You have heard this kind of teaching so many times, I am sure:
God loves you no matter who you are or what you have done. God loves everyone. You need to do the same thing. If your spouse is abusive to you, if they have committed adultery on you, no matter. You need to love them and that means staying in the marriage.
I don’t know why this trash teaching is so common and popular. I suppose it is the same mentality that the Corinthians had toward that incestuous man in their church. They were arrogant about how loving they were, how they were like God, how everyone was welcome in their church.” Paul blasted them for it. He told them they should be grief-stricken that such sin was among them and he told them to put the man out and not even to eat with such a person.
Does that sound like “we must be like God and love everyone no matter what they have done”? I don’t think so. It is a wicked sin of pride by which people regard themselves as more Christian than Jesus!
Guess what? God does NOT love everyone! If you need biblical proof, you can find it in this series of video messages I put on Youtube, Does God Love Everyone? We are NOT being like God when we never separate from people who claim to be Christians but live in unrepentant sin. And we are NOT being like God when we remain bound to a person who has broken and destroyed a marriage covenant.
A related note: You do not need the permission of your pastor or church in order to divorce a spouse who has destroyed your marriage covenant by abuse or adultery or some other evil. No where in the Bible will you find that such permission is required. What you will find is that if there is a person in a local church who through sin such as adultery or abuse, has destroyed the marriage covenant, then that is the person whom the church has authority to discipline and even put them out of the church.
Sarah
Thank you for sharing this!
Z
Yes! Yes! Yes!
This false teaching nearly ruined my life! Nearly got me and my husband killed.
The “We must love as God loves” AND “We must forgive as God forgives”. This kept me in a now ex-family of nonstop abuses since I was born into that evil.
I always would question the false teachers within the cult/clan of fake Christian relatives and family friends who knew of the abuses, “But, if GOD,
Who IS LOVE, requires us to admit our sin condition and repent TRULY FROM THE HEART and turn away from their sins (and not just mouth the words in order to have access again to the victim to abuse them some more!) then how as mere humans are we expected to forgive wicked, unrepentant, habitual, arrogant, unsafe sinners?” The answer always was, “We HAVE to forgive EVERYONE!”
Same with loving EVERYONE. I was always honest in feeling that I could not manufacture love towards the evil people (both my ex-parents and later siblings too) abusing me in every way all my life. And over time, knowing more and more about God’s character, I didn’t think He loved them either. But I was not educated in the Scriptures addressing these things clearly until Pastor Crippen’s teachings on them. Leading to FREEDOM!!
And I recently watched a video about abusers and narcissists and the false DEMAND that we immediately show them forgiveness. Whether they are repentant or not. Safe or still dangerous-doesn’t matter. Well, it matters TO GOD! I am HIS BELOVED CHILD. They are not! So this demand from pastors or church people and even Christian counselors or “trauma experts”…that FIRST we MUST FORGIVE OUR DEMONIC TORMENTORS who obviously have willingly allied with satan to destroy God’s children, BEFORE we can expect to heal and recover is so FALSE!
God is much more concerned with MY RECOVERY AND HEALING as His TRUE child than He is with my forgiveness of satan’s children! I know this in my spirit because I know my Father God’s heart. His focus is on ME. Carrying me and leading me gently to healing. Jesus felt EVERY lash and punch and kick and hateful word inflicted on me. Jesus has walked with me every step of my healing journey. His concern is with my well-being. Not with the wicked ones getting my forgiveness. Just like church leaders and congregants all asked me FIRST-after a final violent attack by my abusers that led to No Contact-“Have you forgiven them?” No questions about me or my husband who were viciously and criminally attacked and he was badly injured!
Once again it was as if the wolves are more important than Jesus’ true sheep to these false Christians.
Of course I have given my abusers as well as all the betrayers who ran to the sides of my abusers once again and everything they all did over to Jesus so I don’t have to carry that burden anymore by myself. And I do not live in bitterness or rage or seek my own vengeance. But only because I know God will have the final judgment on them and He will get justice and vengeance for me better than I can.
We are told in Scripture we can feel anger. It is not a sin. But we are warned not to sin because of that anger. Jesus felt anger and he expressed it without sinning. He exposed the wicked ones and reproached them harshly. Not sin!
This false focus on “blanket” love for everyone and forgiveness for everyone has done so much harm to victims! And that isn’t from the Lord. He would never put such a guilt trip burden on already suffering victims of wicked people. He would never put us in more danger of these wolves. He is our Protector. Our Healer. Our Righteousness and Justice-seeking Lord.
