspaces.com/collections/posters-christian/products/poster-christian-be-who-you-are-galations-2-20

Here is another one: https://www.graphicspaces.com/collections/posters-christian/products/poster-humbling-the-proud-daniel-4-37

And another: https://www.graphicspaces.com/collections/posters-christian/products/poster-enter-by-the-narrow-gate-matthew-7-13-14

The Destructive Path of the Abuser

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On June 5, 2025

In Abusers, Churches/Church Response

DESTRUCTION AND MISERY ARE IN THEIR PATHS, AND THE PATH OF PEACE THEY HAVE NOT KNOWN.”
(Romans 3:16-17)

RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) are like a tornado. You no doubt have seen the path of a tornado in the news media or perhaps even in person. You can see where it has been. Everything is demolished.

RASNs are like a tornado. They wreak havoc, misery, and destruction. Most of the RASNs I have personally encountered have been in the local church. They constantly work at being esteemed by all. They crave to be worshipped and adored. And in doing so, they divide, destroy, and hurt. It only takes one in the mix of an entire congregation and when the dust settles, friendships are destroyed, some members leave, and those who had to deal with the RASN are maligned and blamed.

RASNs hurt others. They are the kind of person that the Apostle Paul warned us about:

I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive.
(Romans 16:17-18)

That is a perfect description of the “Christian” narcissist. And it is also God’s instruction to us regarding how we are to deal with such a person. Watch out for them. And watching out means to be wise about evil and to go “no contact” with it. In the case of the church, we are to put such a person out from among us.

RASNs are deceivers. They utilize “smooth talk and flattery” to dupe the naive. So don’t be naive. Christians should be the best experts on these evil kind, but sadly it seems that the church is not very often wise to them. As a result, their destruction and misery sweep a path right through us.

Paul said “the path of peace they have not known.” Think about that. Peace is something these wicked ones know nothing about. They actually prefer war because it serves their destructive purposes the best. Think of Hitler, for instance. Peace was something he did not desire, even though his path left Germany in ruins. War and division and destruction are the main diet of these kind.

You cannot make peace with someone who knows nothing about peace, who finds peace detestable. You are not going to sit down with the RASN and reason them into choosing peace. Peace is an alien thing to them. Their purposes are served by causing conflict, division, and destruction. And if we are going to be wise to them, it is vital that we understand and admit these facts.

The Dark Secrecy of Narcissistic Abuse

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On June 3, 2025

In Narcissist

Deuteronomy 27:24  ‘Cursed is he who strikes his neighbor in secret.’ And all the people shall say, ‘Amen.’

It takes a long time for us to wake up to the existence and nature of narcissistic abuse. RASNs as I call them (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists), operate in darkness and secrecy – behind the scenes. They wear disguises. They live a lie. They use tactics that are not easily recognized by their targets. As the Word of God says, such people are cursed by the Lord.

Many of you have, I suspect, experienced the same kind of thing that I have. Years go by and only decades later does the truth become evident. The real evil that was happening, the abuse launched against the victim all that time or so long ago – comes to light. And you respond – “I didn’t know.” And you really didn’t know. Satan’s kingdom is the kingdom of darkness, and his servants operate in darkness where no one sees.

The deception can make us feel guilty. “How could I have missed it? How could I have not seen?” Well, you didn’t see because you cannot see in the darkness. A secret is a secret – until it is revealed.

But the Lord is Light. He reveals what is hidden and what is secret. That is why the wicked hate Him and all who belong to Him. His Light exposes the darkness and the evil deeds being done in it –

John 3:20  “For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light lest his deeds be exposed.

This is why it is vital for us to constantly ask the Lord to reveal what is hidden, to open our eyes so that we can discern. Praying in this way and diligently giving ourselves to the serious study of God’s Word is essential if the lights are going to go on for us. Those red flags, those feelings that all is not well – can only be recognized for what they are if we are trained to discern –

Hebrews 5:13-14  For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is an infant.  (14)  But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern both good and evil.

When the RASN’s Idol is Threatened

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On May 15, 2025

In Abusers, Narcissist

When they heard this they were enraged and were crying out, “Great is Artemis of the Ephesians!” So the city was filled with the confusion, and they rushed together into the theater, dragging with them Gaius and Aristarchus, Macedonians who were Paul’s companions in travel.
(Acts 19:28-29)

Paul’s experience at Ephesus is a very good picture of what happens whenever the reviler, abuser, sociopath, narcissist’s idol is threatened. Of course, most all of you know that the RASN’s idol is SELF. Specifically, the false facade of SELF which the RASN clothes himself in. He sees himself as deity to be worshipped, and he demands that worship – or else. Others exists solely for the purpose of praising him and shoring up his false image.

In many ways, the RASN is constantly demonstrating “Great is Artemis!” Just plus his name in there and you have it. When anyone brings truth to bear upon this idolatrous image, a riot will break out. A riot of anger and a quest for punishment and vengeance. Artemis, like all false gods, is false. The idol is a lie, a creation of man. Truth shines light upon the lie’s darkness, exposing the RASN for what he really is. And this exposure simply cannot be tolerated.

And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. (John 3:19-20)

It is vital that we understand this – many of these kinds of people exist around us. They are not rare. And many of them love to seek out churches as their selected arena in which to play out their idolatry. Since we do not think in this way, we make the mistake of believing that everyone else thinks like we do. They do not. The RASN’s mindset is entirely different.

Are You Ever Sorry that You said “I’m Sorry?” –

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On May 5, 2025

In Abusers, forgiveness, RASN

Psalms 109:1-5  To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David. Be not silent, O God of my praise!  (2)  For wicked and deceitful mouths are opened against me, speaking against me with lying tongues.  (3)  They encircle me with words of hate, and attack me without cause.  (4)  In return for my love they accuse me, but I give myself to prayer.  (5)  So they reward me evil for good, and hatred for my love.

Psalm 109 is one of the most powerful imprecatory Psalms. The Psalmist calls down imprecations upon the wicked. An imprecation is a spoken curse. This Psalm, incidentally, is quoted in the New Testament and applied to the betrayer of Christ – see Acts 1:20.

Scriptures like this refute the tired, false claim that “God loves everybody.” God Himself curses the wicked and here the Psalmist is praying that the Lord would do the same to his enemies.

One common result of these vile, wicked actions of people like revilers, abusers, sociopaths, and narcissists, is that they often goad us into saying “I’m sorry.” Taking the blame for things they accuse us of, but of which we are not guilty. And yet, we say “I’m sorry.” I bet most of you have done this and then later, after the lights went on for you, you regretted doing so. The “I’m sorry” responses of abuse victims only fuel the devilish ego of the wicked and serve to maintain their power and control.

One very typical indicator that a person is the victim of a RASN is this very thing – they frequently say “I’m sorry.” Even to others besides their abuser. Why? Because they have been programmed to be guilty. The “I’m sorry” becomes an automatic response whenever they are falsely accused and transfers even to other scenarios. Someone may spill coffee, for instance, and the abuse victim responds, “I’m sorry” even though they weren’t the ones who spilled. They don’t mean “I’m so sorry your coffee got spilled.” No. What they mean is that somehow they are to blame, that they in some way contributed to the spill.

This is what Satan does. He programs the righteous to accept blame. He isn’t called the “accuser of the brethren” for nothing. And his evil servants carry out the same diabolical tactic.

Yes, there have been times when I said “I’m sorry” which I now regret. But we must not be too hard on ourselves. RASNs are master deceivers and manipulators. They have the same DNA as the devil – they are his children. What we can do is learn and grow wise to this business and stop being so quick to regard ourselves as the ones who owe an apology.

Psalms 109:16-17  For he did not remember to show kindness, but pursued the poor and needy and the brokenhearted, to put them to death.  (17)  He loved to curse; let curses come upon him! He did not delight in blessing; may it be far from him!

A Person Devoid of Love – It is Difficult to Imagine

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On May 1, 2025

In Abusers, Getting Free

1 John 4:7-8  Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.  (8)  Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Most of you know that RASNs (revilers, abusers, sociopaths, narcissists) are characterized by a lack of empathy. Perhaps you have even learned the truth that such people do not love. But have you really thought about this trait carefully. It is, after all, very hard for us to grasp.

“Anyone who does not love does not know God.” John tells us that there are indeed people who do not love. This doesn’t mean just sometimes. It doesn’t mean that they have very little love. No. It means they do not love ever, that they are entirely devoid of love.

Now, such people mask it. They fake love. They put on their disguise, but it is all a facade. Their heart is a vacuum, a black hole where love is not to be found. This is why they can walk away from a longstanding relationship as if a switch were thrown. They do not sense any loss because without love they never truly valued anyone else.

There are MANY of these kind of people around us. They are not a rarity. They have no compassion. They lack any ability to empathize with others. Love is what enables us to value other people, but where love is absent, other people are – valueless.

It is a very painful and devastating thing to experience this in someone whom you thought loved you – maybe even over a long period of time, as in a marriage. But the day comes when that cold heart is expressed in their face, in their tone of voice, and in their cruelty. Who can imagine it? And yet it is t here, and it is real. Such a person never loved you at all. Ever. Realizing this is very hurtful, and yet it is a necessary first step to getting free.

Refusal to Accept Truth is a Mark of the RASN

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On April 23, 2025

In Narcissist

Have I then become your enemy by telling you the truth?
(Galatians 4:16)

“If you want to be respected, then stop getting angry when you are told the truth.” That is a great quote I heard recently in a video about Winston Churchill. His wife, Clementine, had passed on some constructive criticism and Winston didn’t take it well. Now, I do not believe Churchill was a narcissist, but Clementine’s words certainly apply to what I call the RASN (reviler, abuser, sociopath, or narcissist).

RASNs demand what they call “respect.” It isn’t really respect, but more akin to something like being worshipped and served. However, being the fools that they are (evil always makes a person a fool), they sabotage any respect by refusing to accept truth about themselves. RASNs refuse to self-examine. Introspection is not in their mentality. They are not to blame. And thus they rage when told the truth about themselves.

RASNs, being the shame-enslaved people that they are, could never and will never pray as David did:

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! (Psalms 139:23-24)

None of us enjoy being shown sin within ourselves. Conviction is painful. Repentance is hard, and yet if we truly know the Lord, if we are born again, we will come to confess our sin and ask the Lord’s forgiveness because of Christ. Not so the RASN. Anyone who dares to point out sin to such a one will be met with hostility and blame.

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. (1 John 1:8)

In the end, the RASN loses the respect he craves. He will need to move on to new pastures where his disguised self can win the adulation of others – for a time.

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