It’s just amazing and sad though how widespread this false teaching is and how it is taken as “truth” by the majority in the so-called church.
Thank you, Pastor for your truths and Scripture-based teachings on this very important burdensome issue for victims.
Cee
I’m sorry this happened to you and your husband, Z. I want to thank you for expressing what you have here. It really helped me today to read this, to remind myself of the truth. My husband and I were both the scapegoats in our toxic fams of origin, the truth-speakers who sons of Belial always despise. So we are aguainted with the scenario you described, and the fall out with the flying monkeys and enablers of the wicked. I actually think they worship the wicked, and the cliques they form are so they can praise and worship themselves, mainly their ring leader. They can’t see that in so many ways they exalt themselves above the throne and Word of God, like their father the devil did in Isiah 14, the 5 “I wills” but they could truly care less. As long as their false image of lies is maintained, nothing else seems to matter to them, least of all the sorrow and path of victims and targets left strewn in the wake of their destructions. Knowing that some day their reign upon the earth will finally be over and Jesus Christ will reign, never again allowing these beings to harm his own children, it is a tremendous comfort. Stay strong, and God bless you dear Z.
Z
Dear Cee,
You have no idea how much your words of understanding and affirmation-unfortunately due to first hand experience you and your husband had-mean to me.
I don’t know of any other couple who has experienced the horrific abuses, hatred and betrayals on such a large, wide scale in BOTH families of origins. We ask each other at times in disbelief, “How could this happen to both of us??”
We each were born into this evil. It changed forms as we became adults but it never stopped. Only escalated to criminal violence that HAD to be addressed with permanent No Contact. It’s not what either of us ever wanted.
I’m sorry you know all too well about the flying monkeys, the idolizing and worshipping of the “main abuser”, the widespread witnessing of the abuses by relatives and church friends who simply don’t care. And who actually then embrace the abuser(s). The betrayals really sting. When all we tried to do is tell truths and later set boundaries.
I’m sure you and your husband tolerated much more than you should have like we did. But the Lord saw all the kindnesses, forgiveness, compassion, openheartednesss, generosity,…we gave to people who were hellbent on hating us. The Light they know lives in us-Jesus.
So let them think their clan/cult behavior has given them the “win” on earth. And maybe it has. But I’d rather be assured of God’s knowledge of my heart and innocent kind motives and be rewarded by👆🏽Him. We serve the God of Truth. They serve their earthly masters/RASNs/children of satan and satan himself. No doubt about that. And God knows their hearts of darkness and hateful motives also.
Earth is short. Eternity is long.
You stay strong too, Cee. God bless and strengthen you and your husband.
Cee
Dear Z,
Same! Omgoodness I had to read your note in parts, because my eyes kept blurring over with tears. Thank you for sharing what you have with me. It really means so much to not feel as alone in this experience. Everything you expressed resonated. Especially those random moments where we just look at each other, and wonder aloud how is this even possible? It’s still so hard to fathom that we emerged from such a dark nightmare, and to have it on both ends? And yet, in so many ways it’s like emerging from the fiery furnace, and not smelling of smoke. How is it possible we came from that evil, yet we know what love is, how to have empathy, caring and compassion for others, to feel joy and peace. It was Jesus, who was there in the furnace with us. Still the journey finding out the truth of what “that” darkness of affliction really was, and who those “beings” really are, wow, the experience of that road is a form of hell I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Few can relate, and that tends to deepen the sense of isolation.
I’m so thankful you got away from those horrible violent people dear Z, they are heartless, and so demonic. Like a walking infestation. What you write here about: “We serve the God of Truth. They serve their earthly masters/RASNs/children of satan and satan himself. No doubt about that. And God knows their hearts of darkness and hateful motives also.”” Yes!!! He knows, He knows who they are, He knows it all, sees, hears, knows, and IS all truth. He felt and experienced the suffering and every blow we faced in this life, every bit and more. And in the ultimate end, our eyes will see our Heavenly Father rise up to set the record strait for all who are oppressed. Psalm 72 states, that He will “break in pieces the oppressor”, it’s sad in a way because we never wanted this to be anyones ending, or be in our life, but he knows the RASNs don’t repent or relent, so at this point they are just building their own gallows, or maybe the sink hole of Korah and his band of duped toadies in Numbers 16:26-32. In any case, we are “out the way.” as God instructed, and in the peace of no contact.
Like you, dear Z, we tried and tried for years, everything we knew to bring peace, to resolve whatever it was at the base of their ultimately insoluble hatred and cruelty toward us, but to no avail. It’s so strange how they warm a pew, and wear the veneer of an angel, yet live in diametric opposition to everything God is and spoke in his word. They don’t know who he is. Nothing mattered or helped, save the blessing of God in going no contact. Had we stayed, we would not only be enabling evil, “fellowshipping with devils” and getting in the way of God’s Numbers 16:26 moment, but also we’de have allowed them to infect the next gen. And also to be masochistic, or a glutton for punishment to remain near these awful abusive people, and that’s not our Father’s will for us, for any of God’s children.
As one wise lady noted the other day, “I hope they have asbestos underwear, because it’s mighty hot where they be goin” We still pray for them from a safe distance, but it’s not lookin good. Thank you again so much for sharing, dear Z, and God bless you and your husband and your true family in Christ, who love you and who do the Father’s will. Those are our real sisters, brothers, and mothers now, praise God. Peace and joy to you.
Z
Dear Cee,
Your complete and deep understanding of what it is like to go through the fires of abuse and evil on both sides of yours and your husband’s families of course saddens me. But it does, like you said, make me feel less isolated and alone knowing someone out there knows how the seeming impossibility of having evil come at us from both sides did happen!
Still blows our minds. But you are right that Jesus made sure we got out of those fires not smelling of their foul putrid smoke. The Lord led us out of “Egypt”. And no doubt the “Egyptians” will suffer the consequences of their evil. And ALL who stood by and were just glad THEY were not targeted by the abusers will answer for their cowardice and selfishness. They sold us out for their own comfort and convenience and they too will pay the price of complicity.
We have scars for sure. No one goes through a lifetime of “double-barreled” attacks unscathed. But our Savior never leaves us alone in them. He heals gently and lovingly.
Again, I’m so sorry you and your dear husband have had to experience this anomaly of having nothing but wicked abusers on both sides of our families. I know of no other person who has had this happen. But the Lord wastes no pain when it comes to His true children. Even just you and I communicating on this blog about this crazy situation we both find ourselves in is part of God’s healing. It does bring tears to our eyes to know we aren’t the only ones this happened to. God wanted us to know this. He knows every single hurt we suffered. He knows what we need to heal. He paved the way with His clarity for No Contact to be our only option when we had long resisted cutting all ties. It’s “abnormal”. But in our cases so, so necessary! We are now on a path to complete freedom in Christ. I pray God sends you and your husband good, godly, true friends to walk through what is now a pretty lonely isolated existence. Praise God for our spouses! I know God sent me the perfect helpmate because He knew what we’d have to go through together. And we’d need each other because at times all we have is each other. We take new friendships slowly and carefully. Maybe we have some lingering trust issues. But better safe than sorry! And who is a better best Friend than Jesus? No one!
Take care of yourself and each other, Cee. We ought to count ourselves blessed to have the love and support of our spouses. So many on this blog have horror stories about their abusive marriages. My heart aches for them to have been betrayed by the one who made a vow and publicly promised to love and care for them. I’m not sure what’s worse. To have been hated and betrayed and abandoned by one’s own parents all their life like me and my husband or to have it all done by one’s spouse. Equally evil, I think. In the end, God will sort it all out perfectly. From His Throne of Righteousness and Justice we will see the destruction of our enemies. And we will be vindicated and rewarded.
God bless and keep you and your husband, Cee.
Sandra
Amen!
Smiley Face Emoji
So what/who does God hate?
Proverbs 6:17: There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him:
haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that shed innocent blood,
a heart that devises wicked schemes,
feet that are quick to rush into evil,
a false witness who pours out lies
and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.
BOOM!
And we know that he hated Esau even before he came out of the womb. Bummer dude but God is just and he KNOWS all people.
The worthless ones keep us imprisoned and exhausted by telling us to expend all our energy on loving everyone. But GOD tells us to discern, test all spirits, guard our hearts, and have nothing to do with such evil people.
The holocaust should be our template as to what these worthless ones want and the end result when they get in charge. Absolute power, control over everything, and the ability to manipulate. Even if the earth is destroyed, if they lose good people or have to kill them, it doesn’t matter. They have the same mind and heart as the devil. That’s all they care about. And at the base of it all, they want to be worshipped. That’s it.
And God HATES them…everyone single one of them.
Cordellia
Smiley Face Emoji,
Where I’m employed I’m surrounded by this kind of evil. I am their *constant* target, no matter how hard I work and no matter the abundance of kind things I do for all the staff. All the top management are bullies and gaslighters, so you can imagine that the underlings feel free to have at me too. That love and forgive everyone has been so engrained into me. Thank you for reminding me to give them over to God; I can never be reminded of this enough.
Cordellia